"Your biting sarcasm wounds me, Madam..."

After the silence

2010-04-01T08:40:00.001-05:00

I never got to put together my year end meme at the end of last year, and I sort of regret abandoning this place and not doing that. Occasionally I like going back and reading those things just to see what kind of a state I have been in over the course of the past couple of years. I just did that now, re-read some old stuff that I've written, and wow. I am one sad-sack. It looks like most of what I have written here is just sad, depressing crap about how everything is sucking.

Well, I think I ought to lighten it up a little bit and say SOMETHING just so no one out there thinks I've off-ed myself, because if i didn't know me, I would certainly think that.

Some updates:

I am still engaged. I had planned to get married this coming October, but at this point, I'm not sure if that's really going to be good timing. While I've been window-shopping catering halls and party favors and other assorted wedding crap, I have not actually booked or bought anything. The Boy was laid off in October of 2008. He just started a job 2 weeks ago. He had been home for over a year collecting unemployment and there was just no way that I could afford to book anything without knowing what the future was going to hold. I've been waiting a year to start planning or booking anything and it's been, well, it's been a real drag if you want it plainly.

The Boy has a job. This is great news. The money is not great, but just having him leave the house and go to work has made a vast improvement on his sense of purpose, as I'm sure you could imagine. Also, he really likes it, which is a bonus.

In turn, I got laid off.

My company, which I would have been with for 10 years this past February, cut an entire department, and subsequently downsized all of the supporting departments. In my last incarnation at the place, I reported to a woman in Cincinnati, which I'm pretty sure I never talked about here. That was intentional, and you know, maybe I stopped writing here all together because all I would want to talk about is how much I hated this woman. But I'm a professional. So I'll bash her after I've left.

I reported to a woman in Cincinnati after my (wonderful, supportive, smart and lovely) department got reorganized. The VP decided that since he had such a magnificent hard-on for this woman, that he would make her a manager of a brand new "global" department in which she has direct reports in both NY and the mid-west. This was maybe not such a good idea. But my opinion didn't really matter. She was not a fan of mine. In turn, I had the good sense to hate her. The truth is, I don't actually know why she didn't like me, but I sensed it when I literally wouldn't hear from her for 4-6 months at a time. No really. No phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. That's not the best way to run a department, I'm sure you could imagine.

Bitch laid me off. I knew she would, I knew it was coming (not that she warned me), and I really wanted to get out of there anyway. What I'm not going to detail is how she tried to screw me each and every way possible after my pink slip notification, in the last month that I was there. Cause that would be petty. What really kills me is that I used to work for a real company and I didn't know it.

I was extremely fortunate to land a new job within 2 weeks of my last day at the old place. Extremely fortunate, I know that, and it was such a load off my mind, I may have been a little cavalier in accepting the job offer. Like, maybe I should have looked a little longer before taking the first offer that hit me in the head.

I've been at the new place for close to two months now, and I can honestly say that I had no idea that a place could be so adverse to following federal regulations. It's almost like they WANT to be shutdown! Amazing. And I keep thinking, "holy crap, I used to work for a real company. I had no idea! They actually knew what they were doing. How is that possible?" I DON'T KNOW.

So, I think I might throw my name back into the hat of job searching again, because this place kind of scares the crap out of me. In the meantime, I'm really excited about getting paid, and the idea that I can start planning a wedding. Though probably not until next year since neither of us will have any vacation time until then.

This has turned out to be kind of a downer of a post, too, so I'm not sure if I really accomplished anything here today.

Elvis is sounding pretty great right now.

2009-04-16T14:27:00.001-05:00

I'm finding it kind of hard to focus right now. There's a lot going on and then all at the same time, nothing is really happening at all. I've been engaged for over two months now, and i think i've done all of the necessary first-step stuff that apparently you're supposed to do when you get engaged. Here, let's take a look at what the last month or so has been like in time-to-plan-your-wedding-land:

I've told most everyone i know. At least, i think so. There are some people who have been left off of that list, but it's not for lack of trying. Although, it is a lack of trying in some people's cases. I just don't know how they're going to react, so i've let Facebook or my Gmail status message tell them. I'm sure this will come to bite me in the ass.
I've picked my Maid of Honor, Cousin G. However, i haven't picked the rest of the bridal party because i just have no idea what i'm going to do with that. Though TheBoy has picked his Best Man - but i'm not so sure he's actually told him yet.
I've put together a preliminary guest list just to see what kind of nightmare this is going to be - so far it looks like 115 people, but that's without consulting our parents or inviting everyone i would like to from work.
I've decided to scrap the 115 people guest list and have a destination wedding to the Caribbean with our closest family - at most 20 people - and have a nice casual wedding on the beach.
I took into account the fact that my grandmother is going to have a hard time on the beach or on the plane for that long, and also that Holy Crap, that's going to be kind of expensive for everyone flying down and maybe we'll just keep it within the continental United States.
We're getting married in Acadia National Park on Mt. Desert Island, Maine. Because it's gorgeous up there and we love it. And if we're doing it up in Maine, we're getting married in October (2010) when the leaves are at their peak colors and it's going to be absolutely stunning. I've always wanted to get married in October, and wouldn't it be perfect in the mountains in Maine? Absolutely. Small ceremony in the park and then maybe dinner at the restaurant on the grounds or at a restaurant in Bar Harbor. It will be wonderful.
They don't allow chairs to be set up for a ceremony in the park.
There wouldn't be any bathrooms nearby for the elderly, less-continent people.
Wedding will be in Bar Harbor-proper where there are buildings and bathrooms and cutesy, small-towny kitch - but most importantly, the bathrooms.
If wedding is going to be away from home, then i'll have a great, big backyard party back at home for the rest of my family and friends and whoever isn't invited to the actual ceremony.
Probably won't be possible to have a backyard party in the middle of October, what with it being cold and all, so i'll have to have the party at a restaurant or catering hall or something.
Which brings us right back to just having the damn thing here at home in the first place.

The idea of having a destination wedding was that it was going to be cheaper since i would be inviting less people. Small ceremony, followed by an easy dinner at a local restaurant would have been perfect for our immediate family and good for me, the one who does not like to be the center of attention. Also, for me, the person who will not know when to cut people off the invitation list. Because i will feel bad for not inviting Judy from Accounting, who i went out to lunch with that one time.

However, I cannot get my Great-Aunt Louise out of my head. She is one of many, many old people in my family that would be seriously miffed about not getting invited to a proper New York Italian wedding. I know this. And it makes me feel guilty.

My mother has told me not to think about the Aunt Louises and not to feel guilty about anything i choose to do. I'm not going to make everyone happy, no matter what i do. And she's right. Those people are really hard to please. Easter dinner was a good reminder of that...

On the other hand, it'll just be so much EASIER to have the whole thing here, where I am and i KNOW of places and people that do this stuff. I won't have to think about trying to plan for something in a place that i can't just drive to whenever i need to. I won't have to think that i'm inconveniencing anyone and, let's face it: more invitees equals more presents. That's why people have weddings in the first place, right? Or else, we'd all just elope.

I'm just kidding about that presents thing. Sorta. (Hi! I'm broke!)

So, to sum up: I've registered. And that's about all i've gotten accomplished. My bathroom towels will be blue. There. I'm giving up on everything else for a few weeks.

Here's the story about the ring

2009-02-11T12:15:00.002-05:00

Take a little ride on the way-back machine with me, ok? This may be a long one:

Some time in the late 80's, our house was robbed. It was Mother's Day and my family had been out all day visiting both grandmothers for most of the day. We came through the front door and something was wrong... it's hard to put your finger on what exactly it was, since there was little evidence that anything had happened from just stepping through the front door. The best i can say is that there was a "feeling" of things not being as we had left it? My father bounded through to the kitchen and found that the window on the back door had been smashed and the door unlocked from the inside. He called the police.

The television, fancy new VCR and stereo were all still there (1986 was good to my family - it was the only year that i remember there being money and my parents bought all new...well, everything). In fact everything on the first floor was in tact. It was when my parents went upstairs, that they found what the thieves were after.

All of my mother's jewelry was gone. Her walk-in closet had been completely ransacked, all of the clothes that had been hung neatly, were all in piles on the floor. On top of the clothes, everything that had been stacked up on the shelves - shoes, quilts, sweaters all on the floor. All of the drawers from her dresser and their contents were strewn about on the bed, on the floor, the furniture. They had found her jewelry box and seemingly picked their way through it and only took what was real, leaving behind whatever costume jewelry she had. Heirlooms, antiques, sentimental pieces were all gone. All of the jewelry my father had given her; all gone. Including her engagement ring. Mom was crushed.

Happy Mother's Day.

As is expected, the next day my parents had an alarm system installed in the house, and since then, my mother has kept all of her new jewelry in a closet "where no one will think to look". However, my mother no longer had her engagement ring and my parents did not have the means to replace it. (This really is not important anymore since they haven't been together since 1996, but whatever).

Aunt Sue was my Great-Grandmother's (my mother's grandmother) youngest and last remaining sibling. She had died earlier that year and it had been left up to her niece, my Great Aunt Mary, to settle her estate. Aunt Sue never had any children, so her valuables were left to Aunt Mary - including her engagement and wedding rings.

Aunt Sue was a wonderful, sweet woman – a little wacky in that old-world Italian way – but a sweet lady whom I enjoyed visiting when I was little. She loved having us kids in the house since she was unable to have her own, and I fondly remember playing in her yard around some flowering fruit tree… memories are strange that way, I guess.

In any event, Aunt Mary gave my mom Aunt Sue's engagement ring as a replacement and I have always, always loved that ring. I admired it when my mother would occasionally wear it, but mostly, I would take it out of her jewelry hiding spot and try it on without disturbing the contents of the hiding spot so mom wouldn’t know I was in there.

I had asked my mother years ago, if she would be opposed to giving me the ring if or when I ever got engaged and she was hesitant. In our family (and I would assume in many cultures), it is not traditional to pass a ring like this to a daughter for her engagement. If it was going to go to anyone, it would be to my older brother to give to his girlfriend, should he ever propose to her. And of course, my always-fair mother, “I don’t have two rings. What would I give to your brother if I gave this one to you?” Right. So, I talked to Brother M. His reaction was basically, “It's not like I’m going to wear it – you can have it if you want”.

TheBoy knew all about this. I’ve been talking about this ring for years. (Not obsessively, mind you.. I realize how this is starting to sound). So he called my mother last Wednesday and asked if he could come over. He asked her for her blessing and asked to use the ring that I wanted. And she very easily gave it to him, (but not before making him promised to make sure I took care of it, because apparently I’m not careful with my things. THANKS, MOM. So not true, by the way).

When he opened the little black velvet box for me on Thursday night, I was shocked to see it. I was shocked by the whole ordeal, but seeing that ring was such a nice surprise.

I have my Great-Great Aunt Sue’s 1930-something platinum engagement ring. I feel so lucky.

However, after telling other people about it, I’ve gotten mixed reactions. I had a short e-mail conversation with -R- about this when she mentioned in a post that her engagement ring was from her side of the family and she said that her family saw nothing wrong with that. People I know have either thought that the sentimentality of it all was so much more important to me than it would ever be to my brother’s girlfriend if he were to have gotten it and that it was wonderful that i was given this ring. Yet others have expressed surprise (sometimes confusion) that a girl would have gotten a ring from her own family.

What do you think? Would you have wanted a ring from your own family? His family? Preferred a new one that was all yours? Does it matter to you at all? Really, I’m curious (*and really will not be offended! I’ve heard it all this week! Promise!)

Thursday Night

2009-02-09T16:30:00.022-05:00

Last Thursday night was our 5 year anniversary.

He proposed.

I said "yes".

2008 Year End Meme thing. And hello, there. Don't you look nice today?

2009-01-02T13:13:00.001-05:00

So you may have noticed that the last time i posted, it was regarding Facebook. And that may be all the explanation you need for why i haven't been posting since September.

Well, it's obviously more complicated than that, but that's a pretty good first clue as to what I've been doing since the end of September... being a voyeur. No, it's true. I am "friends" with more ex-boyfriends than i can shake a stick at and it's kind of entrtaining to see what they're doing with their lives. Whether they've gone and gotten married or are actually STILL SINGLE since I've broken up with them. It's truly fascinating to watch from afar.

There's also been some awful stuff going on in my life, which of course is usually my number one reason for steering clear of this place - there doesn't seem to have ever been a real break from the awful stuff over the course of me having this blog, but hey - what the hell. Welcome to the story of my life. It's a real barn-burner.

Numero Uno is, of course, that The Boy was laid off in at the end of October. This is not the first time that I've been the only working member of our little family, but this time, it does seem to be a more unfortunate time to be unemployed. The market sucks, which i don't think is breaking news, but it sucks SO BAD that there has only been one company interested in his resume since OCTOBER. He started talking to them in early December and then the company realized that it was holiday time and told him that they're not going to hire anyone until January. So now we wait. I'M SO GOOD AT WAITING IT'S LIKE THIS MONTH JUST FLEW BY!

It sucks, is what.

The Boy has perfected his Unemployment Beard, and has taken over the children's new XBox 360, so you know, he's doing fine with all this time off.

And, now that you've been properly updated, i think it's time to do Sundry's New Year's Quiz:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Did the Dim Sum thing in Chinatown (NY) with a group of strangers, asserted myself to the boyfriend's mother, joined Facebook and reconnected with some really good friends that I'd lost touch with.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I'm so predictable. Last year it was lose weight, just as it was the year before. I think i can safely say that i really tried harder this year than i had before, but of course, i fell off the wagon once my school semester started back up again in the fall. Stupid school ruins everything.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not exactly "close" in a friends and family way, but proximity-wise, yes. Our next-door neighbor's teenage son was killed in a car accident in August and it was awful and tragic and there must have been 300 people at the wake. I'm still not sure how to interact with my neighbors because it was all just so awful and i don't know what to say. He was such a great kid and it was the last thing i was expecting to hear when his mother rang my doorbell that day. Ugh. Awful, awful, awful.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. It's been kind of a lean year..

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

More money, please. I would like TheBoy to have a good job that he loves, that doesn't expect him to work like a crazy person 60-80 hours a week for very little money, with an hour-long commute like this last job did. I would like to continue to clean up my credit card debt because it feels really good to stop getting a bill from WaMu (whom i hate, btw, with a fiery passion. I'll give you a 34.89% APR. Right up your stupid, unhelpful asses, WaMu).

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Unfortunately, i don't know if there are any. This wasn't such a great year. Seriously. I'd just like to forget it ever happened, please.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Cleaning up that credit card, i think. It's been killing me for the past 2 years or so, and i'm really glad to be done with it. I hate credit cards, i really, really do. Oh, also getting straight A's. That's pretty awesome, too.

9. What was your biggest failure?

That day that i didn't go to the gym. Because it was the first day in a long series of days that i didn't go to the gym. It's sort of still going on right now. I suck.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, thank goodness..

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I didn't buy much this year, i'll tell you that. But probably my yoga membership. That was really great for a long while, until my school schedule prevented me from going anymore. I'd like to start that up again, too. Because yoga? It kicked my ass.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

MINE. I didn't freak the fuck out when i got the "I've been laid off" phone call. Sure, i sobbed into the phone a little bit, but i picked myself right back up and made sure he was ok and did what the hell ever else you're supposed to do when you're a "supportive girlfriend".

Oh, and Barack Obama.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Sarah Palin. COME ON people. What were you thinking...

14. Where did most of your money go?

The mortgage, credit card bills, the usual. We didn't go on any extravagant VACATIONS or anything, god no.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The election. I was glued to the television. It was like a soap opera and i loved every minute of the election coverage.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

No Sunlight - Death Cab for Cutie. I had the album on heavy rotation for awhile this year... The first half of the record is really catchy.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Honestly? I think i'm actually happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Probably fatter.
c) richer or poorer? And mystery of mysteries, probably a little bit richer. I learned how to save this year.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

More saving. I wish the nest egg were a little bigger for when the severance checks stop coming in... Also, i wish i had had more fun. I was in a really bad place at the beginning of the summer and I wish I had said, "fuck it," and done more of what i wanted to do.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressing out. It doesn't help. It just makes your hair fall out.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At mom's again, Christmas Eve and Day, with the family. It was perfectly lovely.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Uh, no. Well maybe "in love again", but that sounds cheesy as hell, and i wouldn't want to even suggest something that skin-crawly.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I love "How I Met Your Mother". LOVE IT. That and "The Office".

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

My answer from last year still applies: I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

24. What was the best book you read?

Oh, dear 35lb Accounting Textbook. How I love thee; how your embrace kept me warm at night. How I wished that our love was not forbidden....

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Pernice Brothers. Not new, but new to me. "Working Girls" is a great song (but the quality on that video sucks).

26. What did you want and get?

A new coffee pot that does not suddenly open up and spout hot coffee all over the kitchen floor while brewing.

27. What did you want and not get?

A decent raise. Enh.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, i think. I just love Judd Apatow. Oh, and also Dark Knight because i got to see it in IMAX. And you haven't seen a fast action movie until you've seen it up way too close and in your entire field of vision. It hurt my neck and made me dizzy, but in a totally awesome way.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My birthday is worth an entire post, but i'll just say that I was at TheBoy's family reunion and i was not pleased. It was a large event at a fancy-dancy catering hall and TheBoy's mother brought a cake so that her family (all 150 of them) could sing happy birthday to me. I wanted to die, but instead I turned 28.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Money? Hello? Come visit! Stay awhile, ok?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Heh. I'm just a simple girl. I wear business casual pants and turtlenecks. But this year, i've gone a little crazy and started wearing some more noticeable jewelry. Watch out, world. Claire is accessorizing.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends. I'm grateful that i've reconnected with my Cousin G. She's been sort of my rock this year.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

See #15. I was ENTHRALLED by the election this year. I was almost a little upset when the coverage stopped. I was watching the news everyday all day long if i could. I thought i may never see Sarah again and her expensive suits and lipstick-on-a-pitbull-ness. And then Thanksgiving came. Like a gift.

35. Who did you miss?

Some friends who i haven't seen in awhile.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

New school friend, Tracey. She was in both my classes, but now that she won't be in my classes next semester, i'm pretty sure we'll never speak again. I need to be better at keeping in touch with people...

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Just when you think everything sucks, it gets better. And then suddenly it gets way, way worse.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Uh, no.

I need a Facebook coach

2008-09-26T13:54:00.001-05:00

I decided to take the plunge and put together my Facebook page-profile thingy yesterday and put up some pictures and WORDS and accept friend invitations and stuff.

However, what does one do when they are invited to be friends with their first real boyfriend? Someone who has not spoken to you in YEARS and, in fact, the last memory you have of seeing him was, how you say... curt. He was not my biggest fan. And that was at least 5 years after the breakup. I am confused.

Of course, i accepted his invitation like a lady does, but now i feel like i should say something.
Something less bitchy than, "Wow, didn't expect that from YOU of all people" yet something warmer than, "...'sup" matched with a head nod.

What's the etiquette here? I'm new; i don't know how you communicate with people like this yet.

And does one write on their wall or send an email? I am so un-cool. Help me.

Now hiring: New best friends. The old ones are too important to remember me.

2008-09-19T14:49:00.001-05:00

It's almost like they want me to work here or something. I'm not sure i get it. They've Websensed the hell out of my innernets at work again, just after i got used to them totally disregarding the "Personal and Networking" filter that they had been so stringent on back in April. After about a month, it's almost like they forgot that they cared about people reading blogs. And then i was happy. But now, the IT department sucks. OH I'LL SAY IT IN PRINT. I.T. SUCKS.

If you do not have a Typepad account, i am having trouble getting to your comments page. For some reason, Typepad is not a threat to the IT security geek. Thank god for Google Reader, is all i have to say. I would be lost without it.

****

This morning on my way to work, I decided that today would be the day that i try to contact a few people via email that i've lost touch with. It's been awhile since i've spoken to them, and dammit, i miss them.

The first was a girl that i met in my last semester before graduating from community college. She was going to be coming to the same shitty school that i'm in now and we promised to keep in touch. Yeah, not so much. I thought it would be nice to get together and catch up. We hit it off pretty well in ceramics class and i feel pretty crappy about dropping the ball. Also, i want to know what classes she has taken and if she has any information about how to get what you want as this place. Cause i haven't figured it out yet.

The second is the girl that i grew up with. My first bestest friend in the whole wide world, mostly because she lived in the house next door to me for most of our childhood. She and i kind of parted ways after the first year of college because neither of us are very good at long distance friendships. It happens. She moved back a few years ago, but I don't think i've actually seen her in 6 or 7 years. And when i mean she moved back, i mean she was living in the house next to my mother. Whom I go visit about once a week. I probably could have done better with that. But! She decided to pack up and go to school in Arizona for her PhD. Fucking good for her. She sent out one of those mass-email messages you always get from people who are trying to rub it in about how well they're doing even though you haven't heard shit from them in 7 years, to let us know that she was moving and embarking on this bright, new dream. So i responded to the mass-mail in August, congratulating her on getting herself to the next step and wow, you're moving across the country and aren't you special and so, so smart.
She totally didn't write me back.

The third is a guy friend of mine whom i haven't spoken to since April. Before that, i hadn't seen or spoken to him since he left the island and moved to Boston in August of 2007. We had lunch a week before he left and then i heard nothing from him for 8 months. I thought i had pissed him off somehow, but i guess with moving, he had tried to really start a new life. Whatever. He's one of the funniest, most uncomfortable-in-his-own-skin, brilliant people i know. He is the friend that gave me the title to this blog as the subject of an email he wrote to me years ago. I tend to let him off the hook. As it turned out, he had been in the middle of a love-triangle. We all know; these things happen.

So far, it has been about 6 hours since i sent those emails out.

As of 3:45pm, all I have received back is a friend-invite on Facebook from the second girl, my long-lost childhood bestfriend.

She invited me to be her friend on Facebook. I don't even have a real account. I just set it up to see what it was all about, like a few months ago.

I get the distinct feeling that she is telling me that all i really need to know about her life i can find on Facebook. As in, "i'm not going to honor you with the joy of receiving a real email from me. You can learn what everyone else learns about me from my online profile."

My friends suck.

I shouldn't be allowed out without parental supervision.

2008-09-08T10:55:00.003-05:00

Well, here's a fun confession:

I just visited the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror on my way out to make sure everything is still where i left it (and to fluff my hair, if you must know) when i noticed that there's a bit of white shmutz under the arm-holes of my shirt. I'm wearing kind of a sleeveless top with sort of a cap-sleeve thing and for some reason my deodorant, my INVISIBLE! solid deodorant, has mushed itself all over my dark red shirt. In the arm pit area. Obviously.

I inspected the area fully and determined that i'm not going to be able to wipe this off with a wet paper towel, that will probably just make it worse, and kind of resigned myself to keeping my arms down all day today. Which sucks, because i'm either going to be totally self-conscious the whole day or i'm going to forget about it in all of 20 minutes from now and wave my arms around like a baboon who's just spotted a helpless car coming into the Six Flags Safari that likes to rip off all of the radio antenae that pass by. I am forgetful like that.

I walked back to my desk and started "working*" again and remembered that i have one of those Shout Wipes in my purse. Right where they're supposed to be! For messy people like me! But it's been in there since April and i haven't thought about it in months! Look at me remembering things! And proceed to take it out and start to blot the underarms of my shirt at my desk, where People walk around all day.

It occurs to me that
#1: Someone is bound to catch me with my face and a wet-nap in my armpit.
#2: It's going to be very hard to explain.
#3: A mirror may be in order here to fully contend with the extent of the mushed deodorant.
And #4: I look like an asshole.

I trot off to the bathroom to further investigate the situation.

By this point, i'm awful proud of myself for having something like a Shout Wipe to get rid of the shmutz under my arms and take off my shirt to do the job right (It's ok, i have a camisole on underneath). However, i didn't realize just how WET these little wipes ARE. But i think, No Problem! I can just dry my shirt under the hand-dryers here in the bathroom!

I look around.

Lo, but there are no hand-dryers. They probably haven't been here since 2002. Disappointment.

I try blotting the moisture out with a paper towel and put my top back on.

Now i look like i've been sweating profusely, seemingly, just from sitting in my cubicle all morning with these giant sweat rings under my arms. The white gunk is gone, but now i'm left a sweaty, sweaty pig.

I will still need to keep my arms down all day. Oh, and chuck that damned INVISIBLE! deodorant. Really, Dove, who are we kidding.

*Read: catching up on my Google Reader.

Maybe it's a joke that they're not letting me in on.

2008-08-28T15:45:00.005-05:00

I was standing in line at the bank yesterday and i was watching the "Fun Fact & News" TVs that they set up so that surly account holders have something to keep them occupied while they stand in line. You know the ones.

One of the Fun Facts / News items was telling us that according to Billboard, the Jonas Brothers album is at Number 1 for the second week in a row.

Now. I need someone to please explain the Jonas Brothers to me. Please. I really don't get it. It's not even like they're all that cute for the little girls or whatever. The cutest one has too much in the way of eyebrow to be taken seriously. The song. It is awful. AWFUL.

I thought, maybe it's like the New Kids on the Block were to my generation of 11 year old girls. Maybe. I mean, I never liked them, but all my 11 year old friends did. And i distinctly remember NKOTB not being nearly as voice-crackingly pre-pubescent as these boys.

Here, why don't you watch the video:

DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID? I EMBEDDED A JONAS BROTHERS VIDEO ON MY BLOG.

I can't imagine the hits i'm going to get after that.

I'm gonna be so smart, you won't even know who i am.

2008-08-27T16:18:00.001-05:00

I took off Monday and Tuesday so that i could try to enjoy the last fleeting days of summer. Maybe go to the beach, take a long drive out east, shop at a farm stand, eat an ice cream cone from the wrong end, whatever. Summer. It's almost over - especially now that i'm starting school up again next Tuesday which i'm really not happy about.

