I shouldn't be allowed out without parental supervision.

Well, here's a fun confession:

I just visited the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror on my way out to make sure everything is still where i left it (and to fluff my hair, if you must know) when i noticed that there's a bit of white shmutz under the arm-holes of my shirt. I'm wearing kind of a sleeveless top with sort of a cap-sleeve thing and for some reason my deodorant, my INVISIBLE! solid deodorant, has mushed itself all over my dark red shirt. In the arm pit area. Obviously.

I inspected the area fully and determined that i'm not going to be able to wipe this off with a wet paper towel, that will probably just make it worse, and kind of resigned myself to keeping my arms down all day today. Which sucks, because i'm either going to be totally self-conscious the whole day or i'm going to forget about it in all of 20 minutes from now and wave my arms around like a baboon who's just spotted a helpless car coming into the Six Flags Safari that likes to rip off all of the radio antenae that pass by. I am forgetful like that.

I walked back to my desk and started "working*" again and remembered that i have one of those Shout Wipes in my purse. Right where they're supposed to be! For messy people like me! But it's been in there since April and i haven't thought about it in months! Look at me remembering things! And proceed to take it out and start to blot the underarms of my shirt at my desk, where People walk around all day.

It occurs to me that
#1: Someone is bound to catch me with my face and a wet-nap in my armpit.
#2: It's going to be very hard to explain.
#3: A mirror may be in order here to fully contend with the extent of the mushed deodorant.
And #4: I look like an asshole.

I trot off to the bathroom to further investigate the situation.

By this point, i'm awful proud of myself for having something like a Shout Wipe to get rid of the shmutz under my arms and take off my shirt to do the job right (It's ok, i have a camisole on underneath). However, i didn't realize just how WET these little wipes ARE. But i think, No Problem! I can just dry my shirt under the hand-dryers here in the bathroom!

I look around.

Lo, but there are no hand-dryers. They probably haven't been here since 2002. Disappointment.

I try blotting the moisture out with a paper towel and put my top back on.

Now i look like i've been sweating profusely, seemingly, just from sitting in my cubicle all morning with these giant sweat rings under my arms. The white gunk is gone, but now i'm left a sweaty, sweaty pig.

I will still need to keep my arms down all day. Oh, and chuck that damned INVISIBLE! deodorant. Really, Dove, who are we kidding.



*Read: catching up on my Google Reader.

Stupid Websense

It's finally happened. I've finally been blocked from almost all blogs from my office computer. It looks like they figured me out.

If you've noticed that i've stopped commenting on your blog, it's completely the fault of my employer. Blame them completely.

I just had to figure out how to email my posts. HAHA i know, i don't post very often, but if i didn't figure out how to set that up, you'd never hear from me again.

Stupid Websense. I bet they think it's for my own good or something. Feh.

COULD IT MAYBE GET BETTER NOW??

My company laid off about 30 people today in my building alone, 3 of which were in my department.

I sat around all day just hoping that my phone wouldn't ring. We weren't warned and we didn't know how many they were cutting.

The girl in the cubicle across from me got the first phone call and when she came back into the office, crying, I helped her pack up her desk and carry her box out to the car. Neither of us knew that she was the first of a whole list of people being let go and we were indignant that she was being "fired" after eight years of service. No one in my group saw this coming. We didn't know that there were going to be layoffs.

For the rest of the day, people were walking around like someone had died. It was scary, upsetting and uncomfortable. Most of us stood around whispering about who we had just heard about being escorted out and who we were afraid was going to be next.

"Well, we KNEW that HE was going to be fired eventually," and "I can't believe they let her go. She was such a nice girl".

In the afternoon, the VP gathered everyone still left in the building to tell us that the horror was over and that we can all breathe deeply again. That we thank all of the people who left today for their time in the company and the work that they did, whatever their capacity. All of the changes that are going to be made now will be to our processes and not our personnel. Then he sent us home an hour and a half early.

But he didn't apologize.

In fact, it seemed like he was choosing his words so carefully as to not let an "I'm sorry" slip out that he was stammering a bit at times. I guess you're not supposed to apologize when you lay people off, but it seemed like we were owed one.

I am apprehensive about what is going to happen tomorrow, but I would like to wish the people who lost their jobs today good luck out there. As sorry as I am to see you go, i hope that i won't be joining you.

And for that, I feel ashamed.

