It's all so inconvenient.

Well, no news yet but the interviews both went pretty well. I have to say that the HR part could have been less uncomfortable had the HR chick not pointed out one of my work flaws to me and asked me to explain it.

I said i didn't like her, right? Yeah. That was not a casual statement. There be reasons, yo.

But things are moving along. I've been in touch with Prospective Manager (maybe a little too much - i think I'm starting to annoy him) and he seems very positive about the whole situation so i have let my breath out a bit. I just get to wait some more now.

Stupid waiting.

------------------

Otherwise, i went to a transfer day at school last week and sat down with an admissions counselor from my first-ish* choice 4-year school. I was easily and painlessly accepted and handed a "we are pleased to inform you" letter right there on the spot.

But now i have the head ache of trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for this. If I go to college part time, only 2 classes a semester... i am going to be paying oh.. around... $4,680. And that's strictly just for those 2 classes.

That does not include the fees: parking fee, administrative fee, university fee, technology fee, book fee, paper fee, bug spray fee, lawn fee, god-damn toilet paper fee, etc.

Going to a community college for my associates degree is probably the best thing i could have done. The point is to get all of the credits you will need to fulfill any bachelors degree for 1/2 the cost than doing it at a 4-year school. And it was. I was able to pay for all of those classes with my debit card and it was awesome. AWESOME.

And now I'm off to see the financial aid fairies and hope that they can help me. Because $780 PER CREDIT (multiply that by 6) is going to be really hard for me to just write a check for. Why? Because i am poor. Apparently.

Chances are however, that i am not poor enough to receive real financial aid. I think you need to be making $7.00 an hour or less to qualify for financial aid, and for once, i am sad that i make more than that. Who knew that day would come.

So next we go to the scholarship fairies to see if they would like to bestow any gifts upon me. I will probably qualify for something, but it will probably be something like $500 a semester for being such a super cool person. $500 will just about cover the textbooks and gas i will need to commute. That is not even 1/3 of one class.

That sucks. It sucks eggs, is what.

I'm off to fill out a FAFSA form and hope for the best.

Though that would be so much easier if i had my W2 on me... dammit.

*I still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. I still don't know where i want to go. This is only my first choice because i know it is a good school and that it is not more than an hour away. If i actually had a career goal, this would be easier for me.

EEEeeeeeee!!!!!

Hello! I am starting to develop HIVES on my FACE.


HIVES.. OH GOD HIVES.

31 minutes until interview....

Pick ME!

Well, here we go. Tomorrow is the interview.

I've already told the boss and he's fine with my wanting to look for a job. I could tell he was a little surprised, but more so was wondering how the higher-ups are going to fill my place if i actually get the job. He was, in fact, laughing about it. So i guess all is as good as it is going to get.

Tomorrow i sit down with HR and Prospective Manager, but i'm not sure what i am to expect out of this. I don't know if this is the first of multiple interviews or if i just need the one. I'm also not sure if this is going to be a generic HR interview with the "what are your biggest weaknesses" type of questions. I'm kind of hoping that they know me better than needing to ask me things like that, but i'm not sure.

It should be interesting, that's for sure. I kind of have a feeling that the HR chick doesn't like me so much, which is ok because i have enough sense not to like her back. But that kind of good sense isn't going to get me anywhere tomorrow.

So i'm currently brushing up on my "how do you prioritize your work" answers and making sure that my only suit that fits is free of dog hair and just trying to relax for the rest of the night. I am a notoriously bad interviewer and i am hoping that i can be relaxed enough to get through this process successfully and without tripping over my words or i don't know, burping audibly or something sexy like that.

I know that there have been a stack of resumes submitted for this position from the outside world, so that has me reasonably shaken about the situation. I could very potentially not be as qualified as someone who has maybe been doing this for a living for a substantial amount of time. If i don't get this job, it is going to be very awkward going back to my cubicle and looking at my boss everyday while he knows that my heart isn't in it anymore. Not that is has been for quite some time, but hey, at least we didn't all have to talk about it before.

All i can do is put on a smile and tell HR chick about what a model employee i am and hope for the best. All i can ask from you is to send me your positive thoughts at 3:00 EST on Monday. Every little bit helps, eh?

Can you tell i'm stalling?

Today's the day.

I have to tell him today.

But first!
I was just reminded of something to help you to better understand just how non-confrontational i am.

