I'm gonna be so smart, you won't even know who i am.

I took off Monday and Tuesday so that i could try to enjoy the last fleeting days of summer. Maybe go to the beach, take a long drive out east, shop at a farm stand, eat an ice cream cone from the wrong end, whatever. Summer. It's almost over - especially now that i'm starting school up again next Tuesday which i'm really not happy about.

Needless to say, i did none of those things and wound up laying around all day Monday until yoga class in the evening where i felt like my arms were just going to fall off from the freaking strain of holding them up. (Do you know how hard it is to just hold your arms up for 5 minutes? It's freaking hard. Try it now - just hold your arms out to the side like you're an airplane. Well, actually wait until you finish scrolling to the end of my post. You'll get distracted and not want to finish.)

Tuesday i decided i needed to go up to school and check on my textbooks at the famous college bookstore. You know, to see how much it's going to cost me for learnin' this fall.

Ah, college.

On my first attempt at college life right after high school, i went to a major State University of New York school. A great, big, giant university that chews up fresh-faced freshman biology majors and spits them out at a pretty fast clip. You can almost watch the self-esteem fade from people's faces - kids who thought they were so damn smart, aced AP Bio in high school and thought they'd become a doctor or some such nonsense, only to be washed away in the tidal wave of pain and suffering that is the bio department. Mmmm... memories.

My first semester at this large, stony university (ahem) was definitely a trial for me. It was awful. In fact, it's not even worth talking about. But i was so excited that first week of school and i remember going to the campus bookstore to go get my books. I didn't have a credit card then, at 17 years old (and I rightly shouldn't have - i mean come on. I remember getting phone calls at home from credit card companies telling me that they have these "great new cards just for college students!" and i actually sputtered out "are you kidding me??? I work PART TIME. I'm IN COLLEGE. How the hell could i possibly pay for a CREDIT CARD?? With 22%APR?? DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN." I was a fiscally responsible teenager) and was going to be paying for my books by check. As in.. Real Money, like straight from my 17 year old self's bank account.

I collected my 3 biology books (text, work book AND study guide), math book, English book and whatever the hell else i had to grab and went to the check out.

I wish i could remember what the number was, but then you would all probably tell me that it was nothing compared to what you paid for textbooks, so maybe i'm better off not remembering. But it went something like this:

Cashier: That'll be $25,000.
Me: I'm sorry?
Cashier: $25,000, please. Cash or credit?
Me:.....
Cashier: Credit? Cash? Hello?
Me: RAPE!! RAAAAAAAPPPE!!!! HOLY OH MY HELL, RAPE!
Cashier: Security?

End scene.


Yesterday i was collecting textbook information on the 2 (TWOOO) classes i'm taking this semester. I walked proudly into the campus bookstore (obviously not a comfortable place for me to be in anymore), found my books and sat on the floor with them. I promptly wrote down all of my ISBNs, prices, editions (just in case) and took a mental picture of what the covers are supposed to look like. I got harrassed by the pimply campus bookstore clerk for writing down the numbers, but I barked back at him for even considering chiding me for purchasing my books elsewhere. And do you want to know why?

My two, three-credit classes require a melange (that's 5) of textbooks that would cost me $497 if i bought them new in the bookstore. That's three dollars shy of FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. For TWOOOO 100-level classes.

I bought them all online this morning and paid $194.16.

YOUUU can go fuck yourself, pimply campus bookstore clerk. Holy Chist on a cracker.

Yeah, we're talking about the weather. Stimulating, no?

Can i just say that it's too late into spring for me to be freezing at night?

It's MAY. MAY 21st!

I let the heating oil run out this month because i was (really / mostly / almost) positive that heat wasn't going to be necessary until September. It's May! MAY. No more with the cold! Yay!

But no. Last night was something like 40 degrees and it was about 55 in the house. No heat. Socks and flannel pajamas under the down comforter and a very awkward time this morning trying to get in and out of the shower without actually being NAKED for more than 20 seconds. I thought i was done with this.

Obviously, this was a really stupid move on my part, but my excuse (and it's a good one) is that heating oil is just so expensive right now, i thought i was being financially WISE to wait until the price went down (as if that's going to happen) and deal with the consequences in the meantime. Unfortunately, i was too stupid to realize that there would be nights in May where you could see your breath.

