"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Monday, October 29, 2007

If i was going to be a doctor, i would probably choose Proctology over Opthamology. Like for reals.

E-mail from this morning to The Boss:

From: Claire
Sent: Monday, October 29, 2007 9:52 AM
To: The Boss
Subject: Tuesday - will be late

Just a reminder –

Will be late on Tuesday morning. Have eye-doctor appointment @ 9am. Shouldn't be in later than 10:00.

Though, if I am later than 10am, it is because I am spastic and am possibly getting my new contacts stuck in my hair / on floor / folded in half, scratching my cornea.

Just so you know.

Tomorrow! I will finally be amongst the people who have decided that it is no trouble sticking their own fingers in their eyes. I am excited. Especially since this is a big step for me. This is something that i should have done years ago, but i didn't realize that contact lenses were covered by my health insurance.

Um. That is totally a cover story. The health insurance thing. I've actually known for years. The truth is i am totally afraid of sticking something in my eye. You know, wearing glasses since the 9th grade and all would probably get old to most normal people. But not me. Me of the squeamish. I mean, really.

I hate all things relating to eyes. It just freaks me out. The glaucoma test at the eye doctor? Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. I never sit still for the puff of air. I always sit there and they tell me to hold still with your face in the plastic chin-rest thing and then at the last second i pull away. Or blink. Or scream.

Now, they put these nasty drops in your eyes and have that blue light deal that they look through to see if there's any glaucoma stuff.

What i didn't realize, until my doctor told me because i kept pulling away - like a 5 year old, was that those nasty drops? They numb your eyeball. Like, totally numb it. You know why?

So they can stick that blue light thing on your eye while he looks though it. THEY STICK IT ON YOUR EYE. LIKE TOUCHING IT. ON YOUR EYE. The drops make it so that you don't feel it. Isn't that nice?

I was nauseous for about an hour after that. I sort of wish he hadn't told me.

Others have suggested i try the Lasik surgery. HAHAHAHA!! Yeah right, guys. If i can't handle a glaucoma test, i certainly can't handle having those creepy horror-movie clamps holding my eyelids open with LASERS pointed at my retinas for "probably 5 minutes". That's so not going to happen. And there's a chance my eyesight may get worse? Yeah, no thanks. I'll wait until the procedure is PERFECT, thank you very much.

God, i hope i never develop cataracts.

I guess we'll see how the "contact training session" goes. Everyone tells me its no big deal and it will just take a couple of tries to get used to it.

I am putting my eyes in their hands.


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Thursday, October 11, 2007


I know i haven't posted in a long while, and i suck and all, but y'all have to go and look at this thing on Kristy's blog. I am obsessed for some reason. GO. It's ever so cool.
And i am a dork.

Left-Brain / Right-Brain Freaky Spinning Girl Thing

Come back and tell me what you see. Cause i have to know.
My answer is in her comments, but i'll put it in my comments, too.

I don't want to contaminate your observations by telling you before you look at it.