Needless to say, i did none of those things and wound up laying around all day Monday until yoga class in the evening where i felt like my arms were just going to fall off from the freaking strain of holding them up. (Do you know how hard it is to just hold your arms up for 5 minutes? It's freaking hard. Try it now - just hold your arms out to the side like you're an airplane. Well, actually wait until you finish scrolling to the end of my post. You'll get distracted and not want to finish.)

Tuesday i decided i needed to go up to school and check on my textbooks at the famous college bookstore. You know, to see how much it's going to cost me for learnin' this fall.

Ah, college.

On my first attempt at college life right after high school, i went to a major State University of New York school. A great, big, giant university that chews up fresh-faced freshman biology majors and spits them out at a pretty fast clip. You can almost watch the self-esteem fade from people's faces - kids who thought they were so damn smart, aced AP Bio in high school and thought they'd become a doctor or some such nonsense, only to be washed away in the tidal wave of pain and suffering that is the bio department. Mmmm... memories.

My first semester at this large, stony university (ahem) was definitely a trial for me. It was awful. In fact, it's not even worth talking about. But i was so excited that first week of school and i remember going to the campus bookstore to go get my books. I didn't have a credit card then, at 17 years old (and I rightly shouldn't have - i mean come on. I remember getting phone calls at home from credit card companies telling me that they have these "great new cards just for college students!" and i actually sputtered out "are you kidding me??? I work PART TIME. I'm IN COLLEGE. How the hell could i possibly pay for a CREDIT CARD?? With 22%APR?? DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN." I was a fiscally responsible teenager) and was going to be paying for my books by check. As in.. Real Money, like straight from my 17 year old self's bank account.

I collected my 3 biology books (text, work book AND study guide), math book, English book and whatever the hell else i had to grab and went to the check out.

I wish i could remember what the number was, but then you would all probably tell me that it was nothing compared to what you paid for textbooks, so maybe i'm better off not remembering. But it went something like this:

Cashier: That'll be $25,000.
Me: I'm sorry?
Cashier: $25,000, please. Cash or credit?
Me:.....
Cashier: Credit? Cash? Hello?
Me: RAPE!! RAAAAAAAPPPE!!!! HOLY OH MY HELL, RAPE!
Cashier: Security?

End scene.

Yesterday i was collecting textbook information on the 2 (TWOOO) classes i'm taking this semester. I walked proudly into the campus bookstore (obviously not a comfortable place for me to be in anymore), found my books and sat on the floor with them. I promptly wrote down all of my ISBNs, prices, editions (just in case) and took a mental picture of what the covers are supposed to look like. I got harrassed by the pimply campus bookstore clerk for writing down the numbers, but I barked back at him for even considering chiding me for purchasing my books elsewhere. And do you want to know why?

My two, three-credit classes require a melange (that's 5) of textbooks that would cost me $497 if i bought them new in the bookstore. That's three dollars shy of FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. For TWOOOO 100-level classes.

I bought them all online this morning and paid $194.16.

YOUUU can go fuck yourself, pimply campus bookstore clerk. Holy Chist on a cracker.

Inevitably, someone always transfers me to outer space.

2008-08-20T11:42:00.001-05:00

Something is going on at the ol' Blogger Dashboard and won't let me post anything without giving me an error first. So i apologize for all the weird spacing on the last post. It makes it hard to read and even harder for you to care about all the hopes and dreams i'm pouring out to you. So we'll try to work around that from now on.

I have finally registered myself to go back to school this semester on the long road towards finish up my bachelors. I had started at a new school last fall after getting my associates degree, but i sort of did it in a rather half-assed manner which led to me not getting the classes that i actually wanted and me hating my life for 4 straight months.

See, i never sat down with one of those fancy "Transfer Advisers" or "Department Advisers" when i started, and was hoping i could just coast on through and register for the classes on the list in the College Catalog and do it all MY WAY and not have to talk to any of the assholes in the State University of New York (SUNY) system.

(Maybe i shouldn't say that right here on the interwebs. Spies and all...)

I've had some bad experiences with the SUNY system and i'm not ashamed to say that i have some voodoo dolls of certain administrators sitting at the bottom of a drawer from the first SUNY school i attended. I'm not above using them again, is what i'm saying. Don't tempt me.

I made the call to the school on Monday (first day of class is only 2 weeks away. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, i say.) to try to make an appointment with a Transfer Councilor so that i could get all of my associates credits transferred to my next degree plan. This is something i should have thought about BEFORE even applying there. This was Stupid.

Since i couldn't actually find out anything about the Transfer Whatever Department on the website, i called the main number. The operator transferred me to Admissions who transferred me to the Transfer lady who told me she couldn't help me and then transferred me to My Department who told me that i need to talk to a Transfer Councilor and i just stopped them right there.

Then I argued with the secretary from My Department for a little while over whether or not i actually HAD my associates - she didn't think so from looking at my transcripts. I said i had a goddamn piece of parchment SAYING SO - and then she put me on hold.

I waited on hold while she talked to the Transfer Councilor lady and then she came back sounding a lot happier. Maybe they made plans to go out to lunch; it was never mentioned. But i wound up getting some answers, the promise of having my "Plan" faxed to me and instructions on how to get my online password reset so that i could register. Department lady transferred me to Registration for my password and then Registration put me on hold for 7 minutes until they just flat-out disconnected me.

In the end, it took 4 hours to register for 2 classes.

I got the faxed copy of my Plan yesterday from My Department, illustrating what credits i have fulfilled and what i still need to take. They decided that i have 7 whole classes (that's 21 credits) that cannot be applied to my degree.

I would like you to know that it took me 3 1/2 semesters to accrue those credits on my part time schedule. THAT'S 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE AND A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS THAT THEY DECIDED ARE NOT WORTHY OF THEIR STUPID DEGREE PROGRAM.

I am a little on-edge about this right now as you can imagine and i've already called to bitch someone out about it, but My Department called me back to let me know that they're not seeing anyone until the 3rd week of classes by which time i will probably totally lose all this steam that i've built up over the past couple of days and will do whatever the School Overlords tell me to do.

I hate SUNY. I HAAAAAATE them. HAAAAAAAAAATE.

Namasté and Junk

2008-08-19T12:58:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure why i'm avoiding my own blog. But i am. And there it is.

I haven't even wanted to sign onto the page.

I am literally avoiding my blog. It's very strange.

Maybe i just don't know how to post an update after 3 months of nothing. There's been a lot going on; not all of it bad. But not all of it great, either. Maybe that's why i haven't wanted to post anything - nothing has really changed, per se, even though i was preparing myself for making a BIG change in my life. I really sort of chickened out and let it smooth itself over. Everything is pretty much back to status quo and i'm not interested in shaking it up again. Which is good. I think. Not bad. Like it was.

For those of you who don't remember my last couple of (deleted) posts, this means nothing to you, so here is some stuff that has been sitting in draft since June:

There are people in my company that don't leave detailed voicemails because they think that someone in the IT department is sitting around listening to them. There is one person in particular that has left me 3 vague vmails the past couple of days that is making me unconsciously grind my teeth. She really believes that people are listening to her voicemails - also her phone calls, btw. As if anyone in any other department could really give a shit about what she's working on. This isn't NASA. Nothing is that interesting. Let's get over ourselves, eh?

Aside from working side by side with the paranoid, i've been working on other ways to try to fix myself a little. I joined a gym - and am hoping that i'll still be going at this time next month - and started taking a yoga class on monday nights that is seriously. Kicking. My. Ass.

I've taken yoga in the past, either as a gym credit in college or at the last gym i belonged to because

And that's where it ends. I must have gotten distracted somehow, as i'm wont to do, and never finished the thought. But lets update that a little:

"Aside from working side by side with the paranoid, i've been working in other ways to try to fix myself a little. I joined a gym and totally stopped going about a month after joining ~~and am hoping that i'll still be going at this time next month~~ which we all knew was going to happen and really was just a pipe dream that i totally predicted - and started taking a yoga class on monday nights that is seriously. Kicking. My. Ass. "

I'm still paying for a wasted gym membership, but yoga is still kicking my ass. Which is great, because we know that nothing else is kicking my ass, like that damn treadmill that i haven't seen since June.

But with the yoga, i actually feel like i'm getting better at it which i never anticipated happening when i was pulling out my shoulders every week when we were told to "reach around your knee and clasp your hands behind your back". This one is still not happening, by the way, but can you really blame me.

Oh, and this one. We don't use the wussy blankets or anything for support like they show in the picture, so when i kick my legs over my head, i get my chin mashed into my chest and then find myself getting suffocated by my own boobs. Yoga is so relaxing, you know?

I'm getting real fucking good at this pose, though. So, you know. Result.

The real test, that i've discovered, that has me believing that yoga is doing something is the fact that I, Claire, can actually do a push-up. Like a real live big-boy push up. Not on my knees like a girl, but a real, honest to goodness push-up. Two of them, even! Like back-to-back! It's crazy. I don't think i've been able to do a real push-up since the 6th grade. I am a rock star. Behold my awesomeness.

Well, whatever, that's just a snippet of what's going on. I'm going to try to ease back into this writing thing since, you know, i actually kind of like it.

For all of you who emailed my or commented and i didn't respond? I'm sorry, i've been living in my own world for a little while. But i'm back now. Thanks for your kind words.

Yeah, we're talking about the weather. Stimulating, no?

2008-05-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

Can i just say that it's too late into spring for me to be freezing at night?

It's MAY. MAY 21st!

I let the heating oil run out this month because i was (really / mostly / almost) positive that heat wasn't going to be necessary until September. It's May! MAY. No more with the cold! Yay!

But no. Last night was something like 40 degrees and it was about 55 in the house. No heat. Socks and flannel pajamas under the down comforter and a very awkward time this morning trying to get in and out of the shower without actually being NAKED for more than 20 seconds. I thought i was done with this.

Obviously, this was a really stupid move on my part, but my excuse (and it's a good one) is that heating oil is just so expensive right now, i thought i was being financially WISE to wait until the price went down (as if that's going to happen) and deal with the consequences in the meantime. Unfortunately, i was too stupid to realize that there would be nights in May where you could see your breath.

I never, ever thought i would be impatiently waiting for summer - because i hate the heat - but today? I'm sick of wearing turtlenecks and sweaters to work. In May. It just doesn't make sense.

Stupid Websense

2008-04-02T20:22:00.002-05:00

It's finally happened. I've finally been blocked from almost all blogs from my office computer. It looks like they figured me out.

If you've noticed that i've stopped commenting on your blog, it's completely the fault of my employer. Blame them completely.

I just had to figure out how to email my posts. HAHA i know, i don't post very often, but if i didn't figure out how to set that up, you'd never hear from me again.

Stupid Websense. I bet they think it's for my own good or something. Feh.

COULD IT MAYBE GET BETTER NOW??

2008-03-25T20:57:00.001-05:00

My company laid off about 30 people today in my building alone, 3 of which were in my department.

I sat around all day just hoping that my phone wouldn't ring. We weren't warned and we didn't know how many they were cutting.

The girl in the cubicle across from me got the first phone call and when she came back into the office, crying, I helped her pack up her desk and carry her box out to the car. Neither of us knew that she was the first of a whole list of people being let go and we were indignant that she was being "fired" after eight years of service. No one in my group saw this coming. We didn't know that there were going to be layoffs.

For the rest of the day, people were walking around like someone had died. It was scary, upsetting and uncomfortable. Most of us stood around whispering about who we had just heard about being escorted out and who we were afraid was going to be next.

"Well, we KNEW that HE was going to be fired eventually," and "I can't believe they let her go. She was such a nice girl".

In the afternoon, the VP gathered everyone still left in the building to tell us that the horror was over and that we can all breathe deeply again. That we thank all of the people who left today for their time in the company and the work that they did, whatever their capacity. All of the changes that are going to be made now will be to our processes and not our personnel. Then he sent us home an hour and a half early.

But he didn't apologize.

In fact, it seemed like he was choosing his words so carefully as to not let an "I'm sorry" slip out that he was stammering a bit at times. I guess you're not supposed to apologize when you lay people off, but it seemed like we were owed one.

I am apprehensive about what is going to happen tomorrow, but I would like to wish the people who lost their jobs today good luck out there. As sorry as I am to see you go, i hope that i won't be joining you.

And for that, I feel ashamed.

Um.

2008-03-24T13:53:00.000-05:00

Hi there.

It's been a few months.... uh. I meant to call. But i've been, you know, kind of embarrassed. Cause it's been so long. And i didn't really know how to come back and be all, "hey!" as if nothing happened. So i've been sitting here wondering how i'm supposed to be all, "hey," and then i figured that i'd just come right out and say it.

Hey.

I'm back.

To be honest, life has been kind of sliding down the shit mountain and i've been quiet because i know no one wants to hear 300 words of complaining every time you come here, so i figured i'd keep it to myself. Believe me, I've been doing YOU a favor. Because i'm a nice girl like that.

So here, in list format, since you've been asking, is what has been going on round these parts for the past 3 months:

Cousin G is still getting married, i am still a bridesmaid and at this point i have spent upwards of $1300 so that she can get married.
People keep asking me when I'M going to get married without really understanding that not only can we not afford to get married, we totally can't afford an engagement ring.
The Boy has been a mess lately with a herniated disk that has left him, at times, incapacitated. Without health insurance, he is pretty much fucked.
I had to take this semester off from school because i am teh poor.
I got an invitation to my 10-year high school reunion. 'Nuff said.
The Boy's 92 yr old grandmother fell in her house (and couldn't get up) and went from hospital to rehabilitation nursing center last week. Currently, this woman who had been so sarcastic and sharp is having a hard time keeping everything in her brain that was there last week.
My credit card debt is so high that my friends ask me how i sleep at night.
I have gone off the wagon with WeightWatchers and realize that i have probably gained back everything i had lost since last year.
Stepping in dog shit on Friday night made me cry.

TA-DA! Welcome to the Sunshine and Roses Webpage. Where everything is happy and bright until you step in an unsuspecting pile of dog-pie and you lose whatever semblance of control you had that was keeping you from sobbing into your low-fat chocolate milkshake.

And THAT, my friends, is why i have not been Sharon The Sharer these past couple of months.

I'm thinking i need to get this shit out somewhere, however, so i have a feeling i'll be back.

2007 Year End Meme!

2008-01-02T16:50:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, y'all. It's time for our Year in Review meme, courtesy of Linda, and this year i predict the answers will be less jovial than the ones from 2006. Just a hunch, but here we go.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Sincerely enjoy going to work. There are other people in my department that are sick of the company bullshit, but compared to my old department, i am in heaven.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolution is always the same. Lose weight. It's depressing, but it's always there. I did lose about 10 lbs these past few months, but that is not nearly as awesome as the amount i gained earlier this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great aunt passed away. Sadly, i hadn't seen her for close to 10 years before the funeral so it was sad in a somewhat distant way.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just a few areas of my own country... and by "a few" i mean Boston and Maine. I'm really getting wild in my old age.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Will power, expendable income, patience, expendable income, a kitchen floor you could eat off of.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 5th. The day TheBoy quit his job and i was the breadwinner for 2 months or so. That was a scary day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting transferred to my new job. Best move ever. Also getting contact lenses, though that would probably be less of an achievement for other people who do not have squeamish issues regarding eyeballs.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Clearing up any of my credit card debt. I'm drowning here.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily. Unless you count my Christmas night experience. But probably not.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This awesome t-shirt for the boy for xmas. He is, afterall, Master of the Panflute. "Sold more records than Elvis".

btw: I would like to point out how little there is on the innernets about Zamfir and his late-night record-whoring infomercials from the 80's. This saddens me. I wanted to find one on You-Tube and share with you since you, no doubt, have no idea why this is funny. You'll just have to trust me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine? How bout mine. See question #7. I was a good partner in that mess and i'm not afraid to take some credit there.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

A friend of mine made some unarguably bad decisions all year long and no matter how much she asked for advice, she always did exactly what she wanted to anyway. I really hope she smartens up this year because i can't take the drama anymore. DRAMA. Woo.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Credit card bills, mortgage, food, and anything else you can spend money on and not have anything tangible to show for it. Isn't that frustrating?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Interviewing for my new job. It's really pretty annoying to read about, after the fact. Probably as annoying as it was at the time. Sorry, there.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

The Regina Spektor song - Fidelity. Another album I was crazy over and listened to NON-STOP. I really know how to make myself sick of something.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?

Sadder, fatter, and poorer. How bleak is this post? Damn. I'm depressing myself.
Sadder is probably not the right word. Worried is probably more accurate. But i've definitely gained weight since last year and i am in so much debt right now i am screaming inside. I mean, it's a wonder i can sleep at night.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, save more money, get out of the house more and enjoy the outside world. But you know, without the money-spendingness. Oh, and also blogging. I suck at doing this on a regular basis. Suck.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Starting each post with an apology for not writing more. I mean, that's annoying and i wish i had noticed it sooner.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. The group was pretty small this year, but was mostly ok. Oh, then i spent the night hugging the toilet. Yay.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Um, no. With nothing new i can think of, at least. Though, i can tell you that i can no longer imagine a life without my beloved XMRadio since i killed my car CD player this summer. No, I have not repaired it and just got an iPod car-adapter thingy. I now can say that i will live without the CD player, which was not something i thought would be possible just a few months ago. I will survive.

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

I love The Office. If i could live in The Office, i would. And i would be Pam and Jim would love ME.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I'm a little less dramatic than that. If i hate someone it's usually a bitter, resentful relationship forged over an extensive period of time. My hate takes a good long time to mature, like a fine wine.

25. What was the best book you read?

You know what? I'm not going to lie here and pretend that i actually read a prize-winning best-seller. I have been reading crap all year. I think the most enjoyment i got was out of a few Janet Evanovich novels in the Stephanie Plum series. They're quick-reads and they're fun. There. Oh, i also read a David Sedaris - Naked (that's the title, i was not reading it naked, at least not usually)- that I really liked.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Muse. I know they've been out there for years, but hey, they're pretty good and i live in my closet. Check out Hysteria. Catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A new iPod Nano. The little one. My first iPod. Yay. Happy Birthday to me.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

*crickets*

I really have no recollection of seeing a single movie this year. I know it's not possible, but i can't think of any...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27 this year and on my birthday i went to a bar with a mess of my co-workers which was a lot of fun. I waited there for TheBoy to return home from a Boston business trip and we went home together. Was nice.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me. Have i mentioned this? Does it make you want to send me money?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

I don't actually have a personal fashion concept. Is that rare? Am i alone here? Business casual, still. I wear nice pants and usually a turtleneck to work just about every day in the winter. Sometimes i'll change it up with a v-neck sweater. You know, for the sexy.

33. What kept you sane?

Child-free weekends. It may sound harsh, but it's true.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jim? I heart you. Call me.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Last year this was an easy question for me. The truth is i haven't really been paying much attention this year. Seeing his face on the teevee just tends to make me angry and i turn it off. This makes me very close-minded and uninformed. I'm curious to see where the primaries take us, but until then, i barely know enough about the candidates (or assumed candidates) to take an educated interest in one particular person. Will do better here.

36. Who did you miss?

Some of my friends who have been scattered around the country. They haven't been around for a bunch of years, but i've been missing a select few of them a lot lately.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

A co-worker friend. It looks like she's going to be moving soon, but she was a good lunch-buddy this year.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

That it is possible to live on just my measly salary if it is necessary. And that maybe change is for the better if it means your partner is not slowly stressing himself into a premature and unnecessary heart attack.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Alright then. There you go. I apologize for not being able to fix the wonky formatting on this list - but i don't care enough to keep trying.

Harumph

2007-12-27T17:22:00.001-05:00

It is now 5:30. I have left the dogs outside for about 40 minutes now while waiting for the furnace guy to show up (not the guy i called this morning, mind you. He never called me back. I could have been dead by now).

I rushed home (even left about 15 minutes early) because the lady at the oil place told me he was about 10 minutes away, which made me panic because i didn't think he would wait for me if i wasn't home yet. So when i got here, i let the dogs outside and figured it would just be easier to leave them out there for the 10 or 15 minutes it would take before the doorbell rang. The evil, evil doorbell that creates all manners of high-pitched, frantic, horrified dog-noises (as well as dog-face-and-claw-against-door noises). I was trying to avoid that. Ah well. Now i will have damp, cold dogs once i finally let them back in.

This is all sucking, exactly according to plan.

And it's still cold in here.

I'm sorry.

2007-12-27T12:31:00.000-05:00

It was brought to my attention that you've been looking at a frenching rat for about a month now.
I did not realize that it's been that long.

It's been kind of a crazy few weeks and i started to write a post about my birthday weekend and then did not finish it and now who cares. It was a nice weekend, but at this point, it's kind of a waste to even talk about it.

Christmas was ok, but I've had a cold since last Friday, so my usual job of helping out my mother with dinner was much more of a chore than usual. I just couldn't get myself psyched about christmas. It kind of sucked. But i stuffed myself like an idiot as per usual and felt horrible afterwards.

In fact, so horrible that none of Christmas dinner stayed down.

Yay. Merry fucking Christmas, you have the famous New York Stomach Virus.

Tuesday night into Wednesday morning was quite eventful in the ClaireBear household. But you probably don't want to hear about that, so much.

I wound up calling in sick to work yesterday which is never a good idea the day before or after a holiday. They actually want a doctor's note from me for being out sick. However, i did not get to the doctor's yesterday on account of my being in bed all day. ALL DAY. Which is not something i ever do, even when i'm sick. It was bad.

On top of all the horking, the heat in my house miraculously died last night. DIED. No heat. In the house. House is cold. COLD, COLD HOUSE. I have been frantically trying to call the furnace guy all morning and begging his voicemail to come to my house and fix it, but he has not yet, as of 12:30 called me back yet. The dogs will most likely have icicles forming on their snotty noses today but i'm pretty sure that with the fur coats and all, they'll be better off than i would if i were there. Especially BigDog. She enjoys the cold.

This here was my Weekly Wrap Up. I hope you enjoyed sharing in my Christmas misery.

Please wish me luck.

I just like to share

2007-11-27T12:19:00.000-05:00

I know i haven't provided a real post in awhile, but this picture, this stupid lolcats picture, just makes me crack up every time i look at it.

moar funny pictures

*************

My birthday is on Thursday, so i assume i'll have SOMETHING to talk about. If not, i'll be spending the weekend in the city - in Chelsea (this time in NY, which is a really, really NICE part of town - believe it or not, Bostonians) with the boy. We'll be doing some nice birthday type things like going to a comedy club and basically boozing it up until one or both of us falls asleep, more than likely, before midnight.

Cause we are rock stars.

And we'll probably go gallery hopping because that's what you do when you're staying two blocks away from a hotbed of the NY art community. Almost every storefront on West 22nd Street and the surrounding area is an art gallery and i haven't been visiting in a few years, so i'm looking forward to that.

I haven't told TheBoy about all the ART quite yet, but woooo, i am not missing out on that and it's MY BIRTHDAY. I do what i want.

Reconize. Dammit.

Work and uh, work.

2007-11-19T16:49:00.000-05:00

Today and tomorrow i'll be all alone. TheBoy is back in Boston for some more work-stuff and will be virtually incommunicado for two days. Not a huge deal, but it's rare that we're apart overnight and it gets kind of weird in the house by myself.

I take that back.

If i were ALL by myself, it probably wouldn't be quite as weird as it is with the two dogs WHINING and PINING and WAITING by the front door for him to come home. That's really the worst part. The later it gets, the jumpier they get. If a flea farts anywhere within a 5 mile radius, LittleDog barks, which makes me jump, and then i work on stopping my heart from racing. Repeat, ad nauseam.

I hate that.

So, i'm sure tonight i will be watching all the girly crap on the TeeVee that TheBoy has no interest in watching (maybe i'll finally check out Gossip Girl - a show that i've heard is horrible and yet must be watched) or maybe call it an early night and eat ice cream in bed or something. We'll see.

In other news, my Boss asked me to look into some industry-related training seminars. Apparently i'm slotted for one in the budget and i had better start looking before i lose it at the end of March. It's not easy, this training seminar searching, because i have to find something that is either close enough to not be a pain in the ass to drive to, something just far away enough that i can stay in a hotel (if it is more than 1 day), but not too far away that it won't be approved by management.

So far, i have found one in New Brunswick, NJ (just close enough that i will have to drive everyday - roughly 2 hours each way), one in Costa Mesa, CA (too far, and too nice for them to pay for it) and one in Dublin, Ireland (fat chance in hell, that one).

I think i'll have to start preparing my justification statement now if i want to spend 3 days in sunny Orange County in March on my employer's dime. Ooh. Won't that be nice?

Meh - i'm sure they'll stuff me in a class in Manhattan if i don't find something myself. Better keep looking...

"Look, kids... Big Ben!"

2007-11-15T09:48:00.000-05:00

We had a nice weekend in Boston, TheBoy and I, though i wish i could say that i saw more of the city. I didn't, and that sucked. But it was meant to be a business trip anyway, so i suppose there was nothing i could do about it.

Saturday we went to "fancy dinner thing" at the Hilton near Logan Airport which was actually quite nice, insomuch that the open bar i had heard was going to be there... was. And the free drinks were big. Therefore good. Good times had by all.

I met some nice people that TheBoy works with and we laughed and drank and ate and watched people win raffled off prizes and watched the hired entertainment which was awful and laughed some more. There were a few singers hired for the event and I have to wonder how they were the ones chosen out of, i don't know, probably thousands of bad-karaoke-style lounge acts that can be found in a city. Terrible. One of them was a Cher impersonator and i found the most unsettling aspect of that was that she was a woman - not a transvestite as one tends to expect with a Cher impersonator. I mean, really.