2007 Year End Meme!

Happy New Year, y'all. It's time for our Year in Review meme, courtesy of Linda, and this year i predict the answers will be less jovial than the ones from 2006. Just a hunch, but here we go.


1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Sincerely enjoy going to work. There are other people in my department that are sick of the company bullshit, but compared to my old department, i am in heaven.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolution is always the same. Lose weight. It's depressing, but it's always there. I did lose about 10 lbs these past few months, but that is not nearly as awesome as the amount i gained earlier this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great aunt passed away. Sadly, i hadn't seen her for close to 10 years before the funeral so it was sad in a somewhat distant way.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just a few areas of my own country... and by "a few" i mean Boston and Maine. I'm really getting wild in my old age.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Will power, expendable income, patience, expendable income, a kitchen floor you could eat off of.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 5th. The day TheBoy quit his job and i was the breadwinner for 2 months or so. That was a scary day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting transferred to my new job. Best move ever. Also getting contact lenses, though that would probably be less of an achievement for other people who do not have squeamish issues regarding eyeballs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Clearing up any of my credit card debt. I'm drowning here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily. Unless you count my Christmas night experience. But probably not.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This awesome t-shirt for the boy for xmas. He is, afterall, Master of the Panflute. "Sold more records than Elvis".

btw: I would like to point out how little there is on the innernets about Zamfir and his late-night record-whoring infomercials from the 80's. This saddens me. I wanted to find one on You-Tube and share with you since you, no doubt, have no idea why this is funny. You'll just have to trust me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine? How bout mine. See question #7. I was a good partner in that mess and i'm not afraid to take some credit there.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A friend of mine made some unarguably bad decisions all year long and no matter how much she asked for advice, she always did exactly what she wanted to anyway. I really hope she smartens up this year because i can't take the drama anymore. DRAMA. Woo.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Credit card bills, mortgage, food, and anything else you can spend money on and not have anything tangible to show for it. Isn't that frustrating?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Interviewing for my new job. It's really pretty annoying to read about, after the fact. Probably as annoying as it was at the time. Sorry, there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

The Regina Spektor song - Fidelity. Another album I was crazy over and listened to NON-STOP. I really know how to make myself sick of something.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Sadder, fatter, and poorer. How bleak is this post? Damn. I'm depressing myself.
Sadder is probably not the right word. Worried is probably more accurate. But i've definitely gained weight since last year and i am in so much debt right now i am screaming inside. I mean, it's a wonder i can sleep at night.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, save more money, get out of the house more and enjoy the outside world. But you know, without the money-spendingness. Oh, and also blogging. I suck at doing this on a regular basis. Suck.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Starting each post with an apology for not writing more. I mean, that's annoying and i wish i had noticed it sooner.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. The group was pretty small this year, but was mostly ok. Oh, then i spent the night hugging the toilet. Yay.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Um, no. With nothing new i can think of, at least. Though, i can tell you that i can no longer imagine a life without my beloved XMRadio since i killed my car CD player this summer. No, I have not repaired it and just got an iPod car-adapter thingy. I now can say that i will live without the CD player, which was not something i thought would be possible just a few months ago. I will survive.

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I love The Office. If i could live in The Office, i would. And i would be Pam and Jim would love ME.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

25. What was the best book you read?

You know what? I'm not going to lie here and pretend that i actually read a prize-winning best-seller. I have been reading crap all year. I think the most enjoyment i got was out of a few Janet Evanovich novels in the Stephanie Plum series. They're quick-reads and they're fun. There. Oh, i also read a David Sedaris - Naked (that's the title, i was not reading it naked, at least not usually)- that I really liked.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Muse. I know they've been out there for years, but hey, they're pretty good and i live in my closet. Check out Hysteria. Catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A new iPod Nano. The little one. My first iPod. Yay. Happy Birthday to me.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

*crickets*

I really have no recollection of seeing a single movie this year. I know it's not possible, but i can't think of any...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27 this year and on my birthday i went to a bar with a mess of my co-workers which was a lot of fun. I waited there for TheBoy to return home from a Boston business trip and we went home together. Was nice.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me. Have i mentioned this? Does it make you want to send me money?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

I don't actually have a personal fashion concept. Is that rare? Am i alone here? Business casual, still. I wear nice pants and usually a turtleneck to work just about every day in the winter. Sometimes i'll change it up with a v-neck sweater. You know, for the sexy.

