"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Monday, October 09, 2006

I'd like to be... like a manatee.

I did it.

I finally canceled my subscription to Weight Watchers Online.

I used it for about 5 months, but really, who are we kidding. It's been active for a whole year now and I haven't touched it since March. I am treating it like that gym membership I got my second year of college. I went for about a month and then stopped completely. I paid for the damn thing for 2 years. Stupid Lucille Roberts.

I didn't like the way the skinny girls looked at me, ok? And my ass in the store-front window when I was on the treadmill or, god forbid, the Stair Climber? And maybe how the aerobics classes put you on display for the people on the treadmills? It was all very, very bad. I don't want anyone watching my ass while it is moving in such unnatural ways.

I never canceled my Weight Watchers subscription because I must have felt that while it was there and available (and I was paying for it, monthly) that I would always go back to it and start counting up my points and recording my weight and all that shit. But with no account? I would never do it again.

I will just keep getting fatter and fatter until I can't see my feet. Planets will orbit around me because I have canceled my subscription. I will no longer have any will power because there will not be any sort of numbering system keeping me from eating that entire box of doughnuts. I will go to the beach and whales will try to communicate with me. I'll be that one at the chinese buffet the staff whisper about, shiftily glancing at the "All You Can Eat" signs. I will no longer be able to wear pants, but rather pants-like alternatives like perhaps, a very large bath towel.


Maybe I'll just suck it up and not each so much shit, and have this here low-fat yogurt.

I'm pretty sure I can do this on my own and not have to pay $16.95 a month for something I don' t use. It's a great system, absolutely. But you know, only if you actually follow it.

-----------------------

In other news, it smells really bad in my office this morning.

It's an odor that I can only describe as "Provolone". (Think of a cheese that smells like feet, for those of you not in the know. Feet-cheese.)

Apparently it is in the air vents and we're all going to have to suffer through it for a little while.

Mmm...cheese...

10 Comments:

  • Oh, so you and WeightWatchers, kind of like me and the gym. The very expensive gym where we have not set foot in about two months. Our neighbor saw my swipe on my keychain and said, "Oh you go to S. too?"...and I said, "Go? Not so much, but we are members."

    I figure since Pluto is no longer a planet, the solar system has a need that I'm aiming to fill.

    By Blogger Christine, at 10/09/2006 1:13 PM  

  • Claire! Bad...bad...Claire. Why did you cave and cancel? Ok, what the hell am I yelling at you for...when my subscription has been void for the past months?

    You are not going to get huge. I know you won't. And you're not the kind to go around wearing mou-mou's.

    By Blogger Orelinde_03, at 10/09/2006 1:24 PM  

  • christine - oh yeah. i know how gym discipline works. hopefully you don't have a personal trainer there that will kick your ass next time you show up. I hear they can be pretty mean about you not coming.. Ah, Pluto! (good one.) :)

    orelinde - i know, i know. i feel guilty about it all on my own. i was wondering if you were still doing it. I don't feel so guilty anymore.

    By Blogger claire, at 10/09/2006 2:10 PM  

  • HA. I just canceled mine two weeks ago too. After, ahem, a year of stagnance.

    By Anonymous jonniker, at 10/10/2006 9:12 AM  

  • I haven't been going to the gym, either, but I'm consoling myself with the fact that Mrs. Nator, who has been a svelte muscular gym addict for a while, hasn't been going. I actually think she looks better with her softer curves on... but who am I kidding? It does not follow that it should be OK if I gain more weight, too, considering she lost 100+ pounds not long ago, and I most decidely did not.

    So perhaps we can wear muu-muus and eat cheese together. And you will still probably be thinner than I am.

    By Blogger Da Nator, at 10/10/2006 10:56 AM  

  • I have a complete set of gym-quality free weights.
    I stack laundry on it.
    crap.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 10/10/2006 2:55 PM  

  • jonniker - but you go to the gym! that's MORE than enough effort. you don't need to feel bad about letting WW sit there. gym = more better than WW.

    da nator - she lost 100+ pounds? wow. i can't even begin to understand how people actually bring themselves to do that. good for her. mm..cheese...

    first nations - isn't that what its there for? they come on these nice racks for a reason.

    By Blogger claire, at 10/11/2006 7:40 AM  

  • "I will go to the beach and whales will try to communicate with me."

    This made me laugh...because I took speak whale.

    By Anonymous Nikol, at 10/13/2006 10:38 AM  

  • Pssst! Hey, Claire... I tagged you for a meme.

    I hope you'll do it... I'd like to see your answers.

    XO,

    Shamu

    By Blogger Da Nator, at 10/13/2006 10:54 AM  

  • Nikol - hi! and welcome! but... ?
    Speak Whale? okey dokey.

    Danator - i am feeling lazy this week, but i promise to do it. cause i've never done a meme and i feel honored and privelidged to be accosted.

    By Blogger claire, at 10/13/2006 5:45 PM  

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