"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Monday, September 18, 2006

Ceramics jokes! I rock!

Not much to report from this weekend. It was pretty lame, actually.

On Saturday, I decided to go in to the bedroom to take a nap around 5:30pm. I didn't get back up until 9:00 the next morning. I'm thinking that is way too long to take for a nap. I'm thinking, no one really needs to sleep that much. I'm thinking I may have wasted a good portion of the weekend that way. Also, I may have aggravated something in my lower back, because ouch. Did I really have some good wholesome pain when I got up in the morning.

Though, I did do something productive before the Great Sleep. On Saturday morning I went out to shop for the supplies I need for the last and final class I need to graduate this semester. Since all I had left to take was an unrestricted elective, I decided that an underwater basketweaving class was in order.

Ceramics 1. Ah, pottery. Molding clay with my bare hands. Its a wonderful, therapeutic hobby that will give me an easy A to keep my GPA in good standing and will require absolutely zero in regards to homework or studying or anything academic. After taking two summer semesters, I decided this was a great idea, giving me time to just relax before making the big where-the-hell-do-I-go-from-here decision, in regard to my bachelors.

Except that I was wrong. So very wrong. Its a 4 hour class, first of all, and there are more people in the class than seats so we're all kind of on top of each other at the little work tables. Doesn't exactly give you room to roll out your clay (I know these artistic terms as I already took this class in high school. Shhhh... don't tell. I are a expert.) But she also gave us an assignment. A term paper. I have to write a paper for Ceramics, for crissakes. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

She also wants us to keep a sketchbook. Something I haven't done since my horrific introduction to advanced-placement art in the 8th grade, an experience which ruined my artistic ability and dried out any creative juices that were flowing anywhere in my vicinity. (Not the sketchbook, mind you, the class in itself was a horror show. I hated that woman, and still do. (Deep breaths.)) I can't draw anymore and I wasn't expecting to HAVE to draw. She's going to grade us on it and I'm not exactly sure what kind of Monet she's expecting from this group of people, half of which are Liberal Arts majors (like myself) with no talent, whatsoever.

The class, itself, is just one giant hen-party. There is one guy in a sea of women, and you can tell that all of his testosterone has been beaten out of him at some point in his life. He keeps referring to his 'girlfriend' but I don't think anyone believed him. There was another guy who was sitting next to me at the beginning of the class while the professor was giving her lecture (um, for 2 hours) and occasionaly I would take note of his facial expressions. There was no way he was coming back next week; the look of pain and disgust on his face was quite entertaining. He didn't even make it back after our 10 minute break. I heard him in the hallway on his cellphone and it sounded like he was on the phone with his parents trying to convince them that he didn't need the class and wanted to drop it. Poor kid. Crumbled under the pressure*.

But back to me. On Saturday I went to purchase all of the tools that I'll need for this class. Funny enough, all they provide for you in the class is the fucking clay. Genius! So they send you out to buy all of the crap you'll need, which most of us will never use ever again. I spent about $50 at the art supply store and then went to 3 other stores to find a missing item on the list that I'll also never need again and still didn't find it. How disappointing! YAY!

We did get to make a pot in the second half of the class, though. It was fun. If I get it back, maybe I'll post a picture of the sad thing.

She told me it will probably break during firing.

I ARE FANCY ARTIST.



*Get it? Crumbled?? That a pottery joke, folks. HAR HAR!!!

7 Comments:

  • the title of this post cracked me up pretty bad. then i started coughing, which hurt. then i had to get up and run blow my nose, which made me cough more, which lead to me having to spit into the toilet after that. then flush. now i am back.
    you see the effect you have on the world? all because you had to be so hilarious!

    By Blogger First Nations, at 9/18/2006 11:09 AM  

  • oh, you make me blush, you.
    sorry about the coughing, though.. i think i won't take credit for that though, because if you choke it will be linked back to me.

    i just can't risk it at this point in my art career.

    By Blogger claire, at 9/18/2006 11:32 AM  

  • Oh that is so funny. And also, why don't they offer ME ceramics.

    Although, admittedly the paper? God does that suck. If you don't have any air bubbles in your clay it shouldn't break on firing. (See, I took it in high school too! Actually Crafts 1--fancy)

    Although my favorite thing ever made from clay was an ashtray my sister made my mother in the shape of a toilet bowl and seat. Titled, "Asstray" She are a fancy artist two.

    By Blogger Christine, at 9/18/2006 11:43 AM  

  • Here's a ceramic joke for ya:

    "It will probably break during firing."

    "Well... that's how the cookie jar crumbles!"

    =:-) Have fun!!!

    By Blogger minijonb, at 9/18/2006 12:23 PM  

  • christine - i imagine lawyers don't have much need for ceramics. that's sad, i think.
    you're right about the air bubbles, but she was concerned about my artistic interpretation of "feet". i made pretty leaf-shaped things and attached them to the bottom. she wasn't convinced they were thick enough. (I are creative, two.)

    minijonb - oh, oh! you got me there. (sigh)

    By Blogger claire, at 9/18/2006 1:20 PM  

  • That poor professor. I wonder if she fancies herself a real artist. She clearly has had many semesters of students taking her class as a gut course to start off with 2-hour lectures and threats of long papers. Either that, or she's just a self-important sadist.

    I just loved buying useless stuff for one class. This is why I got through college by borrowing, cadging, and copying things at the library (plus occasional stealing). Who can afford all that crap? Can you at least sell it when you're done?

    I want a vase. I think we should ALL get vases. Or maybe chia pets? Saves on glazing!

    By Blogger Da Nator, at 9/18/2006 1:25 PM  

  • da nator - i think the 2 hour lecture was just for the first class to go over the syllabus and such. hopefully that won't happen again. and no - i can't see it after the class is over, at least i don't think so. what a waste.
    chia pets! what a good idea. then when she tells me that it's not glazed, i can tell her its SUPPOSED to be unglazed. DUR.

    By Blogger claire, at 9/18/2006 6:41 PM  

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