Here's the story about the ring

Take a little ride on the way-back machine with me, ok? This may be a long one:

Some time in the late 80's, our house was robbed. It was Mother's Day and my family had been out all day visiting both grandmothers for most of the day. We came through the front door and something was wrong... it's hard to put your finger on what exactly it was, since there was little evidence that anything had happened from just stepping through the front door. The best i can say is that there was a "feeling" of things not being as we had left it? My father bounded through to the kitchen and found that the window on the back door had been smashed and the door unlocked from the inside. He called the police.

The television, fancy new VCR and stereo were all still there (1986 was good to my family - it was the only year that i remember there being money and my parents bought all new...well, everything). In fact everything on the first floor was in tact. It was when my parents went upstairs, that they found what the thieves were after.

All of my mother's jewelry was gone. Her walk-in closet had been completely ransacked, all of the clothes that had been hung neatly, were all in piles on the floor. On top of the clothes, everything that had been stacked up on the shelves - shoes, quilts, sweaters all on the floor. All of the drawers from her dresser and their contents were strewn about on the bed, on the floor, the furniture. They had found her jewelry box and seemingly picked their way through it and only took what was real, leaving behind whatever costume jewelry she had. Heirlooms, antiques, sentimental pieces were all gone. All of the jewelry my father had given her; all gone. Including her engagement ring. Mom was crushed.

Happy Mother's Day.

As is expected, the next day my parents had an alarm system installed in the house, and since then, my mother has kept all of her new jewelry in a closet "where no one will think to look". However, my mother no longer had her engagement ring and my parents did not have the means to replace it. (This really is not important anymore since they haven't been together since 1996, but whatever).

Aunt Sue was my Great-Grandmother's (my mother's grandmother) youngest and last remaining sibling. She had died earlier that year and it had been left up to her niece, my Great Aunt Mary, to settle her estate. Aunt Sue never had any children, so her valuables were left to Aunt Mary - including her engagement and wedding rings.

Aunt Sue was a wonderful, sweet woman – a little wacky in that old-world Italian way – but a sweet lady whom I enjoyed visiting when I was little. She loved having us kids in the house since she was unable to have her own, and I fondly remember playing in her yard around some flowering fruit tree… memories are strange that way, I guess.

In any event, Aunt Mary gave my mom Aunt Sue's engagement ring as a replacement and I have always, always loved that ring. I admired it when my mother would occasionally wear it, but mostly, I would take it out of her jewelry hiding spot and try it on without disturbing the contents of the hiding spot so mom wouldn’t know I was in there.

I had asked my mother years ago, if she would be opposed to giving me the ring if or when I ever got engaged and she was hesitant. In our family (and I would assume in many cultures), it is not traditional to pass a ring like this to a daughter for her engagement. If it was going to go to anyone, it would be to my older brother to give to his girlfriend, should he ever propose to her. And of course, my always-fair mother, “I don’t have two rings. What would I give to your brother if I gave this one to you?” Right. So, I talked to Brother M. His reaction was basically, “It's not like I’m going to wear it – you can have it if you want”.

TheBoy knew all about this. I’ve been talking about this ring for years. (Not obsessively, mind you.. I realize how this is starting to sound). So he called my mother last Wednesday and asked if he could come over. He asked her for her blessing and asked to use the ring that I wanted. And she very easily gave it to him, (but not before making him promised to make sure I took care of it, because apparently I’m not careful with my things. THANKS, MOM. So not true, by the way).

When he opened the little black velvet box for me on Thursday night, I was shocked to see it. I was shocked by the whole ordeal, but seeing that ring was such a nice surprise.

I have my Great-Great Aunt Sue’s 1930-something platinum engagement ring. I feel so lucky.

However, after telling other people about it, I’ve gotten mixed reactions. I had a short e-mail conversation with -R- about this when she mentioned in a post that her engagement ring was from her side of the family and she said that her family saw nothing wrong with that. People I know have either thought that the sentimentality of it all was so much more important to me than it would ever be to my brother’s girlfriend if he were to have gotten it and that it was wonderful that i was given this ring. Yet others have expressed surprise (sometimes confusion) that a girl would have gotten a ring from her own family.

What do you think? Would you have wanted a ring from your own family? His family? Preferred a new one that was all yours? Does it matter to you at all? Really, I’m curious (*and really will not be offended! I’ve heard it all this week! Promise!)

Thursday Night

Last Thursday night was our 5 year anniversary.





He proposed.











I said "yes".

Um.

Hi there.

It's been a few months.... uh. I meant to call. But i've been, you know, kind of embarrassed. Cause it's been so long. And i didn't really know how to come back and be all, "hey!" as if nothing happened. So i've been sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to be all, "hey," and then i figured that i'd just come right out and say it.

Hey.

I'm back.

To be honest, life has been kind of sliding down the shit mountain and i've been quiet because i know no one wants to hear 300 words of complaining every time you come here, so i figured i'd keep it to myself. Believe me, I've been doing YOU a favor. Because i'm a nice girl like that.

So here, in list format, since you've been asking, is what has been going on round these parts for the past 3 months:

1. Cousin G is still getting married, i am still a bridesmaid and at this point i have spent upwards of $1300 so that she can get married.
2. People keep asking me when I'M going to get married without really understanding that not only can we not afford to get married, we totally can't afford an engagement ring.
3. The Boy has been a mess lately with a herniated disk that has left him, at times, incapacitated. Without health insurance, he is pretty much fucked.
4. I had to take this semester off from school because i am teh poor.
5. I got an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. 'Nuff said.
   