I never, ever thought i would be impatiently waiting for summer - because i hate the heat - but today? I'm sick of wearing turtlenecks and sweaters to work. In May. It just doesn't make sense.

Um.

Hi there.

It's been a few months.... uh. I meant to call. But i've been, you know, kind of embarrassed. Cause it's been so long. And i didn't really know how to come back and be all, "hey!" as if nothing happened. So i've been sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to be all, "hey," and then i figured that i'd just come right out and say it.

Hey.

I'm back.

To be honest, life has been kind of sliding down the shit mountain and i've been quiet because i know no one wants to hear 300 words of complaining every time you come here, so i figured i'd keep it to myself. Believe me, I've been doing YOU a favor. Because i'm a nice girl like that.

So here, in list format, since you've been asking, is what has been going on round these parts for the past 3 months:

1. Cousin G is still getting married, i am still a bridesmaid and at this point i have spent upwards of $1300 so that she can get married.
2. People keep asking me when I'M going to get married without really understanding that not only can we not afford to get married, we totally can't afford an engagement ring.
3. The Boy has been a mess lately with a herniated disk that has left him, at times, incapacitated. Without health insurance, he is pretty much fucked.
4. I had to take this semester off from school because i am teh poor.
5. I got an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. 'Nuff said.
   
6. The Boy's 92 yr old grandmother fell in her house (and couldn't get up) and went from hospital to rehabilitation nursing center last week. Currently, this woman who had been so sarcastic and sharp is having a hard time keeping everything in her brain that was there last week.
7. My credit card debt is so high that my friends ask me how i sleep at night.
8. I have gone off the wagon with WeightWatchers and realize that i have probably gained back everything i had lost since last year.
9. Stepping in dog shit on Friday night made me cry.

TA-DA! Welcome to the Sunshine and Roses Webpage. Where everything is happy and bright until you step in an unsuspecting pile of dog-pie and you lose whatever semblance of control you had that was keeping you from sobbing into your low-fat chocolate milkshake.

And THAT, my friends, is why i have not been Sharon The Sharer these past couple of months.

I'm thinking i need to get this shit out somewhere, however, so i have a feeling i'll be back.

2007 Year End Meme!

Happy New Year, y'all. It's time for our Year in Review meme, courtesy of Linda, and this year i predict the answers will be less jovial than the ones from 2006. Just a hunch, but here we go.


1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Sincerely enjoy going to work. There are other people in my department that are sick of the company bullshit, but compared to my old department, i am in heaven.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolution is always the same. Lose weight. It's depressing, but it's always there. I did lose about 10 lbs these past few months, but that is not nearly as awesome as the amount i gained earlier this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great aunt passed away. Sadly, i hadn't seen her for close to 10 years before the funeral so it was sad in a somewhat distant way.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just a few areas of my own country... and by "a few" i mean Boston and Maine. I'm really getting wild in my old age.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Will power, expendable income, patience, expendable income, a kitchen floor you could eat off of.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 5th. The day TheBoy quit his job and i was the breadwinner for 2 months or so. That was a scary day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting transferred to my new job. Best move ever. Also getting contact lenses, though that would probably be less of an achievement for other people who do not have squeamish issues regarding eyeballs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Clearing up any of my credit card debt. I'm drowning here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily. Unless you count my Christmas night experience. But probably not.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This awesome t-shirt for the boy for xmas. He is, afterall, Master of the Panflute. "Sold more records than Elvis".

btw: I would like to point out how little there is on the innernets about Zamfir and his late-night record-whoring infomercials from the 80's. This saddens me. I wanted to find one on You-Tube and share with you since you, no doubt, have no idea why this is funny. You'll just have to trust me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine? How bout mine. See question #7. I was a good partner in that mess and i'm not afraid to take some credit there.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A friend of mine made some unarguably bad decisions all year long and no matter how much she asked for advice, she always did exactly what she wanted to anyway. I really hope she smartens up this year because i can't take the drama anymore. DRAMA. Woo.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Credit card bills, mortgage, food, and anything else you can spend money on and not have anything tangible to show for it. Isn't that frustrating?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Interviewing for my new job. It's really pretty annoying to read about, after the fact. Probably as annoying as it was at the time. Sorry, there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