33. What kept you sane?

Child-free weekends. It may sound harsh, but it's true.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Last year this was an easy question for me. The truth is i haven't really been paying much attention this year. Seeing his face on the teevee just tends to make me angry and i turn it off. This makes me very close-minded and uninformed. I'm curious to see where the primaries take us, but until then, i barely know enough about the candidates (or assumed candidates) to take an educated interest in one particular person. Will do better here.

36. Who did you miss?

Some of my friends who have been scattered around the country. They haven't been around for a bunch of years, but i've been missing a select few of them a lot lately.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

A co-worker friend. It looks like she's going to be moving soon, but she was a good lunch-buddy this year.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

That it is possible to live on just my measly salary if it is necessary. And that maybe change is for the better if it means your partner is not slowly stressing himself into a premature and unnecessary heart attack.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Alright then. There you go. I apologize for not being able to fix the wonky formatting on this list - but i don't care enough to keep trying.

I'm sorry.

It was brought to my attention that you've been looking at a frenching rat for about a month now.
I did not realize that it's been that long.

It's been kind of a crazy few weeks and i started to write a post about my birthday weekend and then did not finish it and now who cares. It was a nice weekend, but at this point, it's kind of a waste to even talk about it.

Christmas was ok, but I've had a cold since last Friday, so my usual job of helping out my mother with dinner was much more of a chore than usual. I just couldn't get myself psyched about christmas. It kind of sucked. But i stuffed myself like an idiot as per usual and felt horrible afterwards.

In fact, so horrible that none of Christmas dinner stayed down.

Yay. Merry fucking Christmas, you have the famous New York Stomach Virus.

Tuesday night into Wednesday morning was quite eventful in the ClaireBear household. But you probably don't want to hear about that, so much.

I wound up calling in sick to work yesterday which is never a good idea the day before or after a holiday. They actually want a doctor's note from me for being out sick. However, i did not get to the doctor's yesterday on account of my being in bed all day. ALL DAY. Which is not something i ever do, even when i'm sick. It was bad.

On top of all the horking, the heat in my house miraculously died last night. DIED. No heat. In the house. House is cold. COLD, COLD HOUSE. I have been frantically trying to call the furnace guy all morning and begging his voicemail to come to my house and fix it, but he has not yet, as of 12:30 called me back yet. The dogs will most likely have icicles forming on their snotty noses today but i'm pretty sure that with the fur coats and all, they'll be better off than i would if i were there. Especially BigDog. She enjoys the cold.

This here was my Weekly Wrap Up. I hope you enjoyed sharing in my Christmas misery.

Please wish me luck.

Work and uh, work.

Today and tomorrow i'll be all alone. TheBoy is back in Boston for some more work-stuff and will be virtually incommunicado for two days. Not a huge deal, but it's rare that we're apart overnight and it gets kind of weird in the house by myself.

I take that back.

If i were ALL by myself, it probably wouldn't be quite as weird as it is with the two dogs WHINING and PINING and WAITING by the front door for him to come home. That's really the worst part. The later it gets, the jumpier they get. If a flea farts anywhere within a 5 mile radius, LittleDog barks, which makes me jump, and then i work on stopping my heart from racing. Repeat, ad nauseam.

I hate that.

So, i'm sure tonight i will be watching all the girly crap on the TeeVee that TheBoy has no interest in watching (maybe i'll finally check out Gossip Girl - a show that i've heard is horrible and yet must be watched) or maybe call it an early night and eat ice cream in bed or something. We'll see.


In other news, my Boss asked me to look into some industry-related training seminars. Apparently i'm slotted for one in the budget and i had better start looking before i lose it at the end of March. It's not easy, this training seminar searching, because i have to find something that is either close enough to not be a pain in the ass to drive to, something just far away enough that i can stay in a hotel (if it is more than 1 day), but not too far away that it won't be approved by management.

So far, i have found one in New Brunswick, NJ (just close enough that i will have to drive everyday - roughly 2 hours each way), one in Costa Mesa, CA (too far, and too nice for them to pay for it) and one in Dublin, Ireland (fat chance in hell, that one).

I think i'll have to start preparing my justification statement now if i want to spend 3 days in sunny Orange County in March on my employer's dime. Ooh. Won't that be nice?

Meh - i'm sure they'll stuff me in a class in Manhattan if i don't find something myself. Better keep looking...

Only 3 days until payday...

But until then....



WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HAPPY BOUNCING CHECK DAY!!!!!!!!!!


