"Look, kids... Big Ben!"

We had a nice weekend in Boston, TheBoy and I, though i wish i could say that i saw more of the city. I didn't, and that sucked. But it was meant to be a business trip anyway, so i suppose there was nothing i could do about it.

Saturday we went to "fancy dinner thing" at the Hilton near Logan Airport which was actually quite nice, insomuch that the open bar i had heard was going to be there... was. And the free drinks were big. Therefore good. Good times had by all.

I met some nice people that TheBoy works with and we laughed and drank and ate and watched people win raffled off prizes and watched the hired entertainment which was awful and laughed some more. There were a few singers hired for the event and I have to wonder how they were the ones chosen out of, i don't know, probably thousands of bad-karaoke-style lounge acts that can be found in a city. Terrible. One of them was a Cher impersonator and i found the most unsettling aspect of that was that she was a woman - not a transvestite as one tends to expect with a Cher impersonator. I mean, really.

On Sunday we visited with TheBoy's cousin and her husband in Brookline.

What you have to understand, first of all, is that our hotel was in Saugus - a bit north of the city and many highways away from Brookline. Second of all, is that i haven't been to Boston since i was a kid and the only thing i remember about that trip is seeing the U.S.S. Constitution and going to a souvenir store to buy something with my own money but then leaving my red nylon wallet with navy blue piping and the velcro closure on the counter (it was 1986 - nylon, velcro wallets were cool). I never did see my red velcro wallet again, or all of the 1/2 dollar coins i carried around in it. My mom was kind of mad.
And Third of all, TheBoy hasn't driven around Boston in a bunch of years and he forgot how bad it is.

We got lost.

Of course we did.

I'm not going to go on a rant about what a shitty road system Boston has, because really, it's not like it hasn't been done before. But COME ON people. WHERE ARE THE SIGNS? I don't ask for much, but mark the damn streets. That's just inconsiderate. And why is it that you think you're getting somewhere and all of a sudden you go through some TUNNEL and your directions say "Make a Left" and you're all, "But I'm in a TUNNEL"? It sucked. What i'm saying is it sucked. Luckily it didn't really matter so we laughed at ourselves for missing all of our turns. And passing right by the "Memorial something Bridge" and going straight to some other bridge that we thought might be "Memorial something Bridge" but uh.. wasn't.

We ate at Devlin's in Brighton with his cousin, if you're interested, which was lovely. And i saw a bit of the area near Boston University - and then unfortunately we were sent on our own to go sightsee. Cousin's husband sent us off with verbal directions to go see Newbury Street. But i don't think TheBoy was listening and we wound up back on Route 1 going back to the hotel... which we didn't think we'd ever find again so we decided to take advantage of our luck in finding the route back to the hotel and not screw it up. So... no Newbury Street for us. Next time, i guess.

And there will be a next time. At the fancy dinner thing, we won a one night stay and free breakfast at a local hotel... a local hotel in what i hear is a shitty, shitty neighborhood, but it's a free stay nonetheless. So if we do not want to get shot at while walking down the street, we will rent a car. No biggy.

Can anyone tell me about Chelsea? I do not know anything... and people laughed at us. Of all the incredible prizes they were raffling off, we won a stay in Chelsea.

Eh, i'm happy i won anything at all. Maybe next year i'll win the "Lufthansa airline tickets to any destination they fly to in Europe". This year? Chelsea.

Family, death and beer.

Last night, I was guilted into going to a wake. The deceased was someone I had only met once or twice as a child, so this was not someone close to me or my family for that matter. He was...have to think about the family tree, here.... my second cousin's father-in-law. Right. Sort of a "wait, who died? who?" But I was a good girl and went with my mother, grandmother, brother and his girlfriend all the way to Glen Cove (about 45 minutes away) to make mom happy.

Apparently, "I don't do enough" with this part of the family. My (ur, second)cousin, Mary, has always been a wonderful person, and I like her very much. But her family.. is well, I don' t know. ...meh? I haven't liked their 3 children (uh... second cousins...once removed? I can never figure that shit out) since we were all little. The oldest daughter is 5 or 6 years younger than I am and has always been a snotty piece of shit, so I usually made a point of avoiding family gatherings involving them.*

Mom feels badly about that. She thinks my brother and I should make an appearance for, I don't know, representation purposes. Or maybe so that they know we're still alive. Whatever.

Firstly, I have never been to an Irish wake. Now I know that I have hated wakes simply because Italian wakes are boring as hell and fucking depressing. When we pulled into the parking lot last night, there were 20 or so people standing outside hanging around a cooler of beer, slinging back Heinikens while smoking and talking and laughing. The atmosphere inside the funeral home was very upbeat as well, with people talking and laughing - which, HELLO - doesn't happen in an Italian wake. Everything is always so somber and if you're stuck there for the full 3 hour session, twice a day for 2 or 3 days, is boring as fuck to the point where you start counting the flowers in the arrangements for some kind of stimulation. I don't mean to belittle my culture's traditions or anything, but jesus christ, can't we get a drink in here? The best part of an Italian wake is waiting to see if any members of the mafia make an appearance.***

Secondly, I haven't seen my cousins (the second cousins once removed) in years. Since they were, you know, kids. Since I was a kid. It so strange that they are real people now. Real people with jobs, cars, girl/boyfriends, graduating college. Weird. Very weird. In fact, the youngest of the three kids, who is about 15 now, didn't even recognize me.
Even though I had spent many years avoiding these people, I realize that I probably should have made more of an effort to see them. The live around the block from me, and I still never see them. Must do better.

Also I wonder if they're thinking about any of this. Probably not. It probably didn't faze them whatsoever. That girl always was a bitch...




*All this and Mary's husband is a Republican. Who runs for local elections. Who recently found out that I'm living in his district. And that I should vote for him because we're family, afterall**. Right. Maybe now the picture is clearer?

**Funnily enough, they hold fund raisers when he is running for something and always invite my and my mother to them. Mom usually goes strictly out of family obligation and buys something here and there. Though when she brings the catalogue home for me of whatever they were selling, we both kind of cringe at the fact that buying something from this catalogue is supporting the republican party. I had found something that I liked and asked for The Boy's opinion. He said, something to the effect of, if you like it, buy it. "Yeah, but this is for C's campaign fund...." His reply: "then don't you dare. We'll find it somewhere else."
We try not to be obvious about our lack of family support. Republicans...crikey.

***This apparently happened at one of my great uncle's wakes and I totally missed it - I miss everything, yo.

Elvis is sounding pretty great right now.