6. The Boy's 92 yr old grandmother fell in her house (and couldn't get up) and went from hospital to rehabilitation nursing center last week. Currently, this woman who had been so sarcastic and sharp is having a hard time keeping everything in her brain that was there last week.
7. My credit card debt is so high that my friends ask me how i sleep at night.
8. I have gone off the wagon with WeightWatchers and realize that i have probably gained back everything i had lost since last year.
9. Stepping in dog shit on Friday night made me cry.

TA-DA! Welcome to the Sunshine and Roses Webpage. Where everything is happy and bright until you step in an unsuspecting pile of dog-pie and you lose whatever semblance of control you had that was keeping you from sobbing into your low-fat chocolate milkshake.

And THAT, my friends, is why i have not been Sharon The Sharer these past couple of months.

I'm thinking i need to get this shit out somewhere, however, so i have a feeling i'll be back.

2007 Year End Meme!

Happy New Year, y'all. It's time for our Year in Review meme, courtesy of Linda, and this year i predict the answers will be less jovial than the ones from 2006. Just a hunch, but here we go.


1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Sincerely enjoy going to work. There are other people in my department that are sick of the company bullshit, but compared to my old department, i am in heaven.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolution is always the same. Lose weight. It's depressing, but it's always there. I did lose about 10 lbs these past few months, but that is not nearly as awesome as the amount i gained earlier this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great aunt passed away. Sadly, i hadn't seen her for close to 10 years before the funeral so it was sad in a somewhat distant way.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just a few areas of my own country... and by "a few" i mean Boston and Maine. I'm really getting wild in my old age.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Will power, expendable income, patience, expendable income, a kitchen floor you could eat off of.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 5th. The day TheBoy quit his job and i was the breadwinner for 2 months or so. That was a scary day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting transferred to my new job. Best move ever. Also getting contact lenses, though that would probably be less of an achievement for other people who do not have squeamish issues regarding eyeballs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Clearing up any of my credit card debt. I'm drowning here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily. Unless you count my Christmas night experience. But probably not.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This awesome t-shirt for the boy for xmas. He is, afterall, Master of the Panflute. "Sold more records than Elvis".

btw: I would like to point out how little there is on the innernets about Zamfir and his late-night record-whoring infomercials from the 80's. This saddens me. I wanted to find one on You-Tube and share with you since you, no doubt, have no idea why this is funny. You'll just have to trust me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine? How bout mine. See question #7. I was a good partner in that mess and i'm not afraid to take some credit there.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A friend of mine made some unarguably bad decisions all year long and no matter how much she asked for advice, she always did exactly what she wanted to anyway. I really hope she smartens up this year because i can't take the drama anymore. DRAMA. Woo.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Credit card bills, mortgage, food, and anything else you can spend money on and not have anything tangible to show for it. Isn't that frustrating?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Interviewing for my new job. It's really pretty annoying to read about, after the fact. Probably as annoying as it was at the time. Sorry, there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

The Regina Spektor song - Fidelity. Another album I was crazy over and listened to NON-STOP. I really know how to make myself sick of something.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Sadder, fatter, and poorer. How bleak is this post? Damn. I'm depressing myself.
Sadder is probably not the right word. Worried is probably more accurate. But i've definitely gained weight since last year and i am in so much debt right now i am screaming inside. I mean, it's a wonder i can sleep at night.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, save more money, get out of the house more and enjoy the outside world. But you know, without the money-spendingness. Oh, and also blogging. I suck at doing this on a regular basis. Suck.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Starting each post with an apology for not writing more. I mean, that's annoying and i wish i had noticed it sooner.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. The group was pretty small this year, but was mostly ok. Oh, then i spent the night hugging the toilet. Yay.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Um, no. With nothing new i can think of, at least. Though, i can tell you that i can no longer imagine a life without my beloved XMRadio since i killed my car CD player this summer. No, I have not repaired it and just got an iPod car-adapter thingy. I now can say that i will live without the CD player, which was not something i thought would be possible just a few months ago. I will survive.

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I love The Office. If i could live in The Office, i would. And i would be Pam and Jim would love ME.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

25. What was the best book you read?

You know what? I'm not going to lie here and pretend that i actually read a prize-winning best-seller. I have been reading crap all year. I think the most enjoyment i got was out of a few Janet Evanovich novels in the Stephanie Plum series. They're quick-reads and they're fun. There. Oh, i also read a David Sedaris - Naked (that's the title, i was not reading it naked, at least not usually)- that I really liked.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Muse. I know they've been out there for years, but hey, they're pretty good and i live in my closet. Check out Hysteria. Catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A new iPod Nano. The little one. My first iPod. Yay. Happy Birthday to me.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

*crickets*

I really have no recollection of seeing a single movie this year. I know it's not possible, but i can't think of any...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27 this year and on my birthday i went to a bar with a mess of my co-workers which was a lot of fun. I waited there for TheBoy to return home from a Boston business trip and we went home together. Was nice.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me. Have i mentioned this? Does it make you want to send me money?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

I don't actually have a personal fashion concept. Is that rare? Am i alone here? Business casual, still. I wear nice pants and usually a turtleneck to work just about every day in the winter. Sometimes i'll change it up with a v-neck sweater. You know, for the sexy.

33. What kept you sane?

Child-free weekends. It may sound harsh, but it's true.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Last year this was an easy question for me. The truth is i haven't really been paying much attention this year. Seeing his face on the teevee just tends to make me angry and i turn it off. This makes me very close-minded and uninformed. I'm curious to see where the primaries take us, but until then, i barely know enough about the candidates (or assumed candidates) to take an educated interest in one particular person. Will do better here.