LOOK AT THEM ALL GO!!!!! BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!









This f-ing sucks.

I am anything but preachy.

So after all that shit on Monday, I decided to stay home yesterday and recover from whatever the hell it was that was vexing me. I think it was satan. Or maybe allergies. Hard to tell.

It has been awhile, hasn’t it. And thank you to TwoBusy for pointing that out and placing bets on my next post... Which is precisely why I’m posting today! Spite. It is my greatest motivator.

Things have changed around again at work and I think for the better. After petitioning and a little begging, they’ve moved me back downstairs to the older, homier office space (where the rest of my department is – go figure) and I finally feel like I belong to my new department. I can actually ask my co-workers questions, people who know what I’m talking about rather than just staring at me slack-jawed. Also, it’s much less quiet down here. MUCH less quiet. So I feel a whole lot less conspicuous than I did upstairs in the library-quiet ivory tower of executives. Down here is a little dirtier, a little rowdier, and a whole lot more comfortable.

The problem, though, is that I have less privacy than I did in my cube upstairs, so even though I wasn’t posting much upstairs, it was mostly because I was trying to learn my job. Not because of the spies. Down here, I have a woman sitting across the aisle who can see what I’m doing if she just cocks her head slightly to the side. Not that I think she cares, but I’ve lived in No-Innernets-At-Work fear for far too long to give up the paranoia now. So for now, I will be trying to be all covert-like and sly with my posting. We’ll see how this works out.

Yesterday morning I woke up at the normal time and threw myself at the bathroom and tried to get myself pumped up to take a shower. Instead, I wound up sitting with my eyes closed on the bathroom floor with BigDog, and decided to say ‘fuck that shit’ and get back into bed. I haven’t taken a sick day since July, so I figured I was about due for one. I called in to work and snuggled down with my favorite thing in the whole wide world, my pillow. My sweet, soft,loving pillow who loves me and misses me when I go. Oh, how it misses me and I it. Mmmm… pillow.

As TheBoy was getting ready for work (the sucker), we had MSNBC on the tv and they were talking about the 9/11 memorial that was going to be going on later in the day. I was only half-listening so after TheBoy left, I kept the tv on as background noise and tried to get back to sleep.

While I was drifting in and out of sleep, I’m pretty sure they played the original news footage from 9/11 in its entirety without interruption or commentary from the news people.

If there was any punishment for calling in sick for no good reason, that was it.

Wow, I had some of the most horrific dreams i have ever had. I didn’t see it coming and I woke up in a cold sweat.

I don’t really have much more commentary than that, because as tempted as I am, I don’t want to get into a post-9/11 dissertation that may perhaps ruffle some feathers. I am not a ruffler. I will just say that a few months ago, I did watch the full news footage from that day and it is really incredible to see it all as the events progressed, knowing what we know now. Horrible and frightening, but since we already know what’s coming it is interesting to watch as the speculation unfolds. If you’re feeling strong, I recommend watching it for yourself. And remembering.

That’s all.

Crappers.

I thought I was doing something smart and inspired.
In reality I was fucking something up.

I thought I was finally finishing a project.
In reality, I made it such that I have to call a meeting with about 4 departmental directors to find out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with a project that should not have been mine in the first place.

I thought I was being super-productive.
Where in reality, I've lost more ground than I've gained.

Today has not been so great.

Monkeys, cocktails and Her Majesty the Queen.

And here's where i apologize AGAIN for being such a stranger.

I'm sorry.

Okay, then.


I've become a bit more adjusted to life on the second floor. It's still unbearably quiet, but at least now i know that it's not just me that thinks this is a totally bizarre business atmosphere. Most of the people up here have commented to me about the sheer, pin-dropping silence i've been experiencing up here, so i've learned to just deal with it and try not to let it effect my neurosis.

Which it is.

But hey, i'm trying.

Also - there have been a few people asking me to e-mail my last post to them, so if you're interested (but really, it's not THAT good) and you don't work for the Overlord (specifically in HR) just let me know and i'll send it along to you. If you don't know what the hell i'm talking about, see here.


Now on to some actual CONTENT:


I don't know if there are still any Brits reading here, and while i suspect not, i'm still going to talk about a TV show that no one here in the US has seen, unless they are illegally pirating it (YARR, YARRR) like we are.
I'm talking about "Britain's Got Talent".
I know. You're saying, "Claire, why in the hell would you want to go through the trouble of downloading a shitty reality talent show when you can watch the one we have right here in America?"