On Sunday we visited with TheBoy's cousin and her husband in Brookline.

What you have to understand, first of all, is that our hotel was in Saugus - a bit north of the city and many highways away from Brookline. Second of all, is that i haven't been to Boston since i was a kid and the only thing i remember about that trip is seeing the U.S.S. Constitution and going to a souvenir store to buy something with my own money but then leaving my red nylon wallet with navy blue piping and the velcro closure on the counter (it was 1986 - nylon, velcro wallets were cool). I never did see my red velcro wallet again, or all of the 1/2 dollar coins i carried around in it. My mom was kind of mad.
And Third of all, TheBoy hasn't driven around Boston in a bunch of years and he forgot how bad it is.

We got lost.

Of course we did.

I'm not going to go on a rant about what a shitty road system Boston has, because really, it's not like it hasn't been done before. But COME ON people. WHERE ARE THE SIGNS? I don't ask for much, but mark the damn streets. That's just inconsiderate. And why is it that you think you're getting somewhere and all of a sudden you go through some TUNNEL and your directions say "Make a Left" and you're all, "But I'm in a TUNNEL"? It sucked. What i'm saying is it sucked. Luckily it didn't really matter so we laughed at ourselves for missing all of our turns. And passing right by the "Memorial something Bridge" and going straight to some other bridge that we thought might be "Memorial something Bridge" but uh.. wasn't.

We ate at Devlin's in Brighton with his cousin, if you're interested, which was lovely. And i saw a bit of the area near Boston University - and then unfortunately we were sent on our own to go sightsee. Cousin's husband sent us off with verbal directions to go see Newbury Street. But i don't think TheBoy was listening and we wound up back on Route 1 going back to the hotel... which we didn't think we'd ever find again so we decided to take advantage of our luck in finding the route back to the hotel and not screw it up. So... no Newbury Street for us. Next time, i guess.

And there will be a next time. At the fancy dinner thing, we won a one night stay and free breakfast at a local hotel... a local hotel in what i hear is a shitty, shitty neighborhood, but it's a free stay nonetheless. So if we do not want to get shot at while walking down the street, we will rent a car. No biggy.

Can anyone tell me about Chelsea? I do not know anything... and people laughed at us. Of all the incredible prizes they were raffling off, we won a stay in Chelsea.

Eh, i'm happy i won anything at all. Maybe next year i'll win the "Lufthansa airline tickets to any destination they fly to in Europe". This year? Chelsea.

Mmm... buffalo chicken...

2007-11-09T14:41:00.000-05:00

I'm still working on the contacts thing. It's all gotten much easier, but that doesn't mean that i've mastered the process yet. It was very hard at the beginning. In fact, while at my eye doctor's training lesson, i was positive that i would have to wear them forever because i could not get them out. COULD NOT. It took me at least 45 minutes to get the damn things out. I nearly broke down in tears because it was so frustrating. But, you know, these things take time. Since i've starting wearing them, my left eye has not been happy and i wonder if i'm wearing the wrong prescription. Which totally sucks cause now i'll have to go back to the eye doctor. Bah.

But in other news, i'll be heading up to Boston this weekend for 'fancy corporate dinner thing' for TheBoy's job. Which means i have to wear 'fancy-ish cocktail dress' which is something i totally don' t own. I don't go to fancy cocktail parties and therefore have never properly prepared for one. I do have a very nice dress from Ann Taylor* that i wore on the cruise last year and am hoping that it's going to cut the mustard because there is no way that i can afford to go buy something new right now considering the awful lack of spare cash i have not flying around in my bank account. There are, instead, moths.

Before i even went to try on last year's dress, i knew there were going to be some problems. I was, at least one size smaller last year because i had been on WeightWatchers for most of the year leading up to the cruise. After the cruise, i gained back everything i had lost (and then some) and had since then been trying to find my discipline and will power amongst the cookies that have been finding their way into the house a little too regularly.

I joined again. 3 weeks ago. So far, i have only lost 4.6 lbs which is kind of 'meh', but i know i should feel all 'woooo!' and 'go me!!'. But in reality, 4.6 lbs does not help me fit into a dress that i wore last November. It does not even give me the "I lost 5 lbs!" star-shaped sticker from the nice ladies at the WW center.

I want my damn sticker.

And yet for lunch today, i had Buffalo Chicken pizza. Because i love buffalo chicken so and i cannot live without it. At least i didn't have the bleu cheese. And it was grilled chicken. I am not a monster.

I will undoubtedly be squeezing into my Ann Taylor dress on Saturday night anyway and let it crush my ribcage, happily, because i know one thing that will keep me strong with or without breathing.

There will be an open bar. Oh yes, there will.

And it will be good.

*Loft. It's from Ann Taylor Loft. Do you think i can afford a real dress from Ann Taylor? I scoff at you.

If i was going to be a doctor, i would probably choose Proctology over Opthamology. Like for reals.

2007-10-29T14:37:00.000-05:00

E-mail from this morning to The Boss:

From: Claire
Sent: Monday, October 29, 2007 9:52 AM
To: The Boss
Subject: Tuesday - will be late

Just a reminder –

Will be late on Tuesday morning. Have eye-doctor appointment @ 9am. Shouldn't be in later than 10:00.

Though, if I am later than 10am, it is because I am spastic and am possibly getting my new contacts stuck in my hair / on floor / folded in half, scratching my cornea.

Just so you know.

Tomorrow! I will finally be amongst the people who have decided that it is no trouble sticking their own fingers in their eyes. I am excited. Especially since this is a big step for me. This is something that i should have done years ago, but i didn't realize that contact lenses were covered by my health insurance.

Um. That is totally a cover story. The health insurance thing. I've actually known for years. The truth is i am totally afraid of sticking something in my eye. You know, wearing glasses since the 9th grade and all would probably get old to most normal people. But not me. Me of the squeamish. I mean, really.

I hate all things relating to eyes. It just freaks me out. The glaucoma test at the eye doctor? Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. I never sit still for the puff of air. I always sit there and they tell me to hold still with your face in the plastic chin-rest thing and then at the last second i pull away. Or blink. Or scream.

Now, they put these nasty drops in your eyes and have that blue light deal that they look through to see if there's any glaucoma stuff.

What i didn't realize, until my doctor told me because i kept pulling away - like a 5 year old, was that those nasty drops? They numb your eyeball. Like, totally numb it. You know why?

So they can stick that blue light thing on your eye while he looks though it. THEY STICK IT ON YOUR EYE. LIKE TOUCHING IT. ON YOUR EYE. The drops make it so that you don't feel it. Isn't that nice?

I was nauseous for about an hour after that. I sort of wish he hadn't told me.

Others have suggested i try the Lasik surgery. HAHAHAHA!! Yeah right, guys. If i can't handle a glaucoma test, i certainly can't handle having those creepy horror-movie clamps holding my eyelids open with LASERS pointed at my retinas for "probably 5 minutes". That's so not going to happen. And there's a chance my eyesight may get worse? Yeah, no thanks. I'll wait until the procedure is PERFECT, thank you very much.

God, i hope i never develop cataracts.

I guess we'll see how the "contact training session" goes. Everyone tells me its no big deal and it will just take a couple of tries to get used to it.

I am putting my eyes in their hands.

(HA!)

It's SCIENCE.

2007-10-11T19:23:00.001-05:00

I know i haven't posted in a long while, and i suck and all, but y'all have to go and look at this thing on Kristy's blog. I am obsessed for some reason. GO. It's ever so cool.
And i am a dork.

Left-Brain / Right-Brain Freaky Spinning Girl Thing

Come back and tell me what you see. Cause i have to know.
My answer is in her comments, but i'll put it in my comments, too.

I don't want to contaminate your observations by telling you before you look at it.

GO. NOW.

Only 3 days until payday...

2007-09-27T13:46:00.000-05:00

But until then....

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S HAPPY BOUNCING CHECK DAY!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK AT THEM ALL GO!!!!! BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This f-ing sucks.

Something smells like... is that sewage?

2007-09-24T12:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like it's about time i got back on the diet wagon. It's been awhile since i've been off, and i think that it probably shows... a little too easily. Yeah.

Since this last dieting post here, i've maybe not followed my own advice and of course, gained back all of the weight i lost the last time i was on Weight Watchers. Evil, evil Weight Watchers... Apparently, i can't help myself from eating all the donuts without thinking about points, or at least looking like i eat whole boxes of donuts. Which i don't by the way. Just to clarify.

So! New plan! This time, i have to get myself together because Cousin G is getting MARRIED. Holy crap, married. They've been dating for like 2 years less than TheBoy and I have been (HELLOOO - save up your stupid money - we're on FOUR YEARS NOW*) and I can't believe it because for my entire life, i thought i would be first to walk down the aisle. And quite frankly, i think she thought so, too.

But alas, just a bridesmaid for now, so i should probably do my duty and at least look half-way decent in the bridesmaid gown. I owe that to her, right? Maybe look better than the bride? Outshine? No?

I kid. Obviously. That would be awful and obnoxious of me and i'm just not that kind of girl. P'shaw. Though, that seems to be the kind of toxic relationship she and i have had for the past 4 years or so, so i don't know if it would be totally out of the question.

But no! I'm not going to be like that, of course! I just want to look nice in a strapless gown, because - i've never ever worn anythign strapless and it kind of scares the crap out of me.

Maybe there's a girl out there that still reads here that will understand. Gah, strapless. Oh, wait, here - let me find a picture of the dress.. it's really not that bad:

Pretty, right? I mean, for a bridesmaid dress and all. Though the color of the dress will be a dark chocolate brown with the sash being the champagne color of the dress pictured here.

I can guarantee that i will not look as snotty as this model. Nor, as thin. But whatever. She just looks frighteningly pissed off to be at whatever stupid wedding she's in, you know? Like the cesspool backed up in the reception hall or something. Or maybe the groom is her ex-boyfriend and she was asked to be in the wedding party because they KNEW she was going to crash ANYWAY and i mean, she DID give this guy one of her kidneys, so they at least OWED her this. ...Though, she also kind of looks like she gave up a couple of ribs to fit in this dress.

SHE GAVE HIM HER RIBS.

Whatever. It's a nice dress.

And i have to look like her by April 19th.

There.

*TheBoy knows the deal here. If only those things weren't so darn expensive, we'd have been engaged a couple of years ago. Mostly because he's wanted it. Stupid money.

I am anything but preachy.

2007-09-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

So after all that shit on Monday, I decided to stay home yesterday and recover from whatever the hell it was that was vexing me. I think it was satan. Or maybe allergies. Hard to tell.

It has been awhile, hasn’t it. And thank you to TwoBusy for pointing that out and placing bets on my next post... Which is precisely why I’m posting today! Spite. It is my greatest motivator.

Things have changed around again at work and I think for the better. After petitioning and a little begging, they’ve moved me back downstairs to the older, homier office space (where the rest of my department is – go figure) and I finally feel like I belong to my new department. I can actually ask my co-workers questions, people who know what I’m talking about rather than just staring at me slack-jawed. Also, it’s much less quiet down here. MUCH less quiet. So I feel a whole lot less conspicuous than I did upstairs in the library-quiet ivory tower of executives. Down here is a little dirtier, a little rowdier, and a whole lot more comfortable.

The problem, though, is that I have less privacy than I did in my cube upstairs, so even though I wasn’t posting much upstairs, it was mostly because I was trying to learn my job. Not because of the spies. Down here, I have a woman sitting across the aisle who can see what I’m doing if she just cocks her head slightly to the side. Not that I think she cares, but I’ve lived in No-Innernets-At-Work fear for far too long to give up the paranoia now. So for now, I will be trying to be all covert-like and sly with my posting. We’ll see how this works out.

Yesterday morning I woke up at the normal time and threw myself at the bathroom and tried to get myself pumped up to take a shower. Instead, I wound up sitting with my eyes closed on the bathroom floor with BigDog, and decided to say ‘fuck that shit’ and get back into bed. I haven’t taken a sick day since July, so I figured I was about due for one. I called in to work and snuggled down with my favorite thing in the whole wide world, my pillow. My sweet, soft,loving pillow who loves me and misses me when I go. Oh, how it misses me and I it. Mmmm… pillow.

As TheBoy was getting ready for work (the sucker), we had MSNBC on the tv and they were talking about the 9/11 memorial that was going to be going on later in the day. I was only half-listening so after TheBoy left, I kept the tv on as background noise and tried to get back to sleep.

While I was drifting in and out of sleep, I’m pretty sure they played the original news footage from 9/11 in its entirety without interruption or commentary from the news people.

If there was any punishment for calling in sick for no good reason, that was it.

Wow, I had some of the most horrific dreams i have ever had. I didn’t see it coming and I woke up in a cold sweat.

I don’t really have much more commentary than that, because as tempted as I am, I don’t want to get into a post-9/11 dissertation that may perhaps ruffle some feathers. I am not a ruffler. I will just say that a few months ago, I did watch the full news footage from that day and it is really incredible to see it all as the events progressed, knowing what we know now. Horrible and frightening, but since we already know what’s coming it is interesting to watch as the speculation unfolds. If you’re feeling strong, I recommend watching it for yourself. And remembering.

That’s all.

My clothes. They do not match.

2007-09-10T08:18:00.000-05:00

A brief IM from this morning with friend, M.

This is how today is going so far... it's only 9:20. I think i'd like to go home now:

8:56 AM M: merning

8:59 AM Claire: mernig

M: how was the weekend

9:00 AM Claire: better than today.

M: oh.

Claire: is for sure.

today is bad.

M: why

Claire: yesterday - good.

today - bad

M: why today - bad , and why yesterday - good

Claire: i have a sneeze from out of nowhere.

my face, there's two big spots.

my eye - has some sort of ouchie in it that i can't find since before i showered this morning.

my clothes. they do not match.

hair is drying half-wildly, also.

i sneezed myself sick, i think. again.

i was just sick.

how can i be sick again?

M: yeah Im sick now too , and with Goldenrod season and the eye problem yea yay

Claire: where's the justice in that?

hmm. allergies.

M: you might have them

flavor.. I has it*

Claire: Allergies. I has it.

*If you're not familiar with the lolcats thing, stay away from them. I love them. And that makes me pathetic. I know.

Crappers.

2007-08-13T15:46:00.000-05:00

I thought I was doing something smart and inspired.
In reality I was fucking something up.

I thought I was finally finishing a project.
In reality, I made it such that I have to call a meeting with about 4 departmental directors to find out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with a project that should not have been mine in the first place.

I thought I was being super-productive.
Where in reality, I've lost more ground than I've gained.

Today has not been so great.

Well then.

2007-08-08T10:36:00.000-05:00

So, uh.

Hi there.

You may be saying, "Jebus Christmas, woman. It's been a month and a half since we've heard from you. Where in the F have you been? And it better be good."

To which I would say, "Um... nowhere...?"

I've just been wiped off the face of the planet, it seems, for a month and a half and I really don't have anything to show for it. No, really. I've been working in my little cubicle in cubicle-land, day after day, without much entertainment. I don't know. Maybe I lost the inspiration to talk about the nothingness that has been my summer.

So, I’m sorry about that. For those of you who checked in with me to see if I was dead. I'm not. Now you know.

****************************

For newsworthiness, lets take a look at what kind of expenses I have coming up that I can't afford, not even with credit because I am poor in the sense of OHMYGOD where is all my money GOING??

This past weekend, I had my school orientation. I'm starting up my bachelors (after graduating with my associates in December) and have done absolutely no research to try and get this shit moving before the semester starts the last week of August.

I am so screwed. I haven't registered for classes yet because I need to see a "Transfer Advisor" before being allowed to register. I haven't seen a Transfer Advisor, because I would need to go to the school during office hours and I haven't actually worked up the desire to try to get this all moving and take a day off of work and just DO IT already. I am so not excited about this and it kind of scares me. I can't really afford it, though I know I’ll just make it work somehow, as per usual. But if I could just register for a class on my own and get my ass in the classroom twice a week, I’ll be fine. Just let me do it on my own, I don't want to have to talk to someone within the bureaucracy that is a state-run university. It sucks, and everyone is mean and doesn't give a shit about how lost you are. You make phone calls and they'll transfer you all around campus because no one wants to deal with you, until you're on hold for 20 minutes and someone just hangs up. Goddamn them.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid in Cousin G's wedding. Quite frankly, when she told me that she got engaged, I really didn't think I would be in the wedding party at all and I was actually really pissed off about it for awhile. When she started making wedding plans she wasn't giving me straight answers about the wedding party. I very staunchly assumed I was not going to be in it which I felt was a total slap in the face, because we had been such close friends, with the exception of the past 3 years or so.

Heh. I was wrong.

She was waiting to ask me when she figured out how many guy-friends her fiancé wanted in the party. So uh, yeah. I kind of felt like an ass, but now I am kicking myself for even wanting to be asked. It is so not worth it. How the hell was I supposed to know that I’m expected to PAY for things?? Why didn't anyone WARN ME?? Ugh... I have to go to lunch with the Maid of Honor and the two mothers on Sunday to work out the prices of the Bridal Shower. I am so unprepared for how much someone else's wedding is going to cost me.

Also, I have not purchased an Engagement Present, which is apparently mandatory in the year 2007. Had no idea. What the fuck am I supposed to get her? Also, am like 3 months late on this. Help?

BigDog had some trouble in June. She had been limping for awhile and we weren't quite sure what was wrong, so we took her to the vet. That was a joyous couple of hours, let me say. 113lbs of very strong, very scared dog had to be held down by 2 vet techs, the vet, TheBoy and myself while trying to feel around her joints to see where the injury is. There was a lot of screaming (BigDog), a lot of peeing (also BigDog), some blood (a vet tech who received a hard kick from BigDog and her long, sharp nails) and copious amounts of drool (also, mostly from BigDog).

It sucked. She's been on some anti-inflammatory and gloucosimine pills and has shown improvements. I'm hoping the pills will make it all better, because doggy-ACL ligament repair surgery is way out of my price range. I love her, but she needs to get a job that pays for health benefits, because pet insurance is a rip off. So says me.

These are just some of the fun things that have been going on in my world. Aren't you excited to get caught up? I know; it's enthralling, my life.

On the bright side, however, I may be getting to the beach this weekend and I think it's about time.
It's August, and I haven't been to the beach yet once this year.
And I live about 15 minutes from a really nice ocean beach.
There are no excuses, people.

Except the forecast calls for a chance of thunderstorms.

Dammit.

Fox News.

2007-06-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

This weekend, TheBoy and I went for a little 4 mile hike in the woods. It was all my idea and i was really psyched to get out and go hiking because it's gotten way too long in between days in the woods, and i love hiking. Love. Yet by the time we hit mile 2, i wanted someone to come pick me up and drive me back to the car. I was beat. Which was totally sad since it wasn't even that hot out.

Also, i was a little bored. Which is totally strange. I'm not sure what to attribute that to.

Maybe it was the fact that we were 'hiking' down a bridle trail - which is not hiking at all, but walking. In the woods. The bridle (not bridal - that would be something totally different) trail is really soft sandy-dirt and the uneven, soft ground was driving me crazy (but woo! workout!) with very little scenery at all. I know, what the hell am i expecting, right? Yeah, i don't know. The lack of anything going on around us caused us to use all the strategically placed piles of horse poo as major sources of entertainment; every time we passed one TheBoy would make fart/potty noises which amused us both to no end. Farts=funny, people. There's no denying that.

Once we finally made it off the bridle path and onto a real, solid path, things brightened up a bit. There were creeks! And chipmunks! A rabbit! A deer hiding in the trees! So many things more interesting than horse shit. I know it's hard to fathom.

Somewhere halfway through, we stopped to sit on a bench that was set up in a clearing by the fish hatchery. TheBoy was making a phone call (cause what's a hike without your Blackberry, eh?) and just staring off into space when he saw something, that at first registered as a 'dog', walking on the path we had just come from.

"That's a fox!"

Shocking! I've never, ever seen a fox (i don't think.. that i can remember..) in real life. It was a lot bigger than i thought it would be - like the size of a cocker spaniel, i guess. So we gauked at the fox and it stared back at us, until it decided that we were way too excited to see it and he ran away.

And i'm sure some of you are like, "yeah, whatever, Claire. I've got a fox sleeping in the marigolds out front," To which i would respond, "wow," and "that's really interesting," but this is my story, and i've never seen one in person, and it was kind of exciting for me, if you don't mind.

Don't steal my fox thunder.

By the time we wandered out of the woods, i wanted to fall down in the parking lot and go to sleep, but overall, a nice hike... or walk. You know.

A LETTER FROM THE PAST! (oh god, i'm so embarrassed.)

2007-06-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, i got the bug to go through some of the things i left behind at my mother's house. Most importantly, i was looking for my journals. Journals that had been crammed into every unsuspecting corner of my bedroom, hidden in such ways that i had to remember where they all were - and there are quite a few. I was good at keeping this stuff a secret by writing in old class notebooks; at the ends when there were always a couple of sections left empty if it was from a class that didn't require much note taking. So i would fill up the remainders of spiral notebooks and then put them right on my bookshelves in plain site. Very sneaky.

The trouble in finding them, is which notebook is really just Trigonometry and which has the details of that day in my junior year when i ditched school and walked to the stores around the corner instead of the bus stop to wait, crouched in the bushes by the deli so that my mother wouldn't see me when she drove past but keep an eye out for my friends who were going to pick me up and take me to the beach? Which notebook is that filed in? Hard to tell, is what i'm saying.

So i found a couple of them, some in spiral notebooks, others in yellow legal pads which were my note taking medium of choice when i started college (the first time). Probably because they were cheap and i had no money whatsoever.

This is so not the point.

The point is: I remember a lot of this stuff being kind of racy. And the idea of leaving my teenage thoughts lying around my bedroom unsupervised had kind of given me the heebie-jeebies for, oh i don't know, ever. This is stuff Mom should never, ever see. Ever. Even when i'm 50, mom should not accidentally come across my journals. You might think i'm being dramatic, but i just don't think she could ever look at me the same. It's not worth it.

The earliest one I unearthed is from 1998 and DAMN, THE DRAMA. I turned 18 that year, and I know that this is not the first one. I know this because it starts: "August 1, 1998: I guess i'll be starting in the old math notebook now..." and if you flip towards the front, you see... oh look at that. Trigonometry. Good guess, i had up there. I was just pulling something out of my ass...

ANYWAY.

I've found some really interesting things that i probably can't share here, unfortunately. See this post about telling people i know about having a blog. Sucks. There is possibly some incriminating dirt amongst the driveling, world-weary bullshit. It truly is amazing how difficult and heart-crushing it is to be 18.

After much persistence, i was able to find the one thing that i know i can share because i wrote it. On February 13, 1992. I was 11.

Inspired by Metalia in this post, i wanted to find some kind of notes from the way back to show what was going on in my head. And then i thought of this letter that my 6th grade English teacher had us write - to ourselves. A LETTER TO THE FUTURE!

We wrote a bunch of crap that was going on in our 11 year old lives, sealed and addressed them to ourselves. They were dropped into Ms. D's file cabinet and were scheduled to be mailed out 10 years later when we least expected it. According to the postmark, i received this in June of 2000 so i'm not sure what happened there, but i have a feeling Ms. D retired and decided that she wasn't going to be responsible for dealing with this shit after she was done and just sent them all out to the world. Not important.

Ready for this? Oh god, here we go:
My comments will be italicized. Because i cannot just post this and not beat the shit out of myself. I mean, come on.

2/13/1992

Dear Claire,

Hi! How am I? {That's a little LETTER FROM THE PAST humor}.
I'm in 6th grade at [name of jr high school].

This past year, the U.S.S.R. (Union of Soviet Socialist Republics) {yeah, I really spelled it out. And underlined it. Just in case} just broke up and became their own countries. That took place January 1, 1992. There was a war in the middle east last year. The Berlin Wall came down last year. {i have a strange feeling that our teacher wanted us to say all of this - i don't remember being that up on my current events at 11. not like we could miss any of this stuff, i just don't buy that this was my idea.}

Enough about news, lets talk about styles. {oh yes, lets} One of the great styles this year are overalls with one or both straps down {gah, hello, 1992. I don't even know why i would mention this since i DIDN'T ACTUALLY OWN OVERALLS. I was SO not cool.} Another are button-down shirts that have sheer sleeves {also did not have any of these} Last year and this year Z.Caverrichi's [sic] are in style. {I certainly didn't have a pair of these. WAY too expensive and mom did not understand my need to be trendy. so i wasn't. I wore jeans - Levi's, most likely - that were tight rolled at the ankle and lots of socks. Also, leggings (so flattering) and giant ugly sweatshirts to cover my ass. I believe Keds were involved.}
Music that everyone likes {everyone? really?} is really a lot of rap. {i was so misguided in the 6th grade. and a sheep. baahh.} Like Boyz-2-Men, Club Cheatin' {who? i don't think i knew who this was back then, either}, Naughty by Nature (O.P.P) {Yeah, you know me}, Marky Mark {and his Funky Bunch?}, Iced Tea [sic], Ice Cube. {This is all so contrived i can't stand it. I was actually trying to fake being cool in a letter to myself. Hello, low self-esteem!} I like Boyz-2-Men, Good Vibrations (Marky Mark), O.P.P, Deee-Light[cough, sic] and B-52's. Vanilla Ice is totally out. {Like, ohmygod, TOTALLY OUT. He was like, so LAST YEAR.}

My best friend is Laura. She is here right now helping me write this letter. {oh. that's where the music inspiration came from. Laura had older sisters. We would pretend we were homeboys. Oh yes we did. Wrapping our arms across our chests with our hands on our shoulders and lean back just a little? You know. Word to your mom. I think she has pictures} Pretty cool huh? {It certainly is.}

My two very, very good friends are Angela and Kim. {Sadly, after i wrote this letter to myself, a huge fight erupted in which i lost these two "very, very good friends". They stopped speaking to me aaannndd prevented the rest of the class from speaking to me as well. The second half of 6th grade sucked ass.}

This year the 1992 Winter Olympics are goin' on {i'm hip} in Albertville, France. {yes, they certainly were. i looked it up, just to make sure.} We have about 11 medals. (Cool, huh?) {so cool.}

Well, I better go! {I must have had a lot of absolutely nothing to go get started on. Maybe perfect my Dance Party USA moves; listen to some BelBivDeVoe}

Bye! Talk to ya later!
Claire [full name - including middle name]

And then there are some doodles at the bottom, including a BEST FRIENDS 4 EVER thing that is in Laura's handwriting, also a "Right now I like Philip [full name, including middle initial]" with his name encased in a heart. Phil sat in front of me in all of my classes. Alphabetical order was good to me that year. And lastly, this gem written by Laura: "Oh Yo! Wonder if were still best friends? I really hope so!"