36. Who did you miss?

Some of my friends who have been scattered around the country. They haven't been around for a bunch of years, but i've been missing a select few of them a lot lately.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

A co-worker friend. It looks like she's going to be moving soon, but she was a good lunch-buddy this year.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

That it is possible to live on just my measly salary if it is necessary. And that maybe change is for the better if it means your partner is not slowly stressing himself into a premature and unnecessary heart attack.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Alright then. There you go. I apologize for not being able to fix the wonky formatting on this list - but i don't care enough to keep trying.

I just like to share

I know i haven't provided a real post in awhile, but this picture, this stupid lolcats picture, just makes me crack up every time i look at it.




moar funny pictures


*************

My birthday is on Thursday, so i assume i'll have SOMETHING to talk about. If not, i'll be spending the weekend in the city - in Chelsea (this time in NY, which is a really, really NICE part of town - believe it or not, Bostonians) with the boy. We'll be doing some nice birthday type things like going to a comedy club and basically boozing it up until one or both of us falls asleep, more than likely, before midnight.

Cause we are rock stars.

And we'll probably go gallery hopping because that's what you do when you're staying two blocks away from a hotbed of the NY art community. Almost every storefront on West 22nd Street and the surrounding area is an art gallery and i haven't been visiting in a few years, so i'm looking forward to that.

I haven't told TheBoy about all the ART quite yet, but woooo, i am not missing out on that and it's MY BIRTHDAY. I do what i want.

Reconize. Dammit.

Work and uh, work.

Today and tomorrow i'll be all alone. TheBoy is back in Boston for some more work-stuff and will be virtually incommunicado for two days. Not a huge deal, but it's rare that we're apart overnight and it gets kind of weird in the house by myself.

I take that back.

If i were ALL by myself, it probably wouldn't be quite as weird as it is with the two dogs WHINING and PINING and WAITING by the front door for him to come home. That's really the worst part. The later it gets, the jumpier they get. If a flea farts anywhere within a 5 mile radius, LittleDog barks, which makes me jump, and then i work on stopping my heart from racing. Repeat, ad nauseam.

I hate that.

So, i'm sure tonight i will be watching all the girly crap on the TeeVee that TheBoy has no interest in watching (maybe i'll finally check out Gossip Girl - a show that i've heard is horrible and yet must be watched) or maybe call it an early night and eat ice cream in bed or something. We'll see.


In other news, my Boss asked me to look into some industry-related training seminars. Apparently i'm slotted for one in the budget and i had better start looking before i lose it at the end of March. It's not easy, this training seminar searching, because i have to find something that is either close enough to not be a pain in the ass to drive to, something just far away enough that i can stay in a hotel (if it is more than 1 day), but not too far away that it won't be approved by management.

So far, i have found one in New Brunswick, NJ (just close enough that i will have to drive everyday - roughly 2 hours each way), one in Costa Mesa, CA (too far, and too nice for them to pay for it) and one in Dublin, Ireland (fat chance in hell, that one).

I think i'll have to start preparing my justification statement now if i want to spend 3 days in sunny Orange County in March on my employer's dime. Ooh. Won't that be nice?

Meh - i'm sure they'll stuff me in a class in Manhattan if i don't find something myself. Better keep looking...

"Look, kids... Big Ben!"

We had a nice weekend in Boston, TheBoy and I, though i wish i could say that i saw more of the city. I didn't, and that sucked. But it was meant to be a business trip anyway, so i suppose there was nothing i could do about it.

Saturday we went to "fancy dinner thing" at the Hilton near Logan Airport which was actually quite nice, insomuch that the open bar i had heard was going to be there... was. And the free drinks were big. Therefore good. Good times had by all.

I met some nice people that TheBoy works with and we laughed and drank and ate and watched people win raffled off prizes and watched the hired entertainment which was awful and laughed some more. There were a few singers hired for the event and I have to wonder how they were the ones chosen out of, i don't know, probably thousands of bad-karaoke-style lounge acts that can be found in a city. Terrible. One of them was a Cher impersonator and i found the most unsettling aspect of that was that she was a woman - not a transvestite as one tends to expect with a Cher impersonator. I mean, really.

On Sunday we visited with TheBoy's cousin and her husband in Brookline.

What you have to understand, first of all, is that our hotel was in Saugus - a bit north of the city and many highways away from Brookline. Second of all, is that i haven't been to Boston since i was a kid and the only thing i remember about that trip is seeing the U.S.S. Constitution and going to a souvenir store to buy something with my own money but then leaving my red nylon wallet with navy blue piping and the velcro closure on the counter (it was 1986 - nylon, velcro wallets were cool). I never did see my red velcro wallet again, or all of the 1/2 dollar coins i carried around in it. My mom was kind of mad.
And Third of all, TheBoy hasn't driven around Boston in a bunch of years and he forgot how bad it is.

We got lost.

Of course we did.

I'm not going to go on a rant about what a shitty road system Boston has, because really, it's not like it hasn't been done before. But COME ON people. WHERE ARE THE SIGNS? I don't ask for much, but mark the damn streets. That's just inconsiderate. And why is it that you think you're getting somewhere and all of a sudden you go through some TUNNEL and your directions say "Make a Left" and you're all, "But I'm in a TUNNEL"? It sucked. What i'm saying is it sucked. Luckily it didn't really matter so we laughed at ourselves for missing all of our turns. And passing right by the "Memorial something Bridge" and going straight to some other bridge that we thought might be "Memorial something Bridge" but uh.. wasn't.