I'm finding it kind of hard to focus right now.  There's a lot going on and then all at the same time, nothing is really happening at all.  I've been engaged for over two months now, and i think i've done all of the necessary first-step stuff that apparently you're supposed to do when you get engaged.  Here, let's take a look at what the last month or so has been like in time-to-plan-your-wedding-land:

• I've told most everyone i know.  At least, i think so.  There are some people who have been left off of that list, but it's not for lack of trying.  Although, it is a lack of trying in some people's cases.  I just don't know how they're going to react, so i've let Facebook or my Gmail status message tell them.  I'm sure this will come to bite me in the ass.
• I've picked my Maid of Honor, Cousin G.  However, i haven't picked the rest of the bridal party because i just have no idea what i'm going to do with that.  Though TheBoy has picked his Best Man - but i'm not so sure he's actually told him yet.
  
• I've put together a preliminary guest list just to see what kind of nightmare this is going to be - so far it looks like 115 people, but that's without consulting our parents or inviting everyone i would like to from work.
• I've decided to scrap the 115 people guest list and have a destination wedding to the Caribbean with our closest family - at most 20 people - and have a nice casual wedding on the beach.
• I took into account the fact that my grandmother is going to have a hard time on the beach or on the plane for that long, and also that Holy Crap, that's going to be kind of expensive for everyone flying down and maybe we'll just keep it within the continental United States.
• We're getting married in Acadia National Park on Mt. Desert Island, Maine.  Because it's gorgeous up there and we love it.  And if we're doing it up in Maine, we're getting married in October (2010) when the leaves are at their peak colors and it's going to be absolutely stunning.  I've always wanted to get married in October, and wouldn't it be perfect in the mountains in Maine?  Absolutely.  Small ceremony in the park and then maybe dinner at the restaurant on the grounds or at a restaurant in Bar Harbor.  It will be wonderful.
• They don't allow chairs to be set up for a ceremony in the park.
• There wouldn't be any bathrooms nearby for the elderly, less-continent people.
• Wedding will be in Bar Harbor-proper where there are buildings and bathrooms and cutesy, small-towny kitch - but most importantly, the bathrooms.
• If wedding is going to be away from home, then i'll have a great, big backyard party back at home for the rest of my family and friends and whoever isn't invited to the actual ceremony.
• Probably won't be possible to have a backyard party in the middle of October, what with it being cold and all, so i'll have to have the party at a restaurant or catering hall or something.
• Which brings us right back to just having the damn thing here at home in the first place.
  

The idea of having a destination wedding was that it was going to be cheaper since i would be inviting less people.  Small ceremony, followed by an easy dinner at a local restaurant would have been perfect for our immediate family and good for me, the one who does not like to be the center of attention.  Also, for me, the person who will not know when to cut people off the invitation list.  Because i will feel bad for not inviting Judy from Accounting, who i went out to lunch with that one time.

However, I cannot get my Great-Aunt Louise out of my head.  She is one of many, many old people in my family that would be seriously miffed about not getting invited to a proper New York Italian wedding.  I know this.  And it makes me feel guilty.

My mother has told me not to think about the Aunt Louises and not to feel guilty about anything i choose to do.  I'm not going to make everyone happy, no matter what i do.  And she's right.  Those people are really hard to please.  Easter dinner was a good reminder of that...

On the other hand, it'll just be so much EASIER to have the whole thing here, where I am and i KNOW of places and people that do this stuff.  I won't have to think about trying to plan for something in a place that i can't just drive to whenever i need to.  I won't have to think that i'm inconveniencing anyone and, let's face it: more invitees equals more presents.  That's why people have weddings in the first place, right?  Or else, we'd all just elope. 

I'm just kidding about that presents thing.  Sorta. (Hi!  I'm broke!)

So, to sum up:  I've registered.  And that's about all i've gotten accomplished.  My bathroom towels will be blue.  There.  I'm giving up on everything else for a few weeks.

Well then.

So, uh.

Hi there.


You may be saying, "Jebus Christmas, woman. It's been a month and a half since we've heard from you. Where in the F have you been? And it better be good."

To which I would say, "Um... nowhere...?"

I've just been wiped off the face of the planet, it seems, for a month and a half and I really don't have anything to show for it. No, really. I've been working in my little cubicle in cubicle-land, day after day, without much entertainment. I don't know. Maybe I lost the inspiration to talk about the nothingness that has been my summer.

So, I’m sorry about that. For those of you who checked in with me to see if I was dead. I'm not. Now you know.

****************************

For newsworthiness, lets take a look at what kind of expenses I have coming up that I can't afford, not even with credit because I am poor in the sense of OHMYGOD where is all my money GOING??

• This past weekend, I had my school orientation. I'm starting up my bachelors (after graduating with my associates in December) and have done absolutely no research to try and get this shit moving before the semester starts the last week of August.

I am so screwed. I haven't registered for classes yet because I need to see a "Transfer Advisor" before being allowed to register. I haven't seen a Transfer Advisor, because I would need to go to the school during office hours and I haven't actually worked up the desire to try to get this all moving and take a day off of work and just DO IT already. I am so not excited about this and it kind of scares me. I can't really afford it, though I know I’ll just make it work somehow, as per usual. But if I could just register for a class on my own and get my ass in the classroom twice a week, I’ll be fine. Just let me do it on my own, I don't want to have to talk to someone within the bureaucracy that is a state-run university. It sucks, and everyone is mean and doesn't give a shit about how lost you are. You make phone calls and they'll transfer you all around campus because no one wants to deal with you, until you're on hold for 20 minutes and someone just hangs up. Goddamn them.

• I was asked to be a bridesmaid in Cousin G's wedding. Quite frankly, when she told me that she got engaged, I really didn't think I would be in the wedding party at all and I was actually really pissed off about it for awhile. When she started making wedding plans she wasn't giving me straight answers about the wedding party. I very staunchly assumed I was not going to be in it which I felt was a total slap in the face, because we had been such close friends, with the exception of the past 3 years or so.

Heh. I was wrong.

She was waiting to ask me when she figured out how many guy-friends her fiancé wanted in the party. So uh, yeah. I kind of felt like an ass, but now I am kicking myself for even wanting to be asked. It is so not worth it. How the hell was I supposed to know that I’m expected to PAY for things?? Why didn't anyone WARN ME?? Ugh... I have to go to lunch with the Maid of Honor and the two mothers on Sunday to work out the prices of the Bridal Shower. I am so unprepared for how much someone else's wedding is going to cost me.

• Also, I have not purchased an Engagement Present, which is apparently mandatory in the year 2007. Had no idea. What the fuck am I supposed to get her? Also, am like 3 months late on this. Help?

• BigDog had some trouble in June. She had been limping for awhile and we weren't quite sure what was wrong, so we took her to the vet. That was a joyous couple of hours, let me say. 113lbs of very strong, very scared dog had to be held down by 2 vet techs, the vet, TheBoy and myself while trying to feel around her joints to see where the injury is. There was a lot of screaming (BigDog), a lot of peeing (also BigDog), some blood (a vet tech who received a hard kick from BigDog and her long, sharp nails) and copious amounts of drool (also, mostly from BigDog).