The Regina Spektor song - Fidelity. Another album I was crazy over and listened to NON-STOP. I really know how to make myself sick of something.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Sadder, fatter, and poorer. How bleak is this post? Damn. I'm depressing myself.
Sadder is probably not the right word. Worried is probably more accurate. But i've definitely gained weight since last year and i am in so much debt right now i am screaming inside. I mean, it's a wonder i can sleep at night.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, save more money, get out of the house more and enjoy the outside world. But you know, without the money-spendingness. Oh, and also blogging. I suck at doing this on a regular basis. Suck.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Starting each post with an apology for not writing more. I mean, that's annoying and i wish i had noticed it sooner.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. The group was pretty small this year, but was mostly ok. Oh, then i spent the night hugging the toilet. Yay.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Um, no. With nothing new i can think of, at least. Though, i can tell you that i can no longer imagine a life without my beloved XMRadio since i killed my car CD player this summer. No, I have not repaired it and just got an iPod car-adapter thingy. I now can say that i will live without the CD player, which was not something i thought would be possible just a few months ago. I will survive.

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I love The Office. If i could live in The Office, i would. And i would be Pam and Jim would love ME.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

25. What was the best book you read?

You know what? I'm not going to lie here and pretend that i actually read a prize-winning best-seller. I have been reading crap all year. I think the most enjoyment i got was out of a few Janet Evanovich novels in the Stephanie Plum series. They're quick-reads and they're fun. There. Oh, i also read a David Sedaris - Naked (that's the title, i was not reading it naked, at least not usually)- that I really liked.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Muse. I know they've been out there for years, but hey, they're pretty good and i live in my closet. Check out Hysteria. Catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A new iPod Nano. The little one. My first iPod. Yay. Happy Birthday to me.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

*crickets*

I really have no recollection of seeing a single movie this year. I know it's not possible, but i can't think of any...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27 this year and on my birthday i went to a bar with a mess of my co-workers which was a lot of fun. I waited there for TheBoy to return home from a Boston business trip and we went home together. Was nice.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me. Have i mentioned this? Does it make you want to send me money?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

I don't actually have a personal fashion concept. Is that rare? Am i alone here? Business casual, still. I wear nice pants and usually a turtleneck to work just about every day in the winter. Sometimes i'll change it up with a v-neck sweater. You know, for the sexy.

33. What kept you sane?

Child-free weekends. It may sound harsh, but it's true.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Last year this was an easy question for me. The truth is i haven't really been paying much attention this year. Seeing his face on the teevee just tends to make me angry and i turn it off. This makes me very close-minded and uninformed. I'm curious to see where the primaries take us, but until then, i barely know enough about the candidates (or assumed candidates) to take an educated interest in one particular person. Will do better here.

36. Who did you miss?

Some of my friends who have been scattered around the country. They haven't been around for a bunch of years, but i've been missing a select few of them a lot lately.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

A co-worker friend. It looks like she's going to be moving soon, but she was a good lunch-buddy this year.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

That it is possible to live on just my measly salary if it is necessary. And that maybe change is for the better if it means your partner is not slowly stressing himself into a premature and unnecessary heart attack.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Alright then. There you go. I apologize for not being able to fix the wonky formatting on this list - but i don't care enough to keep trying.

Mmm... buffalo chicken...

I'm still working on the contacts thing. It's all gotten much easier, but that doesn't mean that i've mastered the process yet. It was very hard at the beginning. In fact, while at my eye doctor's training lesson, i was positive that i would have to wear them forever because i could not get them out. COULD NOT. It took me at least 45 minutes to get the damn things out. I nearly broke down in tears because it was so frustrating. But, you know, these things take time. Since i've starting wearing them, my left eye has not been happy and i wonder if i'm wearing the wrong prescription. Which totally sucks cause now i'll have to go back to the eye doctor. Bah.



But in other news, i'll be heading up to Boston this weekend for 'fancy corporate dinner thing' for TheBoy's job. Which means i have to wear 'fancy-ish cocktail dress' which is something i totally don' t own. I don't go to fancy cocktail parties and therefore have never properly prepared for one. I do have a very nice dress from Ann Taylor* that i wore on the cruise last year and am hoping that it's going to cut the mustard because there is no way that i can afford to go buy something new right now considering the awful lack of spare cash i have not flying around in my bank account. There are, instead, moths.

Before i even went to try on last year's dress, i knew there were going to be some problems. I was, at least one size smaller last year because i had been on WeightWatchers for most of the year leading up to the cruise. After the cruise, i gained back everything i had lost (and then some) and had since then been trying to find my discipline and will power amongst the cookies that have been finding their way into the house a little too regularly.

