Monkeys, cocktails and Her Majesty the Queen.

And here's where i apologize AGAIN for being such a stranger.

I'm sorry.

Okay, then.


I've become a bit more adjusted to life on the second floor. It's still unbearably quiet, but at least now i know that it's not just me that thinks this is a totally bizarre business atmosphere. Most of the people up here have commented to me about the sheer, pin-dropping silence i've been experiencing up here, so i've learned to just deal with it and try not to let it effect my neurosis.

Which it is.

But hey, i'm trying.

Also - there have been a few people asking me to e-mail my last post to them, so if you're interested (but really, it's not THAT good) and you don't work for the Overlord (specifically in HR) just let me know and i'll send it along to you. If you don't know what the hell i'm talking about, see here.


Now on to some actual CONTENT:


I don't know if there are still any Brits reading here, and while i suspect not, i'm still going to talk about a TV show that no one here in the US has seen, unless they are illegally pirating it (YARR, YARRR) like we are.
I'm talking about "Britain's Got Talent".
I know. You're saying, "Claire, why in the hell would you want to go through the trouble of downloading a shitty reality talent show when you can watch the one we have right here in America?"

To that i say, "I really have no idea."

Except that it was there, on the internet, and that is pretty much how we watch all of our TV because it's almost better than Tivo. You know, almost.

So, in the queue went "Britain's Got Talent" last week, and then everyday until it was finished. They only aired it for about a week and a half - it was on every single night until they called the winner - and i have to say, it is actually a lot better than the American version. I don't know if it is because there is an actual point to the whole competition (the winner gets to perform for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show (who knew the Queen enjoyed crap variety shows)) or because there is no mention of The Hoff anywhere on it.

My vote goes for No Hoff. Cause he bugs the shit out of me.
Instead, they have Simon Cowell. Obviously.

Why am i talking about this? Good question. I want to share with you, my 3 fine readers, the wonder that is a good Monkey Puppet Act. Never have I enjoyed a Monkey Puppet Act, but this? This is something. Use your speakers:



Brilliant.

And? Damon Scott? Hot.
Yes he is.

He made it to the finals, which i thought was pretty impressive for a Monkey Puppet Act, but was a little touch-and-go during the semi-finals where everyone pretty much told him that the performance he gave was total shit.

To see the look on his face when everyone was telling him he was a loser who probably touched monkeys in an inappropriate manner, was probably the saddest i have ever felt for someone on the TV EVER. I wanted so very badly to just reach through the television (or rather, computer monitor - pirates, remember) and give him a hug. He looked CRUSHED, absolutely CRUSHED. I felt terrible for him. Come to mama... bring the monkey... i'll make it all better..

*Ahem*.

They did give him another chance, which was nice and uplifting. Certainly seemed to make him feel better, which of course made me happy. It was nice to see him smiling again, instead of looking like someone kicked his puppy down the stairs. Or rather, monkey, i guess.
But of course he didn't win. I mean, it's a Monkey Puppet Act, for chrissakes.

Instead, it was opera singer, Paul Potts, who won - and rightly so. He's quite amazing and i'm sure the Queen will love him and whatever. But he didn't have a monkey, so i'm not spending any time talking about him.
No monkey, no press. That's what i say.

If there IS anyone from the UK still reading here, can someone explain to me why the judges thought the bar flair guys were so exciting and "different"? Did they not have the movie "Cocktail" over there? I mean, sure throwing bottles and shit around can be fun to watch, but it's not like its so damn innovative.
"Cocktail", yo. Tom Cruise did it. Like in the 80's. Before he was buttfuck crazy.