It sucked. She's been on some anti-inflammatory and gloucosimine pills and has shown improvements. I'm hoping the pills will make it all better, because doggy-ACL ligament repair surgery is way out of my price range. I love her, but she needs to get a job that pays for health benefits, because pet insurance is a rip off. So says me.

These are just some of the fun things that have been going on in my world. Aren't you excited to get caught up? I know; it's enthralling, my life.

On the bright side, however, I may be getting to the beach this weekend and I think it's about time.
It's August, and I haven't been to the beach yet once this year.
And I live about 15 minutes from a really nice ocean beach.
There are no excuses, people.

Except the forecast calls for a chance of thunderstorms.

Dammit.

Something smells like... is that sewage?

I feel like it's about time i got back on the diet wagon. It's been awhile since i've been off, and i think that it probably shows... a little too easily. Yeah.

Since this last dieting post here, i've maybe not followed my own advice and of course, gained back all of the weight i lost the last time i was on Weight Watchers. Evil, evil Weight Watchers... Apparently, i can't help myself from eating all the donuts without thinking about points, or at least looking like i eat whole boxes of donuts. Which i don't by the way. Just to clarify.

So! New plan! This time, i have to get myself together because Cousin G is getting MARRIED. Holy crap, married. They've been dating for like 2 years less than TheBoy and I have been (HELLOOO - save up your stupid money - we're on FOUR YEARS NOW*) and I can't believe it because for my entire life, i thought i would be first to walk down the aisle. And quite frankly, i think she thought so, too.

But alas, just a bridesmaid for now, so i should probably do my duty and at least look half-way decent in the bridesmaid gown. I owe that to her, right? Maybe look better than the bride? Outshine? No?

I kid. Obviously. That would be awful and obnoxious of me and i'm just not that kind of girl. P'shaw. Though, that seems to be the kind of toxic relationship she and i have had for the past 4 years or so, so i don't know if it would be totally out of the question.

But no! I'm not going to be like that, of course! I just want to look nice in a strapless gown, because - i've never ever worn anythign strapless and it kind of scares the crap out of me.

Maybe there's a girl out there that still reads here that will understand. Gah, strapless. Oh, wait, here - let me find a picture of the dress.. it's really not that bad:




















Pretty, right? I mean, for a bridesmaid dress and all. Though the color of the dress will be a dark chocolate brown with the sash being the champagne color of the dress pictured here.

I can guarantee that i will not look as snotty as this model. Nor, as thin. But whatever. She just looks frighteningly pissed off to be at whatever stupid wedding she's in, you know? Like the cesspool backed up in the reception hall or something. Or maybe the groom is her ex-boyfriend and she was asked to be in the wedding party because they KNEW she was going to crash ANYWAY and i mean, she DID give this guy one of her kidneys, so they at least OWED her this. ...Though, she also kind of looks like she gave up a couple of ribs to fit in this dress.

SHE GAVE HIM HER RIBS.

Whatever. It's a nice dress.

And i have to look like her by April 19th.

There.

*TheBoy knows the deal here. If only those things weren't so darn expensive, we'd have been engaged a couple of years ago. Mostly because he's wanted it. Stupid money.

Um.

Hi there.

It's been a few months.... uh. I meant to call. But i've been, you know, kind of embarrassed. Cause it's been so long. And i didn't really know how to come back and be all, "hey!" as if nothing happened. So i've been sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to be all, "hey," and then i figured that i'd just come right out and say it.

Hey.

I'm back.

To be honest, life has been kind of sliding down the shit mountain and i've been quiet because i know no one wants to hear 300 words of complaining every time you come here, so i figured i'd keep it to myself. Believe me, I've been doing YOU a favor. Because i'm a nice girl like that.

So here, in list format, since you've been asking, is what has been going on round these parts for the past 3 months:

1. Cousin G is still getting married, i am still a bridesmaid and at this point i have spent upwards of $1300 so that she can get married.
2. People keep asking me when I'M going to get married without really understanding that not only can we not afford to get married, we totally can't afford an engagement ring.
3. The Boy has been a mess lately with a herniated disk that has left him, at times, incapacitated. Without health insurance, he is pretty much fucked.
4. I had to take this semester off from school because i am teh poor.
5. I got an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. 'Nuff said.
   
6. The Boy's 92 yr old grandmother fell in her house (and couldn't get up) and went from hospital to rehabilitation nursing center last week. Currently, this woman who had been so sarcastic and sharp is having a hard time keeping everything in her brain that was there last week.
7. My credit card debt is so high that my friends ask me how i sleep at night.
8. I have gone off the wagon with WeightWatchers and realize that i have probably gained back everything i had lost since last year.
9. Stepping in dog shit on Friday night made me cry.

TA-DA! Welcome to the Sunshine and Roses Webpage. Where everything is happy and bright until you step in an unsuspecting pile of dog-pie and you lose whatever semblance of control you had that was keeping you from sobbing into your low-fat chocolate milkshake.

And THAT, my friends, is why i have not been Sharon The Sharer these past couple of months.

I'm thinking i need to get this shit out somewhere, however, so i have a feeling i'll be back.

The best Halloween, like ever.

I meant to post a story about this a few days ago, being that I've already missed Halloween, but since I wrote this e-mail 3 years ago yesterday, I guess it is still within the proper time period. Most of this is, I imagine, hard to understand if you weren't there, but I think it shows a good glimpse of what happened on Halloween 2003 - the best damn Halloween party I have ever been to.

Without getting into too much detail (because I don't know who reads this), the party was right on the beach with a bonfire and everything. It was the warmest Halloween I can ever remember, so all of the obligatory Skimpy Halloween outfits were there (Sexy Nurse, Sexy Maid, Sexy Dead Thing) including mine, The Sexy Witch. I will point out that I was not single, and my boyfriend had declined coming with me to the party. (I would like to state that this was not a relationship worth salvaging before you condemn me). And the host of the party and his band were old friends from high school who I had always wondered 'what if'. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

----- Original Message -----

From: Claire
To: Previously mentioned on this blog, Cousin G

Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 10:24 AM

Subject: sigh...

well, welcome to November.

It was an interesting weekend, i'll definitely say that much. I had no idea when we drove up to that party friday night that I would find myself face down in a lawn chair not 5 hours later. And of course I didn't really 'find myself' there, per se, others kind of had to tell me I was there when I was conscious the next morning. Now while I had a good time for the limited time that I was upright and able to form complete sentences, the repercussions of said, "good time" started unfolding as soon as I woke up on the floor on saturday morning:

#1: I am so embarrassed, you have no idea. I need to make a real effort to find N and apologize to him for being the drunken asshole at his party. I went by his work-place on saturday before going to M's to talk to him but he wasn't in yet. damn.