I joined again. 3 weeks ago. So far, i have only lost 4.6 lbs which is kind of 'meh', but i know i should feel all 'woooo!' and 'go me!!'. But in reality, 4.6 lbs does not help me fit into a dress that i wore last November. It does not even give me the "I lost 5 lbs!" star-shaped sticker from the nice ladies at the WW center.

I want my damn sticker.

And yet for lunch today, i had Buffalo Chicken pizza. Because i love buffalo chicken so and i cannot live without it. At least i didn't have the bleu cheese. And it was grilled chicken. I am not a monster.

I will undoubtedly be squeezing into my Ann Taylor dress on Saturday night anyway and let it crush my ribcage, happily, because i know one thing that will keep me strong with or without breathing.

There will be an open bar. Oh yes, there will.

And it will be good.



*Loft. It's from Ann Taylor Loft. Do you think i can afford a real dress from Ann Taylor? I scoff at you.

Only 3 days until payday...

But until then....



WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HAPPY BOUNCING CHECK DAY!!!!!!!!!!


LOOK AT THEM ALL GO!!!!! BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!









This f-ing sucks.

Something smells like... is that sewage?

I feel like it's about time i got back on the diet wagon. It's been awhile since i've been off, and i think that it probably shows... a little too easily. Yeah.

Since this last dieting post here, i've maybe not followed my own advice and of course, gained back all of the weight i lost the last time i was on Weight Watchers. Evil, evil Weight Watchers... Apparently, i can't help myself from eating all the donuts without thinking about points, or at least looking like i eat whole boxes of donuts. Which i don't by the way. Just to clarify.

So! New plan! This time, i have to get myself together because Cousin G is getting MARRIED. Holy crap, married. They've been dating for like 2 years less than TheBoy and I have been (HELLOOO - save up your stupid money - we're on FOUR YEARS NOW*) and I can't believe it because for my entire life, i thought i would be first to walk down the aisle. And quite frankly, i think she thought so, too.

But alas, just a bridesmaid for now, so i should probably do my duty and at least look half-way decent in the bridesmaid gown. I owe that to her, right? Maybe look better than the bride? Outshine? No?

I kid. Obviously. That would be awful and obnoxious of me and i'm just not that kind of girl. P'shaw. Though, that seems to be the kind of toxic relationship she and i have had for the past 4 years or so, so i don't know if it would be totally out of the question.

But no! I'm not going to be like that, of course! I just want to look nice in a strapless gown, because - i've never ever worn anythign strapless and it kind of scares the crap out of me.

Maybe there's a girl out there that still reads here that will understand. Gah, strapless. Oh, wait, here - let me find a picture of the dress.. it's really not that bad:




















Pretty, right? I mean, for a bridesmaid dress and all. Though the color of the dress will be a dark chocolate brown with the sash being the champagne color of the dress pictured here.

I can guarantee that i will not look as snotty as this model. Nor, as thin. But whatever. She just looks frighteningly pissed off to be at whatever stupid wedding she's in, you know? Like the cesspool backed up in the reception hall or something. Or maybe the groom is her ex-boyfriend and she was asked to be in the wedding party because they KNEW she was going to crash ANYWAY and i mean, she DID give this guy one of her kidneys, so they at least OWED her this. ...Though, she also kind of looks like she gave up a couple of ribs to fit in this dress.

SHE GAVE HIM HER RIBS.

Whatever. It's a nice dress.

And i have to look like her by April 19th.

There.

*TheBoy knows the deal here. If only those things weren't so darn expensive, we'd have been engaged a couple of years ago. Mostly because he's wanted it. Stupid money.

Well then.

So, uh.

Hi there.


You may be saying, "Jebus Christmas, woman. It's been a month and a half since we've heard from you. Where in the F have you been? And it better be good."

To which I would say, "Um... nowhere...?"

I've just been wiped off the face of the planet, it seems, for a month and a half and I really don't have anything to show for it. No, really. I've been working in my little cubicle in cubicle-land, day after day, without much entertainment. I don't know. Maybe I lost the inspiration to talk about the nothingness that has been my summer.

So, I’m sorry about that. For those of you who checked in with me to see if I was dead. I'm not. Now you know.