To which i say, "then you shouldn't have fucked me over at Friendly's after we went to see "Fried Green Tomatoes" with Kim and Angela, eh? EH? Perhaps we would still be best friends if you didn't start telling people not to speak to me. That could have been helpful. Is all i'm saying." Meh, doesn't matter. We made up that summer. Kids.

And now this is on the innernets for all the world to see. I am so, so proud.

Monkeys, cocktails and Her Majesty the Queen.

2007-06-18T11:28:00.000-05:00

And here's where i apologize AGAIN for being such a stranger.

I'm sorry.

Okay, then.

I've become a bit more adjusted to life on the second floor. It's still unbearably quiet, but at least now i know that it's not just me that thinks this is a totally bizarre business atmosphere. Most of the people up here have commented to me about the sheer, pin-dropping silence i've been experiencing up here, so i've learned to just deal with it and try not to let it effect my neurosis.

Which it is.

But hey, i'm trying.

Also - there have been a few people asking me to e-mail my last post to them, so if you're interested (but really, it's not THAT good) and you don't work for the Overlord (specifically in HR) just let me know and i'll send it along to you. If you don't know what the hell i'm talking about, see here.

Now on to some actual CONTENT:

I don't know if there are still any Brits reading here, and while i suspect not, i'm still going to talk about a TV show that no one here in the US has seen, unless they are illegally pirating it (YARR, YARRR) like we are.
I'm talking about "Britain's Got Talent".
I know. You're saying, "Claire, why in the hell would you want to go through the trouble of downloading a shitty reality talent show when you can watch the one we have right here in America?"

To that i say, "I really have no idea."

Except that it was there, on the internet, and that is pretty much how we watch all of our TV because it's almost better than Tivo. You know, almost.

So, in the queue went "Britain's Got Talent" last week, and then everyday until it was finished. They only aired it for about a week and a half - it was on every single night until they called the winner - and i have to say, it is actually a lot better than the American version. I don't know if it is because there is an actual point to the whole competition (the winner gets to perform for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show (who knew the Queen enjoyed crap variety shows)) or because there is no mention of The Hoff anywhere on it.

My vote goes for No Hoff. Cause he bugs the shit out of me.
Instead, they have Simon Cowell. Obviously.

Why am i talking about this? Good question. I want to share with you, my 3 fine readers, the wonder that is a good Monkey Puppet Act. Never have I enjoyed a Monkey Puppet Act, but this? This is something. Use your speakers:

Brilliant.

And? Damon Scott? Hot.
Yes he is.

He made it to the finals, which i thought was pretty impressive for a Monkey Puppet Act, but was a little touch-and-go during the semi-finals where everyone pretty much told him that the performance he gave was total shit.

To see the look on his face when everyone was telling him he was a loser who probably touched monkeys in an inappropriate manner, was probably the saddest i have ever felt for someone on the TV EVER. I wanted so very badly to just reach through the television (or rather, computer monitor - pirates, remember) and give him a hug. He looked CRUSHED, absolutely CRUSHED. I felt terrible for him. Come to mama... bring the monkey... i'll make it all better..

*Ahem*.

They did give him another chance, which was nice and uplifting. Certainly seemed to make him feel better, which of course made me happy. It was nice to see him smiling again, instead of looking like someone kicked his puppy down the stairs. Or rather, monkey, i guess.
But of course he didn't win. I mean, it's a Monkey Puppet Act, for chrissakes.

Instead, it was opera singer, Paul Potts, who won - and rightly so. He's quite amazing and i'm sure the Queen will love him and whatever. But he didn't have a monkey, so i'm not spending any time talking about him.
No monkey, no press. That's what i say.

If there IS anyone from the UK still reading here, can someone explain to me why the judges thought the bar flair guys were so exciting and "different"? Did they not have the movie "Cocktail" over there? I mean, sure throwing bottles and shit around can be fun to watch, but it's not like its so damn innovative.
"Cocktail", yo. Tom Cruise did it. Like in the 80's. Before he was buttfuck crazy.

Open letter to members of my ex-department (caution, angry):

2007-06-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

This post has been removed to protect ~~the innocent~~ me.

Yep, just me.

Shhh.... everyone can hear me...

2007-06-05T07:33:00.000-05:00

Yay! I'm a real person now! In my new job! There's no one hanging over my shoulder looking at what i'm doing or trying to rat me out for doing something other than work. Hell, my boss told me yesterday that once i get my laptop (eee!) i can watch dvds at my desk if i want. Which is a little weird for him to be telling me that. But then, he reminds me that my transfer is a lot like going from high school to college (considering the petty, juvenile CRAP that was going on in my old department) and like going to college, no one is going to be on top of me to make sure i've done my homework. As long as i get my work done, it doesn't really matter how you get there. Or something like that. Whatever, the point is - no one is trying to rat me out anymore. For anything. Yet. That i know of.

And i don't have to let anyone know when i'm leaving my desk to go to the bathroom. You don't know what that means to me. NO REALLY.

However, since i've been moved to a new location, i'm having trouble getting comfortable in the new environment... it's like creepy-quiet in here. QUIET. Like all you can hear is the sound of my typing which is all of a sudden VERY VERY LOUD. I don't like this. It's weird.

And last weekend, we went to Maine as mentioned in the last post which was like a month ago by now because i'm having a real hard time keeping up with everything and what with the new job and all. But that's enough bitching.

Maine! Was lovely! And HOT! Much hotter than i anticipated which was why i brought so many damn long sleeve shirts and was severely mistaken. But otherwise, was lovely. We spent some time driving (oh so much driving) and walking around Bar Harbor and hiking and climbing and eating and walking and eating.
We went to Acadia, as planned, and drove the road that circles the park, which was beautiful. Then we drove to the top of Cadillac Mountain. Yes, we drove, even though TwoBusy claimed it wasn't a hard hike, we got there around 4:00pm. I just didn't think it would be smart to hike up and down a mountain that late in the afternoon. That and because... we're just damn lazy. But the shitty part about all that is once we got to the top and parked and started walking around up there, we sat in a spot on the top of the mountain where all of the actual hikers would appear and disappear out of view, whether they were going down, or coming up. There were all kinds of people doing it - old people, young people, fat and skinny people. It was a little upsetting, knowing that just about anyone could do this hike, and we fat-asses were just sitting up there enjoying the view. Which wasn't half-bad, by the way:

click for bigger

See how hazy it was out there? Luckily, it was a little chilly on the mountain, but it was HOT down there at the bottom.

Also, there was a cruise ship in the harbor when we got into town on Saturday morning and MAN WAS THE PLACE PACKED. It was actually really hard to get into any restaurants for breakfast because of all the tourists (not like us, natch) that were poured onto the streets. I mean, Bar Harbor isn't exactly a big town. Like at all. So, it was packed is what i'm saying.
Well, here's the boat:

Bar Harbor is the mess of white specs stretching towards the water. In case you were wondering.

This is probably the lamest 'long-weekend wrap up' you have ever read, but i'm kind of on a schedule here. And i think it's time for oatmeal...

Also, no proofreading. No time.
Suffer.

Um... Ahoy, thar...

2007-05-24T07:16:00.001-05:00

I have to keep this quick... the walls they are watching me. I've been deeply immersed in this shitty, shitty project for the past 2 weeks or so and i have to get this shit done before i get the F out of this shitty, shitty department. Shitty.

But there is a bright spot. June 1st is my official start date in my new job and i CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE. I am really excited and am just now trying to clean out my stuff and make moving to my new cube (what, like i don't deserve an office? I so totally do. Pshaw) a little easier. The best thing about the packing and moving is that most of the crap on my desk is going to be totally useless in my new position so i can just leave it like litter in my old cube. Nice.

I have been virtually non-existent in the blogosphere for the past couple of weeks and for that i apologize. I even have a 5 question interview thingy from DaNator that i have not gotten to yet. Don't worry, Nator! I'm getting there! Eventually!

This lovely Memorial Day weekend will be spent in beautiful Bar Harbor, Maine with TheBoy and I am impatiently waiting to get on the road with him. I love road trips and this'll be a nice long one - about 9 hours according to mapquest - which is just fine for me. We've been to Bar Harbor before. For Memorial Day weekend in 2004 and it was such a great trip that i wanted to try to relive it.

So this weekend, we'll be eating lobster like it's going out of style (for CHEAP - gotta love Maine) and hiking around in the woods and on Cadillac Mountain, the highest point on the east coast at 1532 ft, in Acadia National Park. And lets not kid ourselves into thinking that Claire is going to climb a mountain because, cha! There's a road to the summit. We be driving, thank you.

But being a total lardass is not going to stop me from climbing around the rocks and trails once i get up there. It is an absolutely beautiful view and I can't wait to get up there and hop around on the rocks. In fact, here's a picture from last time.

Look at that, isn't it a gorgeous view?

That's me on Cadillac Mountain. This may be the first picture of myself that i've posted on the internets and oh, isn't it disappointing? You can't even see my face. Ah, well.
And don't be judging all my poofiness, there. It was windy and that is TheBoy's sweatshirt i'm wearing. That is why i am poofy. Take that, you judgers.

Have a good weekend!

Shining Star atop a very Small Head

2007-05-10T13:16:00.000-05:00

I don't even know what to say anymore. I am stuck waiting some more. More waiting and also again.

I do not have an official start date and i have to wait for my boss's boss to decide when they will be ready "to release me". This person has no great love for me so i am somewhat surprised that he is not jumping at the chance to throw me to another department. But on the other hand, i can see how it would be fun to torture me with this bullshit for just a little bit longer... bastard.

Anyway. I am really excited about starting this new thing and thank you for all of your well-wishes on Monday. However, i am just now starting to feel like maybe I threw myself into something that I'm not really prepared for. I keep hearing the words "challenging" and "make or break" or "throwing you in with your eyes closed". These are not comforting words.

But I'm also being told about being a 'shining star', which is encouraging and also? Freaking nice to hear. Look at that, my new boss might actually believe in me. How F-ING WEIRD.

Ugh.

It will be nice to finally move on and "embrace" my "challenges" or whatever you're supposed to do when you don't know anything about what the hell your job is.

It'll be fun. I'm sure of it.

-------------------

Today i am experiencing Small-Head Syndrome. (I would Google this phrase to see if it is used elsewhere and not my own creation, but I'm at work and i have a feeling that not all of the hits would be PG. All i need is to be fired for surfing p0rn on teh innernets.) I have my hair pulled back into a ponytail, sort of straightened, and for whatever physiological reason it makes me look like i have a small head. As in: not proportionate to my body. Which is kind of weird.

I often notice this phenomena when I'm wearing something kind of bulky - like a sweater - and i have my hair up. It's noticeable. At least i think it is. And for the rest of the day i feel self-conscious about the size of my head.

Is this normal? Am i the only one? Hmm.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!

2007-05-07T15:55:00.000-05:00

WOOOOHOOOO!!!!

I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here I am so outta here!!!!!

YYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!

Mmm...salad.. gglllrlglgggmmmmhhhggg..

2007-05-01T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'm still waiting on the job thing, so I'm not even going to talk about it. I mean, I've heard things. Good things. But i am biting my tongue until i get an Official Offer Letter because i don't trust anyone enough to actually follow through with just a smile and a nod. So. I'm waiting. And this is me not talking about it...

But let me just get out of the way that i am so, So, SO excited to (almost) know that I'm (almost, maybe) working with a great group of people who i can see right now from my window hanging out at the picnic benches chatting and laughing at lunchtime. I want to be a part of that.

Ok, I'm done. Next:

I am starting a new thing. I'm trying out that "jogging" thing that I've heard people talking about. Since a post on Sundry's blog, I've been inspired to get my ass out on the pavement and start moving. This stagnation has gone on way too long and I'm starting to feel like shit about not exercising anymore (or ever). I mean, after quitting the Weight Watchers, i've been really slacking.

So! Exercise! Walking! Eventually, maybe running! Fresh air! Good for me!

To add to that getting off my ass thing, i've gotten myself addicted to those new-fangled chopped salads (which i totally didn't understand when i saw the sign in the bagel place near home. Chopped salads? Like, why?) but wow, they're really good. And i'm not just blowing 'I'm-getting-all-healthy' and 'I-am-so-much-better-than-you-cause-i-gasped-and-snorked-my way-around-the-block' up your ass or anything. They're really good. Mostly because you can throw whatever mixture of total crap into a bowl of lettuce and chop it all up.

Which, honestly, is probably actually not entirely healthy. I feel like i'm doing a good thing for myself by eating salads every day, but it occurs to me that maybe i'm not so healthy after all.

Sure i'm using low-fat salad dressing and it's lettuce for crissakes, but my mix-in choices are probably not so great.

For instance, i like them with pineapple and mandarin oranges.

Yeah. Sugary.

Um, also, dried cranberries. And white raisins.

I totally suck at this diet and exercise thing. How do you make a salad unhealthy? Make it so that its full of sugar*. Smart.

Oh, but so good.

*Also, 'taco salads' accomplish this, too.

It's all so inconvenient.

2007-04-25T09:48:00.000-05:00

Well, no news yet but the interviews both went pretty well. I have to say that the HR part could have been less uncomfortable had the HR chick not pointed out one of my work flaws to me and asked me to explain it.

I said i didn't like her, right? Yeah. That was not a casual statement. There be reasons, yo.

But things are moving along. I've been in touch with Prospective Manager (maybe a little too much - i think I'm starting to annoy him) and he seems very positive about the whole situation so i have let my breath out a bit. I just get to wait some more now.

Stupid waiting.

------------------

Otherwise, i went to a transfer day at school last week and sat down with an admissions counselor from my first-ish* choice 4-year school. I was easily and painlessly accepted and handed a "we are pleased to inform you" letter right there on the spot.

But now i have the head ache of trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for this. If I go to college part time, only 2 classes a semester... i am going to be paying oh.. around... $4,680. And that's strictly just for those 2 classes.

That does not include the fees: parking fee, administrative fee, university fee, technology fee, book fee, paper fee, bug spray fee, lawn fee, god-damn toilet paper fee, etc.

Going to a community college for my associates degree is probably the best thing i could have done. The point is to get all of the credits you will need to fulfill any bachelors degree for 1/2 the cost than doing it at a 4-year school. And it was. I was able to pay for all of those classes with my debit card and it was awesome. AWESOME.

And now I'm off to see the financial aid fairies and hope that they can help me. Because $780 PER CREDIT (multiply that by 6) is going to be really hard for me to just write a check for. Why? Because i am poor. Apparently.

Chances are however, that i am not poor enough to receive real financial aid. I think you need to be making $7.00 an hour or less to qualify for financial aid, and for once, i am sad that i make more than that. Who knew that day would come.

So next we go to the scholarship fairies to see if they would like to bestow any gifts upon me. I will probably qualify for something, but it will probably be something like $500 a semester for being such a super cool person. $500 will just about cover the textbooks and gas i will need to commute. That is not even 1/3 of one class.

That sucks. It sucks eggs, is what.

I'm off to fill out a FAFSA form and hope for the best.

Though that would be so much easier if i had my W2 on me... dammit.

*I still don't know what i want to be when i grow up. I still don't know where i want to go. This is only my first choice because i know it is a good school and that it is not more than an hour away. If i actually had a career goal, this would be easier for me.

EEEeeeeeee!!!!!

2007-04-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

Hello! I am starting to develop HIVES on my FACE.

HIVES.. OH GOD HIVES.

31 minutes until interview....

Pick ME!

2007-04-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

Well, here we go. Tomorrow is the interview.

I've already told the boss and he's fine with my wanting to look for a job. I could tell he was a little surprised, but more so was wondering how the higher-ups are going to fill my place if i actually get the job. He was, in fact, laughing about it. So i guess all is as good as it is going to get.

Tomorrow i sit down with HR and Prospective Manager, but i'm not sure what i am to expect out of this. I don't know if this is the first of multiple interviews or if i just need the one. I'm also not sure if this is going to be a generic HR interview with the "what are your biggest weaknesses" type of questions. I'm kind of hoping that they know me better than needing to ask me things like that, but i'm not sure.

It should be interesting, that's for sure. I kind of have a feeling that the HR chick doesn't like me so much, which is ok because i have enough sense not to like her back. But that kind of good sense isn't going to get me anywhere tomorrow.

So i'm currently brushing up on my "how do you prioritize your work" answers and making sure that my only suit that fits is free of dog hair and just trying to relax for the rest of the night. I am a notoriously bad interviewer and i am hoping that i can be relaxed enough to get through this process successfully and without tripping over my words or i don't know, burping audibly or something sexy like that.

I know that there have been a stack of resumes submitted for this position from the outside world, so that has me reasonably shaken about the situation. I could very potentially not be as qualified as someone who has maybe been doing this for a living for a substantial amount of time. If i don't get this job, it is going to be very awkward going back to my cubicle and looking at my boss everyday while he knows that my heart isn't in it anymore. Not that is has been for quite some time, but hey, at least we didn't all have to talk about it before.

All i can do is put on a smile and tell HR chick about what a model employee i am and hope for the best. All i can ask from you is to send me your positive thoughts at 3:00 EST on Monday. Every little bit helps, eh?

Can you tell i'm stalling?

2007-04-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

Today's the day.

I have to tell him today.

But first!
I was just reminded of something to help you to better understand just how non-confrontational i am.

{{{Wayne's World wavy screen flashback transition}}}

I think it was 2001? Probably about 6 years ago, i guess. Imagine that song "It's Been Awhile" by Staind is playing on the radio. I'm pretty sure that song was always playing on the radio that year on at least 3 stations at any given moment. And it's a damn shitty song.

I was getting sick of how my stupid bank worked, what with its "holding periods" and "no online banking" and "nasty, indignant tellers" and decided that i wanted a change and opened up an account at a local credit union. One with all kinds of online banking and nicer people with less attitude and they also were better about not telling me that i couldn't access my money when i wanted it (which really sucks by the way when you are super-poor like me and are maybe making minimum wage, or at least very close to it).

So i opened an account and dropped most of my money in it and all was good. I could look at my money move all day long online and that was so exciting for me, you have no idea. Hey. Sometimes its the simple things that make me happy.

But there was still one thing i had left to do.

I had to quit the bank.*

Every week i said to myself, 'Self? Today is the day we quit the bank'. And then i wouldn't go anywhere near the bank and I'd be all , 'Feh! I was so busy, i didn't have time to quit the bank today!'

And there the account laid open. Open and on the brink of emptiness.

To quit the bank, you have to talk to someone at the bank. You have to tell them that you don't want to be in their bank anymore and that you're leaving their bank. You're breaking up with the bank. And i think by now you know how i feel about that kind of conversation.

Not good. In case you were wondering, it's not good.

Once a month, i would receive my statement and every month, there would be a couple of dollars less in the bank than there was the month before. The account was starting to eat away at itself from starvation and neglect. It would only eat a dollar or two a month, but pretty soon i knew there would be nothing left.

Years went by. I never did quit the bank. Eventually there was only about $12.00 in the bank and they finally sent me a letter telling me they were closing the account due to inactivity. And i said "YES! I don't have to quit the bank! They did it for me."

And that is the story of a girl who is so non-confrontational that she couldn't even close a bank account.

It's probably also because of sheer laziness. But feh. That does not fit the theme of the story.

*I don't know if anyone else would pick this up, but that is a Friends reference. My closet addiction to Friends goes deep. And i would in fact go around saying this; I'm not making up that phrase for your amusement. Because it is not so amusing.

Keep Pork Off Your Fork*

2007-04-18T14:04:00.000-05:00

Hrm.

So.

I am still WAITING. Waiting, waiting, waiting........ I have not yet heard back from Prospective Manager about my essay which is FRANKLY DRIVING ME INSANE.

But it's ok. He is out of state for most of the week at another location, so i'm sure he's busy or whatever. Though he did say that he would email me about it. You know, as in, "Maybe, if i get a chance".

Fine! It's ok! Really! I've already gotten the phone call from HR for an "appointment" to "sit down" and "talk" about my "applying for the position" (do the air-quotes with me, people) on Monday. Which is, *awesome*! Wooo! But also means that i have to tell my supervisor before Friday afternoon that i am leaving him for another department.

A sexier, taller department that makes more money and drives a faster car.

I have two days to break the news and i am so not looking forward to it. I am so terribly non-confrontational that even for something that will be so much better for me, is not enough inspiration for me to leap into his office like a ballerina, scattering rose petals behind me with streamers in my hair, and tell him that i am LEAVING.

This should not be so surprising. Especially to the ex-boyfriends out there who may read this. YOU KNOW HOW I AM. I cannot break up with someone for the life of me, and usually keep it going for waaayy too long because i do not want to break up because that is mean (obviously-dur).

This here is nothing more than a professional break-up only with a deadline and i am creeping quickly to that deadline. I am wishing that i was the kind of person that could do this with the leaping and skipping and ribbons in the hair.

But i am not. And i'm currently making lists of things i should say when i sit down with him that do not include:
"FUCK YOU!!!!" or
"..because it totally sucks here" or
"i'll still be here in spirit" or
"if you'd like, i'll stay for a month or two to help out if you need me".

You know.

*Random 'web clip' in my gmail tool bar today. So catchy.

Butterflies.

2007-04-13T11:07:00.000-05:00

It's so weird. I have butterflies in my stomach. I feel like about to go on a first date. Like a blind first date.

I just finished submitting my application and resume for the new job on the company intranet and now all i have to do is wait. I handed in my essay to Prospective New Manager and he's going to go over it and call me in the afternoon to talk about it. Human Resources knows that I'm an "interested party" (well, especially now that I've applied) and i have nothing more to do than wait.

Um. I'm not always good at waiting. Cause i get nervous. And excitable.

But there you go. It's out of my hands now. You know, until i have to tell my boss i am going to defect.

That will have to wait for another day.

Ahem... - UPDATED

2007-04-10T13:10:00.000-05:00

So i started to write that thing. You know the thing? The thing for the job? Yeah. I started it last night and uh.. i have to say it is proving to be more challenging than i anticipated. "Challenging"... yeah.

That's a good word, right? Cause i like "challenges". Really, i do. But, uh... I'm starting to feel a little freaked. As if, perhaps, i was maybe wrong about being able to do this. And that maybe i am not quite so smart as i was pretending to be.

I have until Friday to have it finished and I'm wondering if that's actually enough time. I don't even know quite yet how long it has to be, but i tried making an outline (which, not for nothing, i haven't done in an awful long time and i know its necessary for something like this) and i even had trouble with THAT.

So i started on the first draft, figuring that i could come back and fill in the outline once i get in the groove. Maybe the ideas will come to me once i start actually typing something, you know? But then i got stuck in the first paragraph...

I am seriously freaking right now. And I'm not going to go to Prospective Manager and freak all over him, no of course not - that would be suicide. So I'm doing it here. For all of you. Welcome.

OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING OH GOD OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD. I CAN'T SERIOUSLY DO THIS FOR A LIVING WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CONSTRUCT A SENTENCE LET ALONE GET THOUGHTS ON PAPER HOLY FRICKING CHRIST WHAT AM I DOING OH GOD OH HELL OH GOD WHY DOES IT SOUNDS LIKE AN ARTICLE NOW? CAN IT SOUND LIKE AN ARTICLE? I DON'T KNOW!!!! BUT IT DOES AND MAYBE I SHOULD PUT SOME RANDOM HAPPY FACES IN THERE YEAH? NOO!!! STOP IT! AUUGGHHGGGGHHHH!!!

Ok, thank you.

*************************
Update - alrighty. I spoke to Potential New Manager and VERY CALMLY as if nothing was bothering me, asked a few simple questions about what i should be doing and i think i've got it all under control now. whooo! just needed to get a little stress out i guess. Sorry about the complete loss of my mind! Really! Everything is just fine now!

Hello - help me? html question...

2007-04-09T10:11:00.000-05:00

It seems like everyone else has been able to figure this out, and i'm feeling a little dumb today.

If i want to post a link on someone's comments and i want it to say a word and not show the actual link address... How do i do that?

For instance, if I wanted to link to oh.. i don't know... that great site, www.leekspin.com

But i want the happy blue words to read "Strangely Addictive Swedish Crap" when you see it in your comments. How do i do that?

Anyone? Bueller?

I know you all know how to do this - i am just a little dumber than you. That's all.

I may be able to start counting those chickens.

2007-04-05T13:43:00.001-05:00

After a conversation with Potential New Manager, i was informed that he had a conversation about me with the director of his department. It was nice to hear that the director didn't call me a stupid cow or anything but was perhaps somewhat interested in my wanting the new job. Director, I'm pretty sure, has always liked me so i knew that he wouldn't be much of a hurdle for me. I mean, I've been here for 7 years - these people know me and by now probably know what I'm about and what I'm capable of. At least i would hope so. But even still, it was nice to hear that he wasn't put off by Potential New Manager throwing my name in for the position.