#2: I am very grateful. I actually have some really good friends that were willing to help me and take care of me, even though they were either, a) you know, busy running a party, or b) mostly drunk themselves. So, I thank you, G. Even though you passed out right beside me, you stopped me from throwing up on myself. I appreciate that. I didn't even have vomit in my hair.

#3: It seems I've thrown myself into a bit of drama. I wasn't actually expecting that. And if you don't know what I mean, i'd rather not go into detail in writing. You know - spies.

#4: I am such a sexy beast.

So of course, I've been thinking of nothing but item #3, there. I really need to just forget it ever happened but that's kind of hard. Obviously this means i'm not entirely happy with my current relationship. Ha! You think? I hate self-inflicted drama.

And as I drink this almost-warm orange juice this morning, i'm feeling a little nauseous. Figures they'd have to be out of apple today. damn, damn, damn...

(The orange juice comment? My poison that night was a constant stream of Screwdrivers. Black Screwdrivers, as someone had bought 3 or 4 bottles of Black Vodka. Made the drink kind of a green color... Halloweenie, for sure, but for about a month afterwards I couldn't drink orange juice without getting nauseous and I still stay away from vodka.)


Apparently, if you put together a never ending big red plastic cup of vodka* + Sexy Witch outfit** + unrequited love-interest who's in a band, you find yourself piled into a lawn chair at 11:00 with a bucket next to your head while others are trying to get the raccoons to stay away from eating what's in the bucket. Also, I imagine, from eating your face.

After a few hours of sleeping on the deck, I was lifted from the lawn chair and brought inside where we joined a large puppy-pile of fully clothed people passed out on the floor in the small house on the beach. Everyone was trying to keep warm at around 3:00 in the morning because while it had been really warm around 9:00, the temperature dropped significantly while I had been dreaming of friendly raccoons while sleeping out on the deck.

The drama? While keeping warm and still inebriated, I snuggled up to N , unrequited high school love-interest(also drunk), for some drunken kissing. Bad idea.

Yes, I was dating someone. Yes, I pretty much hated M, the guy I was dating at the time. Yes, I felt like a horrible person the next day, there is no need to tell me that I am. No, N did not know (or, perhaps, care to remember) that I was dating someone. Yes, I obsessed on all of this for weeks and the guilt nearly killed me.

But you know what? What a great fucking party.



*And who do you suppose kept filling it? That would be friend, N.
**When I showed up in the outfit, one of my friends said "look! It's Claire from high school!" Apparently I pulled off the high school goth years well.

Halloween Meme thingy

I was tagged with this here meme (my first ever!) by DaNator and am ever so excited to share with all of you. Enjoy, now.

1. whats the scariest movie you've ever seen?
My scariest movies are only scary by proxy.
See, cause i don't watch scary movies. Because i can't handle it. I CAN'T DEAL WITH IMAGINARY FEAR. Chocolate Syrup and Ketchup. Doesn't matter. That's how sad i am.
One movie (that comes to mind) that scared the ever-loving crap out of me: The Blair Witch Project.

I KNOW. Blair Witch. Even with knowing that it was fake, even with the snot rolling out her nose, the end scene with the kid-hand-prints all over the walls and shit? SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I couldn't be in the woods at night for at least a year after that movie. Sometimes, even in the bright sunny daytime i would break a blood vessel just from thinking about it.


2. what was your favorite halloween costume as a child?
My cousin, G, and I had made a penguin costume that was the jinkiest. I even had little felt shoe-covers that looked like penguin feet. Was so cool.

3. if you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this halloween?
I want to be a VW Microbus.

4. when was the last time you went trick or treating?
Way too long after it wasn't considered cool anymore. Probably 14? Ah, but we had fun. It involved eggs, i think...

5. whats your favorite halloween candy?
Ooh.. Snickers.... It's almost time for Snickers... and Almond Joys and Mounds... mmmm gglgllaahahhaharrr..... Peanut Butter Cups... and ah.. Snickers...

6. recount a scary nightmare you had
My nightmares usually consist of me trying to run from something and me not being able to clearly see where i'm going. It doesn't matter if i'm walking, running or driving - i just can't see anything. It's kind of like i've forgotten to put on my glasses. I don't know if that consists of a nightmare, but it can be scary. The waking up in a cold sweat-nightmares are usually from dreaming that someone i love has died in some horrible accident. Occasionally i get shot in my dreams or there are the ones where i am trying to fight off a vicious attacker and i can't seem to get any power whatsoever behind my punches. Like i'm putting all of my strength in them and i just seem to brush his shirt with my fist.
But usually i just dream of ponies.

7. what is your supernatural fear?
Oh, god, just about anything. Aliens, ghosts, vampires, zombies. And i sometimes choose to believe that they exist, too (except for the vampires and zombies, i'm not that ridiculous). Which is the horror of it all - i can't even tell myself that they don't exist CAUSE I DON'T KNOW. I am my own worst enemy. And was possibly the worst goth-chick ever.

8. what is your creepy crawlie fear?
I hate spiders.
Die, spiders.

9. tell us about a time you saw a ghost, or heard something go bump in the night.
Well.
I've already briefly told the Deepwells story on First Nations comments, so here's another one (a long one):
I was very close with my brother's ex-girlfriend. She and i would spend a lot of time together, even when they moved in together, she and i would spend a lot of late nights together chatting after he went to sleep since he had to get up so early. At one point, she had moved back in with her parents (which is a long story and not necessary for this but you know, work with me here) who live in an old house out in Yaphank (east Long Island - which as the stories go, was a Nazi town, btw). For god knows why, i was staying with her there for a couple of days when her parents were away visiting one of her sisters.
She used to tell stories about how when she was a kid, she and her sisters would see and hear some of the previous residents wandering around the house. She would tell stories about how sometimes they would briefly notice children playing in the living room or someone sitting on the couch in the sunroom. But most noticeably, doors. Doors would open and close at will with no provocation. I had been to the house many times before we spent the night there that week, and had never noticed anything, and yet no matter how full the house was of real live people, my nerves would be completely on-end while there only because of the stories. [Note: It doesn't matter if something TRULY is haunted. If you tell me it is, I WILL BELIEVE YOU.] So, of course, that first night i'm there all alone with her, she and I are laying in bed (nothing dirty, you), and doors start slamming. First we hear the back door into the kitchen, *SLAM*
Then in the livingroom, *SLAM*
and then finally, the bedroom door
opens slowly...
and then closes slowly.


10. would you ever stay in a real haunted house overnight?
FUCK no. Unless i really already have. Eh.
Have you seen the commercials for the VH1 show? The Celebrity Paranormal Project or some such shit? They're going to send famous (or quasi-famous) people into a "severely" haunted building to stay the night with cameras and "paranormal detecting devices". Do you believe? What these people will do to get themselves back on TV. Shocking.