****************************

For newsworthiness, lets take a look at what kind of expenses I have coming up that I can't afford, not even with credit because I am poor in the sense of OHMYGOD where is all my money GOING??

• This past weekend, I had my school orientation. I'm starting up my bachelors (after graduating with my associates in December) and have done absolutely no research to try and get this shit moving before the semester starts the last week of August.

I am so screwed. I haven't registered for classes yet because I need to see a "Transfer Advisor" before being allowed to register. I haven't seen a Transfer Advisor, because I would need to go to the school during office hours and I haven't actually worked up the desire to try to get this all moving and take a day off of work and just DO IT already. I am so not excited about this and it kind of scares me. I can't really afford it, though I know I’ll just make it work somehow, as per usual. But if I could just register for a class on my own and get my ass in the classroom twice a week, I’ll be fine. Just let me do it on my own, I don't want to have to talk to someone within the bureaucracy that is a state-run university. It sucks, and everyone is mean and doesn't give a shit about how lost you are. You make phone calls and they'll transfer you all around campus because no one wants to deal with you, until you're on hold for 20 minutes and someone just hangs up. Goddamn them.

• I was asked to be a bridesmaid in Cousin G's wedding. Quite frankly, when she told me that she got engaged, I really didn't think I would be in the wedding party at all and I was actually really pissed off about it for awhile. When she started making wedding plans she wasn't giving me straight answers about the wedding party. I very staunchly assumed I was not going to be in it which I felt was a total slap in the face, because we had been such close friends, with the exception of the past 3 years or so.

Heh. I was wrong.

She was waiting to ask me when she figured out how many guy-friends her fiancé wanted in the party. So uh, yeah. I kind of felt like an ass, but now I am kicking myself for even wanting to be asked. It is so not worth it. How the hell was I supposed to know that I’m expected to PAY for things?? Why didn't anyone WARN ME?? Ugh... I have to go to lunch with the Maid of Honor and the two mothers on Sunday to work out the prices of the Bridal Shower. I am so unprepared for how much someone else's wedding is going to cost me.

• Also, I have not purchased an Engagement Present, which is apparently mandatory in the year 2007. Had no idea. What the fuck am I supposed to get her? Also, am like 3 months late on this. Help?

• BigDog had some trouble in June. She had been limping for awhile and we weren't quite sure what was wrong, so we took her to the vet. That was a joyous couple of hours, let me say. 113lbs of very strong, very scared dog had to be held down by 2 vet techs, the vet, TheBoy and myself while trying to feel around her joints to see where the injury is. There was a lot of screaming (BigDog), a lot of peeing (also BigDog), some blood (a vet tech who received a hard kick from BigDog and her long, sharp nails) and copious amounts of drool (also, mostly from BigDog).

It sucked. She's been on some anti-inflammatory and gloucosimine pills and has shown improvements. I'm hoping the pills will make it all better, because doggy-ACL ligament repair surgery is way out of my price range. I love her, but she needs to get a job that pays for health benefits, because pet insurance is a rip off. So says me.

These are just some of the fun things that have been going on in my world. Aren't you excited to get caught up? I know; it's enthralling, my life.

On the bright side, however, I may be getting to the beach this weekend and I think it's about time.
It's August, and I haven't been to the beach yet once this year.
And I live about 15 minutes from a really nice ocean beach.
There are no excuses, people.

Except the forecast calls for a chance of thunderstorms.

Dammit.

It's all so inconvenient.

Well, no news yet but the interviews both went pretty well. I have to say that the HR part could have been less uncomfortable had the HR chick not pointed out one of my work flaws to me and asked me to explain it.

I said i didn't like her, right? Yeah. That was not a casual statement. There be reasons, yo.

But things are moving along. I've been in touch with Prospective Manager (maybe a little too much - i think I'm starting to annoy him) and he seems very positive about the whole situation so i have let my breath out a bit. I just get to wait some more now.

Stupid waiting.

------------------

Otherwise, i went to a transfer day at school last week and sat down with an admissions counselor from my first-ish* choice 4-year school. I was easily and painlessly accepted and handed a "we are pleased to inform you" letter right there on the spot.

But now i have the head ache of trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for this. If I go to college part time, only 2 classes a semester... i am going to be paying oh.. around... $4,680. And that's strictly just for those 2 classes.

That does not include the fees: parking fee, administrative fee, university fee, technology fee, book fee, paper fee, bug spray fee, lawn fee, god-damn toilet paper fee, etc.