However, I've been given a assignment that i need to complete before applying. He wants to see a writing sample; specifically a technical essay covering any project that i have done while working here. Now, you may be saying, what kind of a dick asks for a homework assignment before you're even allowed to apply for the job?

The answer is, 'the kind of dick that may be hiring you for a Technical Writing job'.

Right.

Also, he wants the essay before i apply so that HR doesn't have to get involved before we know if I'm qualified for the job. Which i am, dammit.

I know, you're probably thinking, "but her grammar sucks and look at all of, the, commas, she, uses. She is so not fit for that kind of job." To which i say, "Fuck you! Innernet Naysayers!" I am SO fit for this job! And you can't tell me any different!"
"But you use conjunctions at the beginning of all of your sentences."

Yeah, well.

....hmph.

I have a lot of work to do, obviously. But i know that i can do this. I just need a good grammar book and I'll be fine. Also, i need to figure out what project I'm going to write about so that i can punch this thing out and get on with the process. Luckily, Potential New Manager said that we would go over my paper before we hand it in to Potential New Director and go over it to make sure that i don't throw myself under the bus, as it were.

So uh... what the hell goes into a technical essay....?

I CAN SO DO THIS JOB SHUT UP.

Enraged. Quickly.

2007-03-31T23:54:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to say that i was watching the most recent episode of America's Next Top Model last night on the ol' Ti-Faux where they mentioned that the two plus-sized models on this season are a size 8 and 10.

Can i just say that hearing that made me want to punch someone square in the face?

Ok, thanks. That is all.

Chickens and the Eggs From Which They Hatch.

2007-03-29T09:54:00.000-05:00

My focus lately has totally been waxing and waning and for a while last week, i was seeing red on a daily basis due to work-crap that i'll most likely not bore you with.

Cause you have your own work-crap that makes you physically exhausted from anger, right?

Right?

You don't need to hear mine because you have your own. Everyone goes through this, right?
Seeing red? Screaming at people? Because of work? No.. probably not everyone.

Feh.

But that's ok, see? Cause things, they may be changing. Maybe. And if they do, i'll be much better off. Because i may or may not be qualified for a new position in another department and how great would it be to get the fuck out of here? SO GREAT! But i'm not a chicken counter, so we're not getting excited about it here.

Even though the hiring manager really likes me and maybe told me that if i want the job, it's pretty much mine. But those chickens - i'm not counting them yet because the position hasn't officially been hatched yet and we're waiting until after the first of April for it to come back from corporate with their official stamp of a "Real, Newly Budgeted Position" so that i can apply. Until that happens, anything can and will most likely go wrong, so i am going to sit here stewing in my own sucky-job-juices until i see it posted to the company's open jobs list and then i will jump up and down on it and scream happy, joyful things.

And then i'll have to interview. Which means i'll have to tell my current boss that i hate him and want to go live with some other people from now on. Over there. Just across the hall.
Someone (be it myself, the interviewer or Human Resources) is obligated to tell the current boss that their employee is looking to jump-ship before they interview somewhere else in the company.

I'm not really sure how to deal with that, you know? It's kind of like telling someone you're going to cheat on them at a specified time and that you may or may not be deemed acceptable by the 'other woman' and if they like you, maybe you'll just go out with them from now on, thank you very much. It just feels dirty. Mostly because my department is not necessarily the type that encourages its employees to learn and grow and wants you to stay in the same spot for ever and ever until you quit because you can't take it anymore.

So i'm at a cross-roads. Obviously i want this new job because not only is it more money, but a better environment in a better department with more upward mobility. Even more importantly, because the title of the position is something that i can take just about ANYWHERE if i decide to leave. The experience i can gain there is priceless and i really need this break.

Now how do i tell my boss that i'm leaving him in a lurch?

I don't know.

Organic living

2007-03-19T15:53:00.000-05:00

I did some grocery shopping on Saturday evening (isn't that when all the cool kids do their food shopping? Yeah, i thought so) and i had a rather strange experience.

I was standing behind a woman at the checkout who was taking an awfully long time getting all her stuff out of her cart and bagging and whatever and as i was watching her (cause really, what else can you do when you're not close enough to the magazines?) i was paying attention to what was in her over-flowing cart.

This perfectly shaped woman must have picked one of every single item in the "Organic" section of the supermarket. Everything soy, everything whole-grain, everything organic that they sell at this particular chain and on top of all that, there was a representative of every single fresh green-leafy vegetable in it's individual plastic produce bag. Vegetables i couldn't possibly identify if i had a gun to my head. Honestly, the only one i could name were the beets and that's only because of the red stems. But, see, i couldn't tell if the actual BEET was on the end of those leaves. Do people just buy the tops? I don't know.

And when i say this woman was perfectly-shaped, she was. She had a perfectly clear complexion and you couldn't see any evidence of a stressful life. She looked content. Which is not something that i would think you could see while in the checkout line at the supermarket.

I was totally jealous of this person. With all of her organic trail mixes and soy cheese and fancy-dancy ALL-NATURAL frozen foods but mostly of the leafy-green vegetables. JEALOUS. I wish i could have that kind of discipline or at least good sense.

So as i stood behind her and put the little plastic divider after her stuff; i started to load my crap on the belt behind hers. I purposely picked out the Kashi cereal from my cart and actually faced the box towards her so that she could see it. Then the yogurt, and the single green pepper... oh and then the cookies. Yeah. And probably the Honey Nut Cheerios. Non-organic variety.

Though, i did feel some kind of relief when her bill came to $370.

Eating like nature intended seems to come at quite a price.

Fun with Banking.

2007-03-12T21:08:00.000-05:00

Tonight The Boy and i went shopping for new clothes to get him ready to start his new job on Wednesday. It was like school shopping and we probably got about as much stuff as a kid would get for his first day of school, only this was all about khakis and button-downs so that Boy can look like a grown-up. It can be hard for someone who's been used to wearing jeans and t-shirts for most of his professional life to actually have to look like a productive member of society, but we got it done. Lucky for us, Kohls tends to sort of give their stock away, so we were able to buy a crap-load of stuff for not too much money.

However, not "too much money" to most people (including us, when we had two paychecks) turned into a bit of a bank account burner and now I've got to sit and stare at my online bank account until i get paid on the 15th to hope and pray that no other checks clear before then. Please, oh please... don't let anything else go away..... please, oh gods of the automatic bill deduction system...

Am i actually writing about Michael Jackson? Ugh, i think i am.

2007-03-09T13:25:00.000-05:00

I realize that i haven't posted anything in a little while and its not for lack of trying for crissakes. I've got 3 partially done posts that i lost interest in half-way through.

Wow, my creative inspiration is lacking.

But! I do have one thing that i feel i need to share with the innernets.

I am sitting here listening to Michael Jackson's greatest hits (or something) through the cubical wall and while i feel so, so confused that someone is listening to MJ at such a high volume, i am also feeling bizarrely nostalgic....
You know, about Michael Jackson.

So weird.

For instance, I just remembered when the 'HIStory' album came out. I was in the 6th grade and he had done that weirdo video that was broadcast on network television, where he danced around on top of the car and then smashed it up with a baseball bat? Like, what the hell was that about anyway? He grabbed himself at least 8 times while he was dancing on that car, and quite frankly, i think that's about 7 times too many. I recall my mother being a little horrified.

Oh, and then the "Remember the Time" video that took place in Egypt with Lisa Marie Presley and it was all Egypt-y and shit... And I think Magic Johnson was in it... And MichaelJackson was naked...

Wait. Let's linger a little longer on that, shall we: He was naked.

But then you go way back to the 80's when it was all "Thriller" and "Billy Jean" and i think of red leather jackets with a thousand zippers and single sparkly gloves. Things were so much more innocent then. Like that dancy "gang-knife-fight" in what video... was it "Bad"? I think so*. That was just ridiculously West Side Story of him, but you know, with less meaning.
My brother had a girlfriend back in ohidontknow 1989? that was WAY into MJ and even at the time, i thought that was really weird... and i was 9, you know.

Hee! BrotherM will be so happy to remember that, I'm sure.

Oh, Michael... what happened.... that fedora used to be so neato...

*see how i'm actually doing the research to make sure my facts are straight? Feh. It's only MJ. I can't be bothered.

100 Things

2007-02-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

I think it's about time i came up with a 100 Things list. Everyone else has one and I've been here for a year now. It's my turn:

1. I lived in the same house my entire life until I moved in with TheBoy in 2004. It was a really hard adjustment for me at the time.

2. I still miss living with my mom and I feel like i abandoned her, though i think she understands that it was about time i left.

3. TheBoy is 11 years older than me. I know. It's scary when you write it out that way, but in reality, you wouldn't know it unless someone told you.

4. I have never known someone who gets me as much as he does. We are very similar people and were lucky enough to find each other, even though he does piss me off sometimes.

5. I have been at my job - in the same desk, with the same chair - for 7 years. The title has changed twice, but my location has not. Everyone around me has moved at least 4 times, but for some reason, i have been here forever. At least i have a window.

6. I currently work in telecommunications in an office services department. This will, however, change come July 2007.Telecom is being taken away from my department and I'm not sure what is going to happen to me. Strangely, i am really curious to find out, so i have stopped aggressively looking for a new job. Don't get me wrong, i hate it here, but I'm really comfortable.

7. One of my biggest weaknesses is mistaking comfort in a situation for stability or happiness. I have spent too much time in situations because i was comfortable and was afraid to move on.

8. I am a serial-monogamist.

9. I am still friends with many of my ex-boyfriends. I truly believe that there are reasons why I dated most of them and that it wasn't just sexual or because of their partner-potential. Many of them are just really good people who I get along with. In fact, I miss seeing them as much as i used to.

10. I used to be in the orchestra in school. I started playing the viola in the 4th grade and didn't stop until i graduated high school. My childhood best friend and I used to call it Dorkestra, but i secretly loved it. Having that class 1st period was the nicest way for me to wake up in the morning.

11. I started playing the piano when i was 4, but gave it up when i was 16. I was in recitals and competitions and my piano teacher thought i was a natural. I gave it up after she moved to Florida and my new teacher would kick me under the piano because i wasn't practicing. I wasn't putting up with that shit.

12. I fully regret pushing music out of my life.

13. I get some of my grammar mixed up and i don't know if i will ever get it straight: Effect / Affect, its / it's, etc.

14. I also use too many commas.

15. I used to hate creative writing. I always dreaded doing the assignments and hated it every step of the way. I never thought that i would enjoy writing in a blog, but as it turns out, it's really fun to talk about nothing but yourself. Like, constantly.

16. Writing here has helped me with my college papers. They don't seem as daunting as they used to and don't take me as long to finish anymore. That - is truly a miracle.

17. I graduated in Dec. 2006 with my associates in liberal arts and a 3.9 GPA. I have no idea where to go for my bachelors in the fall, and am still unsure of what to major in. I think business is my best bet, but i feel like a business degree is a cop-out.

18. I think i want to start my own business. I've been playing around with the idea of opening up a Doggy Daycare or kennel, but I'm afraid of not being able to handle all of the work and responsibility that comes with starting up and running your own business.

19. I dropped out of college the first time - mostly because of a guy and a deep bout of depression. If i had completed my degree then, i wonder where i would be now.

20. During that depression, i lost an entire day to sleep. I didn't know it was possible to sleep through an entire 24 hours, but apparently it is.

21. Though i don't have the same commitment to sleep i used to, what with a full time job and all, i still love it. On the weekends, i rarely wake up before noon, even if i went to bed at midnight. I am lazy.

22. Ironically, dawn is my favorite time of day.

23. One of my favorite things to do is drive around and discover new places. I love to drive and i love to explore and there have only been a few people who have understood this and been a good co-pilot. Most people don't get it and get frustrated with me for never having a destination in mind. They are usually the people who are afraid of getting lost.

24. I love getting lost and finding my way back out. Truth is, living on Long Island, there is no way to get lost for very long because no matter which direction you go in, you will hit water.

25. I love living on Long Island. However, it is very expensive, no matter the quality of the neighborhood. Real estate prices and taxes are retarded here, but i couldn't imagine living anywhere else. You can go from farmland to city in an hour and pass through gang-owned ghettos to old-money-gold coast areas in the matter of minutes. It is such a diverse place.

26. If i could afford to live in Manhattan, i would drop Long Island in a heartbeat.

27. I am fickle.

28. But no matter what, if i had to live more than an hour away from the ocean, i would probably shrivel up and die.

29. Though i don't go to the beach as much as i want to.

30. In my late teens, a couple of friends and i used to go to the beach at night regularly, no matter the season. Mostly because we were poor and couldn't afford to actually DO things, but also because i love the beach (day, night, summer, winter) and used to find it kind of spiritually fulfilling.

31. There was one week that we were there every night "rescuing" the horseshoe crabs that were up on the beach during their mating season. Some of them would get stuck high up on the beach (after the act), sometimes on their back. We would pick them up and put them back in the water. I learned later that this was probably not necessary and might have been harmful, even. I hope i didn't screw up the horseshoe crab population of the Long Island Sound for the year 1999.

32. My first major (before dropping out of college the first time) was Marine Science. See? It all makes sense.

33. I came to a sort of epiphany during the second semester of that major that there was relatively little chance of me finding a job in my field even after a Masters. Cue the downward spiral.

34. I hate onions. Onions are of the devil.

35. I am a total carb addict. I love bread, everything bready. I don't think i could ever live without carbs and would not even dare to try. Down with Atkins.

36. TheBoy met with Dr. Atkins a few years before his diet was popular. TheBoy says he was a raging asshole, but his method helped Boy lose over 100lbs. He still believes that Atkins is the way to go in the dieting world, but i think it sounds like the most unhealthy, unnatural thing you can do to yourself. No bagels? Feh.

37. For a time at the first college, i worked in the university theater as a technician. I got to meet some interesting people this way, like Penn & Teller. This was hands-down the best show that i worked and got to watch for free. 2 interesting things: 1 - They wouldn't let anyone on stage while they set up the "Magic Bullet" trick, not even the resident stage manager, in order to keep their secrets. 2 - You learn things when you do other people's laundry. Things like, Penn apparently has a way with the ladies - according to massive amount of condoms he keeps in his luggage. I kept a handkerchief of Teller's as a souvenir. Post-washing. I still have it. He was nice.

38. I started getting a few stray gray hairs when i was 18. At the time i thought it was cool. I'm 26 now and it's not so cool anymore. They have started to take over the front of my hairline and it's a little upsetting. I always thought I'd be the kind of woman to let my hair go gray, but I'm just too young for this. It's not pretty. Or cute.

39. Conversely, I'm 26 and my face still breaks out. Zits and gray hair. How hot am I.

40. I can't eat spicy food. It makes my nose run and my eyes tear. It's pretty gross.

41. I can't watch scary movies. The imagery doesn't leave my mind and will keep me up at night, with all of the lights on, staring at the ceiling.

42. All of my most vivid and happiest memories all took place outside.

43. I don't spend as much time outside as i would like to.

44. My older brother is one of my favorite people; he and I are very close.

45. I can't dance but i wish i could.

46. I've been told that i have a decent singing voice, but i don't necessarily believe them.

47. I pretty much have been wearing the same perfume for the past 10 years; 5th Avenue by Elizabeth Ardin. That is how i smell.

48. I had caught up with an old friend after not seeing him for a bunch of years. When he got in the car with me he smiled and said, "you still smell like you" which for some strange reason i thought was such a sweet thing for him to remember.

49. I totally don't get Tom Waits. I'm sorry. I just don't get it. His voice is like nails on a chalk board to me.

50. I am usually a very good judge of character. I am usually chided for hating everyone and that's just not true. At least not right off the bat. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until it's painfully obvious that you're just a shitty person.

51. I have trouble hiding it when i don't like someone.

52. I hate the Olive Garden. But i could probably live on their bread sticks and salad if i had to. Yum.

53. I used to be sort of a goth / industrial chick in the mid to late 90's and loved the feeling of my fellow high school students being intimidated of me. "Loved" is probably not a strong enough word for how much i enjoyed this.

54. I've mentioned before that i was a less-than perfect goth girl, what with my aversion to scary movies and all.

55. I died my hair black at 19 and while i thought i looked awesome, my hair was not the same for years. It totally ruined my hair and it wasn't even supposed to be permanent dye.

56. One of my favorite bands from this time period is playing in New Jersey next month and I'm sad that i can no longer justify traveling across state lines just to see a band play.

57. After my hair started growing out after dying it black, i had the genius idea to cover it up with red. For those not in the know, red does not in fact cover up black. I had two toned hair until that started growing out. Then i had 3-tone hair. Nice and stripey.

58. I started smoking cigarettes when i was 15. It was totally due to peer pressure. I wanted to fit in with the cool, goth/industrial kids.

59. Strangely enough, even though i was pressured into smoking cigarettes, i have never done any illegal drugs whatsoever even though I was surrounded by them. Not even pot.

60. My mother had no idea what a good kid i was.

61. Spiders freak me out.

62. But i try not to kill bugs when i find them in the house. I'm one of those 'trap it and set it free' people.

63. I don't have any issues with snakes, however. I've found that people usually hate one or the other.

64. I don't like children. Any children.

65. I know that i don't want any children, but occasionally i think i might be nice to be pregnant. But that doesn't mean I'll actually do it. See #64.

66. I took an intensive tarot class a few years ago. It was really expensive and really interesting. It turned out that i was really good at reading cards and probably could have done it on the side for extra cash. Sadly, life got in the way and i haven't looked at my cards in about 2 years.

67. I wear glasses and am afraid to try contacts. I don't want to touch my eye like that.

68. Everyone on my father's side of the family has a certain characteristic on their noses that gives us that family stamp. You can see who is related to my grandfather this way. My brother, cousins and i all have this nose trait - kind of like divots underneath near the nostrils. It's not that weird, it just sounds like it is.

69. My last boyfriend was a conspiracy theorist. It was weird and angrifying (real word) and i put up with it for way too long.

70. I broke up with him the morning after Valentines Day and the day before his 30th birthday. I felt like an asshole, but couldn't put it off any longer.

71. He is one of the few exes that i never talk to anymore.

72. I have a strange habit of either making my boyfriends fat, or causing them to leave the state. Some have done both.

73. I want to learn how to play the drums.

74. I am a late person. I am usually at least 5 minutes late to everything and i hate that about myself.

75. I have Dinner with Dad every Thursday night. This has been a standing event since a couple of years after he left my mom. It is nice that we stay so close, but sometimes it is still uncomfortable.

76. My parents split in 1996, but they are still not divorced. I wish i had a good explanation for that.

77. This list is turning into a confessional, and it probably should be a bit lighter...

78. I like bunnies. Like a lot. If it weren't for the two dogs, i probably would have a couple of house-rabbits.

79. I had a wild rabbit growing up and he lived for 11 years. I know now that what we did is illegal, but i found a baby rabbit in the street across from my house and we wound up keeping him. His name was Frisky. I was 10, so shut up.

80. Along with the rabbit, i had a frog, gerbil, hamster and fish - not all at the same time. My mother wouldn't let me have a dog and my father hated cats. Apparently rodents, amphibians and fish were ok, though.

81. If i had a dog when i was a kid, i would probably have been more prepared for the amount of work dogs are and never agreed with TheBoy to get BigDog when we did. She's a great dog, but such a pain in the ass.

82. Everything I own has dog hair on it. It gets everywhere. Even in closed closets and cabinets. It makes me absolutely crazy and no amount of vacuuming helps.

83. I have never been to the west coast. The furthest i have been is Las Vegas, which was with the conspiracy theory boyfriend and therefore not as much fun as it should have been.

84. I could eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love it so.

85. I have to watch cheesy movies like, Dirty Dancing, When Harry Met Sally, The Princess Bride, Sleepless in Seattle, etc. whenever they're on tv. I know The Princess Bride by heart and if i happen to fall asleep while its on, the movie still plays in my head as if i were watching it on the screen. (The book was good, too, btw).

86. I had (and still do) a love for the Kevin Smith trilogy (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy) for a long time and for a high school class assignment chose to go to Redbank, NJ to find the Quickstop from Clerks (to buy coffee), and the dinner in Chasing Amy (for dinner). We also stopped at Kevin's comic book store. Was such a fun road trip.

87. TheBoy used to be in the NY film industry. When we first starting talking, he informed me that he did the titles on all of those movies and worked closely with Kevin Smith. We have two posters from Clerks and Chasing Amy hanging in the house with all of their signatures. So cool.

88. I used to be queen of the geeks. Geeks love me and i don't know why.

89. To be fair, i like hanging out with smart people. They keep you on your toes.

90. I tend to be extremely introverted and shy. If i have to, i can fake confidence and get through uncomfortable situations, but it's hard for me.

91. I am also honest to a fault. Some people just want you to lie to them. I am a terrible lier.

92. I love the smell of gasoline.

93. In the springtime, i occasionally get the urge to frolic in a field. Sometimes i get to do it.

94. I enjoy spying on people i went to high school with on myspace. I would never make my own profile because i don't want them spying on ME.

95. On my short stint on an internet dating site, i never made it all the way to meeting the guys i was talking to because i was too afraid of what might happen. I was a total wuss.

96. Even though I'm a dirty smoker, i think chewing tobacco is disgusting.

97. I have trouble drinking vodka since Halloween of 2003. It still makes me nauseous.

98. Clowns kind of freak me out.

99. This list was harder than i thought it would be. I think everyone says that.

100. I wish i were a clean freak, but I'm not. I'm kind of a clean freak stuck in a messy person's body. I would like for everything to be spotless and sterile and maybe i can really appreciate the minimalist decorating style, but i hate cleaning and accumulate too much crap to stay so minimal. I would love to hire someone to clean and organize my life. That would be super.

Audiophilia and Regrets be damned.

2007-02-27T19:18:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to TheBoy for landing a job. He's been interviewing with this company for about 4 weeks now, and he got the phone call this evening. It looks like he starts on Monday and we couldn't be happier. Especially since last Friday I decided that i couldn't stand it anymore and we went out for drinks and dinner at a restaurant that is not exactly "cheap". I wanted a beer, dammit. Some overpriced, micro-brewed beer.

While i could have easily stopped at one pint, I had a second, and felt guilty about it all weekend.

Well, no more! Now i can buy as much over-priced beer as i want.

Sort of.

I mean, now that i know that we're not going to starve to death and then have our malnourished bodies eaten by the dogs, we can relax a little. But that doesn't mean that some of us can go back to their less-than-frugal lifestyle and continue to purchase crap that they don't need nor will ever use just for the sake of buying it. And guess what?

I actually don't mean me.

Ha! I know! I'm the woman! It should be me who goes shopping for fun and as a means for stress-release. But in our case, it's just not me. In fact, i usually feel an over-whelming sense of guilt when shopping and wind up not buying anything. Even those pants that look really good on me. Do you know how hard it is to buy pants that fit? It's really, really hard. But i put them back. Know why? The Guilt.

The Guilt runs deep from childhood and i know its some kind of parental programming from watching my mother struggle with the bills when i was a kid. She had a keen handle on The Guilt, but claims she didn't mean to pass that kind of psychosis onto her children. I guess kids pay attention to more than we may think.

TheBoy, however, is not in tune to The Guilt and has amassed, over many years, a vast music collection that is truly enviable to anyone else who may consider themselves an "audiophile". The collection takes up an entire room of the house. I mean, it's not like you can't step into the room, it just lines the walls of an entire room. Like up to the ceilings.

While this was impressive when we first met, it is not quite so impressive now that i am living with it. (Especially since he's kind of anal about his cds. He doesn't know that i borrow them. I'm not really encouraged to take them out of the house. He says i'm not responsible with my cds and can't really be trusted with his. This may be true. But I chose not to listen).

The cd collection has become ungainly, as his live on bookshelves which waste a lot of space. Considering that most people with this amount usually store them in special file cabinets to use space more wisely which are HUGELY expensive pieces of furniture. Perhaps i should mention that there are over 18,000 of them.

The cds are taking over, is what i'm saying.

Aside from the space they take up, there is a certain cost associated with keeping up any collection. Especially when the collector does not have The Guilt.

Luckily, i think that this 2 month uh, sabbatical, from a paycheck will be inspiration enough to curb the shopping habit he has and will force him to take a deeper, longer look at what he spends.

Or perhaps give me more balls to tell him to cut that shit out until we can actually afford to spend money for no reason.

These are all things we can look forward to. Until then, new job! Monday! Wheeeee!!!

And, last week's post about regretting inviting people to this page? I think i'm just going to ignore those tugging regrets for just a little while. (Apparently).

Canned Spinach and Regrets

2007-02-16T15:46:00.000-05:00

There are many times that i regret, fully regret, telling people i know about this page. I even knew when i was sending out those "hey, look what I'm doing" emails that it was a mistake. SUCH A MISTAKE. There is so much that I'd like to talk about anonymously that i just can't now. And that sucks. I wish i had been more honest with myself about what i would want to bitch about. Ah, such is life.

----------------

Harking back to my post* about needing recipes, I'm going to post the one that Da Nator* sent to me via e-mail because she couldn't get into my comments for some reason that day. I'm posting it because not only is it funny, but really, really good. And because I'm thinking of what's for dinner tonight and this is the winner:

*Also, for some reason Blogger won't let me publish this with links to my post nor Da Nator, so i guess you can figure out how to get to them by yourselves. Stupid blogger.

Here's a quick & easy recipe, with no standard measurements.

You'll need:
Pasta of your choice (whole wheat if you're the healthy type)
3 or four links of Italian sausage or Italian tofu sausage, cut into slices.
I prefer sweet, but try hot if you prefer.
1 can tomato paste
chopped garlic (fresh or in a bottle)
a little oil (olive is good)
parmesean cheese
some balsamic vinegar
spices - salt & pepper of course, the rest is up to you. I like to use
basil, oregano, maybe some thyme... but see what's fresh & you like. If you
like spicy food, get hot pepper - what's it to me?
optional: spinach, in case you want to throw that in instead of having a
side veg

Anyway, here's watchya do...