We ate at Devlin's in Brighton with his cousin, if you're interested, which was lovely. And i saw a bit of the area near Boston University - and then unfortunately we were sent on our own to go sightsee. Cousin's husband sent us off with verbal directions to go see Newbury Street. But i don't think TheBoy was listening and we wound up back on Route 1 going back to the hotel... which we didn't think we'd ever find again so we decided to take advantage of our luck in finding the route back to the hotel and not screw it up. So... no Newbury Street for us. Next time, i guess.

And there will be a next time. At the fancy dinner thing, we won a one night stay and free breakfast at a local hotel... a local hotel in what i hear is a shitty, shitty neighborhood, but it's a free stay nonetheless. So if we do not want to get shot at while walking down the street, we will rent a car. No biggy.

Can anyone tell me about Chelsea? I do not know anything... and people laughed at us. Of all the incredible prizes they were raffling off, we won a stay in Chelsea.

Eh, i'm happy i won anything at all. Maybe next year i'll win the "Lufthansa airline tickets to any destination they fly to in Europe". This year? Chelsea.

Mmm... buffalo chicken...

I'm still working on the contacts thing. It's all gotten much easier, but that doesn't mean that i've mastered the process yet. It was very hard at the beginning. In fact, while at my eye doctor's training lesson, i was positive that i would have to wear them forever because i could not get them out. COULD NOT. It took me at least 45 minutes to get the damn things out. I nearly broke down in tears because it was so frustrating. But, you know, these things take time. Since i've starting wearing them, my left eye has not been happy and i wonder if i'm wearing the wrong prescription. Which totally sucks cause now i'll have to go back to the eye doctor. Bah.



But in other news, i'll be heading up to Boston this weekend for 'fancy corporate dinner thing' for TheBoy's job. Which means i have to wear 'fancy-ish cocktail dress' which is something i totally don' t own. I don't go to fancy cocktail parties and therefore have never properly prepared for one. I do have a very nice dress from Ann Taylor* that i wore on the cruise last year and am hoping that it's going to cut the mustard because there is no way that i can afford to go buy something new right now considering the awful lack of spare cash i have not flying around in my bank account. There are, instead, moths.

Before i even went to try on last year's dress, i knew there were going to be some problems. I was, at least one size smaller last year because i had been on WeightWatchers for most of the year leading up to the cruise. After the cruise, i gained back everything i had lost (and then some) and had since then been trying to find my discipline and will power amongst the cookies that have been finding their way into the house a little too regularly.

I joined again. 3 weeks ago. So far, i have only lost 4.6 lbs which is kind of 'meh', but i know i should feel all 'woooo!' and 'go me!!'. But in reality, 4.6 lbs does not help me fit into a dress that i wore last November. It does not even give me the "I lost 5 lbs!" star-shaped sticker from the nice ladies at the WW center.

I want my damn sticker.

And yet for lunch today, i had Buffalo Chicken pizza. Because i love buffalo chicken so and i cannot live without it. At least i didn't have the bleu cheese. And it was grilled chicken. I am not a monster.

I will undoubtedly be squeezing into my Ann Taylor dress on Saturday night anyway and let it crush my ribcage, happily, because i know one thing that will keep me strong with or without breathing.

There will be an open bar. Oh yes, there will.

And it will be good.



*Loft. It's from Ann Taylor Loft. Do you think i can afford a real dress from Ann Taylor? I scoff at you.

Something smells like... is that sewage?

I feel like it's about time i got back on the diet wagon. It's been awhile since i've been off, and i think that it probably shows... a little too easily. Yeah.

Since this last dieting post here, i've maybe not followed my own advice and of course, gained back all of the weight i lost the last time i was on Weight Watchers. Evil, evil Weight Watchers... Apparently, i can't help myself from eating all the donuts without thinking about points, or at least looking like i eat whole boxes of donuts. Which i don't by the way. Just to clarify.

So! New plan! This time, i have to get myself together because Cousin G is getting MARRIED. Holy crap, married. They've been dating for like 2 years less than TheBoy and I have been (HELLOOO - save up your stupid money - we're on FOUR YEARS NOW*) and I can't believe it because for my entire life, i thought i would be first to walk down the aisle. And quite frankly, i think she thought so, too.

But alas, just a bridesmaid for now, so i should probably do my duty and at least look half-way decent in the bridesmaid gown. I owe that to her, right? Maybe look better than the bride? Outshine? No?

I kid. Obviously. That would be awful and obnoxious of me and i'm just not that kind of girl. P'shaw. Though, that seems to be the kind of toxic relationship she and i have had for the past 4 years or so, so i don't know if it would be totally out of the question.

But no! I'm not going to be like that, of course! I just want to look nice in a strapless gown, because - i've never ever worn anythign strapless and it kind of scares the crap out of me.

Maybe there's a girl out there that still reads here that will understand. Gah, strapless. Oh, wait, here - let me find a picture of the dress.. it's really not that bad:




















Pretty, right? I mean, for a bridesmaid dress and all. Though the color of the dress will be a dark chocolate brown with the sash being the champagne color of the dress pictured here.

I can guarantee that i will not look as snotty as this model. Nor, as thin. But whatever. She just looks frighteningly pissed off to be at whatever stupid wedding she's in, you know? Like the cesspool backed up in the reception hall or something. Or maybe the groom is her ex-boyfriend and she was asked to be in the wedding party because they KNEW she was going to crash ANYWAY and i mean, she DID give this guy one of her kidneys, so they at least OWED her this. ...Though, she also kind of looks like she gave up a couple of ribs to fit in this dress.

SHE GAVE HIM HER RIBS.

Whatever. It's a nice dress.

And i have to look like her by April 19th.

There.

*TheBoy knows the deal here. If only those things weren't so darn expensive, we'd have been engaged a couple of years ago. Mostly because he's wanted it. Stupid money.

I am anything but preachy.

