"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Monday, October 30, 2006

I talk about interesting things like my lunch.

I just did a really stupid thing.

I have no money on me today. I mean I have a few big bills in my purse, but those are strictly slated for deposit so that my damn checks won't bounce - but otherwise, I have no money. Some pocket change, but really nothing.
My next-door cube mate asked if I wanted to order lunch to be delivered from the deli around the corner. I said I’d love to, but I have no cash and she offered to pay and I promised to pay her back tomorrow when I have real money.

So the deli guy came with our order - Cubemate was out of the office and left me $20 to pay the Deli Guy just in case he came while she was out. Might I mention it was the only money she had on her as well?

Right.

"Comes to $18.66" mumbles Deli Guy, "I have change of a 20, here."
"Ok, all I have is 20... Mostly in singles, so... 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Here you go. No, no change." I smile and hand over all of Cubemate's cash.
"Really? Well, thanks! That's awfully generous." Says Deli guy as he waves and walks, quickly, out the door.

And here I am left thinking, Generous? Really? Since when is $1.44 generous for a tip?

So I pick up the bag of sandwiches and the bill, which is attached... "Huh. Total, $13.66. Yeah."

I heard him wrong and didn't bother looking at the damn bill. He didn't really stiff me. I feel like such an asshole, especially since it’s not my damn money. I am normally a really good tipper. Really. I really am. But $6.44 for a $13 bill is a little excessive - especially since it's not like the deli is far; it's right around the damn corner.

I jumped up and down in my cubicle and screamed obscenities at the bag of food like a crazy person*.

We didn't even get the right stuff.

I better get some free food out of this down the line.

Some people might have run after Deli Guy and gotten their money back. Maybe explaining that they don't listen too well and that they didn't mean to give him such a HA HA big tip. But not me, I couldn't possibly do that. Because it's just rude. Sorry, mister, you're not worth a whole $6.44 - could I have like 4 of that back? Please? Thank you... No, I couldn't possibly.

Cubemate doesn't know that I gave away all of her money (especially since they gave us the wrong stuff and she would FLIP if I gave them more money and they fucked up the order (probably my fault, too)) because I found $5.00 hidden in my desk drawer that doesn't necessarily belong to me, but for today's sake? It is magical hidden change from a certain Deli Guy that doesn't deserve a $6.44 tip.




*No, I am not exaggerating.

6 Comments:

  • are we the same person? are we?

    *slightly scared*

    By Blogger surly girl, at 10/30/2006 5:28 PM  

  • omg.
    happens to the best of us. I left a 5$ tip for a cup of coffee back when i was first dining out alone and had to walk back to my apartment. sigh.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 10/30/2006 8:11 PM  

  • SG - do you wake up in cold sweats from dreams about being chased by Liza Minelli with a knife? just me then? you're probably safe.

    FN - and of course you would choose to walk home rather then explain you screwed up. Of course - i would, too.

    By Blogger claire, at 10/31/2006 10:23 AM  

  • My husband once left $20 more than he intended for a tip in a mid-range restaurant. Luckily (for the waitress) he didnt realize it until a 29 minute train ride home later.
    He still talks about it. 10 years later. And still thinks he should have gone back for it. I told him if I had been there and he had tried to go back and get the money, I would have throw him in front of the train.

    By Anonymous Michele, at 10/31/2006 10:52 AM  

  • Michele - Hi! Gah! If it were $20 i probably would have turned red from shame, but would never have gone back for it. I second the train-pushing idea. :)

    By Blogger claire, at 10/31/2006 2:27 PM  

  • One time when I was back in the male strip club days, I had tucked a $20 in one hand and $1 in the other hand, and walked up to the bar, intending to buy drinks for Ida and myself. Well one of the guys, that I was friends with (and was a dancer) came over and I tucked the the dollar in his neon green thong. I got a hug & smooch from him, he danced away and I turned to order my drinks. You can only imagine my HORROR when I attempted to pay for the drinks, and came to realize I was still holding the $1, and accidentally tucked the $20 in to the DANCERS g-string! I wanted to cry.

    I also was at a dinner party one night where we had aweful service (it was at Intermezzo)and we decided not to tip the server well. Again the horror as we were actually exiting the restaraunt, and the manager came chasing after us because numb-nuts decided to miscalculate the bill, and we were not leaving enough money for the tip...and we were a large party. Thankfully I wasn't the one who did the math that night.

    These things happen, with mis-tipping. And if I was in your shoes with the deli guy, would have done the same exact thing.

    By Blogger Orelinde_03, at 11/01/2006 10:10 AM  

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