Feeling better today, luckily.

Thank you, everyone who chimed in on my bad day yesterday. I feel a lot better about moving on with my life and getting out of this awful place sometime this year. I really had thought I worked myself into a corner and it's good to know that I'm not right.


In other news, I'm in the second week of my Communications class (Part 2 of a 2 part series: Claire Goes to Summer Session) and even though I was dreading this class, it's really not so bad. Granted, I have to give my first speech on Monday and am totally freaking out, but I think I'll be prepared for it by then. I think it goes without saying that Public Speaking is a dreadful thing and many people, I have learned, really hate to do it - not just me. I even have someone in my class that just about broke down in tears last night when we were given our pop-presentations.

The professor surprised us last night with an index card, randomly selected, stating a generic question. She wanted us to stand up in front of the class with very little preparation and give a brief answer - Public Speaking... eeurrghhh...

In all reality, it wasn't that bad. I was nervous and jittery*, but my question was an easy one: " If you could have the perfect job, what would it be?" Simple. I pulled one out that I had thought of years ago and babbled incoherently about how if I could, I would love to be a columnist for a travel magazine. I totally dig the idea that people send you (gratis) to far away places where you stay in the finest hotel suites and eat perfectly prepared meals, all because these places know that you are going to be writing about them. And from reading some of these magazines, you get sent to places that you wouldn't even imagine vacationing on your own: totally secluded, obscure areas that have the most beautiful beaches, wildlife or whatever their hook is. That sounds great. Would love it.** Review bars and nightlife, meet new and interesting people, see all kinds of STUFF that I would never get to see unless I was independently wealthy. Awesome.

Sadly, it never occurred to me that I could DO such a job. Sure, it sounds like fun, but who actually gets to DO stuff like that? While I was walking back to my seat, Professor asked if that's what my major is in. "Ur, no... um," She, "Any reason? Come talk to me about it in my office. We'll see what we can do for you. There's no reason why you can't do that." And of course, I say, "but I don't think my writing would be up to par for that. Journalism classes sound just awful to me," etc. She hushed me and just told me to see her later.

But why couldn't I? I would just have to work on it. I can take writing, grammar, journalism classes and just work at my writing, dammit. I still have to pick a school for my 4-year degree and actually settle on a major. This here, is the time I can do this floundering until I make up my mind. I don't have much time, but while I'm just a Liberal Arts major, this is the time to figure it out.

So I'm going to talk to her. I'll see what she has to say, and maybe I'll just go for it. Before I started writing in this blog, I never would have thought that I could do something like that. I mean I hate writing. Or at least I thought I did. Obviously, I can't hate it very much if I'm doing this at least twice a week (mostly, shut up). Maybe I can do that.

In the meantime, I'll find a different job that won't make me want to kill myself (or at least won't make me have days like yesterday) and plod along until I finish school.

I'll probably have to learn Spanish, too... would like to spend time in the Caribbean, I think...



*In case you can't tell (ha!), I'm a shy, insecure girl, with a poor self-image and a good case of stumbling over words, rambling and mumbling. When presented with a group of strangers to speak in front of, throw in some dry-mouth.

**I do know that The Boy nor I would not be too happy if my job was to not be with him 300+ days out of the year. This is a problem. Unless I make so much money, he can come with me whenever we want. Kevin Federline-like. Boy has started working on his rap lyrics.