In a large frying pan, saute up a good amount of garlic in the oil, until
it's getting a little brown. The amount of garlic is to taste, natch.

Toss in the sausage slices. Forgot to slice 'em? Do it in your hands over
the pan. Just don't cut your fingers.

Let the slices cook a little bit & turn them so they get a tiny bit brown on
either side. While this is happening, you can start your water for the
pasta a-boilin'.

When the sausage is a little done, spoon in the tomato paste. Yes, it's
thick. Rub it around with the garlic and oil on the bottom of the pan - add
more oil if you like.

How's that water going? Ready? Toss in your pasta. If you like, you can
put a steamer on top of the pasta pot to steam your spinach at the same
time. Crafty, eh? If you prefer to saute the spinach alone, just be
prepared to put it in the sauce a bit earlier. If you have thawed, drained,
frozen spinach, it can go in towards the end just to warm up. If you have
canned spinach, throw it away.

OK, back to the sausage and sauce. Add some balsamic vinegar and your
spices to thin it a little and give it a nice taste. Also add your
parmesean to taste - this will thicken it and make it more salty, countering
the balsamic. Don't be afraid to add a little more oil if it needs it, too.
What you're looking to do is make a sort of thick glaze that caramelizes a
bit and coats the sausage, but leaves a bit as a sauce. It's not supposed
to be liquid-y like regular spaghetti sauce.

Your pasta and spinach should be done by now. Drain the pasta and plop both
it and the spinach in the pan of sausage and sauce. Now mix it all together
well, so the sauce kind of coats the pasta as well as the sausage.

Serve with extra parmesean for sprinklin' on the side. Finis!

If you get your pasta, spinach and sausage all going at the same time and
timed correctly, this gets done in maybe 20 minutes. It's hard to mess up
too much, because even if the paste starts to overcook a bit, it just gets
more caramelized, and you can re-thin it with vinegar, oil or water. It also
happens to be ridiculously tasty for the small amount of work involved.

Totally yummy. I happened to add some sugar to cut some of the acid and I am not the healthy type and therefore will be using another sausage or two because that's the best part, dammit.

Happy Friday, all.

Is gmail down? What the hell is going on today?

2007-02-14T09:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day and whatever. It's all gross outside with a mixture of snow / sleet/ rain and a little hail thrown in for good sport. Getting to work this morning was a bit of a challenge, but no one ever said that i'm not up for a challenge! Well, maybe Mrs. Month, my 4th grade teacher. But other than her! No one. I got to work in one piece is what i'm saying.

These past couple of days have truly been awful and i'm not sure if it's real or completely fabricated by my menstrual mind. But there has been a lot of drama in my head and i'm not really sure how to make the gears stop spinning. It's just a little too much. Even for me.

TheBoy and i have been bickering all week and, of course, i have consistently been the instigator. This is what is making me think that it's just all in my head. Whenever we bicker around this time of the month he is usually smart enough to realize what is going on and doesn't fight back. This is one of the reasons why I love him. He's a smart one. I should probably apologize to him later.

Otherwise, work had been falling into a boring rut recently until my boss decided that we need to "show them why we're here" which has made my 8+ hours here mostly a suicide-watch environment and i'm just drained. Yesterday was a bit of an up and down roller-coaster affair with TheBoy having a scary interview in the morning and then an old friend stopped by the office to drop off some chocolate which was just lovely and uplifting.

So here i sit with a box of Hershey's on my left and a pile of horseshit work on my right and i'm trying to figure out what to do first.

Pshaw. Like that's a hard choice.

Hopefully TheBoy will come through as promised and cook a lovely Valentine's dinner for me tonight.

Especially since he gets to be home all day in this shitty weather. Seriously.

If my balance was better, i would be a great stewardess.

2007-02-08T11:51:00.000-05:00

I've always wanted to be the type of person that could pack up and fly somewhere far away on a whim. I'm not talking about the fancy-dancy socialite jet-setters that you see falling down in front of clubs in US Weekly or anything. I'm not looking to fly to a party in LA on Friday night and then to a gallery opening in Chicago for Saturday. I just want to be able to get on a plane on Friday night and be in Florida in 2 1/2 hours or something. Spend the night and all of Saturday on the beach and then fly back home on Saturday night in time to get a good nights sleep and clean my house on Sunday. Whatever. This isn't asking for too much, is it?

Granted, right now, it's hard to even dream about going out to dinner at an Applebees on a Friday night, but soon the financial nightmare will be over and we'll have a normal income again. Sadly, a normal income doesn't seem to have room in the budget for weekends in San Francisco or a day-trip to Washington DC to visit the Smithsonian. Or at least i don't think.

I love to travel; there's nothing i would rather do with my hard-earned, minimum-wage* paycheck than book a trip to Europe for a week. But lets be realistic. Unless you work in the airline industry (like someone i know), it just doesn't work like that.

Or, of course, if you're a fancy-dancy socialite jet-setter.

I am neither. So i watch tv and make pot roast on the weekend.

God, what a raw deal.

On the Teevee, I've been seeing a commercial for Southwest airlines flying out of Long Island to a bunch of cities for $99 or less, one-way. Chicago is $39 and Washington/Baltimore is $29. It's not exactly Paris, but you know. I've never been to Chicago and the last (and only time) i was in Washington was a blur of a class trip that resulted in the hotel we stayed in students from my school being banned from ever staying there, ever, ever again. I guess it was kind of fun, but you know. Blurry. And i don't think i ever told mom about what happened to that 5th floor window they talked about in the letter sent home to the parents. Ah, well.

This morning i looked up the deal and apparently they want you to book before February 22nd, and travel before May 10th. How awesome would it be to fly to Chicago on Saturday morning for a slice of authentic Chicago-style pizza and fly home the same night in time for Law & Order?

It would be fun, dammit. Lots of fun.

*Ok. It's not that bad - but close enough.

Maybe this means we'll move soon.

2007-02-06T10:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the recipes last week - in the comments and via email. I even tried one from DaNator on Friday night and damn, was it good. Thanks, Nator! Was lovely.

This weekend, was Da Nator's Pasta with Spinach and Sausage, some Arroz con Pollo, and a pot roast in my new Crock Pot. I feel like some kind of domestic person now. It's very weird. The best part of cooking is drinking the wine that the recipe calls for. You know, a little for the stew, a little for you.

I guess whatever gets you through it.

--------------------

TheBoy has been interviewing pretty consistently for the past 2 weeks, which is just great. It has been a long couple of weeks without a second paycheck and I'm starting to wonder which credit card company is going to have to wait or which Dunkin' Donuts needs a night-time doughnut-maker. I think I'd look pretty good in the little paper cap, you know?

Trouble with the interviewing is that the two jobs that sound really worthwhile of the bunch, are about an hour's drive each way. That sucks.

They're also both a pay-cut from his last job. That sucks more.

This calls for expert decision making and pro/con list making and 100k-mile car maintenance appointment making.

We won't know anything until the end of the week on either job, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

It's a hell of a lot better to have many choices than none at all.

Cross your fingers with me, will ya?

Superbowl and meatballs.

2007-01-30T09:24:00.000-05:00

Nothing has changed at home and I'm still plodding along trying to stretch every dollar still in the bank account. It really sucks when you figure out that you weren't doing too badly all along, as far as income goes, and realize that you wasted a lot of money on absolutely nothing at all while the money was coming in regularly. I have nothing to show for all of the money that we threw away. That is so disappointing.

One way i'm trying to save money is by cooking a lot more often.. like every night. Which was never something I've been really inclined to do. It's not that i don't like to cook, I do. It just stresses me out a little. Planning a meal and then making sure i have all the ingredients and realizing that i don't and going food shopping almost every single night before i go home to cook is really annoying and always makes me wonder if i'm saving any money at all. I guess in the long run I am because i'm collecting ingredients but It's just so hard to tell.

And then getting home around 7:00 and making sure the meat is defrosted and trying to cook so that everything times out right and is done around the same time and I get myself stressed out over nothing, hoping above all hope that the chicken is GOOD. But TheBoy doesn't care. He very rarely tells me that something i've made is disgusting, when i know damn well that it is. I just want to be SUCH A GOOD COOK! I come from a long line of really good cooks and i need to inherit the trait from all of the Italian grandmothers in my family because I'M ITALIAN! Italians need to be good cooks or else they've failed their culture and their family.
Or so it feels.

Hey, do you guys have any easy, weeknight recipes you'd be willing to share? I'm finding that my chicken-cutlet, hamburger, meatloaf, chicken-cutlet repertoire is getting a little monotonous. I don't want to have to spend more than an hour on anything that I'm making after work and would like not to have to buy a whole basket-full of ingredients every time i cook something. Do you have anything simple? I would love to hear from you! My sanity will thank you.

------------

In other news, TheBoy and I have this weekend to ourselves which is always such a blessing. We normally have his kids 3 out of 4 weekends per month. This kind of arrangement, while great for the kids' parents, (their mom gets to have her weekends to herself and her fiance' and go out on Saturday nights while dad gets to see his kids as often as possible) is absolute torture on me for painfully obvious reasons. 3 out of 4 weekends a month.

But this weekend is just us! We can go out Saturday night! We can walk around the house in our underwear! Naked, even! Such luxuries! Such simple, cost-effective pleasures...

Ugh.. who am i kidding? We'll just stay home all weekend and i'll watch all of season 6 of the Gilmore Girls in my pajamas. Cause i love them and have no life.

This is my 100th post.

2007-01-17T12:48:00.000-05:00

It took me a long time, but I've made it - Post #100. Isn't it exciting? I feel like i should decorate with streamers and party hats or something, but I'm really just not in the mood.

To look back at my last post where i apparently made it sound like i was pregnant (First Nations, that's not even a little funny, not a little none at all icky yuck), i would like to clarify a bit and just say that in reality, TheBoy and I will be living off of my ridiculously small salary for a little while until um, a NEW and shiny salary comes into TheBoy's life. See, I'm not going to come out and say what actually happened, because that might be an invasion of someone's privacy and it's not like me to cross those lines.

So with that, I've been very stressy for the past couple of weeks and am now realizing that I've abandoned this here blog and feel kind of stressy about that, too, because i like it here and don't really want to lose it. But, while I've been at work or figuring out how to save money or not spend it at all, i have not had a considerable amount of time to sit down and spill my guts. Though this is much cheaper than therapy, should i ever decide i need some, it would be more economical to keep doing this rather than paying a shrink. You know.

-------------------

In other news, and unexpected money-spendingness, BigDog had a bit of a boo-boo on Monday which needed the vet's attention (and my credit card). She had a sebaceous cyst on her back that ruptured suddenly and violently, creating a nickel-sized hole on her shoulder. It is gross. It was still discharging yesterday. It is moist. And a hole.

And now we have to feed her antibiotics - which is fine for me, poke the pills into a spoonful of peanut butter and she's a happy puppy - and apply a topical bacitracin ointment.

I am having a real hard time with the bacitracin. Mostly because i am finding it really hard to smear a glob of stuff into an open wound. It's just gross and really hard to do, especially since the stuff is so gooey. And it must hurt like hell. Poor thing.

The vet said, she'll hardly notice us smearing her with ointment. HA! HAHA! He really shouldn't have said that after it took 4 vet techs to wrestle her down to shave all of her fur out from around the area, give her an injection and while they were at it, try to clip her nails. (Which, by the way, is a good-fucking-luck job for just about anyone. The vet techs have never been able to do it, and our fantastic groomer has finally given up. I don't even want the groomer to do it anymore because BigDog has caused some major bodily damage to an assistant while trying to clip her damn nails. Dogs are fun, eh?) They only got one before they gave up, and really, i wasn't expecting anything more than that.

So now we're dealing with a BigDog who doesn't trust us, "Come here puppy! Let me stick my finger in your boo-boo!" a LittleDog who would like to know why BigDog is getting all the peanut butter, and no money.

Luckily i have off for the rest of the week again, while i eat away at my remaining vacation days. Company policy is Use it or Lose it if you don't use your vacation days before your anniversary, so i am happily fucking off for a couple of days.

Turtles and such.

2007-01-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to check in and say that things are going on over here that I'm not too interested in talking about publicly, but that I'm still around and still reading everyone's blogs. I might not be posting very often while i try to get my collective shit together but, you know, Hi!

This week is going to be kind of busy on the home-front. I'm trying to get approved for vacation for this Wednesday thru Friday, but so far i haven't seen my request come back with a signature.

This may sound all cryptic, but don't worry. Nothing scary. Yet. I hope.

Ok, I'm going to stop it now. Here, i leave you with a close-up of that angry turtle i mentioned from Grand Cayman. I am holding him, but I'm all cropped out of the picture, because i can't hold a candle to the angriest turtle in the world:

I really have to get on the ball, here.

2007-01-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

Hi! Long time. I've been meaning to come by and see you.. or at least call, you know? But, uh, i've been really busy and i just haven't been able to spare the time to um.. well, say Hi. Though, i've missed you terribly, and feel just so awful for leaving you hanging like this. Um. How's the wife and kids? Good?

I've jumped on the band-wagon and put together the new year's meme thing from Sundry. Though i didn't tell her about it and wish i did, because then i would be linked on her page and maybe considered "cool" like with the other cool kids, because Sundry is totally awesome. Like, in a far out way. Jinkies.

So here is my New Years Meme. I hope you all had a great holiday. I mostly did. It wasn't as lame as i thought it would be, and at the same time not nearly as exciting as i hoped it would be. Eh. At least there was champagne.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?

Went swimming for my birthday in November.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did, in fact keep my resolution to lose weight, but then I put it all back on again.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not really. TheBoy’s aunt passed from cancer, but I didn’t know her very well.

5. What countries did you visit?

Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Jamaica

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Will power, expendable income, higher tolerance for stupidity, etc..

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Uh…oh god, I have no idea… was there anything worth remembering that well? Etched? Really? Uh..

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I graduated with my 2-year degree.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I graduated without ever figuring out what I want to do next.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, luckily.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Cruise tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

BigDog. She has grown into a decent adult dog. Ie: Less-horrible behavior. Also, the American public for finally getting their shit screwed on straight and pushing the Republicans out of Congress. Thank you, country. It’s about time you did something right-ish. (Or left-ish.... heee.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

LittleDog. Her ability to jump 7 ft in the air, while amazing, is going to send me over the edge. If she destroys the new fence any further, I am going to have to stop myself from wringing her doggy neck. I’m also appalled by the president. There.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Everywhere! Yay!! You want money? I’m just throwing it away!! Here! Money!!! WEEEEEEE!! Um, mostly the vacation I think. Also, credit card bills (god the credit card bills) and mortgage. Stupid mortgage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Vacation!! Yay! Bye-bye, money!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. Because of that time back in the spring where I was somewhat obsessed with her and her live performances on the late show circuit. Fantastic.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?

Happier, fatter, and, hard to imagine – maybe a little richer. They actually gave me a raise here. Do you believe? Me. They gave me money. Ha! We’ll see if there’s any difference when I get my first paycheck. Chances are: no.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, dieting, going out with friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Bitched and complained about everything every step of the way.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

We spent Christmas at mom’s with the family. It was really nice. It’s always nice when there are lots of people around… especially if you actually like them.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Yes, with Stop & Shop’s chocolate chip cookies. MMmmmmm…

22. How many one-night stands?

None, thank you.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Veronica Mars and Grey’s Anatomy.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Actually, I don’t think so. Huh. Good for me.

25. What was the best book you read?

Best? God, I don’t know… I really liked “Memoirs of a Geisha”…but best? Why can’t I think…one of the books I read over vacation was fun and quick, “Julie and Julia” by Julie Powell. If you like cooking or Julia Child or blogs or all three, you’ll probably enjoy it.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Dandy Warhols. So catchy.

27. What did you want and get?

A handheld GPS device for Geocaching, Heee! So excited to go treasure hunting.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new car, new house, furniture, new carpeting / flooring, windows, appliances, etc…

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Snakes on a Plane? Nah. I am so unprepared for this. I really have no idea what my favorite film was. I can’t think of a single movie that I saw this year. How shitty. Um, Little Miss Sunshine was pretty great, and so was Borat… but favorite? I dunno.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 26 this year and spent it poolside on a cruise ship, sunbathing. Was wonderful.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A little more cash flow in order to pay some of my increasing debt in credit card land. Please help me.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Same as always: Business casual, and quite boring. Another turtleneck? Yes, I’d love one, thank you.

33. What kept you sane?

Impending 2-week vacation.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Well, how can you not just LOVE Brittany and her ho-hos?

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The midterm elections got me all political-minded again. It’s hard not to care about what’s going on in the government lately when everything about it is like some ass-backwards pissing contest of a soap opera, no?

36. Who did you miss?

Cousin G. She came to Christmas which was nice and awkward, but I miss her the way she was when we were really close.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Girl in my ceramics class. She was super nice and super helpful. I hope we keep in touch. Must work on that.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

Be more decisive with the things that really matter. If it is important, take the time to sort out options ahead of time.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m sorry, but no. I can’t.

Wooo!! Hello, long post! Maybe i'll tell Sundry i did it anyway... because it took me like 4 days to finally be able to finish this thing and someone, somewhere should know.

No proof-reading here. No time. Hooray for bad grammar.

2006-12-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

I have small-head syndrome today.

I didn't notice it until I just looked in the mirror in the bathroom, but yeah. Small head. I decided this morning that not only did I not have time to actually do my hair, but also that I just didn't feel like it, so I put my hair up into a pony tail (which is a sad little excuse for a pony tail, since I've cut my hair to just about shoulder-length) and put on a sort of bulky, turtleneck sweater. The bulkiness of the sweater combined with the lack of hair mass has made me look kind of awkward and disproportionate.
Ie: Small-head Syndrome. Am I the only one that has ever thought about this? Ugh. I shouldn't even care - I am so, so tired today.

---------------------------

In other news, I am finally finished with class. My last ceramics class was last night and now I am completely finished with my Associates and therefore, a college graduate. Hooray! It's only a 2-year degree, but it took me 4 years to do it and I am so happy that I finally have a piece of paper to say that I've done something. Or at least I will have a piece of paper. Soon. I think. Though, I really have no idea when it will be arriving...

Also, I have no definitive plans for my bachelors (still) and both my parents are on my back about what I'm going to do next semester and what do you mean you haven't applied anywhere yet? and did you go talk to a transfer counselor? and did you research any scholarships? you must be eligible for something! you're not going to go to that crap-school, are you? Etc. I am stressed out enough without them getting all persnickety about it because, seriously. What the fuck am I doing? I can't believe I haven't applied anywhere yet and that I don't know where to go next and I really should go to a good school because my grades are good enough to be able to get in somewhere with a name and I need to go somewhere important for crissakes. Right?

No, probably not. It is only my bachelors. I am planning to continue after that for my MBA (I think) so that's the time I should worry about going to fucking Princeton or something. Not for my bachelors. No one will care where I got that. I think. Hope. Ugh.

So for now, I'm looking into a local SUNY (State University of NY) college because OHMYGOD is it cheap and I'm not one to pass up something cheap. They're not exactly ivy league or anything but hey, they're local. And cheap. Dad would like me to try for St. John's University because they're a fancy-dancy law school with a nice reputation, but $888 per credit (x3 credits = $2,664 per class hello I don't think so) is sort of restricting me from applying there. (Also, I just found that the campus that is nearby is just for Grad students, thank god. So I am off the hook, there.)

I have been receiving all kinds of college brochures like you do as a junior in high school and they're all so tempting and inviting and yet, I'm not going to Arizona or North Carolina because, dammit, I have a LIFE here and can't just up and leave. Though, believe me, I would love to- but it's just not feasible. Maybe I can convince TheBoy to leave his job, sell his house and spend 2 years out in the desert, but I don't think that's going to happen. Not for nothing.

Everything is all up in the air again and I'm going to have to settle it out. Will I take off the Spring semester? Yeah, probably, unless I start as an unmatriculated student which is still a possibility.

Just make it stop, please, ok? I think I've had enough of this.

What the frick?

2006-12-13T12:48:00.000-05:00

Blogger won't let me switch to Beta. I've been putting it off for weeks and weeks because i am very much resistant to change and when i go and finally try to do it, it tells me no. Blogger is not ready for me to switch to beta and i should keep checking back to see when it is available to me.

Wha...? But there's been a thing telling me to do it and i can't post on some of your blogs and everything is all sucky with this beta thing out there and now they don't want me.

They don't want me.

I suck.

Stupid blogger.

Grape squabble

2006-12-12T13:52:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Hello! Back again. And... now I can let my stomach churn with stress once again. Isn't that nice? There's nothing like coming home from vacation, it doesn't matter where from or however long you were gone - there is always something at home that was festering away while you were gone. In most cases it's work obligations or bills that you've been putting off. Mine happens to be christmas shopping, because I really thought I would get more shopping done while on vacation and it turns out that was not really an option when you have very little money and everything is very expensive. And that sucks because now I only have 2 weeks to shop for just about everyone on my list and I. Am. Going. To. Panic.

But the vacation was very nice and very much needed. The boat was wonderful and the people we met were very nice and if it weren't for the fact that we met most of them in the casino (uh, cause we spent an awful lot of time there) we would probably be better off. See, TheBoy discovered what fun blackjack is, and so spent a lot of money on his new hobby. I'm not innocent here, either, but an addictive personality shouldn't be playing blackjack is all I'm saying.

Anywho, here are some pictures and then I'm going back to work. I still haven't checked my work voicemail though I've been back since yesterday and therefore have no idea how many messages are waiting for me and quite frankly, really don't want to know.

Here is the cruiseline's private island. TheBoy and I did some snorkeling here which was lots of fun since we got to see fishies and stuff. I like fishies. However, it was completely overcast while we were there and the sun just came out again when we got on the little boat to bring us back to the cruise ship. Suck.

We went to the Altun Ha Mayan ruins in Belize. This was awful cool, though would have been better had it not been pouring when we got there. I didn't feel well to boot, so it was a shitty, shitty day and I wish I could have enjoyed the ruins more. Pyramids is cool, yo.

Next up - Grand Cayman where we visited the Sea Turtle Farm. Piles of turtles, everywhere. The bestest place ever. I took a skillion pictures of turtles and we even got to hold one and take pictures. If I felt comfortable putting my picture up here, you would see a very happy girl holding up a very pissed off-looking turtle. Awesome.

Here is Dunn's River Falls in Jamaica. So cool. They have groups of people that climb up the waterfall, which I would have LOVED to do had I known that that's what you do at Dunn's River Falls. I should have worn a bathing suit; I wasn't going to do it in my clothes because the thought of being soggy for the rest of the day really did not excite me. Eh, next time.

And here is a towel in the shape of an elephant. We got three of these guys over the course of the trip. Found them waiting in our room when we stumbled in late at night after throwing all of our money at the blackjack dealers. The first one was a snake-type thing, this was the second, and last was a gorilla. They really are cute and the cruise staff taught a class on board one day on how to make them. Because I guess some people want to make all of their towels at home into animals. You know. For parties. Or profit. Whatever.

That, in a very small nutshell, was my vacation. Obviously there are loads more pictures and if I didn't feel like I would totally get fired for sharing a picture of myself, I would just post a link to my online album. I might also do this if people liked looking at other people's vacation photos. Which I know they don't. So I won't bother you.

Also, thanks for the lovely birthday messages and such while I was away, that was really nice of everyone. My birthday was lovely, actually. It was one of the only days that the sun was out, so TheBoy and I spent the day laying on the sun deck of the boat and swimming in the pool. I've never done that for my November birthday, so that was pretty special. For dinner we went to the French restaurant on board and I had the server light a bit of duck on fire for me. Hotcha.

Back to work now, before the e-mails drown me and paperwork comes crashing on top of me. You know.

I guess i'll just post something everyday until i leave.

2006-11-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

This is not exactly the most creative post, and is just a meme, and i did just steal it from Suebob instead of being tagged, but that is mostly because i am pretty lazy and don't have much to talk about and should be packing, but instead, catching up with everyone's blog. So there.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Nice hair, you.
2. How much cash do you have on you? None at all, i don't have any pockets in this outfit.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" Uh... score?
4. Favorite planet? Saturn. It's all ringy.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? "Private". I have no idea who this could have been since they didn't leave a message. And i looks like i missed one from friend, S, from yesterday. Shit.
6. What is your favorite ring tone? One that sounds like a phone ringing. Isn't that ca-razy of me? I know.
7. What shirt are you wearing? Pink henley pajama shirt. It's 4:00 and i'm in my PJs. Yes i am.
8. Do you "label" yourself? I am "Lacky".
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing? I don't know, they're yellow slippers with butterflies on them.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright. I hate working in a poorly lit room.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I don't know her terribly well, but she's got a really great blog, though i've only been reading for a short time.
12. What does your watch look like? It is silver with a rectangular, mother of pearl face. TheBoy got it for me for my birthday last year. Or was it christmas...
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy. Everyone is right - it's a great show. Silly me for not seeing it sooner.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "I made it to Florida" from an old friend who was moving down there - though he seems to have sent it to his entire phonebook because i had no idea he hadn't already moved and he didn't respond to me saying, "Wha..?"
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Right around the corner for all of your coffee needs.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? "Sure!" and "Ok" and "Fantastic".
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? TheBoy.
18. Last furry thing you touched? BigDog, whom i'm going to miss just a little when we leave tomorrow.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? I don't think any.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Probably at least 5. I have no idea what's on them, either.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 16
22. Your worst enemy? Girl at work who thinks she's my boss. Nuh-uh, sister.
23. What is your current desktop picture? Close-up picture pretty much up TheBoy's nose. It makes me giggle a little.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? See you later.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? Pardon?
27. The last song you listened to? Currently listening to Dead Souls by Joy Division
28. What time of day were you born? 1:00 a.m.
29. What's your favorite number? 27.
30. Where did you live in 1987? Mom's house, Long Island. I was 7.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Only those more fortunate than myself.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? Doubtful, but probable.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work, heard the report on the boss's radio.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Shake it, hit it. Sometimes, in dire situations, stick my hand as far up the slot to retrieve what i wanted in the first place. It only works on certain machines - usually the feminine product ones in the bathroom at work. I mean dire situations when i say it.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? Absolutely.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Where it would least likely be seen by my mother.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish or Italian.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? Absolutely
39. Are you touchy feely? Yes.
40. What's your life motto? I never thought i would be HERE.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? Keys, atm card. Pants.
42. What's your favourite town/city? Ah, Paris.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? bagels.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I honestly have no idea. Maybe a postcard from London.
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Sadly, with all the time i spent around my father and brother fixing cars, i never learned. I could tell you have an internal combustion engine works, though. Bah.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? HE is living in Florida with his wife, probably near the friend that moved there, and has 1.5 children and 2 dogs. Bastard.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? Great-great grandparents on both sides.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? I'm rarely fancy, but i think it may have been for TheBoy's little cousin's bar mitzvah sometime last year. I did just buy a dress for the cruise, so i'll be fancy some time next week.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My back. Ouchies.
50. Have you been burned by love? Yes, of course. But i think he felt more burned in the end.