11. are you a traditionalist (just a face) or do you get really creative with your pumpkins?
I'm actually more of a purist when it comes to my pumpkins. I like them plain and still pumpkinesque. I didn't even like drawing on my pumpkins with magic marker when i was a kid.
Maybe this means i'm anal.

12. how much do you decorate your home for halloween?
As much as possible, really. So far this year, i've got 4 pumpkins (in their whole state) outside with 3 pots of mums that are waiting to go in the ground. The ceramic jack-o-lantern cookie jar is on the dining room table and i have to bring all the rest of the holiday crap up from the basement. There's a bunch more crap. Oh, i have to find that ghost on a stick i bought last year for the front yard... hmm...

13. what do you want on your tombstone?
Tombstone Pizza, Pierre!
/obvious


----------

Ha! See how open ended i left my ghost story? That's because i am a primo story teller.

What pretty much happened is that we screamed a lot and hid under the covers. I don't recall getting any sleep that night, but who really remembers these things? I don't talk to her anymore, sadly, since she and my brother have broken up. But there is a good chance she has another side to that story. I would be curious to see if she remembers it the way i do. Ah, well.

I tag Jessica and Christine! And anyone else who wants! Go ahead, you know you want to.

I hate this

Why does blogger say that it is "Automatically Saving" my draft? When it doesn't? When you get shut down and lose the post you were working on and then can't find it because there's no such thing as Automatically Saving on Blogger? Why and what the fuck?

Alright. I'll probably re-write it later, but now I've lost the mood.

------------------

I was reading through some old e-mails looking for something and was perusing the hundreds of messages my cousin, G, and I used to send back and forth. I save all of my email, well, except for spam and such, but for the most part, everything. It is kind of like a journal. I started working here in 2000, so my company e-mail archives are pretty extensive and just looking through the 2000 - 2003 emails between G and I are interesting to go through. She and I were so close through those 3 years and to think that we've barely spoken in the past 2 years is really upsetting. I guess we've grown apart for the time being, but I know there are ultimately concrete reasons why we're so distant.

Cold, really. She is very cold with me.

And it is sad. Sometimes a little lonely. She was always the person who knew me better than anyone and would always understand. But now, we're on different paths and speaking different languages. I don't really know what is going on in her personal life anymore, though I assume she is happy. She doesn't know much about me anymore, though I assume she feels that she is doing better than I am. There's been an unspoken competition between us since we were children that was instilled on us by our (fucked up) family. Our fathers, being brothers, grew up with the same competitive situation, which I can only imagine was because of my grandparents. They weren't exactly the warmest people I knew, and were a source of discomfort for me growing up, but that is another story altogether. I always tried to push the rivalry out of my friendship with G, because I knew where it stemmed from and knew that it had no place in our relationship.

Jealousy breeds contempt. I know that G felt like she was dealt a shittier hand than I and sometimes had a hard time coming to terms with her past. Her divorced parents were way less stable than mine (who are also divorced, just not as wacky) and caused her a lot of pain and stress that she had to work through. It was hard. Always hard for her. She was usually single. In fact, I don't think she dated anyone all through college, while I had a pretty steady stream of long-term boyfriends.

Inevitably, I think the last guy (The Boy) is the reason she's not speaking to me. She felt abandoned because I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. And I did. I cut off the rest of the world when I met The Boy, as did he, but she took it very personally as if I were attacking her with my absence. At the time, I was just angry that she couldn't understand.

Now, I just read the e-mails between us. The things that were going on in our lives in 2002 when we were both single and spending all of our time with each other while she was at college. It was really a great time and I miss the connection I had with her. Real girlfriends are hard to come by for me, especially ones that are on the same wavelength.

Now she IMs me occasionally, though not usually for anything personal. In fact, this just popped up:

G: just letting you know, Brian Regan is going to be at Lincoln center, Nov. 11....B and I and some others are going me: I know, I found it yesterday. E & I are going with M and J I didn't know you were a fan G: yeah

Chilly. Sparce.

Instead of something like this from 2002:

good morning!!!, you knowi'm still all screwed up.

so did you get to work on time today? I hope you did.

have you been doing anything lately (in the 2 days I haven't seen you) i'm not sure if i'm going ot come see you. it dempends on how much I get done this morning. maybe tomorrow would be better then I can tell you bout my interview. yeah I think tomorrow would be better, is that ok? good.

talk to ya later

A little different.


Ugh.. she would probably kill me if she knew about this. I want to fix it, but then i also know that it will never be the same. Our lives are different and neither of us have the same time that we did then. We are both living with our boyfriends, working, etc and have different friends.

Its just upsetting to me that i probably could have prevented it.

To spawn or not to spawn...

I've been MIA for awhile now, but there are good excuses for that.

I'm still reading all of Sundry's archives (am up to Dec. 2005 now) and sadly, I've become so engrossed in that blog, that I'm using all of the stolen spare time I would normally put towards updating my blog and reading the posts on others'. I have trouble multi-tasking more than I have to and am unable to stray my mind away from focusing on a few select things. It's sad, but this is my life.

*********

The most startling thing that has been occupying my mind has been The Baby Decision, the life-altering, mind-bending decision to procreate.

I have been a life-long believer in the school of thought that children are disgusting, needy, life-sucking beings that will destroy your life and turn your mind into some kind of icky goo that will eventually ooze out of your ear. Once you are 'blessed' with one, you change into one of those people whose world orbits around a small-person, wearing sun visors with ponytails and driving the newest model of mini-van. All of your time and energy, for the rest of your damn life is devoted to someone who will eventually hate you (ah, teenagers) and has the ability to make you a prisoner in your own home.

(That last bit - probably just in my own head, that one.)

It will come as a great surprise to most people who know me in real life that I am having a week where I might change my mind.

Earlier last week, it occurred to me that while I don't think I could imagine myself with actual children, I probably would like being pregnant. (Hmm. But then eventually you give birth and have to deal with the end-product. That would be awful.)

I had, of course, gotten up to the parts in Sundry's blog where she was pregnant with Riley, and then eventually gave birth. This might have something to do with all of these weird maternal thoughts, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, and my baby cousin, Christopher was up with my aunt & uncle visiting last week. Surely, being in the presence of a very sweet 15 month old would make me consider all of this.

Of course it would. Later in the week, I thought, well maybe it wouldn't be so bad? Babies are cute, afterall - even up to (but not including) 2 years old, they're kinda neat. They're always learning new things and changing and growing. So, that's kind of cool... I might like to try that. But then they get older... what the hell would I do with an 8 year old? I've seen 8 year olds, I even live with one* on the weekends. But... sometimes they.. well they kind of bug the hell out of me. Sometimes.



Spending the short amount of time I did with baby Christopher, really showed me something.