To that i say, "I really have no idea."

Except that it was there, on the internet, and that is pretty much how we watch all of our TV because it's almost better than Tivo. You know, almost.

So, in the queue went "Britain's Got Talent" last week, and then everyday until it was finished. They only aired it for about a week and a half - it was on every single night until they called the winner - and i have to say, it is actually a lot better than the American version. I don't know if it is because there is an actual point to the whole competition (the winner gets to perform for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show (who knew the Queen enjoyed crap variety shows)) or because there is no mention of The Hoff anywhere on it.

My vote goes for No Hoff. Cause he bugs the shit out of me.
Instead, they have Simon Cowell. Obviously.

Why am i talking about this? Good question. I want to share with you, my 3 fine readers, the wonder that is a good Monkey Puppet Act. Never have I enjoyed a Monkey Puppet Act, but this? This is something. Use your speakers:



Brilliant.

And? Damon Scott? Hot.
Yes he is.

He made it to the finals, which i thought was pretty impressive for a Monkey Puppet Act, but was a little touch-and-go during the semi-finals where everyone pretty much told him that the performance he gave was total shit.

To see the look on his face when everyone was telling him he was a loser who probably touched monkeys in an inappropriate manner, was probably the saddest i have ever felt for someone on the TV EVER. I wanted so very badly to just reach through the television (or rather, computer monitor - pirates, remember) and give him a hug. He looked CRUSHED, absolutely CRUSHED. I felt terrible for him. Come to mama... bring the monkey... i'll make it all better..

*Ahem*.

They did give him another chance, which was nice and uplifting. Certainly seemed to make him feel better, which of course made me happy. It was nice to see him smiling again, instead of looking like someone kicked his puppy down the stairs. Or rather, monkey, i guess.
But of course he didn't win. I mean, it's a Monkey Puppet Act, for chrissakes.

Instead, it was opera singer, Paul Potts, who won - and rightly so. He's quite amazing and i'm sure the Queen will love him and whatever. But he didn't have a monkey, so i'm not spending any time talking about him.
No monkey, no press. That's what i say.

If there IS anyone from the UK still reading here, can someone explain to me why the judges thought the bar flair guys were so exciting and "different"? Did they not have the movie "Cocktail" over there? I mean, sure throwing bottles and shit around can be fun to watch, but it's not like its so damn innovative.
"Cocktail", yo. Tom Cruise did it. Like in the 80's. Before he was buttfuck crazy.

Shhh.... everyone can hear me...

Yay! I'm a real person now! In my new job! There's no one hanging over my shoulder looking at what i'm doing or trying to rat me out for doing something other than work. Hell, my boss told me yesterday that once i get my laptop (eee!) i can watch dvds at my desk if i want. Which is a little weird for him to be telling me that. But then, he reminds me that my transfer is a lot like going from high school to college (considering the petty, juvenile CRAP that was going on in my old department) and like going to college, no one is going to be on top of me to make sure i've done my homework. As long as i get my work done, it doesn't really matter how you get there. Or something like that. Whatever, the point is - no one is trying to rat me out anymore. For anything. Yet. That i know of.

And i don't have to let anyone know when i'm leaving my desk to go to the bathroom. You don't know what that means to me. NO REALLY.

However, since i've been moved to a new location, i'm having trouble getting comfortable in the new environment... it's like creepy-quiet in here. QUIET. Like all you can hear is the sound of my typing which is all of a sudden VERY VERY LOUD. I don't like this. It's weird.



And last weekend, we went to Maine as mentioned in the last post which was like a month ago by now because i'm having a real hard time keeping up with everything and what with the new job and all. But that's enough bitching.

Maine! Was lovely! And HOT! Much hotter than i anticipated which was why i brought so many damn long sleeve shirts and was severely mistaken. But otherwise, was lovely. We spent some time driving (oh so much driving) and walking around Bar Harbor and hiking and climbing and eating and walking and eating.
We went to Acadia, as planned, and drove the road that circles the park, which was beautiful. Then we drove to the top of Cadillac Mountain. Yes, we drove, even though TwoBusy claimed it wasn't a hard hike, we got there around 4:00pm. I just didn't think it would be smart to hike up and down a mountain that late in the afternoon. That and because... we're just damn lazy. But the shitty part about all that is once we got to the top and parked and started walking around up there, we sat in a spot on the top of the mountain where all of the actual hikers would appear and disappear out of view, whether they were going down, or coming up. There were all kinds of people doing it - old people, young people, fat and skinny people. It was a little upsetting, knowing that just about anyone could do this hike, and we fat-asses were just sitting up there enjoying the view. Which wasn't half-bad, by the way:

click for bigger

See how hazy it was out there? Luckily, it was a little chilly on the mountain, but it was HOT down there at the bottom.