Going to a community college for my associates degree is probably the best thing i could have done. The point is to get all of the credits you will need to fulfill any bachelors degree for 1/2 the cost than doing it at a 4-year school. And it was. I was able to pay for all of those classes with my debit card and it was awesome. AWESOME.

And now I'm off to see the financial aid fairies and hope that they can help me. Because $780 PER CREDIT (multiply that by 6) is going to be really hard for me to just write a check for. Why? Because i am poor. Apparently.

Chances are however, that i am not poor enough to receive real financial aid. I think you need to be making $7.00 an hour or less to qualify for financial aid, and for once, i am sad that i make more than that. Who knew that day would come.

So next we go to the scholarship fairies to see if they would like to bestow any gifts upon me. I will probably qualify for something, but it will probably be something like $500 a semester for being such a super cool person. $500 will just about cover the textbooks and gas i will need to commute. That is not even 1/3 of one class.

That sucks. It sucks eggs, is what.

I'm off to fill out a FAFSA form and hope for the best.

Though that would be so much easier if i had my W2 on me... dammit.

*I still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. I still don't know where i want to go. This is only my first choice because i know it is a good school and that it is not more than an hour away. If i actually had a career goal, this would be easier for me.

Can you tell i'm stalling?

Today's the day.

I have to tell him today.

But first!
I was just reminded of something to help you to better understand just how non-confrontational i am.

{{{Wayne's World wavy screen flashback transition}}}

I think it was 2001? Probably about 6 years ago, i guess. Imagine that song "It's Been Awhile" by Staind is playing on the radio. I'm pretty sure that song was always playing on the radio that year on at least 3 stations at any given moment. And it's a damn shitty song.

I was getting sick of how my stupid bank worked, what with its "holding periods" and "no online banking" and "nasty, indignant tellers" and decided that i wanted a change and opened up an account at a local credit union. One with all kinds of online banking and nicer people with less attitude and they also were better about not telling me that i couldn't access my money when i wanted it (which really sucks by the way when you are super-poor like me and are maybe making minimum wage, or at least very close to it).

So i opened an account and dropped most of my money in it and all was good. I could look at my money move all day long online and that was so exciting for me, you have no idea. Hey. Sometimes its the simple things that make me happy.

But there was still one thing i had left to do.

I had to quit the bank.*

Every week i said to myself, 'Self? Today is the day we quit the bank'. And then i wouldn't go anywhere near the bank and I'd be all , 'Feh! I was so busy, i didn't have time to quit the bank today!'

And there the account laid open. Open and on the brink of emptiness.

To quit the bank, you have to talk to someone at the bank. You have to tell them that you don't want to be in their bank anymore and that you're leaving their bank. You're breaking up with the bank. And i think by now you know how i feel about that kind of conversation.

Not good. In case you were wondering, it's not good.

Once a month, i would receive my statement and every month, there would be a couple of dollars less in the bank than there was the month before. The account was starting to eat away at itself from starvation and neglect. It would only eat a dollar or two a month, but pretty soon i knew there would be nothing left.

Years went by. I never did quit the bank. Eventually there was only about $12.00 in the bank and they finally sent me a letter telling me they were closing the account due to inactivity. And i said "YES! I don't have to quit the bank! They did it for me."

And that is the story of a girl who is so non-confrontational that she couldn't even close a bank account.


It's probably also because of sheer laziness. But feh. That does not fit the theme of the story.




*I don't know if anyone else would pick this up, but that is a Friends reference. My closet addiction to Friends goes deep. And i would in fact go around saying this; I'm not making up that phrase for your amusement. Because it is not so amusing.

Fun with Banking.

Tonight The Boy and i went shopping for new clothes to get him ready to start his new job on Wednesday. It was like school shopping and we probably got about as much stuff as a kid would get for his first day of school, only this was all about khakis and button-downs so that Boy can look like a grown-up. It can be hard for someone who's been used to wearing jeans and t-shirts for most of his professional life to actually have to look like a productive member of society, but we got it done. Lucky for us, Kohls tends to sort of give their stock away, so we were able to buy a crap-load of stuff for not too much money.

However, not "too much money" to most people (including us, when we had two paychecks) turned into a bit of a bank account burner and now I've got to sit and stare at my online bank account until i get paid on the 15th to hope and pray that no other checks clear before then. Please, oh please... don't let anything else go away..... please, oh gods of the automatic bill deduction system...