I would probably be a damn good mom.

This, of course, is in comparison to his real mother (who married into the family. seriously, she doesn't belong to us) who is doing so much wrong that I could tell, the one who never had any kids. I'm not going to go into the specifics of what I was watching while we were out to dinner for my grandmother's birthday because everyone has their different methods and not everything works for everybody, but wow**. At one point, I turned my head towards The Boy and whispered very quietly, "oh my god, I don't know anything about this stuff, but I would do everything differently," To which he responded a quick and resounding, "YES, yes you would."

When mother and baby left the table because Christopher was acting up (and man, were people in the restaurant getting pissed) my mom and grandma started discussing her child-rearing tactics, wondering what the hell she was doing. I was glad to hear I wasn't the only one thinking she was totally fucking things up.



Am I at ALL cut out to be a .... urch... Mommy? Wow, that's really hard to say. Would I want to be a mommy? I really don't know.

I am starting to think, though, that maybe its not such a terrible idea. They do change your life. Of course they do. But right now, its not like we're living such a happening fucking time, as it is. We've pretty much turned into stationary people (much to my dismay, mind you) for the past 2 years. How much would my social life be affected. Haha - not very much. I only mention this, because one of my biggest problems with having a child is how will it effect ME. Of course, I do - and why shouldn't I? Its my body, life, etc. Don't judge me, dammit.

I just can't imagine how my life would be different. There are all kinds of aspects to consider: my job, our house, money, my f-ing mind. Can we handle this? I don't mean now, but in the future. Would we be able to?

The Boy, luckily, could go either way with this. He already has 2, and doesn't feel like he needs another, but would love to share that experience with me if I so desire. No pressure from him. And I really appreciate that.

One thing is for sure. It's not happening now. I'm not finished with school, I would like to be married first, we are not at all financially secure. All important things. By the time I have all or most of these things taken care of, I might change my mind. And that's ok.

**********

Wow - I've been wanting to get this off of my chest all week. I'm glad I finally sat down to do it, even though it took me all day.

And I didn't get any further with Sundry's blog. Addictions are rough...



*The Boy has two children of his own from a previous marriage. His children and I are not necessarily in love.
**Don't tell your child that their tantrum is cute. That's not helping anyone.

Ugh... late night, no coffee

The Boy and i are going away this weekend and i'm totally not ready to go; i haven't started packing anything. But on the other hand, i would love to just drop everything this instant and get in the car and get out of here. At this time tomorrow... well, i'll be sleeping (its 8:30am for chrissake). But later on tomorrow, i'll be at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, just throwing my money away to appease the Slot-Machine God. He shall be pleased with me, i think. Yes, very pleased.

I really can't afford a casino weekend, but The Boy and i need a weekend away and we only get one chance per month as we have his children in the house every weekend but one per month. So this is it. Our weekend. Away. Connecticut is close enough to not need to take a long weekend from work, yet far enough to be off of this god-forsaken island. Plus, there's the opportunity to spend gobs of cash with little or nothing to show for it. Perfect.

I miss traveling like i used to. There was a time when my cousin and i vowed to go away every year to a different country for at least a week. We started when we were 20 yrs old (we're only 6 months apart and at the time we were really close, almost inseparable) and continued on for 3 years in a row (Paris, Rome & London) and then we stopped after that last time. I imagine* it was due to our lives changing and all that sort of thing.

So, since that last one, i've been trying to get whoever i'm dating to come on board with this fly-on-an-airplane-once-a-year thing. The year after London was Las Vegas, then last summer was Quebec and Montreal. Granted, we drove up to Canada, (but you know, we left the country so it all equals out). The difference is, back when i was living at home with Mom, these yearly excursions were supplemented throughout the year with mini-breaks and long weekends here and there in the mountains or at the shore. Now i'm living with The Boy and do not have a disposable income (stupid mortgage) and there are children (though certainly not mine) and dogs (which are just fuzzy children) and Boy has stupid job that doesn't let him take time off (he's a Very Important Person) and I really miss leaving at a moments notice.

With all this in mind, i would feel like a real shit if i ever mentioned going away with a girlfriend or something and leaving him behind to deal with all of those things listed above (especially the fuzzy 'uns; they're such a handful) and spending money that we really can't afford to waste.

I hate having to be a responsible adult.

This is possibly the worst punishment i could have ever thought of for whatever i did when i was a kid.

Cheers.


*I'm pretty sure i know exactly why we stopped doing that. But i just don't have the stomach to let the real answer sit here where it could quite easily be found. I'm using my name here, for god's sake.

I guess i'll just post something everyday until i leave.

This is not exactly the most creative post, and is just a meme, and i did just steal it from Suebob instead of being tagged, but that is mostly because i am pretty lazy and don't have much to talk about and should be packing, but instead, catching up with everyone's blog. So there.


1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Nice hair, you.
2. How much cash do you have on you? None at all, i don't have any pockets in this outfit.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" Uh... score?
4. Favorite planet? Saturn. It's all ringy.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? "Private". I have no idea who this could have been since they didn't leave a message. And i looks like i missed one from friend, S, from yesterday. Shit.
6. What is your favorite ring tone? One that sounds like a phone ringing. Isn't that ca-razy of me? I know.
7. What shirt are you wearing? Pink henley pajama shirt. It's 4:00 and i'm in my PJs. Yes i am.
8. Do you "label" yourself? I am "Lacky".
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing? I don't know, they're yellow slippers with butterflies on them.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright. I hate working in a poorly lit room.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I don't know her terribly well, but she's got a really great blog, though i've only been reading for a short time.
12. What does your watch look like? It is silver with a rectangular, mother of pearl face. TheBoy got it for me for my birthday last year. Or was it christmas...
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy. Everyone is right - it's a great show. Silly me for not seeing it sooner.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "I made it to Florida" from an old friend who was moving down there - though he seems to have sent it to his entire phonebook because i had no idea he hadn't already moved and he didn't respond to me saying, "Wha..?"
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Right around the corner for all of your coffee needs.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? "Sure!" and "Ok" and "Fantastic".
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? TheBoy.
18. Last furry thing you touched? BigDog, whom i'm going to miss just a little when we leave tomorrow.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? I don't think any.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Probably at least 5. I have no idea what's on them, either.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 16
22. Your worst enemy? Girl at work who thinks she's my boss. Nuh-uh, sister.
23. What is your current desktop picture? Close-up picture pretty much up TheBoy's nose. It makes me giggle a little.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? See you later.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? Pardon?
27. The last song you listened to? Currently listening to Dead Souls by Joy Division
28. What time of day were you born? 1:00 a.m.
29. What's your favorite number? 27.
30. Where did you live in 1987? Mom's house, Long Island. I was 7.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Only those more fortunate than myself.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? Doubtful, but probable.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work, heard the report on the boss's radio.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Shake it, hit it. Sometimes, in dire situations, stick my hand as far up the slot to retrieve what i wanted in the first place. It only works on certain machines - usually the feminine product ones in the bathroom at work. I mean dire situations when i say it.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? Absolutely.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Where it would least likely be seen by my mother.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish or Italian.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? Absolutely
39. Are you touchy feely? Yes.
40. What's your life motto? I never thought i would be HERE.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? Keys, atm card. Pants.
42. What's your favourite town/city? Ah, Paris.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? bagels.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I honestly have no idea. Maybe a postcard from London.
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Sadly, with all the time i spent around my father and brother fixing cars, i never learned. I could tell you have an internal combustion engine works, though. Bah.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? HE is living in Florida with his wife, probably near the friend that moved there, and has 1.5 children and 2 dogs. Bastard.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? Great-great grandparents on both sides.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? I'm rarely fancy, but i think it may have been for TheBoy's little cousin's bar mitzvah sometime last year. I did just buy a dress for the cruise, so i'll be fancy some time next week.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My back. Ouchies.
50. Have you been burned by love? Yes, of course. But i think he felt more burned in the end.