So after all that shit on Monday, I decided to stay home yesterday and recover from whatever the hell it was that was vexing me. I think it was satan. Or maybe allergies. Hard to tell.

It has been awhile, hasn’t it. And thank you to TwoBusy for pointing that out and placing bets on my next post... Which is precisely why I’m posting today! Spite. It is my greatest motivator.

Things have changed around again at work and I think for the better. After petitioning and a little begging, they’ve moved me back downstairs to the older, homier office space (where the rest of my department is – go figure) and I finally feel like I belong to my new department. I can actually ask my co-workers questions, people who know what I’m talking about rather than just staring at me slack-jawed. Also, it’s much less quiet down here. MUCH less quiet. So I feel a whole lot less conspicuous than I did upstairs in the library-quiet ivory tower of executives. Down here is a little dirtier, a little rowdier, and a whole lot more comfortable.

The problem, though, is that I have less privacy than I did in my cube upstairs, so even though I wasn’t posting much upstairs, it was mostly because I was trying to learn my job. Not because of the spies. Down here, I have a woman sitting across the aisle who can see what I’m doing if she just cocks her head slightly to the side. Not that I think she cares, but I’ve lived in No-Innernets-At-Work fear for far too long to give up the paranoia now. So for now, I will be trying to be all covert-like and sly with my posting. We’ll see how this works out.

Yesterday morning I woke up at the normal time and threw myself at the bathroom and tried to get myself pumped up to take a shower. Instead, I wound up sitting with my eyes closed on the bathroom floor with BigDog, and decided to say ‘fuck that shit’ and get back into bed. I haven’t taken a sick day since July, so I figured I was about due for one. I called in to work and snuggled down with my favorite thing in the whole wide world, my pillow. My sweet, soft,loving pillow who loves me and misses me when I go. Oh, how it misses me and I it. Mmmm… pillow.

As TheBoy was getting ready for work (the sucker), we had MSNBC on the tv and they were talking about the 9/11 memorial that was going to be going on later in the day. I was only half-listening so after TheBoy left, I kept the tv on as background noise and tried to get back to sleep.

While I was drifting in and out of sleep, I’m pretty sure they played the original news footage from 9/11 in its entirety without interruption or commentary from the news people.

If there was any punishment for calling in sick for no good reason, that was it.

Wow, I had some of the most horrific dreams i have ever had. I didn’t see it coming and I woke up in a cold sweat.

I don’t really have much more commentary than that, because as tempted as I am, I don’t want to get into a post-9/11 dissertation that may perhaps ruffle some feathers. I am not a ruffler. I will just say that a few months ago, I did watch the full news footage from that day and it is really incredible to see it all as the events progressed, knowing what we know now. Horrible and frightening, but since we already know what’s coming it is interesting to watch as the speculation unfolds. If you’re feeling strong, I recommend watching it for yourself. And remembering.

That’s all.

Well then.

So, uh.

Hi there.


You may be saying, "Jebus Christmas, woman. It's been a month and a half since we've heard from you. Where in the F have you been? And it better be good."

To which I would say, "Um... nowhere...?"

I've just been wiped off the face of the planet, it seems, for a month and a half and I really don't have anything to show for it. No, really. I've been working in my little cubicle in cubicle-land, day after day, without much entertainment. I don't know. Maybe I lost the inspiration to talk about the nothingness that has been my summer.

So, I’m sorry about that. For those of you who checked in with me to see if I was dead. I'm not. Now you know.

****************************

For newsworthiness, lets take a look at what kind of expenses I have coming up that I can't afford, not even with credit because I am poor in the sense of OHMYGOD where is all my money GOING??

• This past weekend, I had my school orientation. I'm starting up my bachelors (after graduating with my associates in December) and have done absolutely no research to try and get this shit moving before the semester starts the last week of August.

I am so screwed. I haven't registered for classes yet because I need to see a "Transfer Advisor" before being allowed to register. I haven't seen a Transfer Advisor, because I would need to go to the school during office hours and I haven't actually worked up the desire to try to get this all moving and take a day off of work and just DO IT already. I am so not excited about this and it kind of scares me. I can't really afford it, though I know I’ll just make it work somehow, as per usual. But if I could just register for a class on my own and get my ass in the classroom twice a week, I’ll be fine. Just let me do it on my own, I don't want to have to talk to someone within the bureaucracy that is a state-run university. It sucks, and everyone is mean and doesn't give a shit about how lost you are. You make phone calls and they'll transfer you all around campus because no one wants to deal with you, until you're on hold for 20 minutes and someone just hangs up. Goddamn them.

• I was asked to be a bridesmaid in Cousin G's wedding. Quite frankly, when she told me that she got engaged, I really didn't think I would be in the wedding party at all and I was actually really pissed off about it for awhile. When she started making wedding plans she wasn't giving me straight answers about the wedding party. I very staunchly assumed I was not going to be in it which I felt was a total slap in the face, because we had been such close friends, with the exception of the past 3 years or so.

Heh. I was wrong.

She was waiting to ask me when she figured out how many guy-friends her fiancé wanted in the party. So uh, yeah. I kind of felt like an ass, but now I am kicking myself for even wanting to be asked. It is so not worth it. How the hell was I supposed to know that I’m expected to PAY for things?? Why didn't anyone WARN ME?? Ugh... I have to go to lunch with the Maid of Honor and the two mothers on Sunday to work out the prices of the Bridal Shower. I am so unprepared for how much someone else's wedding is going to cost me.

• Also, I have not purchased an Engagement Present, which is apparently mandatory in the year 2007. Had no idea. What the fuck am I supposed to get her? Also, am like 3 months late on this. Help?

