I'm gonna be so smart, you won't even know who i am.

I took off Monday and Tuesday so that i could try to enjoy the last fleeting days of summer. Maybe go to the beach, take a long drive out east, shop at a farm stand, eat an ice cream cone from the wrong end, whatever. Summer. It's almost over - especially now that i'm starting school up again next Tuesday which i'm really not happy about.

Needless to say, i did none of those things and wound up laying around all day Monday until yoga class in the evening where i felt like my arms were just going to fall off from the freaking strain of holding them up. (Do you know how hard it is to just hold your arms up for 5 minutes? It's freaking hard. Try it now - just hold your arms out to the side like you're an airplane. Well, actually wait until you finish scrolling to the end of my post. You'll get distracted and not want to finish.)

Tuesday i decided i needed to go up to school and check on my textbooks at the famous college bookstore. You know, to see how much it's going to cost me for learnin' this fall.

Ah, college.

On my first attempt at college life right after high school, i went to a major State University of New York school. A great, big, giant university that chews up fresh-faced freshman biology majors and spits them out at a pretty fast clip. You can almost watch the self-esteem fade from people's faces - kids who thought they were so damn smart, aced AP Bio in high school and thought they'd become a doctor or some such nonsense, only to be washed away in the tidal wave of pain and suffering that is the bio department. Mmmm... memories.

My first semester at this large, stony university (ahem) was definitely a trial for me. It was awful. In fact, it's not even worth talking about. But i was so excited that first week of school and i remember going to the campus bookstore to go get my books. I didn't have a credit card then, at 17 years old (and I rightly shouldn't have - i mean come on. I remember getting phone calls at home from credit card companies telling me that they have these "great new cards just for college students!" and i actually sputtered out "are you kidding me??? I work PART TIME. I'm IN COLLEGE. How the hell could i possibly pay for a CREDIT CARD?? With 22%APR?? DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN." I was a fiscally responsible teenager) and was going to be paying for my books by check. As in.. Real Money, like straight from my 17 year old self's bank account.

I collected my 3 biology books (text, work book AND study guide), math book, English book and whatever the hell else i had to grab and went to the check out.

I wish i could remember what the number was, but then you would all probably tell me that it was nothing compared to what you paid for textbooks, so maybe i'm better off not remembering. But it went something like this:

Cashier: That'll be $25,000.
Me: I'm sorry?
Cashier: $25,000, please. Cash or credit?
Me:.....
Cashier: Credit? Cash? Hello?
Me: RAPE!! RAAAAAAAPPPE!!!! HOLY OH MY HELL, RAPE!
Cashier: Security?

End scene.


Yesterday i was collecting textbook information on the 2 (TWOOO) classes i'm taking this semester. I walked proudly into the campus bookstore (obviously not a comfortable place for me to be in anymore), found my books and sat on the floor with them. I promptly wrote down all of my ISBNs, prices, editions (just in case) and took a mental picture of what the covers are supposed to look like. I got harrassed by the pimply campus bookstore clerk for writing down the numbers, but I barked back at him for even considering chiding me for purchasing my books elsewhere. And do you want to know why?

My two, three-credit classes require a melange (that's 5) of textbooks that would cost me $497 if i bought them new in the bookstore. That's three dollars shy of FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. For TWOOOO 100-level classes.

I bought them all online this morning and paid $194.16.

YOUUU can go fuck yourself, pimply campus bookstore clerk. Holy Chist on a cracker.

Um.

Hi there.

It's been a few months.... uh. I meant to call. But i've been, you know, kind of embarrassed. Cause it's been so long. And i didn't really know how to come back and be all, "hey!" as if nothing happened. So i've been sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to be all, "hey," and then i figured that i'd just come right out and say it.

Hey.

I'm back.

To be honest, life has been kind of sliding down the shit mountain and i've been quiet because i know no one wants to hear 300 words of complaining every time you come here, so i figured i'd keep it to myself. Believe me, I've been doing YOU a favor. Because i'm a nice girl like that.