Also, there was a cruise ship in the harbor when we got into town on Saturday morning and MAN WAS THE PLACE PACKED. It was actually really hard to get into any restaurants for breakfast because of all the tourists (not like us, natch) that were poured onto the streets. I mean, Bar Harbor isn't exactly a big town. Like at all. So, it was packed is what i'm saying.
Well, here's the boat:


Bar Harbor is the mess of white specs stretching towards the water. In case you were wondering.

This is probably the lamest 'long-weekend wrap up' you have ever read, but i'm kind of on a schedule here. And i think it's time for oatmeal...

Also, no proofreading. No time.
Suffer.

Um... Ahoy, thar...

I have to keep this quick... the walls they are watching me. I've been deeply immersed in this shitty, shitty project for the past 2 weeks or so and i have to get this shit done before i get the F out of this shitty, shitty department. Shitty.

But there is a bright spot. June 1st is my official start date in my new job and i CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE. I am really excited and am just now trying to clean out my stuff and make moving to my new cube (what, like i don't deserve an office? I so totally do. Pshaw) a little easier. The best thing about the packing and moving is that most of the crap on my desk is going to be totally useless in my new position so i can just leave it like litter in my old cube. Nice.

I have been virtually non-existent in the blogosphere for the past couple of weeks and for that i apologize. I even have a 5 question interview thingy from DaNator that i have not gotten to yet. Don't worry, Nator! I'm getting there! Eventually!



This lovely Memorial Day weekend will be spent in beautiful Bar Harbor, Maine with TheBoy and I am impatiently waiting to get on the road with him. I love road trips and this'll be a nice long one - about 9 hours according to mapquest - which is just fine for me. We've been to Bar Harbor before. For Memorial Day weekend in 2004 and it was such a great trip that i wanted to try to relive it.

So this weekend, we'll be eating lobster like it's going out of style (for CHEAP - gotta love Maine) and hiking around in the woods and on Cadillac Mountain, the highest point on the east coast at 1532 ft, in Acadia National Park. And lets not kid ourselves into thinking that Claire is going to climb a mountain because, cha! There's a road to the summit. We be driving, thank you.

But being a total lardass is not going to stop me from climbing around the rocks and trails once i get up there. It is an absolutely beautiful view and I can't wait to get up there and hop around on the rocks. In fact, here's a picture from last time.



Look at that, isn't it a gorgeous view?

That's me on Cadillac Mountain. This may be the first picture of myself that i've posted on the internets and oh, isn't it disappointing? You can't even see my face. Ah, well.
And don't be judging all my poofiness, there. It was windy and that is TheBoy's sweatshirt i'm wearing. That is why i am poofy. Take that, you judgers.

Have a good weekend!

Shining Star atop a very Small Head

I don't even know what to say anymore. I am stuck waiting some more. More waiting and also again.

I do not have an official start date and i have to wait for my boss's boss to decide when they will be ready "to release me". This person has no great love for me so i am somewhat surprised that he is not jumping at the chance to throw me to another department. But on the other hand, i can see how it would be fun to torture me with this bullshit for just a little bit longer... bastard.

Anyway. I am really excited about starting this new thing and thank you for all of your well-wishes on Monday. However, i am just now starting to feel like maybe I threw myself into something that I'm not really prepared for. I keep hearing the words "challenging" and "make or break" or "throwing you in with your eyes closed". These are not comforting words.

But I'm also being told about being a 'shining star', which is encouraging and also? Freaking nice to hear. Look at that, my new boss might actually believe in me. How F-ING WEIRD.

Ugh.

It will be nice to finally move on and "embrace" my "challenges" or whatever you're supposed to do when you don't know anything about what the hell your job is.

It'll be fun. I'm sure of it.

-------------------

Today i am experiencing Small-Head Syndrome. (I would Google this phrase to see if it is used elsewhere and not my own creation, but I'm at work and i have a feeling that not all of the hits would be PG. All i need is to be fired for surfing p0rn on teh innernets.) I have my hair pulled back into a ponytail, sort of straightened, and for whatever physiological reason it makes me look like i have a small head. As in: not proportionate to my body. Which is kind of weird.

