"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Monday, June 18, 2007

Monkeys, cocktails and Her Majesty the Queen.

And here's where i apologize AGAIN for being such a stranger.

I'm sorry.

Okay, then.

I've become a bit more adjusted to life on the second floor. It's still unbearably quiet, but at least now i know that it's not just me that thinks this is a totally bizarre business atmosphere. Most of the people up here have commented to me about the sheer, pin-dropping silence i've been experiencing up here, so i've learned to just deal with it and try not to let it effect my neurosis.

Which it is.

But hey, i'm trying.

Also - there have been a few people asking me to e-mail my last post to them, so if you're interested (but really, it's not THAT good) and you don't work for the Overlord (specifically in HR) just let me know and i'll send it along to you. If you don't know what the hell i'm talking about, see here.

Now on to some actual CONTENT:

I don't know if there are still any Brits reading here, and while i suspect not, i'm still going to talk about a TV show that no one here in the US has seen, unless they are illegally pirating it (YARR, YARRR) like we are.
I'm talking about "Britain's Got Talent".
I know. You're saying, "Claire, why in the hell would you want to go through the trouble of downloading a shitty reality talent show when you can watch the one we have right here in America?"

To that i say, "I really have no idea."

Except that it was there, on the internet, and that is pretty much how we watch all of our TV because it's almost better than Tivo. You know, almost.

So, in the queue went "Britain's Got Talent" last week, and then everyday until it was finished. They only aired it for about a week and a half - it was on every single night until they called the winner - and i have to say, it is actually a lot better than the American version. I don't know if it is because there is an actual point to the whole competition (the winner gets to perform for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show (who knew the Queen enjoyed crap variety shows)) or because there is no mention of The Hoff anywhere on it.

My vote goes for No Hoff. Cause he bugs the shit out of me.
Instead, they have Simon Cowell. Obviously.

Why am i talking about this? Good question. I want to share with you, my 3 fine readers, the wonder that is a good Monkey Puppet Act. Never have I enjoyed a Monkey Puppet Act, but this? This is something. Use your speakers:


And? Damon Scott? Hot.
Yes he is.

He made it to the finals, which i thought was pretty impressive for a Monkey Puppet Act, but was a little touch-and-go during the semi-finals where everyone pretty much told him that the performance he gave was total shit.

To see the look on his face when everyone was telling him he was a loser who probably touched monkeys in an inappropriate manner, was probably the saddest i have ever felt for someone on the TV EVER. I wanted so very badly to just reach through the television (or rather, computer monitor - pirates, remember) and give him a hug. He looked CRUSHED, absolutely CRUSHED. I felt terrible for him. Come to mama... bring the monkey... i'll make it all better..


They did give him another chance, which was nice and uplifting. Certainly seemed to make him feel better, which of course made me happy. It was nice to see him smiling again, instead of looking like someone kicked his puppy down the stairs. Or rather, monkey, i guess.
But of course he didn't win. I mean, it's a Monkey Puppet Act, for chrissakes.

Instead, it was opera singer, Paul Potts, who won - and rightly so. He's quite amazing and i'm sure the Queen will love him and whatever. But he didn't have a monkey, so i'm not spending any time talking about him.
No monkey, no press. That's what i say.

If there IS anyone from the UK still reading here, can someone explain to me why the judges thought the bar flair guys were so exciting and "different"? Did they not have the movie "Cocktail" over there? I mean, sure throwing bottles and shit around can be fun to watch, but it's not like its so damn innovative.
"Cocktail", yo. Tom Cruise did it. Like in the 80's. Before he was buttfuck crazy.

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  • I am just so sad that the Monkey Puppet Act did not win.

    Damon did make my day so. So, Damon, if you're reading...BRAVO!

    By Blogger Christine, at 6/18/2007 12:23 PM  

  • I am quitting my job.

    I am leaving the United States.

    I am moving to the U.K. to go and comfort Damon. (Ok, maybe stalk him first :-P)

    But that was just brillant. And he's hot, so it made it even better!

    By Blogger Orelinde_03, at 6/18/2007 12:39 PM  

  • christine - It's quite a Monkey Puppet Act. It is certainly sad that it did not win, and i hope he is not heart-broken that he didn't win. Poor guy.

    Orelinde - I wonder where he goes from here, though. You know? Where does a Monkey Puppet Act get exposure if not on a crappy reality talent show? Poor Damon. He needs comforting.

    By Blogger claire, at 6/18/2007 3:34 PM  

  • I guess Picadilly Square or open markets. You know, like in Boston when you go to Fennuil Hall or San Francisco and Fisherman's Wharf.

    Day performers who pass around a hat to make some green.

    Maybe we can alert the company to his talents, and they can hire (and ship him here) for the company picnic?

    By Blogger Orelinde_03, at 6/18/2007 3:51 PM  

  • Sorry I have been a stranger, too - I lost ALL my bloglines feeds and have been gradually reconstructing them.

    By Blogger Suebob, at 6/18/2007 8:17 PM  

  • I don't know what kind of halfassed competition they're running over there in England, but where I come from, no monkey = no opera.

    By Anonymous TwoBusy, at 6/18/2007 8:56 PM  

  • just reading the phrase 'monkey puppet act' makes me tingle all over with vicarious british coolness.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 6/18/2007 9:30 PM  

  • Paul Potts made me cry! Here I am at 7 in the morning watching that, don't understand a word of it and HATE opera, and I'm crying.

    Yes, Damon Scott is a ... cute little monkey. Tee hee.

    America is so confused. Really.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6/19/2007 7:08 AM  

  • Suebob - well it's good to see you back, at least!

    TwoBusy - i'm of the firm belief that monkeys should be incorporated into everyone's daily life. It would make everything so much more pleasant. And full of poo.

    FN - i aim for British coolness. But, as you can see, there is no one from the UK reading here, so this is as good as it gets.

    Fifth Floor - I KNOW. I cried, too. So embarrassing. But he's so good! And how sweet!

    By Blogger claire, at 6/20/2007 9:56 AM  

  • Though I live in the UK, I must confess I didn't watch "Britain's Got Talent". I'm not above this sort of thing - I'm hopelessly devoted to American Idol, it's just that Britain is particularly good at making stars out of those with moderate or no talent at all so I couldn't be asked. Monkey Puppet Act just about says it all.

    Oh, and I'm the only one that can't stop thinking "Pol Pot" when they hear about Paul Potts? Yes? Ok then.

    By Blogger MsPrufrock, at 6/21/2007 3:29 AM  

  • The scarf over Bubbles's face was a nice touch. But now I've remembered that MJ has children, which makes me sad.

    Yes, I'm commenting on a two-year old post. I like to be relevant like that.

    By Anonymous flurrious, at 4/21/2009 8:53 PM  

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