And there you have it.
If you'd like to copy this, go ahead. i'm not going to tag anyone because i don't think anyone really appreciates it, anyway.

But, hey! While i'm away, i'll be checking my mail and everything, so comment! Comment for me!! I know you're out there! You, right there! You who reads and never says anything! Do the meme, that's how i'll tag you. Just tell me that you're doing it so i can come and read it. And stalk you from a boat in the Caribbean.

Meanwhile, i'm listening to my first birthday present from TheBoy. Birthday is on Wednesday and he felt the need to give me my presents a little early. He gave me the Gothic Box - A Life Less Lived. Weee! Three cds worth of some really great stuff and a DVD. Who doesn't love a little Sisters of Mercy? Bauhaus? Christian Death? Fields of Nephilim? Anyone? Eh, i do, that's all that counts, it is my birthday present after all, not yours. And if i want to relive my teenage years, i will. Feh. You don't know what good is.

Ok, i guess i should start packing now. I have some laundry to finish up and then figure out what i need for 11 days on a boat.
Have a good two weeks, all! I'll catch up with you sometime in December.
Now where's my sunblock...

I really have to get on the ball, here.

Hi! Long time. I've been meaning to come by and see you.. or at least call, you know? But, uh, i've been really busy and i just haven't been able to spare the time to um.. well, say Hi. Though, i've missed you terribly, and feel just so awful for leaving you hanging like this. Um. How's the wife and kids? Good?

I've jumped on the band-wagon and put together the new year's meme thing from Sundry. Though i didn't tell her about it and wish i did, because then i would be linked on her page and maybe considered "cool" like with the other cool kids, because Sundry is totally awesome. Like, in a far out way. Jinkies.

So here is my New Years Meme. I hope you all had a great holiday. I mostly did. It wasn't as lame as i thought it would be, and at the same time not nearly as exciting as i hoped it would be. Eh. At least there was champagne.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?

Went swimming for my birthday in November.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did, in fact keep my resolution to lose weight, but then I put it all back on again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not really. TheBoy’s aunt passed from cancer, but I didn’t know her very well.

5. What countries did you visit?

Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Jamaica

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Will power, expendable income, higher tolerance for stupidity, etc..

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Uh…oh god, I have no idea… was there anything worth remembering that well? Etched? Really? Uh..

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I graduated with my 2-year degree.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I graduated without ever figuring out what I want to do next.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Cruise tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

BigDog. She has grown into a decent adult dog. Ie: Less-horrible behavior. Also, the American public for finally getting their shit screwed on straight and pushing the Republicans out of Congress. Thank you, country. It’s about time you did something right-ish. (Or left-ish.... heee.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

LittleDog. Her ability to jump 7 ft in the air, while amazing, is going to send me over the edge. If she destroys the new fence any further, I am going to have to stop myself from wringing her doggy neck. I’m also appalled by the president. There.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Everywhere! Yay!! You want money? I’m just throwing it away!! Here! Money!!! WEEEEEEE!! Um, mostly the vacation I think. Also, credit card bills (god the credit card bills) and mortgage. Stupid mortgage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Vacation!! Yay! Bye-bye, money!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. Because of that time back in the spring where I was somewhat obsessed with her and her live performances on the late show circuit. Fantastic.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Happier, fatter, and, hard to imagine – maybe a little richer. They actually gave me a raise here. Do you believe? Me. They gave me money. Ha! We’ll see if there’s any difference when I get my first paycheck. Chances are: no.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, dieting, going out with friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Bitched and complained about everything every step of the way.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. It was really nice. It’s always nice when there are lots of people around… especially if you actually like them.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Yes, with Stop & Shop’s chocolate chip cookies. MMmmmmm…

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Veronica Mars and Grey’s Anatomy.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Actually, I don’t think so. Huh. Good for me.

25. What was the best book you read?

Best? God, I don’t know… I really liked “Memoirs of a Geisha”…but best? Why can’t I think…one of the books I read over vacation was fun and quick, “Julie and Julia” by Julie Powell. If you like cooking or Julia Child or blogs or all three, you’ll probably enjoy it.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Dandy Warhols. So catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A handheld GPS device for Geocaching, Heee! So excited to go treasure hunting.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Snakes on a Plane? Nah. I am so unprepared for this. I really have no idea what my favorite film was. I can’t think of a single movie that I saw this year. How shitty. Um, Little Miss Sunshine was pretty great, and so was Borat… but favorite? I dunno.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26 this year and spent it poolside on a cruise ship, sunbathing. Was wonderful.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Same as always: Business casual, and quite boring. Another turtleneck? Yes, I’d love one, thank you.

33. What kept you sane?

Impending 2-week vacation.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Well, how can you not just LOVE Brittany and her ho-hos?

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The midterm elections got me all political-minded again. It’s hard not to care about what’s going on in the government lately when everything about it is like some ass-backwards pissing contest of a soap opera, no?

36. Who did you miss?

Cousin G. She came to Christmas which was nice and awkward, but I miss her the way she was when we were really close.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Girl in my ceramics class. She was super nice and super helpful. I hope we keep in touch. Must work on that.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

Be more decisive with the things that really matter. If it is important, take the time to sort out options ahead of time.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Wooo!! Hello, long post! Maybe i'll tell Sundry i did it anyway... because it took me like 4 days to finally be able to finish this thing and someone, somewhere should know.

2008 Year End Meme thing. And hello, there. Don't you look nice today?

So you may have noticed that the last time i posted, it was regarding Facebook.  And that may be all the explanation you need for why i haven't been posting since September.