I often notice this phenomena when I'm wearing something kind of bulky - like a sweater - and i have my hair up. It's noticeable. At least i think it is. And for the rest of the day i feel self-conscious about the size of my head.

Is this normal? Am i the only one? Hmm.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!

WOOOOHOOOO!!!!


I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here!!!!!



YYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!

Mmm...salad.. gglllrlglgggmmmmhhhggg..

I'm still waiting on the job thing, so I'm not even going to talk about it. I mean, I've heard things. Good things. But i am biting my tongue until i get an Official Offer Letter because i don't trust anyone enough to actually follow through with just a smile and a nod. So. I'm waiting. And this is me not talking about it...





But let me just get out of the way that i am so, So, SO excited to (almost) know that I'm (almost, maybe) working with a great group of people who i can see right now from my window hanging out at the picnic benches chatting and laughing at lunchtime. I want to be a part of that.


Ok, I'm done. Next:

I am starting a new thing. I'm trying out that "jogging" thing that I've heard people talking about. Since a post on Sundry's blog, I've been inspired to get my ass out on the pavement and start moving. This stagnation has gone on way too long and I'm starting to feel like shit about not exercising anymore (or ever). I mean, after quitting the Weight Watchers, i've been really slacking.

So! Exercise! Walking! Eventually, maybe running! Fresh air! Good for me!

To add to that getting off my ass thing, i've gotten myself addicted to those new-fangled chopped salads (which i totally didn't understand when i saw the sign in the bagel place near home. Chopped salads? Like, why?) but wow, they're really good. And i'm not just blowing 'I'm-getting-all-healthy' and 'I-am-so-much-better-than-you-cause-i-gasped-and-snorked-my way-around-the-block' up your ass or anything. They're really good. Mostly because you can throw whatever mixture of total crap into a bowl of lettuce and chop it all up.

Which, honestly, is probably actually not entirely healthy. I feel like i'm doing a good thing for myself by eating salads every day, but it occurs to me that maybe i'm not so healthy after all.

Sure i'm using low-fat salad dressing and it's lettuce for crissakes, but my mix-in choices are probably not so great.

For instance, i like them with pineapple and mandarin oranges.

Yeah. Sugary.

Um, also, dried cranberries. And white raisins.

I totally suck at this diet and exercise thing. How do you make a salad unhealthy? Make it so that its full of sugar*. Smart.

Oh, but so good.


*Also, 'taco salads' accomplish this, too.

EEEeeeeeee!!!!!

Hello! I am starting to develop HIVES on my FACE.


HIVES.. OH GOD HIVES.

31 minutes until interview....

Pick ME!

Well, here we go. Tomorrow is the interview.

I've already told the boss and he's fine with my wanting to look for a job. I could tell he was a little surprised, but more so was wondering how the higher-ups are going to fill my place if i actually get the job. He was, in fact, laughing about it. So i guess all is as good as it is going to get.

Tomorrow i sit down with HR and Prospective Manager, but i'm not sure what i am to expect out of this. I don't know if this is the first of multiple interviews or if i just need the one. I'm also not sure if this is going to be a generic HR interview with the "what are your biggest weaknesses" type of questions. I'm kind of hoping that they know me better than needing to ask me things like that, but i'm not sure.

It should be interesting, that's for sure. I kind of have a feeling that the HR chick doesn't like me so much, which is ok because i have enough sense not to like her back. But that kind of good sense isn't going to get me anywhere tomorrow.

So i'm currently brushing up on my "how do you prioritize your work" answers and making sure that my only suit that fits is free of dog hair and just trying to relax for the rest of the night. I am a notoriously bad interviewer and i am hoping that i can be relaxed enough to get through this process successfully and without tripping over my words or i don't know, burping audibly or something sexy like that.

I know that there have been a stack of resumes submitted for this position from the outside world, so that has me reasonably shaken about the situation. I could very potentially not be as qualified as someone who has maybe been doing this for a living for a substantial amount of time. If i don't get this job, it is going to be very awkward going back to my cubicle and looking at my boss everyday while he knows that my heart isn't in it anymore. Not that is has been for quite some time, but hey, at least we didn't all have to talk about it before.