{{{Wayne's World wavy screen flashback transition}}}

I think it was 2001? Probably about 6 years ago, i guess. Imagine that song "It's Been Awhile" by Staind is playing on the radio. I'm pretty sure that song was always playing on the radio that year on at least 3 stations at any given moment. And it's a damn shitty song.

I was getting sick of how my stupid bank worked, what with its "holding periods" and "no online banking" and "nasty, indignant tellers" and decided that i wanted a change and opened up an account at a local credit union. One with all kinds of online banking and nicer people with less attitude and they also were better about not telling me that i couldn't access my money when i wanted it (which really sucks by the way when you are super-poor like me and are maybe making minimum wage, or at least very close to it).

So i opened an account and dropped most of my money in it and all was good. I could look at my money move all day long online and that was so exciting for me, you have no idea. Hey. Sometimes its the simple things that make me happy.

But there was still one thing i had left to do.

I had to quit the bank.*

Every week i said to myself, 'Self? Today is the day we quit the bank'. And then i wouldn't go anywhere near the bank and I'd be all , 'Feh! I was so busy, i didn't have time to quit the bank today!'

And there the account laid open. Open and on the brink of emptiness.

To quit the bank, you have to talk to someone at the bank. You have to tell them that you don't want to be in their bank anymore and that you're leaving their bank. You're breaking up with the bank. And i think by now you know how i feel about that kind of conversation.

Not good. In case you were wondering, it's not good.

Once a month, i would receive my statement and every month, there would be a couple of dollars less in the bank than there was the month before. The account was starting to eat away at itself from starvation and neglect. It would only eat a dollar or two a month, but pretty soon i knew there would be nothing left.

Years went by. I never did quit the bank. Eventually there was only about $12.00 in the bank and they finally sent me a letter telling me they were closing the account due to inactivity. And i said "YES! I don't have to quit the bank! They did it for me."

And that is the story of a girl who is so non-confrontational that she couldn't even close a bank account.


It's probably also because of sheer laziness. But feh. That does not fit the theme of the story.




*I don't know if anyone else would pick this up, but that is a Friends reference. My closet addiction to Friends goes deep. And i would in fact go around saying this; I'm not making up that phrase for your amusement. Because it is not so amusing.

Keep Pork Off Your Fork*

Hrm.

So.

I am still WAITING. Waiting, waiting, waiting........ I have not yet heard back from Prospective Manager about my essay which is FRANKLY DRIVING ME INSANE.

But it's ok. He is out of state for most of the week at another location, so i'm sure he's busy or whatever. Though he did say that he would email me about it. You know, as in, "Maybe, if i get a chance".

Fine! It's ok! Really! I've already gotten the phone call from HR for an "appointment" to "sit down" and "talk" about my "applying for the position" (do the air-quotes with me, people) on Monday. Which is, *awesome*! Wooo! But also means that i have to tell my supervisor before Friday afternoon that i am leaving him for another department.

A sexier, taller department that makes more money and drives a faster car.

I have two days to break the news and i am so not looking forward to it. I am so terribly non-confrontational that even for something that will be so much better for me, is not enough inspiration for me to leap into his office like a ballerina, scattering rose petals behind me with streamers in my hair, and tell him that i am LEAVING.

This should not be so surprising. Especially to the ex-boyfriends out there who may read this. YOU KNOW HOW I AM. I cannot break up with someone for the life of me, and usually keep it going for waaayy too long because i do not want to break up because that is mean (obviously-dur).

This here is nothing more than a professional break-up only with a deadline and i am creeping quickly to that deadline. I am wishing that i was the kind of person that could do this with the leaping and skipping and ribbons in the hair.

But i am not. And i'm currently making lists of things i should say when i sit down with him that do not include:
"FUCK YOU!!!!" or
"..because it totally sucks here" or
"i'll still be here in spirit" or
"if you'd like, i'll stay for a month or two to help out if you need me".

You know.

*Random 'web clip' in my gmail tool bar today. So catchy.

Butterflies.

It's so weird. I have butterflies in my stomach. I feel like about to go on a first date. Like a blind first date.

I just finished submitting my application and resume for the new job on the company intranet and now all i have to do is wait. I handed in my essay to Prospective New Manager and he's going to go over it and call me in the afternoon to talk about it. Human Resources knows that I'm an "interested party" (well, especially now that I've applied) and i have nothing more to do than wait.