And there you have it.
If you'd like to copy this, go ahead. i'm not going to tag anyone because i don't think anyone really appreciates it, anyway.

But, hey! While i'm away, i'll be checking my mail and everything, so comment! Comment for me!! I know you're out there! You, right there! You who reads and never says anything! Do the meme, that's how i'll tag you. Just tell me that you're doing it so i can come and read it. And stalk you from a boat in the Caribbean.

Meanwhile, i'm listening to my first birthday present from TheBoy. Birthday is on Wednesday and he felt the need to give me my presents a little early. He gave me the Gothic Box - A Life Less Lived. Weee! Three cds worth of some really great stuff and a DVD. Who doesn't love a little Sisters of Mercy? Bauhaus? Christian Death? Fields of Nephilim? Anyone? Eh, i do, that's all that counts, it is my birthday present after all, not yours. And if i want to relive my teenage years, i will. Feh. You don't know what good is.

Ok, i guess i should start packing now. I have some laundry to finish up and then figure out what i need for 11 days on a boat.
Have a good two weeks, all! I'll catch up with you sometime in December.
Now where's my sunblock...

Cyanide Seashell*

2006-11-23T22:06:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving for whatever its worth. Ours was perfectly pleasant at TheBoy's parents house. My mother, grandmother and great-aunt came along, too, which could have been a little scary, but turned out well enough. I didn't stuff myself to the point where i feel absolutely disgusted with myself, so that's good for me.

I thought i would just stop over and put up this picture that TheBoy forwarded to me:

Isn't that beautiful? Yeah... I know. Makes you feel tingly all over, doesn't it..

*The subject of another spam i got. They're getting so interesting.

Just a quick update because I am seriously swamped

2006-11-22T13:04:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to do my best to clean up at work before I'm out for 2 weeks (!) so I've been neglecting my blog lately. I have to say that my impending vacation has severely kicked my work ethic into high gear. I have gotten more done in these last two weeks than I think I've done in the last month. Sad, but true.

------------

Sunday I spent the whole day at my grandmothers and then my mother's house.
I spent about 5 hours hanging with grandma, eating lunch, talking (talking, talking - she likes to tell people how lonely she is and how very much ALONE she is and did you notice? She's all ALONE? Nobody calls, she sits around and talks to the walls WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME?) This was supposed to be a quick visit with me picking up the GIANT SUITCASE that she has so I can pack all of my wardrobe for my trip. It was very nice of her to let me borrow it and I haven't seen her in a long while, so of course I was going to spend a couple of hours. What kills me about grandma is that in the same breath, she'll complain about how busy she is everyday and how many people she has to see and how she never feels like she can sit still. So she's all alone, but with all of these other people. I don't get it.

And then I ran to mom's to do some Thanksgiving baking - 4 loaves of Pumpkin Bread (OH MY GOD SO GOOD) and a craptacular Pumpkin Pie. The pie is really bad. I'm not sure what happened there, but bleh. (Really, sweetie, you don't have to eat it - I know you're just being nice).

I brought the pie home with me and left it on the counter to finish cooling. I cut a few pieces and left it sitting there. I walked back into the kitchen later on... and I saw this:

That hole right there, is (strangely) the same size as a small dog's mouth... a Little Dog if you will...

Little Dog is lucky that I'm in a good mood because I'm going away next week. I'm just saying.

Happy Thanksgiving, all...

I'm going to get on that boat if it fricking kills me.

2006-11-17T15:00:00.000-05:00

First of all, has anyone switched to the new blogger layout that they keep telling us about? Do we like? Yes? It's beta, so does it do anything weird? No?
Ok.

-----------------------------

This has been a pretty stressful week and I'm ready to follow it up by an even more stressful one. This week, I got my dogs situated in a very convenient, trustworthy place and I'm really, really happy that it worked out because it was going to make me go a little nutty. Once we got that under control, something else popped up on Wednesday night that is still a problem in the process of being resolved and I just hope (please. Please, please, please) that we can get our shit together before I totally go out of my mind, or before we get on the damn boat. Whichever comes first.
I swear, I never thought planning a vacation was going to play such havoc on my nerves. This is just silly.

Wednesday night I was going over some cruise-related stuff with TheBoy and it occurred to me that I'd better figure out where my passport is before I forget about it until the last minute. For some reason, that is one of those things that ends up in a 'safe place' that I can never find again. When I lived at my mothers, I knew exactly where it was and was actually hoping it might still be there. It wasn't, so I had to start turning over the house. I sent TheBoy on the same hunt so that he could find his birth certificate. (Apparently, until January 1, 2007, you can bring a Certified Birth Certificate with a raised seal and your drivers license or your passport and be fine. TheBoy's passport expired in 1986, so is not so useful. Sad.)

With a flash of memory that doesn't come quite often enough, I remembered that I had left both my passport and his birth cert in an little bag that I brought with us last year when we crossed the border to Canada. "Ah ha!" I thought, "here they are, right here with my French/English dictionary". Of course they are. I checked to make sure my passport wasn't expired (it's not) and that his birth certificate was "Certified".

It's not.

HOORAY!! Another problem!!! YAAAAAAYYYYY!

Norwegian Cruise lines will not let him on the boat. No really. All he has is a copy of his birth certificate from microfilm that explicitly says on the bottom "THIS IS NOT A CERTIFIED COPY" so you know, I know it's not certified. Not even a little. And the cruise line doesn't like that. So, either we get a real one, STAT, or I'm going on the boat by myself. ...ahem.. not that I would mind, per se, but you know... *cough*

No! We MUST get one! And quick! On to the NY City Dept of Health... They require 3-5 days for processing and then they ship it out. He ordered for it to be expedited, so the last possible day that we can receive it is the Friday after Thanksgiving. We leave that Sunday. If it does not arrive on Friday, I don't know what we're going to do because that is the last day we can go down to the office in person since they are closed on Saturday and in fact, might even be closed the day after Thanksgiving because hardly anyone is open on Black Friday, why should the government be.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Fun and excitement, I am SO HAPPY@!!@*(!))!!!!

Ceramics class is so therapeutic.

2006-11-15T11:36:00.000-05:00

Remember this post about the pitcher I made in ceramics? Yes, well. Yesterday in class, I was at the point where I could stop what I was doing to glaze it and finally get one whole project finished. We are in the 3rd month of being in this class and not one of us has totally completed a single project. It is a little unsatisfying.

There's only about 12 glazes to choose from, which may seem like a lot, except that 8 of them are various shades of blue, one of them is clear and the only one that is reddish may be corrupt or the firing instructions mislabled because that huge bowl that someone worked very hard on over there? Turned into a muddy green/black, bubbled piece of shit. Huh. That poor girl is going to be VERY upset when she sees what happened to her work. VERY UPSET. I know i would be.

I'm not complaining about the limited variety of glazes, now, cause that would be obnoxious of me. What I am complaining about is that my professor did not seem very concerned that the three of us who were kneeling in front of our 5 gallon buckets of glaze, elbow deep, trying to mix it with our hands, were really unclear about how his whole thing was supposed to work. She had given us a demonstration, but that was two weeks ago. And I don't think any of us really remembered the 'do's and don'ts' because we were all kind of staring at each other, mumbling things like, "is this right? I don't know..." and "we're supposed to, wha.." and "how do I get it to, uh..."

The easiest way to evenly glaze something is to just dip the whole fucker in the bucket and pull it out quickly and evenly, coating the entire piece. Seems really straight-forward.

My piece? Kind of tall. No fit in bucket. Um... so... uh... what? Do I...? Uh... How...?

I wound up dipping the thing too many times, trying to coat the whole thing in glaze. Not realizing that I had to let each coating dry before I dipped it again, I wound up totally saturating the pot to the point that it was just globbing on the surface and not sinking in. It was drying in layers and then cracking. And then chipping off in clumps. And then there was a little crying. Also some quiet whimpering.

Professor Whatshername was not particularly sympathetic or helpful and told me that after it dries more, I can try to smush the cracks in the glaze closed with my fingers and then paint on more glaze to the parts where it clumped off.

That doesn't work so well for those of you playing along at home.

You know what you do when the glaze goes on shitty? You WASH IT ALL OFF and watch it go down the drain while your classmates watch you and smile sympathetically, trying to soothe your fragile self. Then you can't touch it again for another week because the bisque is saturated with water and won't accept a glaze.
Hooray!

Now, I'm a little concerned that this thing that I worked on for about a month and a half was not washed off thoroughly enough and that there is still some glaze residue lodged in the pores of the bisque. Will this effect how it absorbs it next week? What about the stuff on the inside walls of the pitcher that I couldn't scrub out because i couldn't reach it? All of this and more to be answered next Tuesday night.

Meanwhile, I'm not the only jackass that had trouble. The 3 that were glazing next to me were freaking out, too. One of them particularly, and I don't blame her because her piece was really, really cool and she had something specific in mind for her finished product. However, she didn't have to wash hers off like I did.

Later on, there was a second group of people on the floor that had their arms, elbow-deep, in 5 gallon buckets of crud. The only difference with them? They had the professor's full attention.
What the frick.

Do you want to watch my dogs? Just for a few days? Please?

2006-11-13T15:26:00.000-05:00

::UPDATE:: Hooray!! I found someone!!! Our groomer has room and her price is WAY lower than the last place and is within walking distance and i am happy and the dogs will be happy and we are all happy and i can get on with my f-ing life and not have to worry about THEM.
Thank you, groomer lady. You are the bestest.

UGH. It is currently T minus 14 days until I get the fuck off this island and everything is starting to fray just a little bit.
And let me just mention that I'm glad I realized that I would need fucking TICKETS to get on the damn BOAT because let me tell you, I was wondering when they would get here and then I just totally forgot about them. HAHA, wouldn't that have been special. The nice lady from the internet emailed them to me, so at least that's all set.

But the f-ing dogs. Damn.

I had found a girl from a Craigslist ad (yeah, I know. But Craigslist isn't just for prostitution, by the by) who lived locally and was pretty reasonable with her rates. She was charging $15 per dog, per day... that's $360. Yeah, it sounds expensive, right? Compare that to the Doggy Daycare I had left them with for a weekend a while ago: $37 per dog, per day x 12 days = $888

Maybe this is a little silly of me, but I don't think it should cost almost $900 to watch dogs. They're FUCKING DOGS. DOGS. Not CHILDREN, DOGS. No one is paying me fucking $900 and I have to live with these fuckers.

So the Craislist girl had to cancel on me. It was my fault, anyway, and I feel like a total asshole for not confirming with her more quickly. She took another job and doesn't have room for my dogs. Fine. I found another person. She is going to charge me $35 per dog, per day. That's a discount, by the way, for multiple dogs. Isn't that nice of her? For just one, she charges $40. She took a whole $5 off, there, did you see that? Fantastic!

I'm thinking I'm just going to leave the back door open and cut open a 20lb bag of dog food on the floor and let them fend for themselves. LittleDog is smart enough. If she runs out of kibble, she can probably eat a squirrel or something. The BigDog on the other hand. Well, she better learn to conserve.

Cause she's dumb.

On the other hand, there are thousands of people who want to come to my house and let out my dogs and feed them and walk them and make it look like there is someone living there by taking in the mail and turning on lights and stuff. But, um, I don't know how I like that.

But it's not because I think they'll steal something or have a party or anything. Go ahead, really, take whatever you want. It's one less thing to clean. But more so because...

(clicky biggy)

My house is carpeted in this ancient PINK carpet and quite frankly, it's a little embarrassing. I mean, it's fucking PINK. And a STRANGER is going to COME IN TO MY HOUSE.

PINK.

But HOW CUTE is LittleDog as a puppy?? SOO CUTE! Wish I knew her then. No doubt I would have so much more patience for her now if I had. See how she destroyed that towel-rope toy thing and then apparently ROLLED AROUND IN IT? Probably very cute when she was small*.

Do you want to watch my dogs? I'll pay you...

*I kid. LittleDog does not destroy anything anymore, not since she was young. Now she's working on destroying herself.

Okey dokey, then.

2006-11-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

I fulfilled my civic duty yesterday and voted. It's always a little weird going to my polling place. I haven't changed my permanent address since I've moved out of my mother's house, so I'm still registered at her address - which is fine, really. I really haven't made the leap to change my address on most of my more important stuff - driver's license, car insurance, passport - so it just means going a little out of my for Election Day. I know I'll get around to changing it, eventually.

Going to our polling place is always how I think it must be living in a small town and you see everyone you know when you go shopping at the local WalMart. You know you're going to see someone you know, no matter what because you grew up in that tiny town and lived there for your whole life.

It's always the same way on Election Day. I get to the local elementary school and scan the gymnasium and oh! there's so and so from high school and there's Mrs. Soandso, my 3rd grade teacher and Mr. and Mrs. Something from around the block - I remember when he helped me up when I wiped out on my bicycle in front of his house. That was nice of him... And so on. It's kind of nice.

I didn't grow up in such a small town, but when your mother is a school teacher in the district you grew up in, you know a lot of people that maybe you wouldn't have normally met. Like ALL OF THE OTHER TEACHERS from the district. And scads of her students from over the years. You may even DATE one of them at some point (completely by accident because you didn't KNOW he was her student when you first met) and then totally regret it later on because Mom knows things. Things about him and his family and she says things like "people don't change as much as you may think". Because even though she knew him at 7 years old, he is exactly the same at 20*.

But this was a post about voting.

I tried to stay up as late as I could to watch the results on TV, celebrated with some chocolate chip cookies when we found that the Dems had won the House, and wound up falling asleep at about 12:30 without knowing what happened in the Senate. Strangely, I woke up this morning feeling kind of like it was Christmas morning; like there was a surprise waiting for me that had arrived during the night. This is maybe a little weird, to feel so excited about a Senate race, but you know. Politics. They can do some strange things to a girl.

But I woke up to find that the jury is still out on the Senate and there may be a messy recount in Virginia and Montana to follow.

There is still hope that things will change out there. And I think we're about due for one. Don't you?

*He didn't share well in the second grade. He still didn't share anything at 20. Bastard. Ahem.

The best Halloween, like ever.

2006-11-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

I meant to post a story about this a few days ago, being that I've already missed Halloween, but since I wrote this e-mail 3 years ago yesterday, I guess it is still within the proper time period. Most of this is, I imagine, hard to understand if you weren't there, but I think it shows a good glimpse of what happened on Halloween 2003 - the best damn Halloween party I have ever been to.

Without getting into too much detail (because I don't know who reads this), the party was right on the beach with a bonfire and everything. It was the warmest Halloween I can ever remember, so all of the obligatory Skimpy Halloween outfits were there (Sexy Nurse, Sexy Maid, Sexy Dead Thing) including mine, The Sexy Witch. I will point out that I was not single, and my boyfriend had declined coming with me to the party. (I would like to state that this was not a relationship worth salvaging before you condemn me). And the host of the party and his band were old friends from high school who I had always wondered 'what if'. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

----- Original Message -----

From: Claire
To: Previously mentioned on this blog, Cousin G

Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 10:24 AM

Subject: sigh...

well, welcome to November.

It was an interesting weekend, i'll definitely say that much. I had no idea when we drove up to that party friday night that I would find myself face down in a lawn chair not 5 hours later. And of course I didn't really 'find myself' there, per se, others kind of had to tell me I was there when I was conscious the next morning. Now while I had a good time for the limited time that I was upright and able to form complete sentences, the repercussions of said, "good time" started unfolding as soon as I woke up on the floor on saturday morning:

#1: I am so embarrassed, you have no idea. I need to make a real effort to find N and apologize to him for being the drunken asshole at his party. I went by his work-place on saturday before going to M's to talk to him but he wasn't in yet. damn.

#2: I am very grateful. I actually have some really good friends that were willing to help me and take care of me, even though they were either, a) you know, busy running a party, or b) mostly drunk themselves. So, I thank you, G. Even though you passed out right beside me, you stopped me from throwing up on myself. I appreciate that. I didn't even have vomit in my hair.

#3: It seems I've thrown myself into a bit of drama. I wasn't actually expecting that. And if you don't know what I mean, i'd rather not go into detail in writing. You know - spies.

#4: I am such a sexy beast.

So of course, I've been thinking of nothing but item #3, there. I really need to just forget it ever happened but that's kind of hard. Obviously this means i'm not entirely happy with my current relationship. Ha! You think? I hate self-inflicted drama.

And as I drink this almost-warm orange juice this morning, i'm feeling a little nauseous. Figures they'd have to be out of apple today. damn, damn, damn...

(The orange juice comment? My poison that night was a constant stream of Screwdrivers. Black Screwdrivers, as someone had bought 3 or 4 bottles of Black Vodka. Made the drink kind of a green color... Halloweenie, for sure, but for about a month afterwards I couldn't drink orange juice without getting nauseous and I still stay away from vodka.)

Apparently, if you put together a never ending big red plastic cup of vodka* + Sexy Witch outfit** + unrequited love-interest who's in a band, you find yourself piled into a lawn chair at 11:00 with a bucket next to your head while others are trying to get the raccoons to stay away from eating what's in the bucket. Also, I imagine, from eating your face.

After a few hours of sleeping on the deck, I was lifted from the lawn chair and brought inside where we joined a large puppy-pile of fully clothed people passed out on the floor in the small house on the beach. Everyone was trying to keep warm at around 3:00 in the morning because while it had been really warm around 9:00, the temperature dropped significantly while I had been dreaming of friendly raccoons while sleeping out on the deck.

The drama? While keeping warm and still inebriated, I snuggled up to N , unrequited high school love-interest(also drunk), for some drunken kissing. Bad idea.

Yes, I was dating someone. Yes, I pretty much hated M, the guy I was dating at the time. Yes, I felt like a horrible person the next day, there is no need to tell me that I am. No, N did not know (or, perhaps, care to remember) that I was dating someone. Yes, I obsessed on all of this for weeks and the guilt nearly killed me.

But you know what? What a great fucking party.

*And who do you suppose kept filling it? That would be friend, N.
**When I showed up in the outfit, one of my friends said "look! It's Claire from high school!" Apparently I pulled off the high school goth years well.

Countdown: 23 days to freedom

2006-11-02T15:31:00.000-05:00

Well, a short freedom, anyway. I've been talking about this cruise for months and months now, and it's finally in the home stretch. TheBoy and I leave the Sunday after Thanksgiving for 11 days in the western Caribbean on a boat sailing from New York City.

11 days.

On a boat.

In the sun.

With all kinds of fruity, cold, girly drinks.

Wow, I can't wait. Except now I have all of this detail-related stress like:
Should I pack my own shampoo even though they provide their own? How many bathing suits should I bring? Am I going to get the cruise ticket in the mail or what? How am I going to get myself to the pier? Oh my god, look at how full my credit card is. How the fuck am I going to pay for anything on the damn cruise with a maxed-out credit card oh dear god where did all that money go how have I been charging so much I can't pay that off how the hell am I going to pay that off where did all of those interest charges come from oh my god I'm freaking BROKE.

Stuff like that.
In regards to that credit card issue there, I did the most responsible thing and applied for another credit card to transfer balances over (o% APR, y'know). You can never have too many credit cards, right?

...ur

NO - One credit card is more than I ever, EVER wanted. I hate the things and am scared to death of them. I hate that I have the ones I do and wish I could just pay them all off and cut them up into tiny little pieces and never look at them again.

I didn't even want an ATM card when the bank offered it to me when I was 17. Having unlimited access to my own (pathetic) bank account was too much for me to deal with at the time, knowing that if I wanted cash, I could just GET IT. ANYWHERE at ANYTIME. Scary. Especially when you're working minimum wage at about 15 hours a week and your biggest savings was all of $250.00. I was smart enough to know that giving me a Magic Money Card would have been the death of that $250 and I had better just stick to visiting Linda at the Apple Bank on Friday afternoons to get my weekly money. I wasn't such a dumb kid.

But NOW. Now there's a house with a mortgage and bills. BILLS like I've never seen before like OIL for HEAT which is F-ING expensive and you use things like credit cards for such purchases because otherwise they want CASH and I don't usually have that kind of cash on me, dammit. Nor am I waiting around at home in my robe and slippers for the oil man to come with his delivery.

And HEBREW SCHOOL. For children. Children that aren't mine but need to be Jewish. Because their mother doesn't care one way or another if they're Jewish even though she CONVERTED before she married into a Jewish family so that the children would be Jewish upon arrival. But now that they're divorced, she's not willing to pay for the jewishness anymore. Can't say I blame her, but she SIGNED ON FOR THIS. NOT ME.

Maybe this post became a little more that what I had intended when I sat down to write it. Maybe I should just say, Whoo-Hoo! 23 more days until vacation! Vacation that I've been planning since freaking March! March! 8 months ago! It's about time I get on an F-ing boat already! I! Love! Exclamation Points!

Real quick

2006-10-31T09:11:00.000-05:00

I can just listen to this "The Google" stuff all day. Couldn't you? It just warms the cockles of my heart, it does.

Go ahead, watch it for yourself on the internets.

Our fearless leader... he prefers to look at maps on the google rather than, say... on a live satelite feed. Cause you know. He's the president. And should be using something somewhat more sophisticated than the google maps.

I dunno. Just me, maybe.

I talk about interesting things like my lunch.

2006-10-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

I just did a really stupid thing.

I have no money on me today. I mean I have a few big bills in my purse, but those are strictly slated for deposit so that my damn checks won't bounce - but otherwise, I have no money. Some pocket change, but really nothing.
My next-door cube mate asked if I wanted to order lunch to be delivered from the deli around the corner. I said I’d love to, but I have no cash and she offered to pay and I promised to pay her back tomorrow when I have real money.

So the deli guy came with our order - Cubemate was out of the office and left me $20 to pay the Deli Guy just in case he came while she was out. Might I mention it was the only money she had on her as well?

Right.

"Comes to $18.66" mumbles Deli Guy, "I have change of a 20, here."
"Ok, all I have is 20... Mostly in singles, so... 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Here you go. No, no change." I smile and hand over all of Cubemate's cash.
"Really? Well, thanks! That's awfully generous." Says Deli guy as he waves and walks, quickly, out the door.

And here I am left thinking, Generous? Really? Since when is $1.44 generous for a tip?

So I pick up the bag of sandwiches and the bill, which is attached... "Huh. Total, $13.66. Yeah."

I heard him wrong and didn't bother looking at the damn bill. He didn't really stiff me. I feel like such an asshole, especially since it’s not my damn money. I am normally a really good tipper. Really. I really am. But $6.44 for a $13 bill is a little excessive - especially since it's not like the deli is far; it's right around the damn corner.

I jumped up and down in my cubicle and screamed obscenities at the bag of food like a crazy person*.

We didn't even get the right stuff.

I better get some free food out of this down the line.

Some people might have run after Deli Guy and gotten their money back. Maybe explaining that they don't listen too well and that they didn't mean to give him such a HA HA big tip. But not me, I couldn't possibly do that. Because it's just rude. Sorry, mister, you're not worth a whole $6.44 - could I have like 4 of that back? Please? Thank you... No, I couldn't possibly.

Cubemate doesn't know that I gave away all of her money (especially since they gave us the wrong stuff and she would FLIP if I gave them more money and they fucked up the order (probably my fault, too)) because I found $5.00 hidden in my desk drawer that doesn't necessarily belong to me, but for today's sake? It is magical hidden change from a certain Deli Guy that doesn't deserve a $6.44 tip.

*No, I am not exaggerating.

Perhaps you'd like another meme?

2006-10-24T09:41:00.000-05:00

Well, no one liked the rollerskating nuns, so it looks like i'll have to try another approach. (But.. look! They're playing pool! What, no? Fine.)

Here's a meme from my new imaginary friend, Cassie. She was an English major, so i'll try not to sully up this meme with my crap 'literature':

1) One book that changed your life: On the Road, by Jack Kerouac (changed, mostly because this book was instrumental in getting to know TheBoy before we started dating).

2) One book that you’d read more than once: The Mists of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer-Bradley (I. Love. This. Book. LOVE IT)

3) One book you’d want on a deserted island: Survive on a Desert Island, by Claire Llewellyn (obviously)

4) One book that made you laugh: A Certain Chemistry, by Mil Millington (of Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About fame – which also made me laugh).

5) One book that made you cry: The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams (it still makes me cry. Shut up).

6) One book you wish you’d written: Uh… really...um…? How about The DaVinci Code, because it was so damn successful.

7) One book you wish had never been written: Anything written by Ann Coulter. Pick one. Pick them all… doesn’t matter.