All i can do is put on a smile and tell HR chick about what a model employee i am and hope for the best. All i can ask from you is to send me your positive thoughts at 3:00 EST on Monday. Every little bit helps, eh?

Keep Pork Off Your Fork*

Hrm.

So.

I am still WAITING. Waiting, waiting, waiting........ I have not yet heard back from Prospective Manager about my essay which is FRANKLY DRIVING ME INSANE.

But it's ok. He is out of state for most of the week at another location, so i'm sure he's busy or whatever. Though he did say that he would email me about it. You know, as in, "Maybe, if i get a chance".

Fine! It's ok! Really! I've already gotten the phone call from HR for an "appointment" to "sit down" and "talk" about my "applying for the position" (do the air-quotes with me, people) on Monday. Which is, *awesome*! Wooo! But also means that i have to tell my supervisor before Friday afternoon that i am leaving him for another department.

A sexier, taller department that makes more money and drives a faster car.

I have two days to break the news and i am so not looking forward to it. I am so terribly non-confrontational that even for something that will be so much better for me, is not enough inspiration for me to leap into his office like a ballerina, scattering rose petals behind me with streamers in my hair, and tell him that i am LEAVING.

This should not be so surprising. Especially to the ex-boyfriends out there who may read this. YOU KNOW HOW I AM. I cannot break up with someone for the life of me, and usually keep it going for waaayy too long because i do not want to break up because that is mean (obviously-dur).

This here is nothing more than a professional break-up only with a deadline and i am creeping quickly to that deadline. I am wishing that i was the kind of person that could do this with the leaping and skipping and ribbons in the hair.

But i am not. And i'm currently making lists of things i should say when i sit down with him that do not include:
"FUCK YOU!!!!" or
"..because it totally sucks here" or
"i'll still be here in spirit" or
"if you'd like, i'll stay for a month or two to help out if you need me".

You know.

*Random 'web clip' in my gmail tool bar today. So catchy.

Butterflies.

It's so weird. I have butterflies in my stomach. I feel like about to go on a first date. Like a blind first date.

I just finished submitting my application and resume for the new job on the company intranet and now all i have to do is wait. I handed in my essay to Prospective New Manager and he's going to go over it and call me in the afternoon to talk about it. Human Resources knows that I'm an "interested party" (well, especially now that I've applied) and i have nothing more to do than wait.


Um. I'm not always good at waiting. Cause i get nervous. And excitable.


But there you go. It's out of my hands now. You know, until i have to tell my boss i am going to defect.

That will have to wait for another day.

Ahem... - UPDATED

So i started to write that thing. You know the thing? The thing for the job? Yeah. I started it last night and uh.. i have to say it is proving to be more challenging than i anticipated. "Challenging"... yeah.

That's a good word, right? Cause i like "challenges". Really, i do. But, uh... I'm starting to feel a little freaked. As if, perhaps, i was maybe wrong about being able to do this. And that maybe i am not quite so smart as i was pretending to be.

I have until Friday to have it finished and I'm wondering if that's actually enough time. I don't even know quite yet how long it has to be, but i tried making an outline (which, not for nothing, i haven't done in an awful long time and i know its necessary for something like this) and i even had trouble with THAT.

So i started on the first draft, figuring that i could come back and fill in the outline once i get in the groove. Maybe the ideas will come to me once i start actually typing something, you know? But then i got stuck in the first paragraph...

I am seriously freaking right now. And I'm not going to go to Prospective Manager and freak all over him, no of course not - that would be suicide. So I'm doing it here. For all of you. Welcome.

OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING OH GOD OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD. I CAN'T SERIOUSLY DO THIS FOR A LIVING WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CONSTRUCT A SENTENCE LET ALONE GET THOUGHTS ON PAPER HOLY FRICKING CHRIST WHAT AM I DOING OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD WHY DOES IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ARTICLE NOW? CAN IT SOUND LIKE AN ARTICLE? I DON'T KNOW!!!! BUT IT DOES AND MAYBE I SHOULD PUT SOME RANDOM HAPPY FACES IN THERE YEAH? NOO!!! STOP IT! AUUGGHHGGGGHHHH!!!

Ok, thank you.

*************************
Update - alrighty. I spoke to Potential New Manager and VERY CALMLY as if nothing was bothering me, asked a few simple questions about what i should be doing and i think i've got it all under control now. whooo! just needed to get a little stress out i guess. Sorry about the complete loss of my mind! Really! Everything is just fine now!