"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

Friday, May 26, 2006

Dirty smokers

Little Dog is upset that her sister is getting all the publicity. She wants her fair share of the spotlight and will dirty up my chair as much as possible if she doesn't get what she wants.

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Last week i went with The Boy to a doctor's appointment for some sundry things. Since his trips to the doctor are so infrequent (because he is a total child when it comes to doctors) he wanted to have a bunch of things done that hadn't been checked in a long while. You know, blood tests and such for cholesterol and whatnot.

However, he told the doctor that he was a smoker, and had been for a good amount of years. He knows its bad, knows its stupid, knows that whatever it has done to him, he knowingly did it to himself. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So the doctor said, 'well, while you're here, why don't you go downstairs for a chest x-ray'. This was not a question or offer. Doctor's orders and The Boy couldn't get out of it. Woah. That's a nice way of bringing it home, isn't it. You know that what you've been doing to your body for the past bunch of years has been a bad idea and now you get to find out what kind of damage you may have already caused yourself. Hooray.

The Boy and I had the "We Should Really Quit" conversation about a week before this appointment, so it wasn't like it came out of left field. We're both dirty smokers. In fact, that was how we got to know each other when he worked at my company. We would both be outside on cigarette breaks together and got to talking. But we both know that its really about time to stop it and fix ourselves. I think i am more ready than he is, though.

I started smoking at the tender age of 15 and it was totally peer-pressure. My best friends were smokers (most of whom were a few years older than me) and i wanted to fit in with their group of friends, the cool kids. I won't deny how stupid that was, but that's how it happened. At first, i didn't get caught because my mother was still smoking. Then she quit when i was 16 and i got the close-up-in-your-face-like-only-a-mother-can-do-Sniff. "You've been smoking!" Oh, yeah. That was a fun time.

I had always told myself that i was going to quit after i finished with college. But then i screwed everything up, quit going full-time and got a job. I started going part-time at night and realized that finishing up just my bachelors was going to take me 8+ years. Quitting after graduation is not a feasible plan anymore. I've got to do something about it. I hate the way it makes me feel now, i hate the way it smells, i hate it that i'm dependent on something. I also hate the looks i get when i'm outside on break at work. It's just not as acceptable as it once was.

This is not my declaration to say "I'm quitting!!"(so please don't lecture me), i'm just talking myself through it. It's not going to be easy and i know that it will be much harder for The Boy than for me since he has been at it longer and smokes more than i do. But it will be much harder for us if we don't do it together since we smoke in the house. Which i HATE, by the way. Hate. It.
This is my commitment to say that i am going to start working at it. Ta-da.

In the end, Boy's chest x-ray came out clean. No spots, no scary stuff. I think it was enough to make him start thinking about it so it was a good idea to force him into it.

8 Comments:

  • Tell The Boy congrats on the clean x-ray.

    My boyfriend smokes, much to my chagrin, but he's not allowed in the house with the exception of one or two a week. Our house is small and the cigarettes stink to high heaven.

    The lectures don't work, but good luck on quitting. It won't be fun, but you will smell so much nicer! and so will your house!

    PS - Big dog and Little dog are so cute. I didn't see the post below, and never knew what types they were, so first I saw Little dog and thought: that's not so little. Then I saw the St. Bernard. :)

    By Blogger Christine, at 5/26/2006 10:24 AM  

  • Christine - I would really like to take it out of the house. Makes everything kind of gross.
    It is kind of strange to call a 50 lb. dog "Little". But compared to 115 lbs, it makes sense. :)

    By Blogger claire, at 5/26/2006 10:58 AM  

  • Claire, congrats on the first step. It's a long road, but now that you are on it, there's no way to go but forward. Why don't you two agree that the second step might be to move smoking outside? And then out of the cars, and then NOT after a meal, or during a phone conversation ... little things. The 'habits' are the things to start with. I started smoking at 14, and NOT due to peer pressure, but because I was curious and all by myself behind the gym building at school with a pack. Duh. I had a single coronary artery bypass at 42. I still want to smoke and have decided that the easiest for me is to say that I am a smoker who happens not to smoke. I tried telling myself I'd never smoke again and immediately went out and bought a pack ... Anyway, it's not easy. The physical craving IS easy - nicotine is out of the body in three days. The psychological stuff is what's killer. You've got some inner Mind things to deal with. -been there, done that, got the scars to prove it-

    By Blogger shiftclick, at 5/26/2006 11:13 AM  

  • took me four years to quit, and that was cold turkey. and no, thats not a conflict in terms. you'll see. and its ok that its like that, too.
    congrats on the clean xray! scary things.

    By Blogger First Nations, at 5/26/2006 1:05 PM  

  • Hurrah for first steps! They're always the biggest to take.

    I know I don't quit something until I'm good and disgusted with myself. After that, it makes it easier.

    Maybe have one long, dirty smokefest until you can't stand it anymore.

    By Anonymous Whinger, at 5/26/2006 1:54 PM  

  • Go Claire! Go Claire! You can do it! You got the power! (Yes I am singing and bopping in my chair as I type this in my cube.) After all, you're all gone and left me behind. Left. ALONE. With Big-boy!

    Anyway, I will give you all the support you need to do it, and I will not lecture or pressure you about quitting. Look how manyt imes I have quit and gone back.

    It is a dirty habit, and one that is a witch to kick. Good luck and know Ihave your back. And if Nelson says 'oh I'll quit along with you' smack him in the head for me. And oh yeah, tell the boy that momma-Ro said he better quit too!

    By Blogger Orelinde_03, at 5/26/2006 3:15 PM  

  • Good for you for talking to yourself about it :-)

    If its going to work, you have to have buy-in from all corners of your psyche.
    I smoked for 10 years and was trying to quit for 5 of them. Just never give up!

    I also agree with what shiftclick said. I'll forever be a smoker who doesn't smoke.

    By Blogger Kyahgirl, at 5/29/2006 3:14 PM  

  • shiftclick - doing it in steps is probably how it is going to work. i'm not too proud to admit that i will probably need some kind of patch or something, too. we'll see how it goes.

    FN - 4 years cold turkey? Ugh... i'm not sure i like how that sounds. You REALLY have to WANT to quit, dontcha...

    whinger - Smokefest 2006. It just sounds yucky, doesn't it? Blech.. I'm pretty disgusted already i think.

    orelinde - thanks, i'm sure i'll need all the help i can get.

    kyahgirl - that's an interesting way to look at it, i think. it seems to work differently for different people. my mother, for instance, says she only misses it when she smells a cigarette burning from far away. if she smells it on someone, it grosses her out.

    By Blogger claire, at 5/30/2006 8:39 AM  

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