Audiophilia and Regrets be damned.

Congratulations to TheBoy for landing a job. He's been interviewing with this company for about 4 weeks now, and he got the phone call this evening. It looks like he starts on Monday and we couldn't be happier. Especially since last Friday I decided that i couldn't stand it anymore and we went out for drinks and dinner at a restaurant that is not exactly "cheap". I wanted a beer, dammit. Some overpriced, micro-brewed beer.

While i could have easily stopped at one pint, I had a second, and felt guilty about it all weekend.

Well, no more! Now i can buy as much over-priced beer as i want.

Sort of.

I mean, now that i know that we're not going to starve to death and then have our malnourished bodies eaten by the dogs, we can relax a little. But that doesn't mean that some of us can go back to their less-than-frugal lifestyle and continue to purchase crap that they don't need nor will ever use just for the sake of buying it. And guess what?

I actually don't mean me.

Ha! I know! I'm the woman! It should be me who goes shopping for fun and as a means for stress-release. But in our case, it's just not me. In fact, i usually feel an over-whelming sense of guilt when shopping and wind up not buying anything. Even those pants that look really good on me. Do you know how hard it is to buy pants that fit? It's really, really hard. But i put them back. Know why? The Guilt.

The Guilt runs deep from childhood and i know its some kind of parental programming from watching my mother struggle with the bills when i was a kid. She had a keen handle on The Guilt, but claims she didn't mean to pass that kind of psychosis onto her children. I guess kids pay attention to more than we may think.

TheBoy, however, is not in tune to The Guilt and has amassed, over many years, a vast music collection that is truly enviable to anyone else who may consider themselves an "audiophile". The collection takes up an entire room of the house. I mean, it's not like you can't step into the room, it just lines the walls of an entire room. Like up to the ceilings.

While this was impressive when we first met, it is not quite so impressive now that i am living with it. (Especially since he's kind of anal about his cds. He doesn't know that i borrow them. I'm not really encouraged to take them out of the house. He says i'm not responsible with my cds and can't really be trusted with his. This may be true. But I chose not to listen).

The cd collection has become ungainly, as his live on bookshelves which waste a lot of space. Considering that most people with this amount usually store them in special file cabinets to use space more wisely which are HUGELY expensive pieces of furniture. Perhaps i should mention that there are over 18,000 of them.

The cds are taking over, is what i'm saying.

Aside from the space they take up, there is a certain cost associated with keeping up any collection. Especially when the collector does not have The Guilt.

Luckily, i think that this 2 month uh, sabbatical, from a paycheck will be inspiration enough to curb the shopping habit he has and will force him to take a deeper, longer look at what he spends.

Or perhaps give me more balls to tell him to cut that shit out until we can actually afford to spend money for no reason.

These are all things we can look forward to. Until then, new job! Monday! Wheeeee!!!

And, last week's post about regretting inviting people to this page? I think i'm just going to ignore those tugging regrets for just a little while. (Apparently).

If my balance was better, i would be a great stewardess.

I've always wanted to be the type of person that could pack up and fly somewhere far away on a whim. I'm not talking about the fancy-dancy socialite jet-setters that you see falling down in front of clubs in US Weekly or anything. I'm not looking to fly to a party in LA on Friday night and then to a gallery opening in Chicago for Saturday. I just want to be able to get on a plane on Friday night and be in Florida in 2 1/2 hours or something. Spend the night and all of Saturday on the beach and then fly back home on Saturday night in time to get a good nights sleep and clean my house on Sunday. Whatever. This isn't asking for too much, is it?

Granted, right now, it's hard to even dream about going out to dinner at an Applebees on a Friday night, but soon the financial nightmare will be over and we'll have a normal income again. Sadly, a normal income doesn't seem to have room in the budget for weekends in San Francisco or a day-trip to Washington DC to visit the Smithsonian. Or at least i don't think.

I love to travel; there's nothing i would rather do with my hard-earned, minimum-wage* paycheck than book a trip to Europe for a week. But lets be realistic. Unless you work in the airline industry (like someone i know), it just doesn't work like that.

Or, of course, if you're a fancy-dancy socialite jet-setter.

I am neither. So i watch tv and make pot roast on the weekend.

God, what a raw deal.