• BigDog had some trouble in June. She had been limping for awhile and we weren't quite sure what was wrong, so we took her to the vet. That was a joyous couple of hours, let me say. 113lbs of very strong, very scared dog had to be held down by 2 vet techs, the vet, TheBoy and myself while trying to feel around her joints to see where the injury is. There was a lot of screaming (BigDog), a lot of peeing (also BigDog), some blood (a vet tech who received a hard kick from BigDog and her long, sharp nails) and copious amounts of drool (also, mostly from BigDog).

It sucked. She's been on some anti-inflammatory and gloucosimine pills and has shown improvements. I'm hoping the pills will make it all better, because doggy-ACL ligament repair surgery is way out of my price range. I love her, but she needs to get a job that pays for health benefits, because pet insurance is a rip off. So says me.

These are just some of the fun things that have been going on in my world. Aren't you excited to get caught up? I know; it's enthralling, my life.

On the bright side, however, I may be getting to the beach this weekend and I think it's about time.
It's August, and I haven't been to the beach yet once this year.
And I live about 15 minutes from a really nice ocean beach.
There are no excuses, people.

Except the forecast calls for a chance of thunderstorms.

Dammit.

Fox News.

This weekend, TheBoy and I went for a little 4 mile hike in the woods. It was all my idea and i was really psyched to get out and go hiking because it's gotten way too long in between days in the woods, and i love hiking. Love. Yet by the time we hit mile 2, i wanted someone to come pick me up and drive me back to the car. I was beat. Which was totally sad since it wasn't even that hot out.

Also, i was a little bored. Which is totally strange. I'm not sure what to attribute that to.

Maybe it was the fact that we were 'hiking' down a bridle trail - which is not hiking at all, but walking. In the woods. The bridle (not bridal - that would be something totally different) trail is really soft sandy-dirt and the uneven, soft ground was driving me crazy (but woo! workout!) with very little scenery at all. I know, what the hell am i expecting, right? Yeah, i don't know. The lack of anything going on around us caused us to use all the strategically placed piles of horse poo as major sources of entertainment; every time we passed one TheBoy would make fart/potty noises which amused us both to no end. Farts=funny, people. There's no denying that.

Once we finally made it off the bridle path and onto a real, solid path, things brightened up a bit. There were creeks! And chipmunks! A rabbit! A deer hiding in the trees! So many things more interesting than horse shit. I know it's hard to fathom.

Somewhere halfway through, we stopped to sit on a bench that was set up in a clearing by the fish hatchery. TheBoy was making a phone call (cause what's a hike without your Blackberry, eh?) and just staring off into space when he saw something, that at first registered as a 'dog', walking on the path we had just come from.

"That's a fox!"

Shocking! I've never, ever seen a fox (i don't think.. that i can remember..) in real life. It was a lot bigger than i thought it would be - like the size of a cocker spaniel, i guess. So we gauked at the fox and it stared back at us, until it decided that we were way too excited to see it and he ran away.

And i'm sure some of you are like, "yeah, whatever, Claire. I've got a fox sleeping in the marigolds out front," To which i would respond, "wow," and "that's really interesting," but this is my story, and i've never seen one in person, and it was kind of exciting for me, if you don't mind.

Don't steal my fox thunder.

By the time we wandered out of the woods, i wanted to fall down in the parking lot and go to sleep, but overall, a nice hike... or walk. You know.

Um... Ahoy, thar...

I have to keep this quick... the walls they are watching me. I've been deeply immersed in this shitty, shitty project for the past 2 weeks or so and i have to get this shit done before i get the F out of this shitty, shitty department. Shitty.

But there is a bright spot. June 1st is my official start date in my new job and i CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE. I am really excited and am just now trying to clean out my stuff and make moving to my new cube (what, like i don't deserve an office? I so totally do. Pshaw) a little easier. The best thing about the packing and moving is that most of the crap on my desk is going to be totally useless in my new position so i can just leave it like litter in my old cube. Nice.

I have been virtually non-existent in the blogosphere for the past couple of weeks and for that i apologize. I even have a 5 question interview thingy from DaNator that i have not gotten to yet. Don't worry, Nator! I'm getting there! Eventually!



This lovely Memorial Day weekend will be spent in beautiful Bar Harbor, Maine with TheBoy and I am impatiently waiting to get on the road with him. I love road trips and this'll be a nice long one - about 9 hours according to mapquest - which is just fine for me. We've been to Bar Harbor before. For Memorial Day weekend in 2004 and it was such a great trip that i wanted to try to relive it.

So this weekend, we'll be eating lobster like it's going out of style (for CHEAP - gotta love Maine) and hiking around in the woods and on Cadillac Mountain, the highest point on the east coast at 1532 ft, in Acadia National Park. And lets not kid ourselves into thinking that Claire is going to climb a mountain because, cha! There's a road to the summit. We be driving, thank you.

But being a total lardass is not going to stop me from climbing around the rocks and trails once i get up there. It is an absolutely beautiful view and I can't wait to get up there and hop around on the rocks. In fact, here's a picture from last time.



Look at that, isn't it a gorgeous view?

That's me on Cadillac Mountain. This may be the first picture of myself that i've posted on the internets and oh, isn't it disappointing? You can't even see my face. Ah, well.
And don't be judging all my poofiness, there. It was windy and that is TheBoy's sweatshirt i'm wearing. That is why i am poofy. Take that, you judgers.

Have a good weekend!

Fun with Banking.