So here, in list format, since you've been asking, is what has been going on round these parts for the past 3 months:

1. Cousin G is still getting married, i am still a bridesmaid and at this point i have spent upwards of $1300 so that she can get married.
2. People keep asking me when I'M going to get married without really understanding that not only can we not afford to get married, we totally can't afford an engagement ring.
3. The Boy has been a mess lately with a herniated disk that has left him, at times, incapacitated. Without health insurance, he is pretty much fucked.
4. I had to take this semester off from school because i am teh poor.
5. I got an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. 'Nuff said.
   
6. The Boy's 92 yr old grandmother fell in her house (and couldn't get up) and went from hospital to rehabilitation nursing center last week. Currently, this woman who had been so sarcastic and sharp is having a hard time keeping everything in her brain that was there last week.
7. My credit card debt is so high that my friends ask me how i sleep at night.
8. I have gone off the wagon with WeightWatchers and realize that i have probably gained back everything i had lost since last year.
9. Stepping in dog shit on Friday night made me cry.

TA-DA! Welcome to the Sunshine and Roses Webpage. Where everything is happy and bright until you step in an unsuspecting pile of dog-pie and you lose whatever semblance of control you had that was keeping you from sobbing into your low-fat chocolate milkshake.

And THAT, my friends, is why i have not been Sharon The Sharer these past couple of months.

I'm thinking i need to get this shit out somewhere, however, so i have a feeling i'll be back.

Well then.

So, uh.

Hi there.


You may be saying, "Jebus Christmas, woman. It's been a month and a half since we've heard from you. Where in the F have you been? And it better be good."

To which I would say, "Um... nowhere...?"

I've just been wiped off the face of the planet, it seems, for a month and a half and I really don't have anything to show for it. No, really. I've been working in my little cubicle in cubicle-land, day after day, without much entertainment. I don't know. Maybe I lost the inspiration to talk about the nothingness that has been my summer.

So, I’m sorry about that. For those of you who checked in with me to see if I was dead. I'm not. Now you know.

****************************

For newsworthiness, lets take a look at what kind of expenses I have coming up that I can't afford, not even with credit because I am poor in the sense of OHMYGOD where is all my money GOING??

• This past weekend, I had my school orientation. I'm starting up my bachelors (after graduating with my associates in December) and have done absolutely no research to try and get this shit moving before the semester starts the last week of August.

I am so screwed. I haven't registered for classes yet because I need to see a "Transfer Advisor" before being allowed to register. I haven't seen a Transfer Advisor, because I would need to go to the school during office hours and I haven't actually worked up the desire to try to get this all moving and take a day off of work and just DO IT already. I am so not excited about this and it kind of scares me. I can't really afford it, though I know I’ll just make it work somehow, as per usual. But if I could just register for a class on my own and get my ass in the classroom twice a week, I’ll be fine. Just let me do it on my own, I don't want to have to talk to someone within the bureaucracy that is a state-run university. It sucks, and everyone is mean and doesn't give a shit about how lost you are. You make phone calls and they'll transfer you all around campus because no one wants to deal with you, until you're on hold for 20 minutes and someone just hangs up. Goddamn them.

• I was asked to be a bridesmaid in Cousin G's wedding. Quite frankly, when she told me that she got engaged, I really didn't think I would be in the wedding party at all and I was actually really pissed off about it for awhile. When she started making wedding plans she wasn't giving me straight answers about the wedding party. I very staunchly assumed I was not going to be in it which I felt was a total slap in the face, because we had been such close friends, with the exception of the past 3 years or so.

Heh. I was wrong.