Um. I'm not always good at waiting. Cause i get nervous. And excitable.


But there you go. It's out of my hands now. You know, until i have to tell my boss i am going to defect.

That will have to wait for another day.

Ahem... - UPDATED

So i started to write that thing. You know the thing? The thing for the job? Yeah. I started it last night and uh.. i have to say it is proving to be more challenging than i anticipated. "Challenging"... yeah.

That's a good word, right? Cause i like "challenges". Really, i do. But, uh... I'm starting to feel a little freaked. As if, perhaps, i was maybe wrong about being able to do this. And that maybe i am not quite so smart as i was pretending to be.

I have until Friday to have it finished and I'm wondering if that's actually enough time. I don't even know quite yet how long it has to be, but i tried making an outline (which, not for nothing, i haven't done in an awful long time and i know its necessary for something like this) and i even had trouble with THAT.

So i started on the first draft, figuring that i could come back and fill in the outline once i get in the groove. Maybe the ideas will come to me once i start actually typing something, you know? But then i got stuck in the first paragraph...

I am seriously freaking right now. And I'm not going to go to Prospective Manager and freak all over him, no of course not - that would be suicide. So I'm doing it here. For all of you. Welcome.

OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING OH GOD OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD. I CAN'T SERIOUSLY DO THIS FOR A LIVING WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CONSTRUCT A SENTENCE LET ALONE GET THOUGHTS ON PAPER HOLY FRICKING CHRIST WHAT AM I DOING OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD WHY DOES IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ARTICLE NOW? CAN IT SOUND LIKE AN ARTICLE? I DON'T KNOW!!!! BUT IT DOES AND MAYBE I SHOULD PUT SOME RANDOM HAPPY FACES IN THERE YEAH? NOO!!! STOP IT! AUUGGHHGGGGHHHH!!!

Ok, thank you.

*************************
Update - alrighty. I spoke to Potential New Manager and VERY CALMLY as if nothing was bothering me, asked a few simple questions about what i should be doing and i think i've got it all under control now. whooo! just needed to get a little stress out i guess. Sorry about the complete loss of my mind! Really! Everything is just fine now!

Hello - help me? html question...

It seems like everyone else has been able to figure this out, and i'm feeling a little dumb today.

If i want to post a link on someone's comments and i want it to say a word and not show the actual link address... How do i do that?

For instance, if I wanted to link to oh.. i don't know... that great site, www.leekspin.com

But i want the happy blue words to read "Strangely Addictive Swedish Crap" when you see it in your comments. How do i do that?

Anyone? Bueller?

I know you all know how to do this - i am just a little dumber than you. That's all.

I may be able to start counting those chickens.

After a conversation with Potential New Manager, i was informed that he had a conversation about me with the director of his department. It was nice to hear that the director didn't call me a stupid cow or anything but was perhaps somewhat interested in my wanting the new job. Director, I'm pretty sure, has always liked me so i knew that he wouldn't be much of a hurdle for me. I mean, I've been here for 7 years - these people know me and by now probably know what I'm about and what I'm capable of. At least i would hope so. But even still, it was nice to hear that he wasn't put off by Potential New Manager throwing my name in for the position.

However, I've been given a assignment that i need to complete before applying. He wants to see a writing sample; specifically a technical essay covering any project that i have done while working here. Now, you may be saying, what kind of a dick asks for a homework assignment before you're even allowed to apply for the job?

The answer is, 'the kind of dick that may be hiring you for a Technical Writing job'.

Right.

Also, he wants the essay before i apply so that HR doesn't have to get involved before we know if I'm qualified for the job. Which i am, dammit.

I know, you're probably thinking, "but her grammar sucks and look at all of, the, commas, she, uses. She is so not fit for that kind of job." To which i say, "Fuck you! Innernet Naysayers!" I am SO fit for this job! And you can't tell me any different!"
"But you use conjunctions at the beginning of all of your sentences."

Yeah, well.

....hmph.


I have a lot of work to do, obviously. But i know that i can do this. I just need a good grammar book and I'll be fine. Also, i need to figure out what project I'm going to write about so that i can punch this thing out and get on with the process. Luckily, Potential New Manager said that we would go over my paper before we hand it in to Potential New Director and go over it to make sure that i don't throw myself under the bus, as it were.

So uh... what the hell goes into a technical essay....?

I CAN SO DO THIS JOB SHUT UP.