Well, it's obviously more complicated than that, but that's a pretty good first clue as to what I've been doing since the end of September... being a voyeur.  No, it's true.  I am "friends" with more ex-boyfriends than i can shake a stick at and it's kind of entrtaining to see what they're doing with their lives.  Whether they've gone and gotten married or are actually STILL SINGLE since I've  broken up with them.  It's truly fascinating to watch from afar.

There's also been some awful stuff going on in my life, which of course is usually my number one reason for steering clear of this place - there doesn't seem to have ever been a real break from the awful stuff over the course of me having this blog, but hey - what the hell.  Welcome to the story of my life.  It's a real barn-burner.

Numero Uno is, of course, that The Boy was laid off in at the end of October.  This is not the first time that I've been the only working member of our little family, but this time, it does seem to be a more unfortunate time to be unemployed.  The market sucks, which i don't think is breaking news, but it sucks SO BAD that there has only been one company interested in his resume since OCTOBER.  He started talking to them in early December and then the company realized that it was holiday time and told him that they're not going to hire anyone until January.  So now we wait.  I'M SO GOOD AT WAITING IT'S LIKE THIS MONTH JUST FLEW BY! 

It sucks, is what.

The Boy has perfected his Unemployment Beard, and has taken over the children's new XBox 360, so you know, he's doing fine with all this time off.

And, now that you've been properly updated, i think it's time to do Sundry's New Year's Quiz:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Did the Dim Sum thing in Chinatown (NY) with a group of strangers, asserted myself to the boyfriend's mother, joined Facebook and reconnected with some really good friends that I'd lost touch with.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I'm so predictable.  Last year it was lose weight, just as it was the year before.  I think i can safely say that i really tried harder this year than i had before, but of course, i fell off the wagon once my school semester started back up again in the fall.  Stupid school ruins everything.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not exactly "close" in a friends and family way, but proximity-wise, yes.  Our next-door neighbor's teenage son was killed in a car accident in August and it was awful and tragic and there must have been 300 people at the wake.  I'm still not sure how to interact with my neighbors because it was all just so awful and i don't know what to say.  He was such a great kid and it was the last thing i was expecting to hear when his mother rang my doorbell that day.  Ugh.  Awful, awful, awful.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.  It's been kind of a lean year..

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

More money, please.  I would like TheBoy to have a good job that he loves, that doesn't expect him to work like a crazy person 60-80 hours a week for very little money, with an hour-long commute like this last job did.  I would like to continue to clean up my credit card debt because it feels really good to stop getting a bill from WaMu (whom i hate, btw, with a fiery passion.  I'll give you a 34.89% APR.  Right up your stupid, unhelpful asses, WaMu).

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Unfortunately, i don't know if there are any.  This wasn't such a great year.  Seriously.  I'd just like to forget it ever happened, please.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Cleaning up that credit card, i think.  It's been killing me for the past 2 years or so, and i'm really glad to be done with it.  I hate credit cards, i really, really do.  Oh, also getting straight A's.  That's pretty awesome, too.

9. What was your biggest failure?

That day that i didn't go to the gym.  Because it was the first day in a long series of days that i didn't go to the gym.  It's sort of still going on right now.  I suck.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, thank goodness..

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I didn't buy much this year, i'll tell you that.  But probably my yoga membership.  That was really great for a long while, until my school schedule prevented me from going anymore.  I'd like to start that up again, too.  Because yoga?  It kicked my ass.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

MINE.  I didn't freak the fuck out when i got the "I've been laid off" phone call.  Sure, i sobbed into the phone a little bit, but i picked myself right back up and made sure he was ok and did what the hell ever else you're supposed to do when you're a "supportive girlfriend". 

Oh, and Barack Obama.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sarah Palin.  COME ON people.  What were you thinking...

14. Where did most of your money go?

The mortgage, credit card bills, the usual.  We didn't go on any extravagant VACATIONS or anything, god no.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The election.  I was glued to the television.  It was like a soap opera and i loved every minute of the election coverage.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

No Sunlight - Death Cab for Cutie.  I had the album on heavy rotation for awhile this year... The first half of the record is really catchy.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Honestly?  I think i'm actually happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Probably fatter.
c) richer or poorer? And mystery of mysteries, probably a little bit richer.  I learned how to save this year.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

More saving.  I wish the nest egg were a little bigger for when the severance checks stop coming in...  Also, i wish i had had more fun.  I was in a really bad place at the beginning of the summer and I wish I had said, "fuck it," and done more of what i wanted to do.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressing out.  It doesn't help.  It just makes your hair fall out.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At mom's again, Christmas Eve and Day, with the family.  It was perfectly lovely.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Uh, no.  Well maybe "in love again", but that sounds cheesy as hell, and i wouldn't want to even suggest something that skin-crawly.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I love "How I Met Your Mother".  LOVE IT.  That and "The Office". 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

My answer from last year still applies: I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

24. What was the best book you read?

Oh, dear 35lb Accounting Textbook.  How I love thee; how your embrace kept me warm at night.  How I wished that our love was not forbidden....

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Pernice Brothers.  Not new, but new to me.  "Working Girls" is a great song (but the quality on that video sucks).

26. What did you want and get?

A new coffee pot that does not suddenly open up and spout hot coffee all over the kitchen floor while brewing.

27. What did you want and not get?

A decent raise.  Enh.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, i think.  I just love Judd Apatow.  Oh, and also Dark Knight because i got to see it in IMAX.  And you haven't seen a fast action movie until you've seen it up way too close and in your entire field of vision.  It hurt my neck and made me dizzy, but in a totally awesome way.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My birthday is worth an entire post, but i'll just say that I was at TheBoy's family reunion and i was not pleased. It was a large event at a fancy-dancy catering hall and TheBoy's mother brought a cake so that her family (all 150 of them) could sing happy birthday to me.  I wanted to die, but instead I turned 28. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Money?  Hello?  Come visit!  Stay awhile, ok?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Heh.  I'm just a simple girl.  I wear business casual pants and turtlenecks.  But this year, i've gone a little crazy and started wearing some more noticeable jewelry.  Watch out, world.  Claire is accessorizing.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends.  I'm grateful that i've reconnected with my Cousin G.  She's been sort of my rock this year.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

See #15.  I was ENTHRALLED by the election this year.  I was almost a little upset when the coverage stopped.  I was watching the news everyday all day long if i could.  I thought i may never see Sarah again and her expensive suits and lipstick-on-a-pitbull-ness.  And then Thanksgiving came.  Like a gift.

35. Who did you miss?

Some friends who i haven't seen in awhile. 

36. Who was the best new person you met?

New school friend, Tracey.  She was in both my classes, but now that she won't be in my classes next semester, i'm pretty sure we'll never speak again.  I need to be better at keeping in touch with people...

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Just when you think everything sucks, it gets better.  And then suddenly it gets way, way worse. 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Uh, no.