Tonight The Boy and i went shopping for new clothes to get him ready to start his new job on Wednesday. It was like school shopping and we probably got about as much stuff as a kid would get for his first day of school, only this was all about khakis and button-downs so that Boy can look like a grown-up. It can be hard for someone who's been used to wearing jeans and t-shirts for most of his professional life to actually have to look like a productive member of society, but we got it done. Lucky for us, Kohls tends to sort of give their stock away, so we were able to buy a crap-load of stuff for not too much money.

However, not "too much money" to most people (including us, when we had two paychecks) turned into a bit of a bank account burner and now I've got to sit and stare at my online bank account until i get paid on the 15th to hope and pray that no other checks clear before then. Please, oh please... don't let anything else go away..... please, oh gods of the automatic bill deduction system...

Audiophilia and Regrets be damned.

Congratulations to TheBoy for landing a job. He's been interviewing with this company for about 4 weeks now, and he got the phone call this evening. It looks like he starts on Monday and we couldn't be happier. Especially since last Friday I decided that i couldn't stand it anymore and we went out for drinks and dinner at a restaurant that is not exactly "cheap". I wanted a beer, dammit. Some overpriced, micro-brewed beer.

While i could have easily stopped at one pint, I had a second, and felt guilty about it all weekend.

Well, no more! Now i can buy as much over-priced beer as i want.

Sort of.

I mean, now that i know that we're not going to starve to death and then have our malnourished bodies eaten by the dogs, we can relax a little. But that doesn't mean that some of us can go back to their less-than-frugal lifestyle and continue to purchase crap that they don't need nor will ever use just for the sake of buying it. And guess what?

I actually don't mean me.

Ha! I know! I'm the woman! It should be me who goes shopping for fun and as a means for stress-release. But in our case, it's just not me. In fact, i usually feel an over-whelming sense of guilt when shopping and wind up not buying anything. Even those pants that look really good on me. Do you know how hard it is to buy pants that fit? It's really, really hard. But i put them back. Know why? The Guilt.

The Guilt runs deep from childhood and i know its some kind of parental programming from watching my mother struggle with the bills when i was a kid. She had a keen handle on The Guilt, but claims she didn't mean to pass that kind of psychosis onto her children. I guess kids pay attention to more than we may think.

TheBoy, however, is not in tune to The Guilt and has amassed, over many years, a vast music collection that is truly enviable to anyone else who may consider themselves an "audiophile". The collection takes up an entire room of the house. I mean, it's not like you can't step into the room, it just lines the walls of an entire room. Like up to the ceilings.

While this was impressive when we first met, it is not quite so impressive now that i am living with it. (Especially since he's kind of anal about his cds. He doesn't know that i borrow them. I'm not really encouraged to take them out of the house. He says i'm not responsible with my cds and can't really be trusted with his. This may be true. But I chose not to listen).

The cd collection has become ungainly, as his live on bookshelves which waste a lot of space. Considering that most people with this amount usually store them in special file cabinets to use space more wisely which are HUGELY expensive pieces of furniture. Perhaps i should mention that there are over 18,000 of them.

The cds are taking over, is what i'm saying.

Aside from the space they take up, there is a certain cost associated with keeping up any collection. Especially when the collector does not have The Guilt.

Luckily, i think that this 2 month uh, sabbatical, from a paycheck will be inspiration enough to curb the shopping habit he has and will force him to take a deeper, longer look at what he spends.

Or perhaps give me more balls to tell him to cut that shit out until we can actually afford to spend money for no reason.

These are all things we can look forward to. Until then, new job! Monday! Wheeeee!!!

And, last week's post about regretting inviting people to this page? I think i'm just going to ignore those tugging regrets for just a little while. (Apparently).

Is gmail down? What the hell is going on today?

Happy Valentine's Day and whatever. It's all gross outside with a mixture of snow / sleet/ rain and a little hail thrown in for good sport. Getting to work this morning was a bit of a challenge, but no one ever said that i'm not up for a challenge! Well, maybe Mrs. Month, my 4th grade teacher. But other than her! No one. I got to work in one piece is what i'm saying.

These past couple of days have truly been awful and i'm not sure if it's real or completely fabricated by my menstrual mind. But there has been a lot of drama in my head and i'm not really sure how to make the gears stop spinning. It's just a little too much. Even for me.

TheBoy and i have been bickering all week and, of course, i have consistently been the instigator. This is what is making me think that it's just all in my head. Whenever we bicker around this time of the month he is usually smart enough to realize what is going on and doesn't fight back. This is one of the reasons why I love him. He's a smart one. I should probably apologize to him later.

Otherwise, work had been falling into a boring rut recently until my boss decided that we need to "show them why we're here" which has made my 8+ hours here mostly a suicide-watch environment and i'm just drained. Yesterday was a bit of an up and down roller-coaster affair with TheBoy having a scary interview in the morning and then an old friend stopped by the office to drop off some chocolate which was just lovely and uplifting.

So here i sit with a box of Hershey's on my left and a pile of horseshit work on my right and i'm trying to figure out what to do first.

Pshaw. Like that's a hard choice.

Hopefully TheBoy will come through as promised and cook a lovely Valentine's dinner for me tonight.

Especially since he gets to be home all day in this shitty weather. Seriously.

Maybe this means we'll move soon.

Thanks for the recipes last week - in the comments and via email. I even tried one from DaNator on Friday night and damn, was it good. Thanks, Nator! Was lovely.

This weekend, was Da Nator's Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, some Arroz con Pollo, and a pot roast in my new Crock Pot. I feel like some kind of domestic person now. It's very weird. The best part of cooking is drinking the wine that the recipe calls for. You know, a little for the stew, a little for you.

I guess whatever gets you through it.