On the Teevee, I've been seeing a commercial for Southwest airlines flying out of Long Island to a bunch of cities for $99 or less, one-way. Chicago is $39 and Washington/Baltimore is $29. It's not exactly Paris, but you know. I've never been to Chicago and the last (and only time) i was in Washington was a blur of a class trip that resulted in the hotel we stayed in students from my school being banned from ever staying there, ever, ever again. I guess it was kind of fun, but you know. Blurry. And i don't think i ever told mom about what happened to that 5th floor window they talked about in the letter sent home to the parents. Ah, well.

This morning i looked up the deal and apparently they want you to book before February 22nd, and travel before May 10th. How awesome would it be to fly to Chicago on Saturday morning for a slice of authentic Chicago-style pizza and fly home the same night in time for Law & Order?

It would be fun, dammit. Lots of fun.




*Ok. It's not that bad - but close enough.

Maybe this means we'll move soon.

Thanks for the recipes last week - in the comments and via email. I even tried one from DaNator on Friday night and damn, was it good. Thanks, Nator! Was lovely.

This weekend, was Da Nator's Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, some Arroz con Pollo, and a pot roast in my new Crock Pot. I feel like some kind of domestic person now. It's very weird. The best part of cooking is drinking the wine that the recipe calls for. You know, a little for the stew, a little for you.

I guess whatever gets you through it.

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TheBoy has been interviewing pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks, which is just great. It has been a long couple of weeks without a second paycheck and I'm starting to wonder which credit card company is going to have to wait or which Dunkin' Donuts needs a night-time doughnut-maker. I think I'd look pretty good in the little paper cap, you know?

Trouble with the interviewing is that the two jobs that sound really worthwhile of the bunch, are about an hour's drive each way. That sucks.

They're also both a pay-cut from his last job. That sucks more.

This calls for expert decision making and pro/con list making and 100k-mile car maintenance appointment making.

We won't know anything until the end of the week on either job, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It's a hell of a lot better to have many choices than none at all.

Cross your fingers with me, will ya?

Superbowl and meatballs.

Nothing has changed at home and I'm still plodding along trying to stretch every dollar still in the bank account. It really sucks when you figure out that you weren't doing too badly all along, as far as income goes, and realize that you wasted a lot of money on absolutely nothing at all while the money was coming in regularly. I have nothing to show for all of the money that we threw away. That is so disappointing.

One way i'm trying to save money is by cooking a lot more often.. like every night. Which was never something I've been really inclined to do. It's not that i don't like to cook, I do. It just stresses me out a little. Planning a meal and then making sure i have all the ingredients and realizing that i don't and going food shopping almost every single night before i go home to cook is really annoying and always makes me wonder if i'm saving any money at all. I guess in the long run I am because i'm collecting ingredients but It's just so hard to tell.

And then getting home around 7:00 and making sure the meat is defrosted and trying to cook so that everything times out right and is done around the same time and I get myself stressed out over nothing, hoping above all hope that the chicken is GOOD. But TheBoy doesn't care. He very rarely tells me that something i've made is disgusting, when i know damn well that it is. I just want to be SUCH A GOOD COOK! I come from a long line of really good cooks and i need to inherit the trait from all of the Italian grandmothers in my family because I'M ITALIAN! Italians need to be good cooks or else they've failed their culture and their family.
Or so it feels.

Hey, do you guys have any easy, weeknight recipes you'd be willing to share? I'm finding that my chicken-cutlet, hamburger, meatloaf, chicken-cutlet repertoire is getting a little monotonous. I don't want to have to spend more than an hour on anything that I'm making after work and would like not to have to buy a whole basket-full of ingredients every time i cook something. Do you have anything simple? I would love to hear from you! My sanity will thank you.

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In other news, TheBoy and I have this weekend to ourselves which is always such a blessing. We normally have his kids 3 out of 4 weekends per month. This kind of arrangement, while great for the kids' parents, (their mom gets to have her weekends to herself and her fiance' and go out on Saturday nights while dad gets to see his kids as often as possible) is absolute torture on me for painfully obvious reasons. 3 out of 4 weekends a month.

But this weekend is just us! We can go out Saturday night! We can walk around the house in our underwear! Naked, even! Such luxuries! Such simple, cost-effective pleasures...

Ugh.. who am i kidding? We'll just stay home all weekend and i'll watch all of season 6 of the Gilmore Girls in my pajamas. Cause i love them and have no life.