8) One book you’re currently reading: The Wonders of the Invisible World, by David Gates. It’s a book of short stories – I like the way he writes. You find yourself getting sucked in even though they’re only 15 or 20 pages long.

9) One book you’ve been meaning to read: I have complained forever that I am not as well-read as I should be. I blamed my high school curriculum for not being as intensive as, say, any of the other district in the county.

Now at age 25 it is my fault, not theirs, and I’m trying to get all of my classics in, I don’t know, before it die.

I need to read: Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice (I know), The Grapes of Wrath (which I own, but haven’t cracked yet), Anna Karenina (which I also own), The Picture of Dorian Gray, anything by Vonnegut, some Dickens, Hemmingway… How about: Most of what you read in high school and college English classes. That’s what I need to read. Because I am ambitious, but un-disciplined. I never even read Animal Farm. EVERYONE read Animal Farm. Gah.

10) Tag five people: Ur, how about 4. Tagging: Da Nator, First Nations, Minijonb and Orelinde… if you don’t want to do it, I won’t cry. I promise.

Hilarious Okra*

2006-10-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

Last night, TheBoy and I ventured into Target on a search for a sheet of foam core that I need to make a pattern for my next ceramics project**. Since Target has everything one could ever need, (and more than you could want), it was a good choice since all of the office supply stores close at 6:00 on Sundays. Also, I am terribly lazy and didn't even get dressed until about 4:30 yesterday afternoon.

It proves to be difficult, if not impossible, to leave Target with only the thing you went in for because not only did we find foam core, but also a two-pack of compressed canned air (for electronics, of course) and this:

Because. Because it's Nuns.
Having Fun.

Sadly, I can't find any of the monthly pictures from this year's calendar, but here are some from last year's:
You can see what the draw is here, can't you? I mean, Nuns, people. Nuns Having Fun.

At least, that was what TheBoy's argument was. Why we HAD to have this.
Look! Nuns!

Sometimes you know you've got a good one...

-------------------------------

In other news, we carved our jack-o-lantern yesterday with TheBoy's SmallOnes. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be and didn't makes nearly as much of a mess as I was preparing myself for. You know how gross pumpkin slime can be. Ew.

Carving, courtesy of TheBoy. Design by SmallBoy, age 8 (assisted by SmallGirl, age 11) and pumpkin seeds sorted, salted and toasted by yours truly.
Yum.

While I was toasting the seeds, I got into the spirit by lighting a "Spiced Cider" candle which combined with the pumpkin smell, made everything smell like pumpkin pie. Was truly autumny and yummy smelling. But I'm kind of a sucker for cinnamon and clove, so maybe I'm just biased.

Oh, but the miracle of miracles? SmallBoy actually liked the pumpkin seeds.

For reference, this is the kid who doesn't like ice cream. Nuff said.

*This was the subject of a spam mail I received this morning. I thought it was too good to pass up. What happened to the sex pills and penile enlargement adverts I used to get? They're all short stories now. Strange.

**For those that are interested? Will be a 6-sided bowl. Fancy. Like everything I do.

Crap today

2006-10-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

Thing the 1st: I have finally almost finished my first ceramics project and I'm very happy to report that it doesn't entirely suck. I'm almost proud of it. Maybe its because I worked so damn hard on it to make it as perfect as I possibly could with very little experience in ceramics. Since I am not brave enough to bring my camera into class and take pictures of my Ceramics I art project (like I'm some kind of ARTIST or something), here is a comparable picture of the thing I made.
Except picture mine rounder on the bottom. And taller. Also probably a bit narrower at the base. Um, and without the stopper thing shoved in the top. And the color of clay.
And you will know exactly what my pot looks like right now.
Hopefully sometime this week they'll fire it and then I can glaze it. I'm not sure what color to do, but I kind of dig this yellow. Who knows. Not I.

Thing the 2nd: I am currently putting off going upstairs to someone's birthday thing who I don't necessarily like, but I feel kind of like I have to go up there and get some cake or something. Wish her a happy birthday and be social with the people I work with. But I just don't fucking want to. Its always so awkward when you get all of these people together in the same room. You know we don't like each other and everyone makes these uncomfortable laughing noises at nothing in particular. I guess it's to make us feel like we're not unsociable freaks.

But we are. And I'm not going. I am going to be the wretched one who didn't go to her birthday thing. And I don't care.

Thing the 3rd: Have you seen leekspin.com? I don't know why, but for some ungodly reason, I find it hypnotic. And maybe a little soothing. It is totally weird.
I've been spinning for 03:56:04.
Yes. I. Have.

Halloween Meme thingy

2006-10-16T17:46:00.000-05:00

I was tagged with this here meme (my first ever!) by DaNator and am ever so excited to share with all of you. Enjoy, now.

1. whats the scariest movie you've ever seen?
My scariest movies are only scary by proxy.
See, cause i don't watch scary movies. Because i can't handle it. I CAN'T DEAL WITH IMAGINARY FEAR. Chocolate Syrup and Ketchup. Doesn't matter. That's how sad i am.
One movie (that comes to mind) that scared the ever-loving crap out of me: The Blair Witch Project.

I KNOW. Blair Witch. Even with knowing that it was fake, even with the snot rolling out her nose, the end scene with the kid-hand-prints all over the walls and shit? SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I couldn't be in the woods at night for at least a year after that movie. Sometimes, even in the bright sunny daytime i would break a blood vessel just from thinking about it.

2. what was your favorite halloween costume as a child?
My cousin, G, and I had made a penguin costume that was the jinkiest. I even had little felt shoe-covers that looked like penguin feet. Was so cool.

3. if you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this halloween?
I want to be a VW Microbus.

4. when was the last time you went trick or treating?
Way too long after it wasn't considered cool anymore. Probably 14? Ah, but we had fun. It involved eggs, i think...

5. whats your favorite halloween candy?
Ooh.. Snickers.... It's almost time for Snickers... and Almond Joys and Mounds... mmmm gglgllaahahhaharrr..... Peanut Butter Cups... and ah.. Snickers...

6. recount a scary nightmare you had
My nightmares usually consist of me trying to run from something and me not being able to clearly see where i'm going. It doesn't matter if i'm walking, running or driving - i just can't see anything. It's kind of like i've forgotten to put on my glasses. I don't know if that consists of a nightmare, but it can be scary. The waking up in a cold sweat-nightmares are usually from dreaming that someone i love has died in some horrible accident. Occasionally i get shot in my dreams or there are the ones where i am trying to fight off a vicious attacker and i can't seem to get any power whatsoever behind my punches. Like i'm putting all of my strength in them and i just seem to brush his shirt with my fist.
But usually i just dream of ponies.

7. what is your supernatural fear?
Oh, god, just about anything. Aliens, ghosts, vampires, zombies. And i sometimes choose to believe that they exist, too (except for the vampires and zombies, i'm not that ridiculous). Which is the horror of it all - i can't even tell myself that they don't exist CAUSE I DON'T KNOW. I am my own worst enemy. And was possibly the worst goth-chick ever.

8. what is your creepy crawlie fear?
I hate spiders.
Die, spiders.

9. tell us about a time you saw a ghost, or heard something go bump in the night.
Well.
I've already briefly told the Deepwells story on First Nations comments, so here's another one (a long one):
I was very close with my brother's ex-girlfriend. She and i would spend a lot of time together, even when they moved in together, she and i would spend a lot of late nights together chatting after he went to sleep since he had to get up so early. At one point, she had moved back in with her parents (which is a long story and not necessary for this but you know, work with me here) who live in an old house out in Yaphank (east Long Island - which as the stories go, was a Nazi town, btw). For god knows why, i was staying with her there for a couple of days when her parents were away visiting one of her sisters.
She used to tell stories about how when she was a kid, she and her sisters would see and hear some of the previous residents wandering around the house. She would tell stories about how sometimes they would briefly notice children playing in the living room or someone sitting on the couch in the sunroom. But most noticeably, doors. Doors would open and close at will with no provocation. I had been to the house many times before we spent the night there that week, and had never noticed anything, and yet no matter how full the house was of real live people, my nerves would be completely on-end while there only because of the stories. [Note: It doesn't matter if something TRULY is haunted. If you tell me it is, I WILL BELIEVE YOU.] So, of course, that first night i'm there all alone with her, she and I are laying in bed (nothing dirty, you), and doors start slamming. First we hear the back door into the kitchen, *SLAM*
Then in the livingroom, *SLAM*
and then finally, the bedroom door
opens slowly...
and then closes slowly.

10. would you ever stay in a real haunted house overnight?
FUCK no. Unless i really already have. Eh.
Have you seen the commercials for the VH1 show? The Celebrity Paranormal Project or some such shit? They're going to send famous (or quasi-famous) people into a "severely" haunted building to stay the night with cameras and "paranormal detecting devices". Do you believe? What these people will do to get themselves back on TV. Shocking.

11. are you a traditionalist (just a face) or do you get really creative with your pumpkins?
I'm actually more of a purist when it comes to my pumpkins. I like them plain and still pumpkinesque. I didn't even like drawing on my pumpkins with magic marker when i was a kid.
Maybe this means i'm anal.

12. how much do you decorate your home for halloween?
As much as possible, really. So far this year, i've got 4 pumpkins (in their whole state) outside with 3 pots of mums that are waiting to go in the ground. The ceramic jack-o-lantern cookie jar is on the dining room table and i have to bring all the rest of the holiday crap up from the basement. There's a bunch more crap. Oh, i have to find that ghost on a stick i bought last year for the front yard... hmm...

13. what do you want on your tombstone?
Tombstone Pizza, Pierre!
/obvious

----------

Ha! See how open ended i left my ghost story? That's because i am a primo story teller.

What pretty much happened is that we screamed a lot and hid under the covers. I don't recall getting any sleep that night, but who really remembers these things? I don't talk to her anymore, sadly, since she and my brother have broken up. But there is a good chance she has another side to that story. I would be curious to see if she remembers it the way i do. Ah, well.

I tag Jessica and Christine! And anyone else who wants! Go ahead, you know you want to.

I'd like to be... like a manatee.

2006-10-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

I did it.

I finally canceled my subscription to Weight Watchers Online.

I used it for about 5 months, but really, who are we kidding. It's been active for a whole year now and I haven't touched it since March. I am treating it like that gym membership I got my second year of college. I went for about a month and then stopped completely. I paid for the damn thing for 2 years. Stupid Lucille Roberts.

I didn't like the way the skinny girls looked at me, ok? And my ass in the store-front window when I was on the treadmill or, god forbid, the Stair Climber? And maybe how the aerobics classes put you on display for the people on the treadmills? It was all very, very bad. I don't want anyone watching my ass while it is moving in such unnatural ways.

I never canceled my Weight Watchers subscription because I must have felt that while it was there and available (and I was paying for it, monthly) that I would always go back to it and start counting up my points and recording my weight and all that shit. But with no account? I would never do it again.

I will just keep getting fatter and fatter until I can't see my feet. Planets will orbit around me because I have canceled my subscription. I will no longer have any will power because there will not be any sort of numbering system keeping me from eating that entire box of doughnuts. I will go to the beach and whales will try to communicate with me. I'll be that one at the chinese buffet the staff whisper about, shiftily glancing at the "All You Can Eat" signs. I will no longer be able to wear pants, but rather pants-like alternatives like perhaps, a very large bath towel.

Maybe I'll just suck it up and not each so much shit, and have this here low-fat yogurt.

I'm pretty sure I can do this on my own and not have to pay $16.95 a month for something I don' t use. It's a great system, absolutely. But you know, only if you actually follow it.

-----------------------

In other news, it smells really bad in my office this morning.

It's an odor that I can only describe as "Provolone". (Think of a cheese that smells like feet, for those of you not in the know. Feet-cheese.)

Apparently it is in the air vents and we're all going to have to suffer through it for a little while.

Mmm...cheese...

Now with extra wordiness.

2006-10-06T09:11:00.000-05:00

Last Friday night, TheBoy and I went into the city for the last part of his birthday present. I had found such a cool thing that I knew he and I would both love. While tootling around on ticketmaster, I found that The Samples were playing a concert cruise around Manhattan. How freaking cool. A concert on a boat. A boat that tours NY harbor. Fantastic.

Since we were told to be at the pier (at 41st & West Side Hwy) at 7:00pm, which was a little tricky, we figured we would take the train into the city to avoid driving there during rush hour and then take a cab to the pier. We get out at Penn Station and emerge at street level to find that the line at the taxi stand is enormous, so we walk a block or two over to hail a cab. Any cab.

Heellloooo, Cab! Right here! Two people who will pay you to take us somewhere! Cause its your job! Heeelllloooooo!

We keep walking. There are no empty cabs. We stop and wait and look and wait. No empty cabs. We walk another block. A cab! We see someone get out, so we run over. But the driver shakes his head 'no'.
No.
No?
What do you mean no? Are you fucking kidding?
No. No, no he's not.

Fucker.

We keep walking. 2 more blocks.

We hail a cab who stops for us like 30 feet away and some prissy bitch steals it as we're running for it. I scream. I curse her family. If I could bring myself to do it, I would have spit on the cab. But that would be gross.

It is probably important to mention that I had it in my head that day that we would be finding a ride to the Pier and not that we would be walking there. I had on 4 inch heeled suede boots that, while comfortable when you're, I don't know, sitting. Or say, walking across the street. Not so much comfortable while walking 15 blocks. Did I mention that we stood on the train all the way into the city? No I don't think I did. So, standing for an hour in 4 inch heels and then walking for about an hour basically cost me the feeling in all of my toes, and a tingly-dead feeling in the balls of my feet. But those boots? So sexy.

We walked the whole god-dammed way there. If you know New York City, you might be familiar with the part of town that we walked through . I'm not saying that it is a dangerous area. Really, its probably far from it, only because its completely empty. No people as far as the eye can see and maybe one or two cars passing (which, not for nothing, is creepy). Until you have to walk through the plaza of the Lincoln Tunnel. Plenty of cars there. Going fast and not caring how hard it is for a stupid girl to walk quickly in 4 inch boots when she can't feel her toes.

Ugh. We got there, that's all that matters, but it was so painful I had to laugh all the way there.

The actual concert and boat ride were wonderful. It is such a great venue to see a band play. There is an outside deck to sit on and watch the city skyline as you're passing by. There is an indoor dance floor where the band plays. Upstairs, a balcony with tables and windows and stuff. Really, really nice. Also, two bars. Booooze.

We spent a good portion of the night outside looking at the city. Sadly, my camera was not as impressed as I was and did not want to take any good pictures. The scenery was unbelievably beautiful and I could not capture it well at all. The city didn't even look real; it looked like some kind of model:

Hard to tell. Here's another try:

That there on the right is the Empire State Building. Believe it or not.

This is probably the best picture I got:

Not too bad. The highest point on the right side is the Empire State Bldg again, the bright point of light a little lower and to the left is the Chrysler Building and that's about all of the landmarks I can point out. I'm such a good New Yorker.

I just thought this mess of a shot came out interesting:

Squiggles!

Anyway, this was the highlight of the whole deal:

The Statue of Liberty. I have lived in New York my entire life and I have Never Ever seen the Statue of Liberty in person. EVER. And dude, she's huge. HUGE. I really had no idea. I mean, I knew she was big, but, you know not HUGE.

I'm not a particularly patriotic person, I don't support what our country is doing right now, I think our president is a twat. But seeing the Statue of Liberty right in front of you is truly awe-inspiring. It sounds so trite, but I was really impressed with the presence it has in the harbor. You can just imagine what people coming into Ellis Island must have felt when they saw her standing there as they were coming to start their lives over. Amazing, really. If you have never gone, I highly recommend it. I know that the Circle Line Cruise s does this run and the prices seem to be pretty reasonable. It is SO WORTH IT.

And then my batteries died. Yay! No more pictures!

Luckily TheBoy had his camera phone and was able to take pictures of the band that we went to see. We were literally standing about 8 feet away from Sean Kelly, the lead singer*, which was just so cool. He looked at me. Like in the eye. He watched me watch him. I was acknowledged by a mildly famous person. Sort of.

The show was really good, the band seems like a bunch of really nice guys who just love what they're doing. TheBoy is a big fan of theirs and I think he enjoyed seeing them again and I know that if something like this comes up again we're going to jump all over it.

After the show was over and they unloaded us back at the pier, we had to figure out how the fuck we were going to get back to Penn Station. A whole mess of us were standing at the entrance to the pier as traffic is whizzing by us about 4 inches from our feet and waiting for cabs to come by. The crowd had set up a first-come, first-serve system where the first people there got the first cab and so on. 2 groups left and then it was our turn. We waited. And waited. Finally. A taxi is driving up, I flag it down and it pulls over about 20 feet past us. Where there are other people waiting.

A girl (a stupid, stupid girl) starts walking and reaches out to open the car door.

I break out into a full-out sprint. It felt like slow-motion. I was running and screaming. Screaming at the girl that she had better not fucking take my cab, that is my cab, get the fuck out of the way, you lousy whore (or something). I am half-drunk and running on my bloody stumps that I can't even feel anymore along the West Side Hwy, screaming at some little hippy girl that I don't know, to back the fuck up before I tackle her and throw her into the bushes.

You better fucking believe I meant it. I would have thrown her. I would have hurt her. I didn't care.

But I didn't have to. She saw a crazy person coming at her and backed up.

Damn straight.

Happy Friday, all.

*Who we know now is NOT on heroin, by the way.

Stressing a little too hard.

2006-10-03T11:00:00.000-05:00

I had a rather nice weekend and have a post in progress about it but that's not what you're getting now. I still have to upload the photos from my memory card which is not something I can do at work. Since I have been a lazy slob while at home, you have to wait to see the pictures and the post is pretty ineffectual without them.

In other news, my boss is in the conference room with his boss about 10 feet away from me working on the staff's yearly reviews.

I laugh at the reviews. I laugh at the whole damn process. If the words "Surly" and "Insubordinate" are not in the first sentence of my review this year, I will be greatly surprised. "Bad attitude" has been mentioned in years past and I don't see that being struck from my file. The plan was to be out of here before review time and it's not looking as if that will happen because, HAHA, Newsday - you got me again. No one's reading my resume? No shit. But thanks for the motivation. According to the article, you can only get a job if you know someone in the company which you are applying to. Nice.

Looks like I'll be here for a little while. Unless there is someone out there who works for a nice company with a branch in NY (preferably Long Island) and would like to pretend to know me in a RealLife capacity so that I can get out of this place and move on with my damn life already.

Perhaps your company has a hiring bonus. Wouldn't that be nice? I get a job and you get money! Cash Money! For you!

Help me...

OH! I almost forgot. Tonight is the season premiere of Veronica Mars. Don't miss it!
Talking to you, Jessica... :)
Sqeeee!

Screech = Stud.

2006-09-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

Ahem...

So by now, we've all heard about the Dustin Diamond sex tape, yes? And if you haven't, here's one of many articles in today's papers: Here.

First of all? Just by his name alone, I think we all could have seen his upcoming porn career when he was a dorky kid who was somehow befriended by the cool kids in school. Which not for nothing, was a lot of horse shit then, as much as it is now. I was not a fan of "Saved by the Bell", so maybe I'm not so traumatized over the whole thing.

Second? I LOVE this snippet of the article in Newsday:

"Entertainment agent David Hans Schmidt acquired the rights to the video, which features Diamond in a menage a trois with two women. Although most of the raunchy details have been kept under wraps, word is that some "bodily functions" and the "Dirty Sanchez" are featured acts in the sex romp."

They used the term "Dirty Sanchez" in a newspaper. It just makes me, I don't know, wipe the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard and then try to stifle it because I'm at work and shouldn't be laughing about Dustin Diamond and his Dirty Sanchez sex tape.

I love the media. It's so... enriching.

Sigh.. now I can go on with my day. Thank you, Dustin.

Co-workers and Controversy

2006-09-27T09:42:00.000-05:00

There is some decidedly weird shit going on around here.

Last Friday, the co-worker in the nextdoor cubicle just up and left. No warning, no notice, nothing. Just dropped her letter of resignation and ID badge on Boss's desk and ran out the door. It was so weird and unexpected, especially since she and I were pretty friendly. No one knows what happened and those of us who considered her a friend are all pretty worried. Especially since she is not accepting phone calls or anything. So weird. And so unlike her, she's usually the 'professional' one - normally has to handle everything in a certain way - you know the type. And it just made my stomach churn all day Friday.

Ugh.

And besides, I was supposed to be the one to leave, dammit. Now I'm stuck here all alone and she just might have made it harder for me to abandon the place since she got the fuck out with no warning.

But it doesn't really matter anyway. The job search is at ~~full~~ half-throttle and I'm sending out my newly remastered resume, compliments of S, who helped me tremendously - really, thank you. And so far... nothing. Not a single damn response other than the auto-generated ones you get from some companies. I even replied to an add where they will pay me in horseback riding lessons* for some office work and not even they have contacted me. The don't even want to pay me nothing for me to come work for them.

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In other news, this week is the American Library Associations Banned Books Week. Read a book that has been challenged this week to celebrate your freedom to, you know, read. Something controversial like, oh... The Great Gatsby ...or... Gone with the Wind... you know, something really dirty.

Granted, those two were challenged a long time ago, right? Like when showing your bare ankles was racy.

Ok, then how about, To Kill a Mockingbird which is still being challenged this year?

What the fuck.

Interestingly, "according to ALA, at least 42 of the Radcliffe Publishing Course Top 100 Novels of the 20th Century have been the target of ban attempts". Check out that list of books. Many of them are in middle & high school curricula all over the country.

This just shows that parents have had a stick up their ass about what their children are reading for years now.

On the Top 100 list: James and the Giant Peach
Seriously? Were there homo-erotic undertones that I don't remember?

Perhaps the most risque' of them all: Where's Waldo?

What the fuck.

*Just as a weekend thing. Shut up, I've always wanted to take horseback riding lessons and I never could before. I will gladly answer phones and file papers in exchange for horseback riding. If I could live on the love of horses and saddle sores, I would gladly do it full time. But you know. Priorities.

Shiver me timbers and avast ye scurvy chumbucket and the like

2006-09-19T11:49:00.000-05:00

Yarrr!!! And a Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day to you, mateys!

For fun, why don't ye stop in and Find ye inner Pirate?

Or maybe ye'd like to find out what your Pirate Nam e be?
Today, I'm "Plank Monkey Doris", um, apparently... heh.

Um... Hooray! For Talk Like a Pirate Day! Yarrrr!!!!

What are you doing for Talk Like a Pirate Day? Anything? Anyone? ...Hello?

Ceramics jokes! I rock!

2006-09-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

Not much to report from this weekend. It was pretty lame, actually.

On Saturday, I decided to go in to the bedroom to take a nap around 5:30pm. I didn't get back up until 9:00 the next morning. I'm thinking that is way too long to take for a nap. I'm thinking, no one really needs to sleep that much. I'm thinking I may have wasted a good portion of the weekend that way. Also, I may have aggravated something in my lower back, because ouch. Did I really have some good wholesome pain when I got up in the morning.

Though, I did do something productive before the Great Sleep. On Saturday morning I went out to shop for the supplies I need for the last and final class I need to graduate this semester. Since all I had left to take was an unrestricted elective, I decided that an underwater basketweaving class was in order.

Ceramics 1. Ah, pottery. Molding clay with my bare hands. Its a wonderful, therapeutic hobby that will give me an easy A to keep my GPA in good standing and will require absolutely zero in regards to homework or studying or anything academic. After taking two summer semesters, I decided this was a great idea, giving me time to just relax before making the big where-the-hell-do-I-go-from-here decision, in regard to my bachelors.

Except that I was wrong. So very wrong. Its a 4 hour class, first of all, and there are more people in the class than seats so we're all kind of on top of each other at the little work tables. Doesn't exactly give you room to roll out your clay (I know these artistic terms as I already took this class in high school. Shhhh... don't tell. I are a expert.) But she also gave us an assignment. A term paper. I have to write a paper for Ceramics, for crissakes. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

She also wants us to keep a sketchbook. Something I haven't done since my horrific introduction to advanced-placement art in the 8th grade, an experience which ruined my artistic ability and dried out any creative juices that were flowing anywhere in my vicinity. (Not the sketchbook, mind you, the class in itself was a horror show. I hated that woman, and still do. (Deep breaths.)) I can't draw anymore and I wasn't expecting to HAVE to draw. She's going to grade us on it and I'm not exactly sure what kind of Monet she's expecting from this group of people, half of which are Liberal Arts majors (like myself) with no talent, whatsoever.

The class, itself, is just one giant hen-party. There is one guy in a sea of women, and you can tell that all of his testosterone has been beaten out of him at some point in his life. He keeps referring to his 'girlfriend' but I don't think anyone believed him. There was another guy who was sitting next to me at the beginning of the class while the professor was giving her lecture (um, for 2 hours) and occasionaly I would take note of his facial expressions. There was no way he was coming back next week; the look of pain and disgust on his face was quite entertaining. He didn't even make it back after our 10 minute break. I heard him in the hallway on his cellphone and it sounded like he was on the phone with his parents trying to convince them that he didn't need the class and wanted to drop it. Poor kid. Crumbled under the pressure*.

But back to me. On Saturday I went to purchase all of the tools that I'll need for this class. Funny enough, all they provide for you in the class is the fucking clay. Genius! So they send you out to buy all of the crap you'll need, which most of us will never use ever again. I spent about $50 at the art supply store and then went to 3 other stores to find a missing item on the list that I'll also never need again and still didn't find it. How disappointing! YAY!

We did get to make a pot in the second half of the class, though. It was fun. If I get it back, maybe I'll post a picture of the sad thing.

She told me it will probably break during firing.

I ARE FANCY ARTIST.

*Get it? Crumbled?? That a pottery joke, folks. HAR HAR!!!