--------------------


TheBoy has been interviewing pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks, which is just great. It has been a long couple of weeks without a second paycheck and I'm starting to wonder which credit card company is going to have to wait or which Dunkin' Donuts needs a night-time doughnut-maker. I think I'd look pretty good in the little paper cap, you know?

Trouble with the interviewing is that the two jobs that sound really worthwhile of the bunch, are about an hour's drive each way. That sucks.

They're also both a pay-cut from his last job. That sucks more.

This calls for expert decision making and pro/con list making and 100k-mile car maintenance appointment making.

We won't know anything until the end of the week on either job, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It's a hell of a lot better to have many choices than none at all.

Cross your fingers with me, will ya?

Superbowl and meatballs.

Nothing has changed at home and I'm still plodding along trying to stretch every dollar still in the bank account. It really sucks when you figure out that you weren't doing too badly all along, as far as income goes, and realize that you wasted a lot of money on absolutely nothing at all while the money was coming in regularly. I have nothing to show for all of the money that we threw away. That is so disappointing.

One way i'm trying to save money is by cooking a lot more often.. like every night. Which was never something I've been really inclined to do. It's not that i don't like to cook, I do. It just stresses me out a little. Planning a meal and then making sure i have all the ingredients and realizing that i don't and going food shopping almost every single night before i go home to cook is really annoying and always makes me wonder if i'm saving any money at all. I guess in the long run I am because i'm collecting ingredients but It's just so hard to tell.

And then getting home around 7:00 and making sure the meat is defrosted and trying to cook so that everything times out right and is done around the same time and I get myself stressed out over nothing, hoping above all hope that the chicken is GOOD. But TheBoy doesn't care. He very rarely tells me that something i've made is disgusting, when i know damn well that it is. I just want to be SUCH A GOOD COOK! I come from a long line of really good cooks and i need to inherit the trait from all of the Italian grandmothers in my family because I'M ITALIAN! Italians need to be good cooks or else they've failed their culture and their family.
Or so it feels.

Hey, do you guys have any easy, weeknight recipes you'd be willing to share? I'm finding that my chicken-cutlet, hamburger, meatloaf, chicken-cutlet repertoire is getting a little monotonous. I don't want to have to spend more than an hour on anything that I'm making after work and would like not to have to buy a whole basket-full of ingredients every time i cook something. Do you have anything simple? I would love to hear from you! My sanity will thank you.

------------

In other news, TheBoy and I have this weekend to ourselves which is always such a blessing. We normally have his kids 3 out of 4 weekends per month. This kind of arrangement, while great for the kids' parents, (their mom gets to have her weekends to herself and her fiance' and go out on Saturday nights while dad gets to see his kids as often as possible) is absolute torture on me for painfully obvious reasons. 3 out of 4 weekends a month.

But this weekend is just us! We can go out Saturday night! We can walk around the house in our underwear! Naked, even! Such luxuries! Such simple, cost-effective pleasures...

Ugh.. who am i kidding? We'll just stay home all weekend and i'll watch all of season 6 of the Gilmore Girls in my pajamas. Cause i love them and have no life.

This is my 100th post.

It took me a long time, but I've made it - Post #100. Isn't it exciting? I feel like i should decorate with streamers and party hats or something, but I'm really just not in the mood.

To look back at my last post where i apparently made it sound like i was pregnant (First Nations, that's not even a little funny, not a little none at all icky yuck), i would like to clarify a bit and just say that in reality, TheBoy and I will be living off of my ridiculously small salary for a little while until um, a NEW and shiny salary comes into TheBoy's life. See, I'm not going to come out and say what actually happened, because that might be an invasion of someone's privacy and it's not like me to cross those lines.

So with that, I've been very stressy for the past couple of weeks and am now realizing that I've abandoned this here blog and feel kind of stressy about that, too, because i like it here and don't really want to lose it. But, while I've been at work or figuring out how to save money or not spend it at all, i have not had a considerable amount of time to sit down and spill my guts. Though this is much cheaper than therapy, should i ever decide i need some, it would be more economical to keep doing this rather than paying a shrink. You know.

-------------------

In other news, and unexpected money-spendingness, BigDog had a bit of a boo-boo on Monday which needed the vet's attention (and my credit card). She had a sebaceous cyst on her back that ruptured suddenly and violently, creating a nickel-sized hole on her shoulder. It is gross. It was still discharging yesterday. It is moist. And a hole.

And now we have to feed her antibiotics - which is fine for me, poke the pills into a spoonful of peanut butter and she's a happy puppy - and apply a topical bacitracin ointment.

I am having a real hard time with the bacitracin. Mostly because i am finding it really hard to smear a glob of stuff into an open wound. It's just gross and really hard to do, especially since the stuff is so gooey. And it must hurt like hell. Poor thing.

The vet said, she'll hardly notice us smearing her with ointment. HA! HAHA! He really shouldn't have said that after it took 4 vet techs to wrestle her down to shave all of her fur out from around the area, give her an injection and while they were at it, try to clip her nails. (Which, by the way, is a good-fucking-luck job for just about anyone. The vet techs have never been able to do it, and our fantastic groomer has finally given up. I don't even want the groomer to do it anymore because BigDog has caused some major bodily damage to an assistant while trying to clip her damn nails. Dogs are fun, eh?) They only got one before they gave up, and really, i wasn't expecting anything more than that.

So now we're dealing with a BigDog who doesn't trust us, "Come here puppy! Let me stick my finger in your boo-boo!" a LittleDog who would like to know why BigDog is getting all the peanut butter, and no money.

Luckily i have off for the rest of the week again, while i eat away at my remaining vacation days. Company policy is Use it or Lose it if you don't use your vacation days before your anniversary, so i am happily fucking off for a couple of days.