She was waiting to ask me when she figured out how many guy-friends her fiancé wanted in the party. So uh, yeah. I kind of felt like an ass, but now I am kicking myself for even wanting to be asked. It is so not worth it. How the hell was I supposed to know that I’m expected to PAY for things?? Why didn't anyone WARN ME?? Ugh... I have to go to lunch with the Maid of Honor and the two mothers on Sunday to work out the prices of the Bridal Shower. I am so unprepared for how much someone else's wedding is going to cost me.

• Also, I have not purchased an Engagement Present, which is apparently mandatory in the year 2007. Had no idea. What the fuck am I supposed to get her? Also, am like 3 months late on this. Help?

• BigDog had some trouble in June. She had been limping for awhile and we weren't quite sure what was wrong, so we took her to the vet. That was a joyous couple of hours, let me say. 113lbs of very strong, very scared dog had to be held down by 2 vet techs, the vet, TheBoy and myself while trying to feel around her joints to see where the injury is. There was a lot of screaming (BigDog), a lot of peeing (also BigDog), some blood (a vet tech who received a hard kick from BigDog and her long, sharp nails) and copious amounts of drool (also, mostly from BigDog).

It sucked. She's been on some anti-inflammatory and gloucosimine pills and has shown improvements. I'm hoping the pills will make it all better, because doggy-ACL ligament repair surgery is way out of my price range. I love her, but she needs to get a job that pays for health benefits, because pet insurance is a rip off. So says me.

These are just some of the fun things that have been going on in my world. Aren't you excited to get caught up? I know; it's enthralling, my life.

On the bright side, however, I may be getting to the beach this weekend and I think it's about time.
It's August, and I haven't been to the beach yet once this year.
And I live about 15 minutes from a really nice ocean beach.
There are no excuses, people.

Except the forecast calls for a chance of thunderstorms.

Dammit.

It's all so inconvenient.

Well, no news yet but the interviews both went pretty well. I have to say that the HR part could have been less uncomfortable had the HR chick not pointed out one of my work flaws to me and asked me to explain it.

I said i didn't like her, right? Yeah. That was not a casual statement. There be reasons, yo.

But things are moving along. I've been in touch with Prospective Manager (maybe a little too much - i think I'm starting to annoy him) and he seems very positive about the whole situation so i have let my breath out a bit. I just get to wait some more now.

Stupid waiting.

------------------

Otherwise, i went to a transfer day at school last week and sat down with an admissions counselor from my first-ish* choice 4-year school. I was easily and painlessly accepted and handed a "we are pleased to inform you" letter right there on the spot.

But now i have the head ache of trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for this. If I go to college part time, only 2 classes a semester... i am going to be paying oh.. around... $4,680. And that's strictly just for those 2 classes.

That does not include the fees: parking fee, administrative fee, university fee, technology fee, book fee, paper fee, bug spray fee, lawn fee, god-damn toilet paper fee, etc.

Going to a community college for my associates degree is probably the best thing i could have done. The point is to get all of the credits you will need to fulfill any bachelors degree for 1/2 the cost than doing it at a 4-year school. And it was. I was able to pay for all of those classes with my debit card and it was awesome. AWESOME.

And now I'm off to see the financial aid fairies and hope that they can help me. Because $780 PER CREDIT (multiply that by 6) is going to be really hard for me to just write a check for. Why? Because i am poor. Apparently.

Chances are however, that i am not poor enough to receive real financial aid. I think you need to be making $7.00 an hour or less to qualify for financial aid, and for once, i am sad that i make more than that. Who knew that day would come.

So next we go to the scholarship fairies to see if they would like to bestow any gifts upon me. I will probably qualify for something, but it will probably be something like $500 a semester for being such a super cool person. $500 will just about cover the textbooks and gas i will need to commute. That is not even 1/3 of one class.

That sucks. It sucks eggs, is what.

I'm off to fill out a FAFSA form and hope for the best.

Though that would be so much easier if i had my W2 on me... dammit.

*I still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. I still don't know where i want to go. This is only my first choice because i know it is a good school and that it is not more than an hour away. If i actually had a career goal, this would be easier for me.